Work Text:
ONE
At first, Hanji didn’t think much of it: after all, how could she? They had just come back from a mission and had a titan in custody – a three meter class, but, hey, better than nothing, right? She had priorities! They had gone in a small group – only twelve soldiers – and they came back with eight. But at least they’d gotten the titan! If it took them two days longer than they had expected, there was nothing that could be done now.
That was what she thought when they were crossing the fields, trying to reach the safety inside the walls. Levi was the one leading the soldiers. Hanji was so excited she was practically bouncing on her saddle – until the moment they crossed the gates.
On the other side, there were some people waiting for the troops to return. Families and friends. Some curious bystanders. Kids who thought being a soldier was like being a hero. Five or six people screaming their lungs out at them for taking people to die outside the walls.
Hanji had been so excited she had almost forgotten how this part sucked.
And, among all those people, a tall blond man blond man could be seen walking towards them.
“Commander!” Hanji greeted. Erwin looked at her tiredly, dismissing the formalities with a wave of his hand and marching towards them, his eyes zeroing in on Levi, who stared back at him with the same crazy, exhausted intensity in his eyes. Hanji wasn’t expecting Erwin to be personally waiting for them at the gates, but, again, they had been gone two days longer than they thought they would. Only that morning they had been able to send some kind of signal that would be seen. Everybody probably thought they had failed their mission. Everybody thought they had died. She tried to get the commander’s attention, rambling about how they had captured the titan and what she planned to do with it. Erwin nodded and asked one or two questions, but his eyes always wandered back to Levi, worry making the dark circles under his eyes even clearer.
“I’m sorry,” she heard Levi whisper. It was the first time he said anything other than ‘shut up’ since they captured the titan and started the long journey back, she realized. Erwin nodded curtly, closing his eyes, suddenly looking very old. He whispered back:
“Later.”
But Hanji wouldn’t focus on that right now! She had a titan to work on!
TWO
“I think they’re a couple!” Sasha whispered to another recruit. It was the first time Commander Erwin came to talk to the recruits since their training had begun. He was walking beside Levi, staring intensely at each recruit and aggressively whispering to his comrade.
“No way!” said Krista, a little too loud.
“Will you shut up, please?” pleaded Jean, looking around, worried that someone had heard them, but Erwin was now talking to the instructor, Keith Shadis. Levi was a few steps behind him, managing to look bored even though his posture gave nothing away.
“Aren’t there rules against it?” mumbled Krista.
“Shhhh…” made Jean, irritated. Reiner and Bertolt looked over curiously.
“I suppose so,” Sasha whispered to Krista and then the girls started giggling.
Jean was about to ask them to shut up again when he noticed Levi looking straight at them.
‘We are so screwed,’ he thought to himself.
“Probably the fact that it is forbidden sweetens everything, right?” Sasha managed to say, her cheeks red from trying and failing to repress her laughter. They’ve had a rough couple of days. Fun comes in painfully small, stolen moments when you’re training.
“But Commander Erwin is so tall! How would that even work?” Krista sounded thoughtful, and now Reiner and Bertolt both wore a kind of horrified, confused expression while they looked over between Erwin and Levi.
And then, Levi smirked.
Erwin and Keith apparently had finished talking, and turned to the recruits. Levi touched Erwin’s arm and whispered something next to his ear. The commander seemed angry for a second, and then he… blushed? There was definitely some blushing going on there. His cheeks were kind of rosy and his mouth formed the words ‘I hate you’ before he turned back to the recruits and started his speech.
THREE
They were holding hands! This wasn’t okay, was it? Was it even a thing? It didn’t look like standard military behavior, for one…
Levi had Erwin’s hands caught between his own and was tracing them gently with the tips of his own fingers. Levi, who always looked like he was in the last place he wanted to be, who always seemed absolutely done with everything, was whispering in urgent tones and caressing his commander’s hands, looking about five seconds away from a nervous breakdown.
