Chapter Text
Koujaku looked up in surprise toward the offending sound. Was he home already? It had barely been an hour..
"... Aoba?"
The sound of shuffling clothes.
"...What?"
Ah.
It was Blue.
There was the sound of shoes being kicked off, and the soft pad of feet approaching. A mess of blue hair, and it was a mess, appeared in the doorway.
Yellow eyes met with Koujaku's, and the moment seemed almost tense.
Sometimes Blue didn't have the patience for Koujaku when he returned home. Sometimes he wouldn't even acknowledge him after he'd walked in, so even this was a hopeful start.
"I didn't expect you home so early. Seemed like you'd only just left when I arrived."
"Hm." Blue looked away from him as he approached the sofa, eyes falling to look at Aiji when the baby came into view. If Koujaku had not been paying attention, he might not have noticed how harsh gold softened into something warmer. Aoba was not far beneath the surface tonight.
Koujaku felt his jaw tighten when he saw the gash across Aoba's cheek. The slightly bruising right side of his jaw. A quick glance at his fingers showed bloody scuffs across his knuckles, but that was all. Nothing was broken, he wasn't limping or holding himself oddly. It must have been a quick brawl, and Aoba most definitely had won to get off so lightly.
"Where did you get that cut?"
Blue narrowed his eyes a little, reaching up to touch his cheek before studying the light smudge of blood on his fingers.
"Some guy jumped me. Fucker was wearing a ring. But I got him,don’t worry."
Blue smirked a little. He came round the front of the sofa toward the spread of blankets on the floor. Kneeling down, Koujaku watched as Blue reached out and touched Shinri's back. He seemed to relax just a little, his face a little less angry, less strained. The urge was clear on his face how much he wanted to hold the toddler, but he wouldn't do it and wake Shinri.
Instead, Blue rose and turned on Koujaku, looking back at the six month old in his arms as he came to collapse on the sofa.
"Gimme."
Koujaku breathed out a little through his nose as he allowed Blue to lift the child from his lap into his own arms.
"Hey there. I wasn't gone so long today was I? Is that yogurt all over your face? That's pretty disgusting you know."
Koujaku snorted.
"I'll get a tissue then shall I?"
"No, it's fine" Blue smiled fondly at Aiji, using the sleeve of his new jacket, the one Koujaku had bought him when he’d first arrived here, to wipe the little ones mouth.
"Aoba." Koujaku groaned.
"What?" Blue barely glanced at him. His attention was almost entirely on Aiji, playing with one little hand and smiling when Aiji looked up at Aoba's face. The baby gave a small shriek of happiness when Blue tickled him shortly on his side.
"Nevermind... So why is it that you're home early? I honestly expected to be staying up the whole night."
"Yeah... There wasn't much going on. People are starting to get scared of me you know." Blue looked satisfied at that, rubbing Aiji's back as the baby buried his face in his ‘mothers’ chest, "Having a reputation will be good for us..."
Koujaku frowned, "How would making thugs angry be good for you? What if they all come after you?"
"They won't." Blue dismissed the notion with little care, "They'll know better than to pick a fight with us. If I'm out there there with my kids then I want them to know I don't take shit from anyone."
Koujaku stared at him, shaking his head, "It would make more sense to just lay low and spend the time with your kids. You're safe here, there's no need for you to be out there fighting."
"I'm not always going to be here though, am I? You wanted to help me, and I'm glad for a little warmth and some food but I'm no lap cat." Blue glared at him, "It's like I've got my own space out there on the radar. If I disappear, I can't just come back again. I'm fighting to keep myself in peoples heads for the future when I make my own gang. I already have some people who are willing, but I have to prove I'm worth the trouble. I'm not the only one who wants to be a leader."
"A gang!?" Koujaku felt appalled. It wasn't the same as with Benishigure or Dry Juice. Their teams centred around keeping the community together and keeping other gangs in line, working as the police failed to do themselves sometimes. They were still new in their operations, but already people respected their work.
Looking at Blue however, there was no way that sort of gang would be his intention. Who knew what Aoba would end up getting himself into. To become the leader of a possibly violent gang... He would be on the front line constantly, being challenged by those lower than himself as well as being attacked by other violent leaders.
In what world would this be safer for Aoba's children?
"Aoba. Do you even have any idea what you are getting yourself into?" Koujaku's voice rose slightly, earning a sharp look.
"Nothing that you need to freak about." Blue muttered.
"You are going to get yourself killed! Do you think the others around here are going to like more competition? They will seek you out before your group is even half as big as theirs and they will shut you down."
"They won't." Blue's eyes had hardened back into ice, his teeth bared, "There isn't a soul out there who can even get close enough to kill me. I've beaten up enough of the kids around here to prove that."
