Chapter Text
Later That Day
“OK, easy does it. Chris, can you grab the door?”
Christopher caught the front door before it could swing shut and pushed it wide. Buck and Dad followed him into the living room, Buck with an arm slung around Dad’s waist, helping him walk.
“Maybe you could have just phoned me,” Buck was saying cheerfully.
“Wouldn’t have been a big romantic gesture then,” Dad pointed out.
“Yeah, but you would have been conscious.”
“I am conscious. I’m talking, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, for once you can’t seem to stop talking. Shame you can’t walk.”
Christopher smiled to himself at their gentle bickering. He knew they weren’t really mad at each other. He’d seen Buck keep one hand on his dad’s leg the whole drive home, had seen the shy smiles they kept shooting each other. They had been kissing in Buck’s apartment! Christopher needed no further proof that his plan had worked than that. His dad and Buck were in love, and Miss Flores was no longer his dad’s girlfriend. That was good enough for him.
Christopher carried the bag of supplies Buck had given him to the kitchen, and returned to the living room in time to see his dad sat on the sofa and Buck standing over him, hands on hips.
“Eddie, you have two choices. You can either go to bed –”
“Not happening, I’m not an invalid.”
“From this angle that’s exactly what you look like. But that’s OK, I thought you’d say no to that. Your other option is to lie on the sofa and rest.”
Dad mock scowled at Buck.
“I guess there’s no third option?”
Buck smiled sweetly back at him.
“It’s my one condition to being here. You have to do exactly what I tell you…”
Christopher didn’t understand the expression he saw on Buck’s face when he looked at his dad then, with a teasing smile and raised eyebrows, or why his dad blushed when Buck said it. He watched them out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by this secret language that only they seemed to understand.
“I didn’t have you down as the type for giving orders, Buckley,” Dad grumbled, but Christopher saw him smiling. Buck grinned at him.
“Just you wait, Diaz.”
Dad flushed red again, and Buck turned to Christopher with a mock stern expression.
“Right, homework.”
Chris didn’t even complain that they were doing homework. Everything was better with Buck there. He played music on his phone and sang along to it, they were allowed to stop for snack breaks, and he was more excited about everything Christopher was learning than Chris was himself.
But best of all, Dad was watching them with a contented smile from the couch. He kept his eyes on them for as long as he could manage, though they often slipped closed for what seemed like hours.
“Is Dad going to be OK?” Christopher asked Buck quietly, as they were working on the universe project late that afternoon. He wasn’t used to seeing his dad hurt, to seeing him sleep in the middle of the day. His dad was so strong and reliable, like a superhero. Seeing him weakened felt like it had the only time he’d ever seen him cry, one night soon after Chris’s mom had died, when Dad didn’t think Chris could hear him. Both times it left him feeling that the balance of the world was off. It scared him more than he’d like to admit, and he watched Buck anxiously now for reassurance.
Buck looked up from the papier-mâché moon he was painting.
“Yeah, of course he is. That car accident hurt your dad, and he’ll take a while to heal, but the doctors took really good care of him, and he’ll have exercises like you do to make him strong again.” He smiled encouragingly and pointed his paintbrush at Chris. “And we’re gonna look after him while he’s getting better.”
Christopher frowned over at Dad, winding a spare ribbon they hadn’t needed for Jupiter’s rings around his fingers.
“What’s wrong with him again?”
Buck set the moon aside and picked up Venus.
“Well he’s got a concussion, which is what happens when you hit your head really hard. That’s partly why he needs to sleep so much. And his ribs are bruised, which means he’ll find it painful to laugh or move his chest much.” He started painting it in shades of red and brown. “And his arm’s in a sling because he dislocated his shoulder when the car rolled. That’s when the arm comes out of the socket and has to be reset.”
“You’re going down the ‘kid in the rotisserie’ route again, Buck,” Dad murmured from the couch, eyes half-opening. Chris’s eyes widened in horror at the memory, and Buck grinned guiltily at Dad.
“Hey, I told you, that was a cautionary tale.”
“What, because you think our kid’s dumb enough to climb in a rotisserie?”
“Of course not –”
Buck stopped abruptly and stared at Dad, his face flushing.
“Eddie…”
“I told you,” Dad said firmly. “We’re raising him together.” He looked at Chris. “Christopher. Come over here a sec.”
Dad moved slowly into a seated position so Christopher could sit down beside him on the sofa, and Chris made sure to sit next to his right arm, which wasn’t in a sling.
“Do you remember the conversation we had a couple of days ago? Where we talked about me dating again after your mom?”
Chris nodded.
“Can you tell Buck about it please?”
Christopher nodded, reaching back into his memories and reciting the words as he remembered them.
“You said that she would always be my mom, no matter what, and that you would never try and replace her.”
“Exactly, and I meant it. Your mom will always be your mom, no matter who I might choose to spend the rest of my life with.” Dad winced and sank a little lower on the couch again. His face was pale, but his voice was clear. “Now can you tell Buck what you said to Ana when we were at breakfast the other day?”
His dad winced as he said her name, and Chris saw Buck flinch at it too, like the sound of her name physically hurt them. Chris hesitated, not wanting to upset either of them.
“You won’t be mad?”
“I wasn’t mad then, I promise I won’t be mad now.”
“I said I wished Buck was my other dad,” Chris murmured quietly. His dad smiled at him encouragingly, and they both looked to Buck, who was blinking hard, his eyes a brighter blue than normal.
“You are wanted, Buck,” Dad told him firmly, his voice warm and steady. “Never doubt that again.”
“I have a Buck Question,” Chris added. Buck nodded for him to go ahead, swallowing and swiping the back of his arm across his eyes.
“Can you stay with us forever?”
Buck walked slowly over to join them. He leaned in briefly to kiss Dad and squeeze his hand, then lifted Chris off the sofa into his arms and spun him around the living room. Chris giggled and shrieked with joy. Buck laughed and spoke quietly into his ear.
“I will be here for as long as you need me. If that’s forever, then that’s what I’ll do.”
He slowed to a stop and squeezed Chris tight in a hug.
“I love you so much, kid. I was so lucky to meet you and your dad. You changed my whole life, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
*
That night, Chris couldn’t sleep again, so he slipped carefully from his bed and crept down the corridor to his dad’s room. It was late, but as he drew closer, he could hear his dad and Buck still speaking softly.
“How are you feeling?” Buck was asking Dad. “Do you need more painkillers?”
“If I take any more meds I’ll start hallucinating.”
“Not what I asked.”
“I know.” His dad paused, and Chris inched closer to the door to catch his voice, which was quieter when he spoke again. “It’s OK. Feels a bit more numb than before. I’ll take that over feeling like I’m being stabbed again and again.”
“OK, let’s not go to bed with that image in our heads.”
“OK Buck, what do you want to go to sleep thinking about?”
Chris could hear the smile in his dad’s voice, and it made him smile to hear it. He wasn’t sure he even really remembered a day when his dad had sounded light and free, not carrying all sorts of grown up worries he would never share. Christopher knew his dad didn’t want to upset him, but he wished he would share how he felt with someone so he didn’t feel like he was alone. But now, with Buck, his dad was the very best version of himself. It was like he’d finally let go of all his worries and just allowed himself to be happy.
Not wanting to disturb them, Chris sank slowly to the floor and sat with his back against the wall, listening to them talk.
“Well when you’re feeling better, I was wondering what you thought about taking Chris camping in the Angeles Forest?” Buck was saying now. “I uh, might have spent a bit of time there the last few days…”
“What, when you were sulking up there by yourself thinking that I’d ditched you for Ana?”
Dad’s voice was teasing, Buck’s embarrassed.
“Uh, yeah, that’d be it. Anyway…the forest is beautiful and there’s like 50 campgrounds out there, I’m sure we can find an accessible one for Chris. Just imagine it, Eddie. Hiking and swimming and stargazing and making s’mores…”
Listening to Buck’s enthusiastic camping description and imagining it all from his spot in the corridor, Christopher had to really force himself to stay still and not bounce with excitement, or call out to his dad and plead with him to let them go. He waited, holding his breath and relying on Buck to work his magic.
“Sounds…perfect, to be honest.” Dad sighed in resignation. “OK, you win. Once I’ve healed up a bit, we’ll head up there one day while Chris is at school and scope out the best site to camp at.”
Chris punched the air in triumph.
“I won’t tell him,” Buck said. “We’ll let it be a surprise.”
Chris bit his lip and tried not to laugh. He promised himself that he would do his very best to act surprised when they told him. He tuned back into the conversation to hear his dad talking, his voice quiet and a little unsure.
“Are you really sure you want to be yoked to us forever, Buck? This isn’t an easy situation to walk into.”