Erwin, in turn, was moving closer to him with every passing second, nodding from time to time, his eyes searching Levi’s face with scary precision.
Eren, standing by the church doors, cloaked by darkness, felt like he was witnessing something he had no right to see. He hadn’t been able sleep that night, though, so he had gone for a walk and ended up in this old church. There were really strange things happening, lately, and no one seemed to have any idea what was actually going on, but they were starting another mission tomorrow to at least try and gather some information.
Eren didn’t like churches very much, but the silence there made him a little more calm, made it a little easier to think. It was oddly comforting. He had been leaning against the wall, staring helplessly at a stained glass window when he noticed them.
Eren couldn’t understand a word they were saying to each other. Erwin seemed kind of frantic in a way Eren had no idea he could get – he was always so composed in public. The commander closed his eyes and mumbled something in a strangled voice. Levi looked like he had been broken. He made to leave, but Erwin refused to let go of his hand.
“Please…” the taller man asked.
“How dare you?”
“Just… Please. Levi…”
“No!” was Levi’s answer, but he offered no resistance when Erwin pulled him forward, wrapping his arms around Levi’s smaller frame, curling around him, almost pulling him from the ground into his chest, Levi’s arms coming around his neck, holding on for dear life.
When Eren finally stepped out of the church and into the cold air of the night, he felt empty and sore.
FOUR
They were all aligned, counting their troops, checking equipment, getting ready to go. It was a huge operation. Electricity filled the air, so many people preparing to fight for the same objectives, talking, one or two actually crying, a lot of them screaming at each other about missing equipment and where the fuck Levi was.
“He was just here! Have you seen Erwin?”
“I just had breakfast with him, but I don’t know where he is now.”
“Fucking Levi was just here… where the fuck did he go?”
“I think he went looking for Erwin,” Petra said, unsure.
Hanji snorted, as if there was a joke and no one was catching on.
“We better not go looking for them, then…” Hanji added, nudging a confused Petra with her elbow.
Fifteen minutes later, when Levi and Erwin showed up, the troops were almost ready to go. If Erwin’s hair was kind of a mess and Levi’s shirt was buttoned all wrong, no one dared say anything, especially after Erwin started giving everyone a lecture about how this mission was supposed to go. Levi just stood just a few steps behind him, his arms crossed and a murderous glare in his eyes, as if daring anyone to look twice at the very obvious bite marks on his neck.
FIVE
Mikasa knew that look on Levi’s face. She knew that emotion all too well. She felt like that way too often these days. Levi wasn’t just worried about Commander Erwin in a ‘my comrade might get killed’ kind of way. He wasn’t hurt in a ‘my comrade lost an arm’ kind of way. Because, as much as Mikasa would fight with every fiber of her being for those around her, she knew where her priorities were. Even though she shouldn’t. She should be a soldier. She should fight for all of them, not only for him. But that’s not how it works, and she knows the moment she sees the way Levi’s eyes flicker on Erwin’s empty sleeve that it’s not how it works for him either, so it might be okay for her, as well, to fight for someone she loves.
The moment Levi’s eyes met Erwin’s, the short man froze. His entire company had died some time ago, and, in the end, it was the sight of Erwin, tired, hurt and still facing all that mess that undid him. As soon as they got inside the walls, he turned on his heels and walked away, refusing to look back. No one was stupid enough to go after him, and, in the mournful silence, Erwin’s longing stare following Levi’s retreating figure spoke volumes.
+ 1
First, Levi didn’t leave his room for an entire week. At least Hanji had gotten him to eat, some days. On the seventh night he finally left his room. He looked awful, to say the least. Hanji immediately tried to drag him to the kitchen to eat something – anything – but the only thing he asked was, “Where’s Erwin?”
Hanji sighed, frustrated.
“He’s in a meeting, Levi. He’s in his office. You should eat first,” she insisted, not actually hoping that he’d listen to her. He just nodded curtly and started making his way over to Erwin’s office.