"Right. And is it adults you're fighting or is it actually just kids? "
Blue closed his mouth, that glare intensifying. He was clearly irritated.
Koujaku laughed once, yet he was anything but amused.
" So you're making a name for yourself amongst teenagers is it?"
"What, you think that isn't worth something? They all pretty much run when they see me now. I've gained some followers. We all have to grow up sometime. Imagine how many people I'll have following me by the time I'm twenty."
Koujaku shook his head, rubbing his face.
"You're playing a dangerous game. Even if it is with other kids. I've seen plenty of thugs willing to beat up little kids who think they’re all that."
"Little? " Blue hissed out," I'm almost sixteen."
"You are not almost sixteen. I don't know what day you were born but you are only half way to your birthday at best. It's not my job to tell you what to do. But I am telling you what I know. Alone, even with these other fucking kids you think are allies, you are playing with fire. I'm asking you to think for the sake of you, of Aoba, of your children. Do you really need to be doing this?"
Blue stared him down for a full five seconds, jaw clenched, though his stance was contrasted by the way he still held Aiji so delicately.
"I need to do this." He murmured finally, glancing away. Koujaku frowned.
Was that fear he was seeing? This wasn't just for the thrill of fighting any and everyone. Blue needed to do this... But why?
Koujaku had given Aoba everything that the boy would accept, and that was surprisingly little when he thought about it.
Unless he was convinced it would all be taken away, Koujaku didn't understand...
Ah. Well that was just the problem wasn’t it?
Blue was convinced that they would not be able to stay forever, and Koujaku supposed that was true, they needed a more permanent solution for their situation. But he was not about to turf Blue out onto the street again, not without warning, and not without good reason.
He was fine with how things were. The kids were safe and warm, and Aoba was free to do as he pleased without the fear of losing them. Did Blue think that making a gang was their only backup plan? To be surrounded by homeless kids and eventual criminals to ensure some kind of security in their back alley home? Leaders were turned on all the time. They were targeted by rival gangs, if they were especially dangerous or troublesome they were often forced underground.
Blue and Aoba would be throwing themselves into the limelight if they went down this road. What were they thinking? As little control as Aoba had over Blue, on the days when Aoba had been at the surface he had shown no opposition to the nightly brawls he would get himself into. They both felt this was a good plan...
"I'm asking you to reconsider what you are trying to do. I'm a leader, I should know. I've kept myself out of the worst of it, and I'm safe for that. But people still like to come after me. It's never been too bad, but if I am putting up with shit like that when I have done nothing the fuck do you think they will do to you?
Blue met his eyes once more, something akin to uncertainty there. But his defiance had returned, and Koujaku feared he had already lost him.
"Once I have the biggest gang on this island, no fucker will know what to do with me. I'm realising… That maybe I can't do this alone." It seemed to almost pain Blue to admit that, "If I had someone on my level to fight with me, I know we will be fine. You haven't seen the half of it Koujaku. I have. I'm not afraid of this life, this is what I want."
He felt anger rise in him, "And what the fuck about Aoba? What does he want!?"
"He wants to be safe with our babies. He wants to be surrounded by people who will keep us safe. I'm doing this for him too."
"Ruling over a bunch of kids is not the only way to achieve that. I can give you safety. I don't understand why you can't see that I'm not just going to leave you or kick you out."
More uncertainty in those eyes Anger.
"You can't promise us that!" Blue's voice wavered the tiniest amount, "We’ve only ever gotten our way because fucking fought for it. Because we worked hard for it. If we make things how we want them to be then we only need to rely on ourselves to keep it from going to shit.
Otherwise we have to take your word on it. Aoba will never say it but he doesn't trust that you'll keep us safe forever. He's afraid of the time when you will disappear or leave us. It's just better this way. We’re making our own plans and I’ll make sure we get what we want.”
The strength in Blue’s voice was something else. At the beginning of that tryade he had seemed unsure, but speaking out loud only seemed to solidify his resolve that this was what they needed to do. That this was all they had now.
“I can’t convince you otherwise?” Koujaku asked softly.
Blue shook his head slowly, eyes unblinking.
“One day we will be bigger than both Dry Juice and Benishigure. You can stop worrying about us.”
Koujaku shook his head, feeling suddenly exhausted.
“Well.” He turned away, looking down at Shinri instead, “I can’t say I was expecting such a revelation tonight… But I suppose it’s nice to know at least why you keep disappearing…”
“If it helps you sleep at night…” Blue muttered, cuddling his baby close as he closed his eyes.
“I hardly think it will…” Koujaku sighed.
He sat forward on the sofa, hands on his knees, “I may just go to bed, if you’re not planning on going anywhere else tonight?”
It was only 8pm, but he felt drained, and honestly he wanted to be away from Blue for the time being. An hour or so to read in bed sounded like a fine idea.