Buck’s voice was firm and clear as he answered.
“Hey, I walked into this with my eyes open. And I don’t want easy, Eddie. I want you. I want to be standing beside you facing the storm. I want to be with you and Chris every day for as long as you’ll have me.”
Silence, and Chris thought he heard sounds of kissing. He pulled a face, because parents kissing was still gross, no matter how happy you were that they were happy. He stuck his fingers in his ears until he heard the sound of their voices again, and cautiously listened.
“Hope you don’t have any plans for the rest of your life then,” his dad was saying softly.
“None that don’t include the two of you,” Buck said firmly. “Now you’d better get some sleep, Eddie. I’ll still be here in the morning. I promise.”
They fell silent after that, and Chris padded quietly back to his room. As he passed his desk, his gaze snagged on the photo of his mom. He thought that she would have liked Buck.
When he fell asleep again, he dreamt that he was at the beach with his dad and Buck. They were laughing and throwing a frisbee back and forth at the edge of the waves as Chris watched. His dad was whole and healed, and as Chris looked closer he saw wedding rings gleaming gold around his and Buck’s ring fingers.
A flicker of movement in the corner of his vision made him turn his head, as he became aware of someone else close by on the deserted beach. Then he saw her. His mom, luminous in the golden light of the setting sun, watching them all from a short distance away. She was smiling as she watched his dad and Buck together. She looked peaceful and free. Then she turned her head and met Christopher’s gaze. He opened his mouth to call to her, and she blew him a kiss.
Chris woke up to daylight streaming in through his windows, the smell of coffee wafting down the hallway from the kitchen, and the sound of Buck singing off-key to one of those old songs he liked. Something about ‘The Power of Love.’ Chris smiled and took a moment to soak it all in. It was a little like waking up on Christmas Day. Buck was staying with them again and his dad was happy. And wherever she was, his mom was at peace and approved of their choice of person to complete the Diaz family.
*
Tia Pepa was nothing short of delighted to see Buck back with the Diazes when she came to collect Christopher for the school run the next morning. She beamed triumphantly at Eddie the whole time Buck was rounding up Chris and his school supplies.
“I can hear your smugness from here,” Eddie murmured to her in Spanish, eyes half-closed, where he slumped over the dining table with a mug of coffee. He was hoping the caffeine might work with his painkillers to help wipe out some of the dull pain throbbing through his entire body.
“I’m just pleased to see how things worked out,” Tia Pepa said chirpily.
“Yep, only took a car crash for it to happen,” Eddie retorted, and she pulled a face at him.
“Well obviously I would rather you both came to your senses without one of you being seriously injured, but however you arrived at this destination, I’m just glad you’re here now.”
She beamed as Buck re-entered the room.
“Thank you, Buck. I’m very glad to see you back here where you belong.”
“Dios mio,” Eddie muttered, and Buck gave a shy smile that Eddie found embarrassingly endearing.
“I’m, uh, glad to be back too, Josephina.”
“Oh you can call me Tia Pepa too now,” she said, flapping a hand to dispel the formalities. “Not that you couldn’t have before, but now that Eddie’s finally acted on his feelings and made you an official part of the family –”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Eddie asked, feeling his face redden. Tia Pepa smiled serenely.
“Christopher, come and say goodbye!” she called. “We’d better get going if we’re going to make home room.”
Chris rushed in and hugged Buck. As Eddie was kissing Chris goodbye, Tia Pepa turned to Buck.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“Get out,” Eddie muttered to her, without any heat. His aunt smiled and swept out the front door with Christopher.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” she called over her shoulder. “Have a good day.”
As the door closed and silence fell, Eddie realised it was the first time he and Buck had been alone together with no one else in the house. Buck caught his eye, and Eddie could tell he was thinking the same thing. Eddie’s stomach lurched as if he’d taken a sudden drop on a rollercoaster with his eyes closed, and he cleared his throat and tried to look more like a grown up in control of his emotions, rather than the giddy teenager he felt like right now.
“If you need to head back to work, Buck, I can take care of mys-”
Buck shook his head and crossed the room to Eddie, cutting him off with a kiss, which turned into two kisses, then three. When they finally broke apart, Buck had to catch his breath before he spoke.
“Not happening. I’ve taken a week off. Bobby’s cool with it. You’re stuck with Dr Buckley now. 24/7 care for the next seven days. Sucks to be you, Diaz.”
“If having you around 24 hours a day is supposed to be some kind of punishment, I should get banged up in a car accident more often.”
“Oh that’s so not funny.”
“Let’s try it on Chris, I think he’d disagree.”
“I never had you down as an irresponsible parent,” Buck teased, sitting down beside Eddie at the table. “Does this mean I have to be the sensible one in this relationship?”
“At least for as long as I’m on heavy duty painkillers.”
“I think I can manage being a grown up for a couple of weeks. Especially if it means looking after my two favourite Diazes.”
Buck leaned in and kissed him again. Since Eddie’s kitchen confession yesterday afternoon they hadn’t seemed to be able to stop, still caught up in the novelty of being able to kiss each other so freely after so much longing and hoping. Eddie kissed him back but soon pulled away, a little self-conscious, as he realised he hadn’t showered since coming home from the hospital.
“I’m uh, gonna need to take a shower today. I can’t wait days until this sling comes off.”
“Well don’t think you’re going in there by yourself.”
“Excuse me?”
Eddie arched his eyebrows at Buck, hoping the nervous edge to his voice wasn’t obvious.
“You have a concussion and only one working arm,” Buck said sternly. “It would be irresponsible of me to let you shower unsupervised.”
He leaned in closer again, fingertips drifting up Eddie’s good arm, holding his gaze. The world shrank right down to just the two of them, and Eddie felt an electric tingle through his spine that had nothing to do with his injuries.
“Well if that’s Dr Buckley’s orders,” he murmured, “who am I to refuse?”
*
As water started gushing into the shower cubicle, the realisation of what was about to happen next dawned on Eddie.
They’d showered at the same time in the fire house before, but always in separate cubicles. Eddie had exercised supreme self-restraint and never let his eyes wander outside his own space. Some part of him had registered, even then, that one look at Buck slicked up with warm, soapy water would be his undoing. He’d never acknowledged that fact, but it was inescapable now, along with the butterflies battering his insides. This was scarier, more vulnerable, than anything else they’d done so far, even more than sharing a bed. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this excited or this nervous about being naked in front of somebody else before.
“You’re gonna have to help me,” Eddie said, gesturing to his clothes, fighting to keep his composure with every word. “I needed Bobby to help me get dressed in the hospital yesterday, which wasn’t embarrassing at all. And I haven’t changed since.”
“Well I think my end of the deal is more fun,” Buck grinned. But as he stepped a little closer to Eddie his smile faded, replaced by a ficker of uncertainty. Eddie nodded his consent, unable to speak again, and Buck carefully lifted his arm from the sling. Eddie winced and gritted his teeth against the pain.
“Just tell me if the pain’s too much,” Buck said softly. Eddie nodded, and Buck reached for the buttons on his flannel shirt.
“In all the scenarios I imagined where I got to take your clothes off, this was not the first thing that jumped to mind,” he quipped, carefully undoing each one.
“Oh, so you’ve imagined this before?”
“Oh yeah.”
Buck placed his palms flat against Eddie’s stomach, sliding the shirt open as he moved his hands across toned muscle. Eddie shivered at his touch, and Buck glanced back up and met his gaze with a teasing smile.
“Are you telling me you never imagined ripping my clothes off and ruining our friendship once and for all?”
Eddie laughed, then winced again at the stabbing pain in his ribs. Buck slipped his shirt carefully from his shoulders and it fell to the floor, along with some of Eddie’s nerves.
“Maybe once or twice.”
“Oh I see,” Buck replied, letting his fingers travel lightly down Eddie’s chest, watching goosebumps rise at his touch. “Playing it casual. That’s fine. Is this a good time to remind you that you literally dragged yourself to my door yesterday to tell me you loved me?” His fingers hooked around Eddie’s belt and used it pull him gently closer. “Cause that doesn’t seem particularly casual to me,” he breathed in Eddie’s ear, and nipped his earlobe with his teeth. Eddie gasped.
“Now that’s just not playing fair.”
“No one’s stopping you from joining in.”
“No, just those bruised ribs and that dislocated shoulder.”
Even so, emboldened by Buck and determined not to let his injuries get in the way, Eddie turned his head and pressed kisses along Buck’s jaw. Buck tilted his head back, leaving his throat exposed, and Eddie followed the line down to the soft hollow of skin at the base of Buck’s neck, sucking and biting at the skin until Buck moaned and dug his fingers into Eddie’s hips.