He didn’t knock. He couldn’t wait. He had actually gotten out of bed just for this. He just wanted to go back to his room and wait for his body to give up and Erwin was the only reason he couldn’t. He stormed into the office. Erwin was probably in the middle of opening the meeting, going through some papers and talking nonsense. He stopped with his mouth open when he realized who had entered.
A few other people – officers, politicians and a priest – were staring at Levi as if he was some kind of vermin. As if he had no right interrupting them. He wasn’t unused to this kind of treatment, but that didn’t placate his anger in the slightest.
Erwin looked like he had been electrocuted, his eyes unblinkingly staring as Levi saluted him, his fist closed on his chest, his other behind his back, reciting the default greeting in an even, emotionless voice, avoiding Erwin’s eyes. He then took a deep breath and said very carefully, “I need to speak with you, sir.”
Erwin moved his mouth as if he was going to say something, but the priest interrupted him, “Can it wait, Corporal?”
Levi didn’t miss a beat, his hand tightly clenched over his chest. Without sparing the priest a single glance, he asked, “Erwin?”
The priest seemed outraged.
“You are out of line, soldier,” the priest started, but then Erwin snapped out of whatever stupor that had come over him.
“We’ll return in a few minutes,” he said. “Please, make yourselves comfortable.”
With that, Erwin left the room, leaving Levi to follow. After the door closed, locking them out in the corridor, safe from the scrutinizing stare of the people inside the office, Erwin asked, “What happened?”
Erwin sounded so very professional, almost distant. However, the way his worried eyes took in Levi’s appearance contradicted his voice. Erwin spent the first few days after his return in bed himself and even though he tried sending for Levi once or twice, Levi refused to come to him. Why now?
“You lost your arm,” Levi said, simply, his voice husky and angry, meeting Erwin’s eyes for the first time. He choked on his own breath, heart tight in his chest.
“I noticed,” Erwin said, dismissively, almost lightheartedly.
Levi involuntarily covered his face with his hands. It was harder than he thought it would be.
“I… I think I-… I thought you were invincible,” he started, frustrated, unable to find the right words for what he meant to say.
Erwin looked panicked, suddenly. “Is this the best time for us to be having this conversation?”
Levi wanted to hit him. He tried to calm his breathing, but it was not helping. He felt anger rise inside of him so quickly he felt lightheaded.
“Fuck you!” he snarled. He wanted to walk away, but he couldn’t wait another minute for it. This fucking fog between them had to go away. He almost lost Erwin in that stupid, useless battle. It was now or never, and he could no longer live with never. “I’ve never seen you hurt before. I realized it this week. I’ve never seen you hurt before and I don’t know how to cope with that reality.”
He stared into the impossible blue of Erwin’s eyes.
Erwin went from concerned to terrified very quickly at the anger in Levi’s words. His face grew pale, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find words or find it in him to interrupt Levi.
“I don’t think I want to cope with that reality.”
“What are you saying, Levi?” Erwin’s hand moved as if he wanted to reach out for Levi but didn’t know if he should, if he was allowed to. A shudder ran down Levi’s body. Erwin’s only hand, he realized.
Erwin took a breath, his eyes downcast, and his hand fell limp against his side.
“Is this you leaving me?” Erwin asked, still looking intently at the ground.
“What?” Levi asked, confused for a second. Then he realized Erwin thought he had gone there to end whatever it was that was going on between them. He huffed in indignation. “You idiot. I hope you realize I am not that much of an asshole. Are you even serious?”
Apparently, Erwin wasn’t so sure about that, and Levi hated himself for being the one to put that guarded look on Erwin’s face.
“You idiot!” He scowled at the commander. How was this even his life? “I am not breaking up with you, asshole!”
