Chapter Text
He knows it’s poison to himself. He knows it’s killing him slowly, even if he denies it. Every brush of the fingers, every muffled moan, every gentle comforting kiss on his neck. Everything is poisoning him, making him hallucinate a happy ending. Making him wish for more. It’s killing him but pleasuring him at the same time.
"Turn around."
And he does. No questions asked because he's addicted to this intoxicating feeling. This painful pleasure that he had grown to want, grown to need. If he had a wish, just one wish, he'd wish these moments never ended. He'd wish that the pleasure lasted forever, that this was reality and reality was a far away dream.
"Hyu-"
Youngjae's body arches beautifully as he gets another hit of that satisfying bliss he never gets enough of. His arms are shaking as he holds himself up on his elbows and knees, head thrown back against the other's shoulder.
They move in sync to each other. Youngjae pushing back as JB thrusts forward. Its the sound of skin aganist skin and low moans that resonates through the room. Its fire and flames, hot and heavy, and almost higher than cloud nine. Their movements become faster and harsher, each thrust pushing Youngjae up the bed a little more. He's soon grabbing onto the head board as the only leverage to sanity.
"Hy-hyung..."
"Shhhh..."
It’s more of warning than anything, but Youngjae understands. He always did. Whatever JB said, he followed.
Youngjae's knuckles are white, holding on for dear life as JB endlessly thrusts into him. The end is near, he can feel it in his guts, and the way JB's movements have become rather erratic. Youngjae releases one hand from the head board and grips his member, pumping at the same rate as JB's thrusts. It doesn't more than 3, 4, 5 tightly gripped strokes before Youngjae is dropping his head into the pillow and muffling his groan as he releases all over his hands.
JB is still thrusting when he pushes Youngjae completely flat onto the bed as he tries to reach his own high. Youngjae's entire body is aching and over sensitive as he conforms to JB's needs. He bites his tongue and doesn't express the slight pain he is experiencing from the friction on his over sensitive member. He's suddenly begging for the end because he's hurting really bad.
"Hurt... it hurts... hyung..."
But JB doesn't seem to care. All he wants is his blissful end. And fortunately for the younger, it doesn't take much longer. JB bites down onto Youngjae's shoulder to muffle his groan as he shoots his load into the condom.
Youngjae is feigning ignorance of the pain because he knew it was over, it'll be better now. No more pain... for now.
JB quickly pulls out and discards the condom into the trashcan, not forgetting to cover it with some other trash. Youngjae's now on his side, curled up slightly and facing the wall, away from JB. He's trying to calm down his breathing pattern as he hears the elder shuffle around, trying to find close and hide the evidence of their activities. He's almost asleep when he feels a nudge on his back.
"Yah. Put some clothes on." JB's voice is quiet.
"I'm tired. Just tell them not to come in here."
"Hurry up! We're gonna go get some late night snacks with the others so you have get up"
"Go without me."
Youngjae winces as JB nudges him again, but this time a bit closer to his lower back.
"Get up and be ready in 15 minutes."
And with that JB walks out of the room, leaving a sore Youngjae to clean himself up. The younger groans as he pushes himself up. This is literally hell on earth, Youngjae thinks to himself.
He carefully gets dressed after wiping down his hands and the soiled bedding. He tries his best to ignore the soreness in his entire lower half and makes his way out of the room. He meets Yukyeom in the hallway.
"Oh. Hyung. I thought you were asleep."
"Weren't we all going to go get something to eat?"
"Umm. We just changed the plan. Didn't JB hyung tell you?"
"Umm... no."
"Oh... ummmmm well BamBam and I will be cooking if you want to join us."
"Umm. Sure."
Yugyeom smiles brightly as they walk into the kitchen. Youngjae can't help but notice the two people sitting rather closely on the sofa. His brows furrow the slightest as he sits at the dinner table. He tries to ignore them. He really does. He focuses his attention on the two in the kitchen trying to figure what to make. He curses himself when he finds his attention on JB and Jinyoung again.
Youngjae watches as JB curls into the side of Jinyoung as they keep going on about some lame joke that they heard a few days ago. He knows he shouldn't be mad. He's not even sure if "mad" is the correct term to use in this situation. He just doesn't like seeing JB all cuddly with someone other than him. Right... no one even knows about them being cuddle buddies, and sometimes more.
He's lost track of all the times they had gone past the limits of bandmates. But he's some how kept track of all the times that JB has blatantly pretended as if nothing had happened. As if Youngjae wasn't the one that was just in his arms giving him what he wanted.
Like right now. JB pokes Jinyoung's side causing a loud giggle to roar through the room. They're comfortable with each other. And too comfortable for Youngjae's liking. JB doesn't even spare Youngjae a glance as if it wasn't Youngjae's bare skin that his fingers were tracing just 30 minutes ago. As if it wasn't Youngjae's body he was pulling close to his. A low chuckle escapes JB's lips and pushes Youngjae over the edge. He's had enough.
Youngjae adruptly stands up from his place at the dinner table and walks into his room. He grabs his backpack and stuffs it with a few notebooks, books, and his pencil bag. He throws a sweater on over his head and slides into it perfectly. He grabs his favorite snapback before he flicks the lights out and walks out into the living room making his way towards the front door as he swings the backpack over his shoulder.
"I'm going out." Youngjae announces. But is met with no response. JB and Jinyoung are still flirting, Yukyeom and BamBam were preoccupied in the kitchen with whatever they were trying to make. And Mark and Jackson were knocked out cold in their room. Without saying anything else Youngjae slips on his sneakers and leaves, not forgetting to grab the spare keys and locking the door.
He walks into the cooler night. The night sky is clear but the city lights kill the shine of the stars. With his headphones in and music on the loudest it can go, Youngjae makes his way towards the studio; the only place that seems to be to clear his mind.
His mind is still jumbled with thoughts of JB. He knows that its probably just his teenager hormones messing with him again; the last of it at least. But it still is able render him breathless when he thinks of how JB just so heartlessly ignores him. But he figures its what he deserves.
At the beginning of all this, he thought he wouldn't be effected at all. It started out casual. But then they both built a routine and in a matter of weeks their night life was just as hectic and adrenaline pumping as their days. It started as a simple stress reliever for both of them and now it somehow has become something Youngjae needed.
Its poison. He knows. But if wanting JB is a sin then he'll gladly take the consequences. Its poison to him... but he bleeds his heart and loves to the death because that's all he can do.