“If this is what you can do when you’re concussed, I’m done for when you’re fully recovered.”
“Just you wait, Buckley.”
“I’ve been waiting for two years, I can wait a little longer.”
Eddie pulled his head back a little to look at him. Buck’s face was earnest and so full of love it took his breath away.
“I can wait as long as it takes,” he promised. Eddie bit his lip, feeling a wave of uncertainty himself.
“You know I’ve never…this is all kinda new to me,” he admitted. “There weren’t exactly many girls before Shannon…and never any guys. And I don’t know if you’ve been with guys, but I know you’ve been with a lot of girls. And none of that bothers me, not at all. I guess what I mean is just…I hope I’m not a disappointment to you.”
The words fell out of his mouth in a jumbled, unexpected burst of honesty and vulnerability. He didn’t even realise this unspoken fear had been lurking in the back of his mind until now. Buck laughed, and for a moment Eddie felt sheer mortification and wished he could crawl under the bed covers and never come out. Seeing his expression, guessing where his mind was going, Buck shook his head rapidly and cupped Eddie’s face carefully in his hands, holding his gaze.
“God no, I wasn’t laughing at that. I was laughing at how you could think you’d ever be a disappointment to me. You’re…you’re Eddie. Eddie Diaz. My best friend. My partner. The guy I’ve been crazy about all this time and never even knew how much until we moved in together. The guy I’ve fantasised about in ways that no one could ever call platonic. You could never disappoint me. I don’t care how many people you’ve slept with, if it’s one or one hundred. You are all that matters to me.” He paused, smiling shyly at Eddie. “And, uh, if it helps, this part is all new to me too. So we’ll figure it out together.”
“God I love you,” Eddie murmured, leaning in to kiss him again.
“I love you too. Now take your clothes off.”
“Is that an order?”
“You know it. Doctor’s orders.”
“Well who am I to say no to that? But I do only have one working arm right now.”
So Buck’s fingers made quick work of Eddie’s belt buckle and the buttons on his jeans for him, while Eddie watched him through a haze of painkillers and lust, with a heady disbelief that this was even real.
“Was this one of your fantasies then?” he asked, and Buck laughed.
“Ha, it definitely didn’t involve the kind of injuries we’re working with.” He bit his lip and glanced up at Eddie, suddenly shy. “But a shower and getting naked were both on that list.”
“You’re blushing,” Eddie teased.
“It still feels weird to admit that out loud to you.”
Buck ducked his head, embarrassed, and Eddie reached out with his good hand and caught his chin gently, tilting Buck’s face up so he could see him.
“Hey, the only reason I haven’t got a list of fantasies about you is because I could never allow myself to think of you like that. I didn’t want to ruin everything we had.” He hesitated, out of practice with flirting and talking dirty, but wanting so much to try for Buck. “But I want to explore everything with you.”
Buck smiled and leaned into him for another kiss. Their bodies pressed together tightly from the waist down, and Eddie moaned softly against Buck’s mouth as he felt how hard they both were beneath their jeans. He felt Buck’s breath hitch, and his hands found Eddie’s jeans again. With a quick glance to Eddie for permission, he eased them over his hips and let them fall to the floor.
“You’re wearing way too many clothes, hope you’re planning to fix that,” Eddie told him, sliding his good hand under Buck’s t-shirt and running his hand over smooth, warm skin. Buck leaned into his hand and nodded.
“Definitely. Don’t stop doing that.”
Buck lifted his t-shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor, and Eddie ran his thumb around the waistband of Buck’s jeans. He felt Buck’s intake of breath at his touch and wished again that he had the use of both his hands.
“Do you remember that morning after I came back from the date with Ana?” he asked instead. “Where I asked you to watch Chris overnight?”
Buck grinned, unbuckling his jeans.
“You mean the one where you didn’t get laid because you were too busy defending me?”
“Yeah, that one,” Eddie said, trying to focus on Buck’s face and not let the fact that he was unbuttoning his jeans derail his thoughts. “Well do you remember the next morning…?”
“What, after you spent the night spooning me?”
“Wow, someone’s point scoring today.”
“Yeah, I know it’s petty as hell. I don’t care.”
Eddie grinned too and shook his head.
“Well let’s just say there’s a reason I took a very long shower that morning.”
Buck caught his eye.
“When I woke up, I thought I felt…” He trailed off. “Were you…?”
“Rock hard for you? Yeah. Were you…?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you…?”
“Because if I was wrong I would have crossed a major line.”
“You know,” Eddie said, “if you’d have made a move that morning, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
Buck groaned with frustration.
“See, you say things like that to me, when you’re taking your clothes off in front of me. You have no idea what you do to me, Diaz.”
“Oh I think I have a pretty good idea,” Eddie replied, his eyes dropping to below Buck’s waist. Buck’s eyes followed his and caught his train of thought. Fixing his gaze on Eddie, Buck pushed his underwear down his body to the floor, and Eddie felt his whole body throb with longing as he stared at Buck, completely naked, in front of him.
“You are…” his voice caught, husky with longing. “Dios mio, qué apuesto eres, mi amor.”
“And then you go and do that,” Buck said, his voice catching with desire. “I told you how unbelievably hot it is when you speak Spanish to me.”
“Well you’d better get some lessons, because I’m going to be doing it a lot.”
“Will you teach me?”
“Definitely.”
They kissed again, and Eddie glanced down at himself.
“Can’t help but see I still have some clothes on. Sort it out, Buckley.”
A flicker of a grin crossed Buck’s face.
“Yes, soldier.”
Eddie tried not to think about the effect those words had on him when they came from Buck’s mouth, the toe-curling tingle it sent zipping through his body. And then Buck slipped his hands inside the waistband of Eddie’s underwear and slowly pushed them down, and most of the thoughts left Eddie’s head altogether.
As he carefully stepped out of his clothes, he was keenly aware of Buck’s eyes all over him, and allowed himself do the same in response, cataloguing every inch of Buck’s body with his eyes. It gave him a heady rush that had nothing to do with his concussion that he could do this now, that this could be his future. Their future.
“Do you approve of what you see?” he asked, finally letting his gaze land on Buck’s face. He was staring at Eddie in awe as he answered.
“I couldn’t dream up something as perfect as you.”
Eddie laughed once and winced.
“My body feels a pretty long way from perfect right now. Perfectly broken, maybe.”
“I’ll take you broken or whole, or anywhere in between,” Buck promised. “You’re perfect to me.”
He stepped in close and pressed the length of his body to Eddie’s, and they both gasped at the contact of their unclothed bodies against one another for the first time, all warm, hard skin and muscle. Eddie wrapped his good arm around Buck’s waist, and Buck held Eddie carefully in his arms as each committed the sensation of kissing his best friend to memory.
“I’m doing a terrible job of supervising your shower,” Buck laughed when they eventually broke apart.
“Yeah, so far you’ve removed my clothes and groped me. I hope this isn’t how most home helps operate,” Eddie joked. As Buck opened his mouth to reply, eyes glinting wickedly, Eddie held up his good hand to stop him. “No, do NOT mention Carla. I know I set this joke up, but I’m regretting it instantly. Let’s just…shower.”
His voice slowed to a stop, nerves battering against his rib cage again at the implication. They were already pretty far past the line of no return, but every minute took them further into new territory. It was exhilarating, but still a little terrifying.
Buck climbed into the shower and Eddie stepped gingerly after him, taking his hand gratefully to keep him steady. It was a relief to stand under the spray of hot water, and Eddie closed his eyes for a moment, sluicing away the remnants of the hospital.
“You are…” Buck’s voice cracked with wonder. “I still can’t believe that you…that we’re…”
“I know.” Eddie reached out and cupped the side of Buck’s face gently for another kiss. “I never thought I could get so lucky.”
Blinking away what could have been shower spray but what looked suspiciously like tears, Buck reached for the body wash and poured out a handful. Eddie watched him rub his hands together to lather it up, wondering if it was legal for someone to look that good doing something as everyday as using shower gel. Then Buck’s strong, warm hands landed on his wet skin, gently massaging every inch of his body, and Eddie knew the answer to his question.
“I think this is more what I should be doing as your shower supervisor,” Buck murmured. Eddie laughed softly.
“I’ve definitely been showering wrong all these years.”
Pressed up against each other in the cubicle, tongues dancing together and hands gently running across each other, Eddie felt himself losing control that little bit more with every brush of warm, wet, bare skin under the spray of the shower. And, for once in his life, it felt completely right.
“God, this is some kind of torture,” he gasped finally. “I want you so badly. I wish I could do more for you than just stand here.”