He didn’t even know they had anything serious enough to break up. He wanted to make sure they did, though, even if he wasn’t meaning to break it up anytime soon, if ever. Levi turned his back to Erwin, meaning to bang his head against the wall, but Erwin didn’t hesitate this time – he reached out and held Levi firmly by the elbow.
“What is it, then?”
“You could have died!” I almost lost you was the part left unsaid, but Erwin seemed to hear it anyway. Even if he didn’t smile, the rigid line of his lips seemed to soften.
“I know,” he said, softly. “I am sorry.” I didn’t want to put you through this.
“It’s okay,” Levi began. Erwin’s hand felt hot on his shoulder. He was so tired. “I know you won’t be able to go into the field anymore. I like to know that inside your office, virtually, nothing can harm you. And this is the most selfish feeling I’ve ever had…” It was difficult to breathe suddenly, and his eyes burned. “And I fucking hate myself because of it…”
He scratched his eyes, willing the burn and sudden wetness in them to go away. He spent the entire week making sure he cried every single tear his body was capable of producing and it still wasn’t enough.
“I can’t lose you,” he finished in a strangled, small voice that almost didn’t sound like his own.
“We lost several men,” Erwin commented. Levi felt that like a punch. His men were just as deserving of his tears as Erwin was, but, somehow, it was the thought of losing the commander that made him feel sick and hopeless. How awful was he?
“I realize that,” he choked out. The hand on his elbow slid up to cup his neck and Erwin seemed impossibly closer than he was a second before.
“Fraternization is heavily frowned upon in the military facilities,” Erwin muttered, his breath warm on Levi’s cheek, his mouth very close.
“As if they would ever give me up… I know how much of a warrior I am, Erwin. I am not at risk here.” He sniffed noisily, and the corner of Erwin’s mouth trembled. “And I don’t think I could ever do anything that would make people treat me worse than they already do, so,” he pointed out, just to see that hint of a smile on Erwin’s handsome face again.
“Well, I couldn’t give you up, either. I don’t know what I’d do if… if anything happened to you. But I hope you already know that…” Erwin whispered, his fingers flexing on Levi’s neck, pressing slightly and then running through the short hairs on the back of his head. “I know how you feel, Levi. It’s not your fault.”
“I want you so much,” Levi said in one breath, before he could regret it. He gritted his teeth. “I feel so selfish.”
“That makes two of us.”
More tears streamed down Levi’s face. He felt embarrassed and grateful that Erwin would block the vision of him if anyone happened to pass by and prayed to all gods no one would because he really, really wanted to kiss Erwin.
Levi lifted his hands to trace the strong lines of Erwin’s face, his hair, his neck. His hands paused on his shoulders and he asked, “How bad does it hurt?”
Erwin’s face was soft when he answered. “A lot, most of the time, but not right now.”
A lot was said in that phrase. Levi laid his hand next to the injury, careful not to put pressure on it, and Erwin’s hand grasped the short hairs behind his head. Erwin’s eyes went dark and a little hazy, flicking from Levi’s eyes to his neck, to his mouth.
“Can I kiss you?” Levi asked, feeling desperation pool in his stomach, trying to tug Erwin closer with his other hand, grabbing his collar and holding on. “Please?”
Erwin answered by pushing his body into Levi’s smaller frame, caging him against the corridor’s wall, fraternization policy be damned, and kissing him senseless. Erwin tasted like the too-sweet tea he always drinks and smelled so good Levi felt his head spin. Levi knew he must have tasted awful, what with having locked himself in his room for a week and not having eaten anything that day, but judging by the low groaning and appreciative moans Erwin was making among the slick sound of their kissing, the commander had little to no objection about it.
It had only been a little over a week since the last time they’d been together, but their bodies reacted as though they’d spent months apart, hunger and lust flashing blindly as they drank in each other’s needy moans, incapable of keeping their mouths separated.
