Chapter Text
Pain.
Pain with every breath, every movement. Smoke and heat.
A cool drop of water on his cheek, drop after drop, all over his body, drenching his clothes and skin. Gaon tried to open his eyes, but they were glued shut and he couldn’t find the strength to lift his arm to wipe his face. The rain was coming down in a torrent now, no longer soothing, heavy drops falling on his raw burned skin like needles.
Soft lips on his cheek; the place they brushed tingled with warmth. “Gaon,” a voice whispered. “Hang in there. Stay with me.”
He was being lifted and the pain was almost too much to bear, too much that Gaon wanted to scream, wanted to beg just leave me but his chest and throat could not do more than release a thin whistle of air. It was hard to breathe; water was coursing into his mouth, into his nose, choking him.
Just as abruptly the rain stopped. Warmth, birds singing and very distantly the sound of a girl crying.
Yohan! Gaon!
The warmth of the sunlight vanished, and it was dark again, and cold. So cold. He couldn’t curl in on himself without moving, and he couldn’t move without being in immense pain. Even shivering was agony. But oh, it was so blessedly Dark. The Dark was soothing, comforting, called to him, lulled him with promises of rest and respite. In the Dark there would be no more pain.
The Dark reached out and Gaon let it claim him.
--
Orange glow behind his eyelids, the heat of sunlight on his face. Gaon basked for a while, unwilling to open his eyes. He felt as if he had been submerged in an underground cave for a long time, bones and limbs stiff, and now he was slowly learning to breathe again.
“I know you’re awake.”
I am Gaon wanted to say but no words came. His eyelids were heavy, and he struggled.
“It's okay. Take your time.” A cool damp cloth was pressed to his lips. Then a straw was pushed between his lips. Gaon sipped and swallowed. His throat hurt.
“Am I dead?” he whispered, then very slowly he managed to open his eyes a bleary slit.
“No,” Elijah’s face swam into focus. Her eyes were very bright but she was smiling. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, spilling onto her pale yellow dress. The sun flecked her hair with gold, tinged her cheeks with a rosy glow.
Gaon wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, just to make sure she was real. “Where are we?” he croaked, turning to look upon the lake that stretched out in front of him. He was snug under a blanket, in an inclined chair on a wooden porch of a lakeside house. There were trees all around, and the sound of birds and insects, the rustle of leaves from the breeze. It felt surreal.
“We’re at my parents’ holiday home,” Elijah explained. “It was pretty run down… but you were asleep for almost a week, so we had time to -” She broke off, tearing up. “Gaon, I was so worried. You weren’t waking up and….”
“It’s okay, Elijah. Don’t cry. I’m okay,” Gaon whispered, and with some effort he managed to reach for her hand; his own was wrapped in bandages.
She sniffed, took a few deep breaths to control herself. “We thought you might like some sun but it’s a bit windy today. Do you want to go inside? I’ll get Yohan,” she turned to the house and called. “Yohan!”
“Elijah, it’s okay -”
There was the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. “How is he?” Yohan asked breathlessly, appearing at the door. He saw Gaon attempting to sit up and schooled his anxious face into something more neutral.
“Hey,” greeted Gaon, taking him in. The cream sweater was a size too big on his wiry frame, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, faded jeans. He looked different but the same. Gaon couldn’t place it. Maybe because he was finally seeing Yohan in the real world, flesh and blood.
Yohan walked over, gaze assessing and carefully placed a hand over Gaon’s chest. Warmth spread from his splayed fingers, and when Gaon exhaled he could taste whisky, nectary and sweet. “Stop staring,” said Yohan, removing his hand and helping to prop Gaon up on a stack of pillows. Gaon felt his face heat. “How do you feel?”
“Stiff,” Gaon admitted, wincing as he shifted into a more comfortable position. “What happened? Is Mrs Ji okay? Professor Min?”
“Mrs Ji is fine. She wired us some money. We’re working out the details on my accounts. As for your Professor,” Yohan said the word with derision as he sat in the empty chair beside Gaon. “He is unfortunately fine as well. The only person who’s seriously injured is you.”
“You broke the curse, Gaon,” said Elijah with an excited grin. “I knew you were special. No one else could have done it.”
“Technically, I broke the curse,” Yohan retorted. “Gaon just made it possible.”
“Oh my god,” said Elijah, rolling her eyes. “I'm going to get you some juice, okay?” She patted his knee, gave him a sweet smile and a dirty glare at Yohan before she left them alone on the porch. Gaon nestled back against the pillows, watching the sun glimmering across the lake, more at ease than he had ever been in a long time, keenly aware but ignoring the fact that Yohan was watching him.
“You know,” Gaon said after a while. “I still don’t understand what happened.”
“Your gambit worked,” Yohan said. Gaon felt his palm press against his chest again, over his heart. He could still feel his own heart beating, steady under Yohan’s hand. “That was an insane risk you took,” Yohan said softly. “It wouldn't have worked under any other circumstances.” He slid his hand up to Gaon’s shoulder, then to his neck, thumb rubbing gentle circles against Gaon’s collarbone. There was quiet wonder in his voice and Gaon shivered - it had nothing to do with the cold breeze - meeting his eyes. They were still flecked with gold.
“I thought we were about to die,” Gaon said, voice hoarse,
“You were ready to die.” Yohan’s hand was warm on his face. “You are a very foolish person, Kim Gaon.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” Gaon breathed.
“You gave me your heart,” Yohan went on, and there was an intensity to his gaze that Gaon couldn’t look away from even if he wanted to. It held him, entranced, entwined, falling into unknown depths. “Do you know what that means? There is no place you can go that I will not follow, and parting will always be followed by pain. I will know you as I know myself. I will live as long as you live, and should Death claim you I will gladly go too. That is what it means to share a heart.”
Gaon shuddered, the words flowing through him as sure as a lover's caress. They were more than an Oath, more than a Promise.
“I'm not an easy man to love, Kim Gaon. And the Binding would compel you to want me even if you didn’t love me.”
Gaon stared at him and realised the uncertainty, fear, worry that was faintly pulsing in the back of his mind wasn't actually his. He felt a burst of affection for the man in front of him. But more than that he felt as if he had known Yohan his whole life, would have known him had they met as passing strangers on the street, with nothing more than a secret glance.
He didn’t know if it was love. It felt more profound, deeper, just…more. But he leaned forward, close enough to taste Yohan’s breath on his lips and said, “I was willing to give my life up for you, Kang Yohan. That has to count as something, right?” Besides there were so many ways to love someone and to be in love. They could spend the rest of their lives learning.
Yohan made a soft hungry sound, lips parting and Gaon breathed him in, the familiar taste of oak, whisky and with a hint of smoke. Kissing Yohan felt inevitable, like unraveling, like being made whole, all at once. Their lips met again and again, breathing suddenly an afterthought because Yohan was breath itself, hand buried in his hair, fingers dragging against his scalp and Gaon had never felt so alive.
When he pressed a hand over Yohan's chest, he could feel his heart beating in the same unfaltering rhythm as his own and knew that even if everything else had faded, and the world had spun out of its axis, come what may and all that - he would always have Yohan's heart.