“Well maybe I can do something for both of us,” Buck murmured. “Tell me if this is too much.” And he reached out and slowly wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock, dragging his fingers up and down his rigid length. Eddie let out a sound he didn’t know he could make, and leaned his head back against the wall of the shower.
“Fuck. That feels…fuck, don’t stop.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Yes. It is. It’s…oh my god, Buck. It’s everything.”
Buck fell into a gentle rhythm, every motion turning Eddie’s blood to fire and his legs to water beneath him. It melted away the pain in his ribs and shoulder, made insignificant by the electricity flowing through his veins at Buck’s touch.
“I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to stand much longer,” he gasped.
“I can take care of that.”
Eddie looked at him and Buck grinned.
“I can dead lift more than you weigh. I think I can take your weight.”
Eddie arched an eyebrow.
“I’m literally in your hands.”
Buck wrapped one arm around Eddie’s waist and lifted him, carefully angling his body so that Eddie’s good shoulder took his weight against the shower cubicle wall. Eddie wrapped his legs around Buck’s waist and braced his good hand on Buck’s shoulder.
“Are you sure about this?” Buck asked worriedly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Eddie shook his head and replied between kisses.
“I don’t care. You won’t. It’s worth it.”
Buck held Eddie tight against him with one arm, and his hand returned to Eddie’s cock. Eddie gasped and his hand clenched tightly over Buck’s shoulder. Buck glanced up worriedly, and Eddie shook his head, reassuring him he was OK to carry on. Buck nodded and his hand moved faster, as Eddie’s eyes slid half-closed and heat rose through his body. He was vaguely aware of cursing softly in Spanish, of murmuring Buck’s name in a voice that grew steadily louder. And then any coherent thought deserted him altogether in a rush of overwhelming, nerve-shredding sensation, and he moaned and buried his face in Buck’s shoulder.
By the time Buck lowered him carefully down to his feet again, Eddie was half-delirious with pleasure and pain, ignoring the stabbing aches in his ribs and shoulder. As his heart rate slowly evened out, he felt the urge to repay the favour.
“Can I, um…?”
Unsure how to ask, Eddie bit his lip and let his eyes ask instead, darting down below Buck’s waist and then back up to his face. Buck’s eyes widened in understanding.
“Will you be OK with your injuries?”
“I want to do this, Buck. If you’d like me to?”
“God yes. More than literally anything. But only if it won’t hurt you.”
“I can handle it.”
“Yeah, but can you handle me?” Buck teased, and Eddie pulled a face at him.
“How hard can it be?”
“Big words, Diaz. You’re about to find out. Let’s hope you’re not all talk.”
Eddie kissed him again, making sure to catch Buck’s lower lip between his teeth and bring out that soft groan he’d heard for less than 24 hours and already had committed to memory.
“OK, OK” Buck gasped. “I’m all yours.”
Eddie felt a last, lingering flash of worry.
“Umm, I’ve never done this for someone else before, so umm…”
Buck shook his head and cut him off with a kiss.
“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured urgently against Eddie’s lips. “I want you so badly you could just look at my cock and I’d cum.”
Eddie laughed with no small measure of relief, reached out, and finally took Buck in his hand. Buck gasped as soon as Eddie touched him, and once he’d carefully adjusted his grip and began making firm, careful strokes up and down, his eyes rolled up into his head.
“Fuck,” he gasped. “Why weren’t we doing this years ago?”
Buck’s legs buckled, and he braced them either side of Eddie’s hips, palms slammed flat against the opposite wall of the shower. As Eddie found a rhythm, he could feel Buck trembling, and a moan that was almost a whine of need escaped his lips.
“Oh God, Eddie…please don’t stop.”
Eddie worked his hand gradually faster, drinking in the sight of Buck falling apart under his touch. Finally, Buck’s whole body shuddered and he moaned Eddie’s name, blue eyes blown wide. Eddie let go of Buck’s cock and wrapped his good arm around his waist, holding him upright and pressing his lips gently to his collarbone.
“Well, I guess that’s our friendship successfully ruined then,” he joked softly into Buck’s neck.
“It was worth it,” Buck replied, nuzzling his face against Eddie’s until their lips met once again.
*
Dr Eleanor Copeland had been expecting her appointment with Evan Buckley to be a difficult one. He’d spoken to her a few days ago about a development in his relationship with Eddie. It was as she’d feared: Evan had realised his feelings for Eddie only once they were living together. When they acted on them and kissed one night, and the next morning Eddie went out for breakfast with his son and his girlfriend as if nothing had happened, Evan was distraught. She’d spent a double session talking through those events, talking through Evan’s feelings for Eddie and why he wished he’d acted on them sooner, or why he wished he’d never acted on them at all. When she received a message asking her for another emergency appointment, her heart sank, expecting the worse. Had Evan and Eddie’s friendship disintegrated beyond all repair?
But she was in a for a surprise. When the video call connected, Evan’s eyes were tired but bright. He wasn’t even trying to conceal his wide smile. And the bed he was sitting on…
“Good afternoon, Evan. Isn’t that Eddie’s bedroom?”
He ducked his head a little in a bashful smile.
“Yes it is. There have been some changes since I last spoke to you.”
Dr Copeland told herself not to get her hopes up, not to let the delight sound in her voice.
“Oh really?”
Evan grinned and nodded. He glanced over his shoulder and spoke to someone sat behind him.
“Do you want to say hi?”
Dr Copeland heard a deep voice with Spanish inflections answer.
“Hey, this is your session, I don’t want to interrupt. It just might take me a while to get up.”
“No, don’t worry, I’ll take it in the living room in a minute.” Evan glanced back at the screen. “Dr Copeland, this is Eddie Diaz.”
He said it shyly but proudly, as if she were his parent and he were seeking her approval. And really, from what she knew of his life, the authority figures in Evan’s life had always stepped into the breach left by his actual parents, providing the support and approval he’d been lacking his whole lfie. The most significant figures seemed to be his fire captain, Bobby Nash, and his wife, police sergeant Athena Grant. But it seemed that she had made her own mark on his life.
Dr Copeland didn’t allow herself to get attached to clients as a rule. But it seemed that Evan Buckley was an exception to that rule.
Now she leant forward and peered at her screen, curious to see this man she’d heard so much about for herself. She forced herself not to react as she noticed several prominent injuries: one arm in a sling, cuts and scrapes across his face and hands.
“It’s good to finally meet you,” Eddie said, smiling warmly at her through the webcam. “I’ve heard so much about you from Buck. You’ve done so much for him the past few months, I wanted to thank you.”
“Oh, I was just doing my job. But it’s always a pleasure to speak to Evan.”
Eddie straightened up on the bed and winced. Evan’s hand went to his back, rubbing it soothingly.
“Just to warn you, I’m not at my best right now,” Eddie said apologetically, and she could see the pain stretch tight across his face as he spoke.
“Eddie’s uh, recovering from a car accident,” Evan explained, shooting a worried look at Eddie, who met his gaze and shook his head minutely.
“Oh my goodness, are you OK?” Dr Copeland asked.
“I’ll live.”
“What happened?”
Dr Copeland subtly assessed Eddie as he and Buck recounted the details around the car accident. He was very good-looking, even with his injuries. Chiselled jaw, wavy dark hair and deep brown eyes. It was easy to see why Evan was attracted to him, and they made a handsome pair. But it was something else too. They had a kind of chemistry that she rarely saw in any couple.
Even to an impartial observer through a computer screen, Dr Copeland saw how they leant towards each other, side-by-side on the edge of the bed. They communicated through glances, without words. Their bodies had to be in contact at all times, but the fact they didn’t register this told her that this was something they’d been doing for a long time already. And when their eyes met? She saw both their expressions soften, saw the answer to that question she had wondered so many times. She no longer had any doubts as to how Eddie Diaz felt about his best friend.
“Well I’m glad you’re recovering. And that you have a capable helper there to look after you.”
“I’m a lucky man,” Eddie said, smiling softly at Evan, who ducked his head in a shy smile.
“I’m the lucky one,” he mumbled.
“Well maybe we’re both lucky,” Eddie suggested. His gaze strayed back to Dr Copeland, as if he’d forgotten she was there. “You’d better get back to your session. Sorry to keep you, Dr Copeland.”
“Not at all.”
Evan pressed a quick kiss to Eddie’s forehead and rose to his feet.
“I’ll come and check on you after my session. Try to get some rest.”
“Yes, doctor,” Eddie replied dryly, but he settled obediently back onto the bed as Buck carried the iPad through into the living room. Dr Copeland waited until he was settled on the sofa in the living room before she spoke, grateful to see that Evan had finally realised what she knew all along: that he was worthy of all the love in the world.