It was dangerous, doing this out in the open, they both knew. However, Erwin couldn’t think of a single reason he should stop kissing Levi, why he should stop nipping his jaw, sucking at his lips and playing with his tongue. Slotting their hips together and rutting against the taller man, Levi let out a shuddering breath, fisting both hands in Erwin’s hair and pulling him in closer. Levi stared at the ceiling as Erwin’s lips moved to his neck, sucking and biting the skin with intent and moaning low when Levi pulled at his hair like he just couldn’t help it.
Erwin’s warm breath against the sensitive skin of Levi’s neck brought shivers to his flesh, Erwin’s teeth bruising the skin and then soothing it with his hot, wet tongue just to do it all over again. It was almost impossible to breathe, Levi’s panting obscenely loud in the empty corridor.
“You taste so good,” Erwin breathed against his ear, nibbling his earlobe, earning a small desperate moan from a shuddering Levi. Erwin could feel himself losing balance slightly, only having one arm to support himself. He found himself wrapping his arm around Levi’s waist, pulling the other man flush against him.
“Fuck, Erwin…”
Levi spread his legs a bit and arched up on the tip of his toes, allowing Erwin to fall against him, their hips aligned. Erwin had the palm of his hand cupping Levi’s ass, fingers digging as if trying to expose him and, suddenly, there were too many clothes. Levi couldn’t take it. They should stop soon, but they were so close to the point where they wouldn’t be able to stop anymore it was ridiculous. He was so hard it was getting uncomfortable, and, with the way Erwin was rutting against him and moaning against his neck, the commander had it just as bad as him.
“We need to stop!” Levi panted. Erwin hummed, but continued to happily kiss Levi’s neck. Levi pulled his hair emphatically, earning a not at all displeased groan at that.
“Yeah?” Erwin asked, pulling away from his neck and looking down at him, smirking. “Stop?”
Erwin pulled him tightly against the hard line of his cock, trapped inside his pants, and moved his hips in a deliberately slow circular motion, apparently especially designed to make Levi lose his mind. Levi moaned loudly, hitting his head against the wall in surprise.
Erwin kissed his cheek apologetically.
“Sorry. I got… carried away,” he said, chivalrously putting a little space between them, reaching down furtively to readjust himself.
Levi felt his mouth water.
“That’s one way of putting it, I guess,” came a hysteric sounding female voice from down the hall. Levi was one second away from telling Hanji to fuck off and stop ogling when he realized she wasn’t alone. Behind her, there were at least fifteen other people, all of them looking different shades of scarred for life. Levi wanted to smile at the suddenly defensive stance Erwin assumed beside him but was really, really busy concealing the sudden urge to bury himself somewhere no one could find him.
“Hello, Commander!” Hanji waved.
Erwin turned a deep shade of pink.
“Can I help you?” he asked, trying and failing to sound confident. Levi made sure to stay a few steps behind him and stare blankly at the walls in what he thought was a distant look, but only made him look like he wanted to throw up.
“I sure hope so!” answered Hanji, cheerfully. “We were wondering if you’d be willing to sign…”
Levi lost track of what they were talking about, thinking about how to keep going after this. At least sixteen people now knew for sure Erwin and him were… intimate, if not a couple. After the papers were signed and Hanji started making her way back with the rest of her companions, Erwin mumbled something about having to go back to his office and that they would talk later that day. He opened the door to his office, ready to go inside, and then Levi reached for his face with both hands and softly kissed his lips.
“I’m no longer denying myself anything I want, Erwin,” he whispered, loud enough for only Erwin to hear him.
Erwin looked surprised. “You want me, then?”
Levi almost rolled his eyes at that, but then he smiled.
“Very much, so,” he replied and stepped back, suddenly very hungry. He wondered if there was any food left from breakfast as he walked away. Erwin stared at his retreating form, a dumb smile on his face.
When he got to the kitchen, Levi pointedly ignored the way Hanji stretched her hand for a high-five. He had already ruined his reputation enough for the day. What would happen to his image if he went around high-fiving people?