“I’m so glad to see you happy, Evan,” she said, swallowing an unexpected lump in her throat. “It seems like there have been quite a few changes in your life over the past few days.”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
Evan couldn’t seem to stop smiling. It suited him.
“Well you’d better start from the beginning.”
*
One Week Later
“Are you sure you’re ready to come back to the fire house?” Buck asked, eyeing Eddie apprehensively as he filled a to-go cup with coffee and screwed the lid on. Christopher was already at school, and Buck was heading back to work for the first time since Eddie’s accident.
“Buck, I haven’t left the house in a week, I’m climbing the walls,” Eddie protested. He paused. “Well, I would be if I wasn’t banned from climbing anything for another eight weeks.”
Buck shook his head in resignation, poured a second to-go cup for Eddie and slung his kit bag over one shoulder as they headed for the door.
“Besides,” Eddie continued, “my concussion’s gone, it doesn’t hurt when I breathe anymore, and my shoulder…well, I’m working on it.”
“OK. But you know you’re gonna have to get Carla to come and get you when she picks Christopher up after school? I’m gonna be working til ten tonight.”
Eddie looked sheepish, avoiding Buck’s gaze as he locked up.
“I might also not quite be ready to say goodbye to you for twelve hours yet.”
Buck grinned as he headed down the drive.
“Who knew you had such a soft, marshmallowy centre, Diaz?”
“Stow it, Buckley.”
They climbed into the Jeep and Eddie winced, his hand jumping involuntarily to his ribs. Buck’s expression softened into concern.
“I can take more time off, you know…?”
“No.” Eddie shook his head, reaching for his seatbelt with his teeth gritted. “You need to get back to work and be out there saving lives again. You love your job.”
“I love you more.”
“Now who’s gone soft?” Eddie teased, then leaned across spontaneously to kiss Buck. When he pulled back to a questioning expression, he shrugged carefully. “It still doesn’t feel real that I can do that,” he admitted, sinking back into his seat. “So I have to do it as much as I can.”
“Well feel free to remind yourself of that fact whenever you want,” Buck smiled as he fired the Jeep up.
The drive to the fire house was, to Buck’s mind, uneventful. He drove the route without really registering it, the roads and stop lights and junctions so familiar to him by now he could have done it in his sleep. His mind was caught between excitement at returning to work and worrying about Eddie spending the day alone without him. It was only because he was so finely tuned to Eddie’s movements and moods that he picked up on the way he tensed as the Jeep slowed to a stop at a set of red lights at a junction.
Out of the corner of his eye, Buck saw Eddie’s fingers clenching the edge of his seat until the knuckles turned white. The blood had drained from his face. Buck bit his lip, desperately searching for the right thing to say when the lights switched to green. Hoping that leaving the junction behind them would make Eddie feel better, he pulled away. But, as the car took off across the junction, he heard an involuntary intake of breath from Eddie.
Buck had known Eddie for nearly two years, and in all that time he had never seen him have such an adverse physical reaction to anything. He was always calm and self-assured, and Buck had never seen him rattled. He also knew that Eddie trusted his driving implicitly, because Buck always usually drove them whenever they were in a car together. Perhaps that crash had left him with more than a few physical scars.
Unsure of what else to do, Buck reached across with one hand and rested it lightly on Eddie’s leg. He wasn’t expecting him to react, so he was surprised when Eddie took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly, his palm clammy, and didn’t let go until they pulled into the parking lot at the fire house.
The early shift were still out on a call as they crossed the fire house floor towards the stairs up to the loft. With every step, Buck felt a little like they were walking under a giant spotlight. He’d never been so aware of how close he stood to Eddie before now, so aware of the dramatic way in which their relationship had changed in just one week. But it filled him with the kind of joy and pride that he’d never experienced from any relationship before, even Abby. It was the kind of feeling he could get used to.
“You ready for this?” Eddie asked as he carefully climbed the stairs. “Because I guarantee they’re gonna have something to say about this.”
Buck smiled sheepishly and twined his fingers through Eddie’s.
“Uh, well Hen and Chimney may umm, already know how I feel,” he confessed. Eddie stared at him incredulously.
“They knew and I didn’t?” His expression shifted to mock sternness. “You’ve got some explaining to do, Buckley…”
He leaned in and grazed Buck’s lips lightly with his and Buck leaned into him, pressing his chest to Eddie’s…
“YAASS!”
Buck and Eddie jolted apart at Chimney’s bellow of triumph. They turned to see him vaulting over the sofas and bounding towards them.
“Oh my God, it finally happened. HEN! Have you seen this?”
“If I didn’t, I couldn’t have missed your reaction.”
Hen followed him at a more casual stride.
“So, you two finally made it official,” she smirked.
“Yep, looks like it,” Buck beamed at Eddie, who nodded in confirmation with a self-conscious smile.
“Yeah, apparently everyone else knew before we did?” he asked. Hen and Chim talked over each other in their excitement.
“You were both so obvious.”
“I don’t know how you couldn’t see it.”
“I’ve never seen pining like it before.”
“It was next-level angst.”
“Hello?” a third voice interrupted. “Can someone tell the very pregnant lady who can’t get up what’s going on?”
“Maddie!” Buck cried, swooping in on his sister, trapped on one of the sofas, for a hug. “What are you doing here?”
“Seems it’s Bring Your Partner To Work Day today,” Hen quipped with a smirk at Maddie and Eddie. “Karen and I must have missed the memo.”
“Hey, Eddie works here too, he’s just temporarily out of commission,” Buck protested. Eddie nudged Buck’s shoulder gently with his, a small smile turning up the corners of his lips.
“So that boy crush Buck’s been nursing for two years wasn’t unrequited after all,” Maddie quipped as Chimney helped her to her feet. Buck blushed and Eddie smirked at him.
“I can’t believe your timing though,” Chimney grumbled. “We are about three weeks away from dropping Baby Buckley-Han into the world –”
“I’m sorry, we? Are you going to be pushing?”
“My wonderful girlfriend is three weeks away from labour,” Chimney corrected without a moment’s hesitation, “and you two thunder-stealers want to drop news of your long-awaited relationship now?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Chim,” Buck shrugged, not bothering to conceal his wide grin. “Your timing sucks. You should have got my sister knocked up earlier.”
“Oh yeah, ’cause this is my fault. Or maybe you two should have hooked up when you first met rather than subject us all to this teenage angst fest for the last two years,” Chimney retorted.
“Well you could have told us!” Eddie told him.
“What, and miss out on all the fun of wondering if you were ever going to realise it for yourselves?” Hen asked. “The B shift have a betting pool going on!”
“We weren’t allowed to take part,” Chim shook his head disapprovingly. “And Hen wouldn’t let me meddle either, so we just had to watch from the sidelines and hope.”
A wicked grin slowly spread across Eddie’s face that he had clearly picked up from Buck.
“So if you’ve been expecting this for the past two years you won’t mind us doing this then?”
And he pulled Buck into him for a kiss. Chimney and Hen groaned on cue and voiced their objections as Maddie sighed tearfully and smiled.
“A room. Get one!”
“Guys, I’m not medically trained to treat sprained tongues!”
*
Bobby Nash had dealt with firefighter couples before, but this was definitely the one that had been the longest in coming. Even once they all knew something had likely happened in the week since Eddie’s accident, when Buck had been staying at his house round-the-clock to care for him, there was no confirmation until the second they walked into the fire house hand-in-hand that morning. When he saw that, Bobby knew that all the signals he thought he’d picked up the last two years had been spot on. Athena had known too – when they got back from the hospital after Eddie’s accident and swapped notes, she confided that she’d been expecting something to happen since they made things up after the lawsuit.
“No one gets as upset as Eddie did about not being able to talk to their best friend unless there’s something more to it than that,” she’d told him confidently. “And then I saw Buck lose his mind when the well collapsed, and I knew I was right. It was always just a matter of time.”
Now, Bobby joined them in the loft, saving the boys from another round of teasing from Maddie and Chimney. Hen was watching with a satisfied smirk from behind her phone, and Bobby was fairly sure she was capturing photo and video evidence on the quiet.
“As much as I hate to break up the reunion party,” he said, “Buck, Eddie, we have some forms to fill in.”
Buck and Eddie exchanged one of their glances that asked and answered a question of each other all at once before they got up to follow him. It was this chemistry, the way they could read each other and be so in sync, that made their working partnership so perfect. It would be a real loss to the 118 if one of them had to move, and Bobby had everything crossed that they could keep their relationship professional when they were on the clock.
“Why do I feel like I’ve been sent to the principal’s office?” Buck asked him in a loud whisper.
“I’d have thought this would be a familiar feeling for you,” Eddie muttered, and as Bobby opened the office door for them he saw Buck elbow Eddie in response, careful to go for his good side.
“Rude.”
Bobby watched them across the desk with a hint of a smile as they sat down, noticing how close they sat without even noticing, shoulders touching, leaning instinctively towards each other. His smile must have helped Buck decide that they weren’t in trouble, because when he spoke he opted for a light, casual tone.
“So what kind of forms are we filling in here, Cap?”
“Standard departmental paperwork, Buck. Any firefighters or paramedics who enter into a relationship have to declare it to the department. As your captain, I then monitor whether or not you can be trusted to continue to work together now you’re in a relationship. If not, one of you will have to transfer to another station or rota.” He levelled a stare at Buck. “I don’t want to do that, so how about you bear that in mind when Eddie comes back to work so we don’t have that problem?”
“Don’t know why this all about me,” Buck muttered. “You don’t think Eddie might be unprofessional at work and unable to keep his hands off me?”
Bobby and Eddie glanced at each other and answered as one.
“No.”
“No.”
Buck turned a mock-hurt expression on Eddie.
“OK, ouch.”
“I can keep my hands to myself and stay professional at work.”
“Don’t make me test that theory.”
“Eddie’s a lot less reckless than you,” Bobby interrupted, giving them a knowing eyebrow raise and bringing them back from the brink of inappropriate flirting.
“Umm, were you here for the well collapse last year, Bobby?” Buck asked indignantly. “Also known as one of the worst calls of my life?”
“Oh sure, Mr Let’s-Do-A-Rope-Rescue-Down-A-16-Storey-Building’. Or Mr Let-Me-Scale-The-Side-Of-An-Unstable-Upended-Train-Car-To-Rescue-My-Ex’s-Fiancé.”
“Ah, the sound of a harmonious relationship.” Bobby leaned back in his chair. “You sound like me and Athena already.”
“Well I will take that as a compliment,” Buck insisted.
“I’m not sure she’d agree,” Bobby said dryly. Buck frowned in confusion, clearly wondering whether or not to be offended, and Bobby seized the opportunity to move their meeting on.
“But this is not just a chance to lecture you, Buck. We do have to fill out this paperwork. And Eddie might want to update his HR files and add you as a second next-of-kin after Christopher.”
Buck nodded, letting it drop awfully quickly and avoiding Eddie’s gaze. But, of course, he noticed, and frowned at the two of them.
“Why just me? Surely Buck has Maddie listed as his next-of-kin?”
“Uh…” Buck replied. Bobby arched an eyebrow but sat back in his chair silently, waiting. He wasn’t about to give Buck an out on this one. This was a conversation they were going to have to have at some point anyway. Buck flushed as he glanced at Eddie and then looked away.
“I uh, might have listed you as my next-of-kin already.”
Eddie’s eyes widened.
“When?”
“After that factory fire.”
“The one where we came in to get you out?”
“Yeah. I knew that no one else would ever have my back like you. And I thought, if something were to happen to me and I got really badly hurt, there’s no one else I’d want at my side than you.”
Eddie’s expression softened.
“You know you didn’t have to fill in a piece of paper for that.”
Buck shrugged.
“I just wanted to make a point. Even if it was just to myself.”
“Look, that’s probably just a knee-jerk reaction to how you were feeling about Maddie and your parents at the time. You don’t need to keep it that way now if you don’t want to.”
“Shut up, Diaz. You’re stuck with me now.” Buck turned to Bobby cheerfully. “No changes to my forms, Bobby. Just pass me over whatever I need to sign.”
“Better give me my forms, Bobby,” Eddie said. “I need to make some changes.” He glanced at Buck once more. “You sure about this?”
Buck smiled at him.
“You still don’t get it, Eddie. You’re the only one who never left. You’ve always had my back.”
“I promised you I would.”
“When I met you, being a firefighter was my life. It was everything to me. It was my whole identity. And then you came along…” Buck laced his fingers with Eddie’s, staring at their interlinked hands. “You and Chris are my life now. You’re the one thing I thought I’d never find.”
“What’s that?”
Buck looked up and held his gaze earnestly.
“Something more important than my job.”
Bobby didn’t consider himself the softest person out there – you couldn’t be a fire captain and be governed by your emotions – but those declarations, said without a trace of self-consciousness, with barely any awareness that he was still in the room, melted even his heart.
*
“You’re still here?” Buck asked Maddie as they returned to the loft after finishing their paperwork and found her sprawled next to Chim on the sofa watching a rerun of Friends. “Don’t you have places to be?”
“Rude,” she retorted, without looking away from the screen.
“I thought you’d raised him better than that,” Chim said. Maddie shook her head in resignation.
“He’s nearly thirty now, I wash my hands of him.” A wicked grin split her face in two. “Well, almost.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” Buck said, throwing himself onto the sofa across from them. Eddie made to follow him, but Maddie shook her head at him and rose laboriously to her feet.
“Uh-uh, you’re coming with me.”
Eddie froze and darted a wary glance at Buck.
“What?” Buck asked, sitting up straight and eyeing his sister. Maddie shouldered her handbag and spun her car keys around one finger.
“I think it’s time for my Big Sister Chat with Eddie.” She beamed at Eddie with only a hint of a threat. “What do you say, Eddie? I buy you lunch and drop you home in exchange for grilling you about your intentions with my brother?”
“No one should look that sinister when they’re that pregnant,” Buck told his sister, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
“I’m your big sister, it’s my job to vet your love interests. Disappointingly, you’ve managed to sneak all the rest of them under the radar until now, so I think it’s time I got to have some fun.” She turned back to Eddie and smirked. “What do you say, Eddie?”
Eddie grinned reassuringly at Buck.
“I’ve got sisters, I can handle it. Besides, I can’t say no to a free lunch and a lift home.”
“Right answer. Let’s go.”
*
“She basically made me swear I wouldn’t hurt you, or she’d disembowel me with her car keys…” Eddie laughed later that night as they got ready for bed.
“Yeah, that seems to be her go-to threat at the moment,” Buck said, pulling a face as he climbed into bed. Eddie turned back the covers and joined him, still moving gingerly with his injuries.
“She did also say,” he said, then hissed in pain and took a deep breath, “that she approved of me more than all your girlfriends put together.”
He beamed proudly and Buck scoffed.
“Please, Maddie didn’t even meet half of them, she’s hardly a reliable witness.”
“Oh, so you’re saying you’ve downgraded then?”
“Ah, I did not phrase that well.”
“No you did not,” Eddie smirked. “But it’s fine, I’ve got a few ideas of how you can make it up to me…”
Buck’s eyes gleamed as they tangled their bodies together under the bed covers.
“For the record,” he said, in between kisses, as his hands began roaming across Eddie’s body, “I upgraded by about a thousand when I met you.”
“And you are the only upgrade I’m ever going to need,” Eddie replied, his lips brushing against Buck’s as he spoke.
“For that level of smooth? I’m taking my time with you tonight…”
Some time later, as they lay side-by-side, exhausted, Buck’s thoughts returned to their drive into work that afternoon.
“So…are we gonna talk about earlier?”
“What, about the fact that our entire fire house called this about two years before we did?”
“As much as I enjoyed learning that…no. That’s not what I meant, Eddie. And you know it isn’t. That moment at the stop light on the way to the fire house?”
Eddie sighed.
“Look, I just had a…moment. It was just a couple of seconds and it was over.”
“It was a couple of minutes at least, and it shook you for the rest of the day. You’ve been quieter than normal ever since, and I don’t buy that it’s because you’re tired.”
Eddie grimaced as he shifted position, avoiding Buck’s gaze. Changing tactics, Buck flipped the lights off, plunging them into darkness.
“I thought you might find it easier to talk in the dark,” he said. “It seems to be where we have most of our serious conversations.”
Eddie huffed a laugh, and Buck reached for his hand in the dark, entwining their fingers and stretching out on his back beside him. He waited, trusting that Eddie would speak when the words came to him. And, eventually, he did.
“I uh…I haven’t left the house in a week. This was the first car journey since the accident where I wasn’t off my head on painkillers. And when we got to the lights – not even the same lights where the accident happened – I just…I saw it happen. I felt it happen all over again. I heard the horns, saw the truck’s lights, felt the car spinning around me. And I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve been in some pretty bad situations. I’ve had some close calls. But none of them has ever made me feel like that, like I was right back in the moment and reliving it.”
Even as he spoke, Buck felt Eddie’s palm grow clammy, felt his hand clench Buck’s tighter.
“You know that’s a totally normal reaction to have. No matter what you might have dealt with before, something sudden and unexpected and traumatic like that…it’s gonna mess with your head. Anyone’s head. And I’m glad you could talk to me about it, because it’s not always easy to open up.”
“You do it,” Eddie said quietly. “All the time. You’re always so open and honest about how you feel. Like Christopher.”
“But that’s because it comes easily to me, talking about my feelings. More easily than it does for you, anyway. And that’s just who you are, Eddie. What the Army made you.”
“I don’t want to always be that way.”
Buck rolled onto his side and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s temple.
“You don’t have to be. Look, I know you don’t think you’re a therapy kinda guy. But I really think you need to talk to someone about everything. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you, or that you’re broken. I know that therapy isn’t for everyone. But I can see the danger signs, Eddie. And I know what happened the last time you kept your feelings bottled up. You can’t let yourself go back down that kind of route again. You told me yourself that you wouldn’t recommend it. So we’re not letting it get that far again. OK?”
Eddie sighed and squeezed his hand.
“OK.”
“You trust me?”
“More than anyone.”
“I’ve got your back, Eds. Always.”
*
Two Months Later
“I thought we could have lasagne tonight,” Eddie said as he and Chris climbed out of the car. Eddie had finally returned to driving last week, and he was finding any excuse to get behind the wheel. His doctor had finally signed him off to return to work, although he would still be on light duties for the next few weeks until his physio was happy that his shoulder and ribs had healed enough to manage the intensive physical demands of active duty. At this stage he would take any and all paperwork and cleaning duties Bobby could find for him at the fire house. Buck had made him watch Get Organised With The Home Edit and Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, and it had inspired at least a week of deep cleaning and tidying at home. He was now thoroughly sick of the four walls of his house, and ready to get back to work again.
“Are you cooking the lasagne?” Chris asked warily.
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
Chris grimaced and Eddie shook his head, wanting to be offended but unable to hold back a smile.
“Buck’s helping me out with it,” he added, taking pity on his son, and relief flooded Chris’s face.
“OK, I’m gonna try not to be offended by that little look on your face,” Eddie told him, gesturing with one hand and opening the front door with the other. “I’ll have you know that I’m a much better cook these days.”
“Thanks to Buck.”
“Almost entirely thanks to Buck. But he doesn’t need to know that. It’ll just inflate his ego.”
Christopher laughed, and Eddie felt himself smiling too as he opened the front door. This overload of joy was still a new sensation, but he was embracing it. He felt more like himself than he had in years, in large part due to Buck, though he had to admit that the therapist he’d been seeing for the past month had helped too. After some gentle persuasion from Buck, Eddie had finally agreed to let him search out a therapist. Dr Copeland had recommended a friend of hers: a quiet, serious African-American man who had served in the Army during the Gulf War. Dr Caleb Robinson understood what Eddie had experienced in Afghanistan on a level that no other therapist he’d been forced to speak to through the LAFD could have. He didn’t force Eddie to express himself in a way that wasn’t comfortable, but he also didn’t let him duck questions or uncomfortable topics. Session by session, they picked apart Eddie’s experiences in the military, the car accident, his marriage to Shannon, his relationship with his parents, his feeling for Buck and the internalised shame that had kept them hidden for so long. Eddie emerged from each and every session feeling wrung-out, slumped quietly in the passenger seat as Buck drove them home, but day-by-day he also felt stronger and calmer.
As they stepped through the door, screeching sounds reached their ears from the living room and Christopher shot Eddie a wide-eyed glance.
“What is that, Dad?”
Eddie cocked his head.
“I think it’s NSYNC.”
“It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you,
But when we are apart, I feel it too...”
Eddie rounded the corner with Christopher behind him, to see Buck swaying on the spot with the vacuum cleaner, eyes closed and airpods in, singing at the top of his lungs.
“...And no matter what I do, I feel the pain,
With or without you.”
Buck spun around at the sound of Christopher’s laughter and froze, then grinned sheepishly at them and bowed, removing his airpods.
“Is this why you’re banned from karaoke?” Eddie asked, lips quirking into a smile.
“Hey, I am excellent at karaoke. Maddie and Chimney are just snobs.”
“Of course they are,” Eddie said, crossing the room to kiss Buck en route to the kitchen. “And you don’t have to do that, you know,” he added, gesturing at the vacuum cleaner.
“Oh I don’t know about that. This way I get to minesweep the room before you come trampling over it in your socks. Gotta protect you from rogue LEGO, Edmundo.”
Eddie scowled at him at the reference and Buck smirked.
“Good job you’re pretty,” Eddie told him in a low voice, and Buck’s smirk widened in victory as he leaned in for another kiss.
Christopher followed Eddie into the kitchen and sat at the table as he began to unpack the brown paper bags. Eddie felt his eyes on him, could sense that he was building up to a question. He wanted to ask to just come out with it and tell him what was on his mind, but he channelled the voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Buck and told him to wait for Chris to open up to him. A few moments later, he did.
“Dad, can Buck move in with us?”
Eddie’s hand froze halfway to the fridge with a carton of milk.
He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been turning this idea over in his head ever since Buck came back to stay with them after his accident. They were practically living together already, though Buck was careful to head back to his apartment a couple of nights a week, fabricating excuses such as checking in on Albert or picking up a book or item of clothing he’d left over there. He rarely came back with the clothes or books he set out to retrieve, so Eddie was fairly convinced that he did it to give Eddie space, almost like Buck expected him to change his mind and want to back out of their relationship at any minute, and he was just giving him the means to do it.
Eddie found himself imagining the life they’d built for themselves like this, but with a little more permanence: Buck’s couch in the living room, his record player on the sideboard, his bike on the wall, his Jeep parked up on the driveway beside Eddie’s truck. Those idle daydreams were enough to convince Eddie that he wanted Buck to move in with them for good. But perhaps Buck wouldn’t want to. Maybe he was too attached to his fancy apartment, with the floor to ceiling windows and city views, close to Buck’s favourite gym, rather than moving into a family home with him and Christopher and accepting such a permanent change of lifestyle.
“Is that something you’d like, Christopher?” he asked cautiously instead.
“Yeah! I want Buck to stay with us forever!”
Me too.
Eddie held back from saying it, not wanting to get either of their hopes up only for Buck to dash them.
“I’ll ask him, but Buck may not want to move in with us,” he told Christopher carefully. “He has his own life.”
Christopher shook his head confidently, not buying it.
“He loves us, he’ll want to live with us.” He sat up straighter in his chair. “I’ll ask him!”
“No,” Eddie said firmly, and when Chris looked at him in surprise he added, “This is something I have to ask him myself.”
“As his boyfriend.”
They’d been dating for nearly two months now, but Eddie still felt that little flip in his stomach when other people referred to Buck as his boyfriend. It still felt surreal that something he’d never even allowed himself to consider possible was now his daily reality.
“Yeah,” he said finally, a soft smile spreading across his face. Chris beamed happily from the table.
“You still blush when I call him that.”
“And you’re inheriting his ability to run your mouth. Put these bananas in the fruit bowl.”
*
Eddie spent the rest of the day debating how to ask Buck to move in with them. Chris didn’t help, shooting him looks across the room whenever he thought Buck wasn’t looking, prompting confused looks from Buck to Eddie. When Buck asked him that night if he’d done something to upset Christopher, Eddie had faked a sudden recurrence of rib pain to dodge the question. He wasn't proud of it, but he hadn’t thought of a way to ask Buck to move in yet, and it had to be right. This question was too important to screw up.
Buck was the first one up in the morning as always. Half-asleep, Eddie felt him kiss him goodbye as he went out for a run. As consciousness slowly returned to him, along with the lingering aches and pains from his accident, he distracted himself by thinking about how he could ask Buck to move in. He could do it over dinner with Christopher? No, too much pressure. What if Buck wanted to say no? He couldn’t force him into saying yes by having him and Christopher both eyeing him desperately across the table. No, it would have to be a time when it was just the two of them. Maybe on their way to work? But then if Buck said no, would it make their shift at work awkward? Buck didn’t intend to go back to his place again this week, should he wait until he next found an excuse to go back and check on the apartment to ask?
“You know, we really need to do something about the water pressure in your shower,” Buck commented, startling Eddie as he wandered back in from the bathroom. He hadn’t heard him return from his run, let alone get in the shower. Buck had a towel wrapped around his waist and was roughly drying his hair with another, but water still dripped off his toned chest and arms. Eddie felt his jaw drop and longing stir in the pit of his stomach as he sat up in bed.
“What is it?” Buck asked, catching sight of him and looking momentarily concerned. Eddie shook his head, feeling a flush of embarrassment race across his skin at being caught gawping. He was still getting used to being able to want Buck so openly, without shame or fear.
“Uh, nothing.”
Understanding dawned on Buck’s face, followed by a delighted grin.
“You were staring.”
“I was not.”
“It’s OK, I’d stare at me too.”
“So modest.”
“Hey, I never claimed to be. I work damn hard for this body.”
Buck sauntered closer to him, blue eyes sparkling.
“And now it’s all yours,” he murmured.
“You should think very carefully before making such a tempting offer,” Eddie told him in a murmur, and Buck’s eyes darkened.
“Oh I am. I’m thinking about how good you felt inside me last night.”
Eddie gripped the towel and unwound it deftly, then grabbed Buck by his hips and pulled him down on the bed beside him, throwing the covers over the both of them and tangling their tongues and bodies together.
“Sorry, I’m about to make that shower you took a complete waste of time,” Eddie murmured, rolling Buck onto his back and straddling him.
“I don’t care,” Buck replied, eyes blown wide with lust. “I’m all yours, Eddie.”
Eddie trailed his mouth down Buck’s body until he found his cock, already throbbing with longing. He took Buck into his mouth and gripped his waist with both hands, holding him tightly. Buck’s legs hooked over Eddie’s shoulders, his fingers digging into the mattress as Eddie found a rhythm with his mouth. Buck gasped and moaned softly above him, murmuring Eddie’s name again and again until he came with shuddering force, and sank back into the bed, boneless. Eddie rocked back on his heels and regarded him with satisfaction.
“Come here,” Buck murmured sleepily, reaching for him.
“I’m not sure you’ll want to kiss me right now,” Eddie warned.
“God no, I do,” Buck insisted, pulling him in close. “I want to taste me on you.”
And he pulled him down into a fervent kiss. As Buck fell back onto the bed again, Eddie rolled onto his side and let his fingertips trace lazy patterns along Buck’s forearm, roughly following the script of his tattoo.
“What if it was your shower too?” he asked suddenly. Buck looked up at him in sleepy confusion.
“What…what do you mean?”
Eddie’s eyes flitted between Buck’s arm and his face, fighting the fear that he might say no.
“I don’t want you to go home. Your home is here with us. I want you to move in. For good. If you want to.”
Buck’s jaw dropped open, and Eddie found himself panic-talking quicker.
“I know it’s not as fancy as your place, and the bed squeaks and the couch hurts your back and the shower pressure sucks, but…”
“Yes,” Buck interrupted him, pulling Eddie down to him and silencing him with a kiss, hands gently cradling either side of his face.
“Yes?” Eddie checked when they broke apart for air.
“Yes, I’ll move in with you. I’d move in tomorrow, I’d move in right now. I don’t care about any of that stuff – except maybe the couch – all I want is to be with you and Chris.”
Eddie smiled and kissed him again.
“You have us,” he promised, resting his forehead against Buck’s. “Always.”
*
Buck spent the rest of the morning with a dazed smile on his face. They broke the news to an ecstatic Christopher before dropping him off at school, and spent the drive home drawing up a list of furniture to move in from Buck’s apartment, and how soon they could get it all arranged.
Eddie was searching for a tape measure in the cupboard, lost in thoughts of measuring his couch ready for sale, when Buck appeared behind him and kissed the back of his neck.
“I need to show you something. Bring the tape measure.”
And he grabbed Eddie’s arm and yanked him into the bathroom. Eddie heard the lock click behind them, but he didn’t see it, because the second the door had closed Buck pushed him up against it. Eddie pulled him close and kissed him hard in response, bemused but not unwilling to go along with whatever Buck was up to now.
When they broke apart for air, Buck back away and switched on the shower, ripped his t-shirt off and returned to Eddie.
“And what exactly are we doing?” Eddie teased him.
“We’re fixing the water pressure,” Buck murmured against his mouth, tugging the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt up over his chest. Eddie laughed softly, grabbed Buck’s belt loops and used them to pull him in closer.
“So I guess it’s important not to be wearing any clothes for that,” he said, as his fingers worked the buckle of the belt open.
“Oh no, you can’t wear clothes to fix the shower,” Buck agreed, as their clothes dropped to the floor. “They might get wet.”
“And the tape measure?”
“Might come in handy.”
They stumbled into the shower, under the rush of running water, and Eddie had hardly drawn breath when Buck was dropping to his knees between his legs. Eddie was already hard, but as soon as Buck dragged the tip of his tongue up the length of his cock he was rigid.
“Fuck,” he hissed.
Buck circled his tongue around the head of his cock until Eddie looked down at him through a haze of desire. Buck smiled, and took the full length of Eddie’s cock in to his mouth, right down to the base. Eddie gave a guttural moan as his whole body shuddered, and his back thudded into the wall of the shower as his hips arched away from it. Buck grabbed hold and pulled them towards him, thumbs caressing the V-shaped muscle running from Eddie’s hip bones down towards his inner thigh. The hot, wet sensation of Buck’s mouth around his cock brought Eddie to the brink almost immediately.
“Fuck, that’s so good. You’re gonna have to slow it down if you want me last more than thirty seconds.”
Buck released Eddie long enough to dart a wicked smile up at him.
“Oh don’t worry, I intend to make you wait.”
*
Four Months Later
“Time check!” Buck called.
“Ten minutes!” Christopher replied enthusiastically, checking his watch.
“Barbecue is…?”
“Fired up and ready,” Eddie told him.
“Guests are…?”
“Running late.”
“Chris’s universe project is…?”
“In my room,” Chis piped up.
“Great. You know Karen’s an actual rocket scientist, which might just beat firefighter for coolest job ever, so she’ll want to see it when they get here.”
“You did a great job on that, buddy,” Eddie told him, then glanced at Buck with a grin. “You and your assistant.”
“Hey, we got an A+ for it, I have no regrets,” Buck told him, pointing a spoon sternly at Eddie.
“I think you mean Christopher got an A+ for it…”
“Yep, absolutely. I was just doing the grunt work. The creative vision was all his.”
Buck checked his watch again.
“Do you have two bottles of tequila in the cupboard this time?” Eddie joked. Buck laughed, though he still looked a little nervous.
“Not after Maddie’s baby shower last month.”
“Yeah…that was a bad morning after…”
“Besides, Chimney and Albert have already called shotgun on the tequila. Just beer for us I’m afraid.”
“One keg each, right?”
“Why stop at one?”
They exchanged a grim smile.
“Is Maddie bringing Jee-Yun?” Chris asked.
“You bet she is,” Buck told him. “I got a text from Chimney, they’re five minutes out. Ready to meet your cousin?” He blushed and glanced at Eddie as he realised what he’d said, and tried to walk it back. “Well, sort of. Not officially. Umm…”
Eddie stopped him with a kiss.
“The words you’re looking for are ‘not yet, but soon,’” he murmured.
“Are they?”
Buck’s smile lit up the room with the intensity of the sun, and he leaned in to kiss him again. Christopher made a grossed out noise and Buck and Eddie broke apart with a laugh.
“Why are we only having a housewarming party now when Buck moved in months ago?” Chris asked, swiping a chip from a bowl on the table.
“Because we had to make sure that we were all off work, and your dad was healed up from his injuries, and –”
There was a knock at the door. Buck flinched and Eddie grimaced.
“And we kept putting it off because of that,” Buck murmured. He turned to Christopher.
“Right buddy, you are helping Bobby and Michael with barbecue duties. Get this plate of burger buns out there to them, and we’ll be right behind you.”
Chris took the plate and glanced at them in concern. Buck kissed the top of his head.
“All good kid. We’ll meet you out there.”
Eddie leaned over and kissed him too, and Chris headed out the back door to the garden. Buck glanced at Eddie as they headed for the front door.
“You OK?”
“I know they said they’re fine with it. And I know it doesn’t matter what they think. But…”
“I know. Me too.”
“Are you ready for this?”
“Nope. You?”
“Definitely not.”
“I got your back.”
“And I’ve got yours.”
Eddie reached for Buck and tangled their fingers together. Buck lifted their interlinked hands and pressed his lips briefly to Eddie’s knuckles. Then they took a deep breath and Buck threw open the door.
“Ah. Nothing like a coordinated arrival,” Eddie said, as their gaze fell on both sets of parents standing side-by-side on the doorstep.
“Such a coincidence, we just met on the drive!” Margaret Buckley exclaimed.
Buck and Eddie exchanged one final look of solidarity, a look that asked and answered each other’s questions all at once. A look that promised love and support, no matter the outcome of today. A look that said ‘You don’t need to look to them for love if they’re not willing to give it. Your heart is already home.’
“Mom, Pop. You remember Evan?”
“Hey Mom, Dad. Welcome to our home.”
THE END