Blue was quiet for a short moment, “I don’t think I will be. You can chill.”
“Thank goodness for that.” He stood up slowly, the chair creaking as his weight left it, and he looked down at the pair.
Blue hadn’t bothered to open his eyes again. He looked peaceful for the first time in a while, sitting there with Aiji.
To Koujaku it was a clear show of two personalities bleeding into one. Blue cared for the little ones to an extent, but not as much as Aoba. He was seeping into the forefront slowly as he watched, now that Blue’s job was done and they could settle for the night. It was often how it happened. One soul would slowly give way to the other, like the tide that constantly ebbed and flowed, with neither staying dominant entirely.
Koujaku quietly left them, hoping that tomorrow he would be making breakfast for Aoba. He missed the boy so much after such a long day. All Koujaku wanted was to hold him close.
He did in fact get his wish eventually. As Koujaku moved to place his book down to finally sleep, the creak of floorboards had his eyes looking into the doorway.
A shy smile and kind honey eyes looking right back at him, Aoba only seemed to glow in the soft yellow of the lamp light, his hands twisting together as he took a step forward.
“Aoba…”
“Koujaku… Can I join you?”
“Of course…”
“I’m… Sorry about today.”
“What for?”
Aoba sighed a little, looking away as he sat himself upon the bed.
“For Blue, I guess… He’s only looking out for us you know…”
Koujaku frowned slightly.
“I can’t help but feel he’s going about it in completely the wrong way.”
Aoba fidgeted slightly, “Yeah… I know…” Looking up at Koujaku, he reached out and took the other man’s hand to give it an affectionate squeeze, “Don’t ever think we aren’t grateful for what you’ve done. I don’t know what we would have done without you, and it’s not something I like to think about… Koujakau.”
Aoba’s expression was almost as defiant as Blue’s, if not a little more reasonable.
“We have to find our own way forward eventually. If we can’t begin to rely on ourselves then we don’t deserve to rely on anyone else. I just want you to trust us. Can you?”
Koujaku felt that there was something more to Aoba’s words than he was getting, but he nodded slowly all the same.
“I do trust you, Aoba, at the least. I just want you to be careful out there and to think about what you’re doing. There’s nothing else that I can say besides that.”
Aoba nodded as he looked down.
“Well, anyway, I didn’t want to bring up that whole mess again I just… I just wanted… Well, we haven’t seen much of each other today.”
Koujaku smiled at the slight blush that had dusted Aoba’s cheeks.
“No this is true… Are the babies okay?”
Aoba hummed yes with a smile, “They’re asleep now.”
“Good…” Koujaku gave little warning as he tugged Aoba into his arms, holding him close as he rolled them both over onto their side.
“K-Koujaku…” Aoba tensed at the sudden movement with hands braced on his chest, but he soon relaxed as Koujaku placed a soft kiss against his forehead, rubbing a comforting hand along his back.
“You know it’s my day off tomorrow. I wouldn’t mind spending it with you.” He told Aoba, voice quiet.
Aoba grinned and looked away, embarrassed, “You… I guess… I wouldn’t mind that either.”
Koujaku smiled, daring to lean in and place a delicate kiss against Aoba’s lips, pressing a hand to his cheek.
This was perhaps the first time that Aoba didn’t pull away in shock, or hit him, or grow flustered by the gesture. In fact, he snuggled closer still as he allowed it to happen, sighing in contentment when that delicate kiss became something more.
The night was spent in each others arms, innocently enough… and then it became not so innocent.
It’d been a long time since Koujaku had been this happy and he was certain the same could be said for Aoba. In those few minutes before they fell asleep, holding each other close, Aoba had worn the most serene smile. It was these moments that Koujaku had truly come to love.
It was only a couple of weeks after that when everything changed once more.
Koujaku had arrived home after another long day, dead on 7pm as he always did. He’d walked into the lounge, and had felt confusion tug at his heart.
The bed of blankets and sheets that lay in the middle of the floor was empty. Not only that, but some of said sheets were missing, the rest tugged and crinkled in what could only have been haste.
Koujaku had wondered for just a moment if Aoba was somewhere else in the house, the bedroom perhaps, sleeping next to his children instead.
The bedroom was empty. The kitchen, the spare room. Aoba and the children were not there.
A kind of panic had filled him; pain, anguish. He had grown used to Aoba being absent most times in the household, but Koujaku had not prepared himself for losing the children as well. He had loved them, loved them with all he’d had despite how little time he had known them.
Yet with no warning… No warning at all…
Koujaku searched for a note, for anything. An explanation, and apology.
He found nothing, nothing but yet more proof of their sudden and permanent departure.
From the missing food in the pantry to the absence of the clothes he had bought for the three of them. Aoba had even taken a couple of the toys given to Shinri and Aiji. Of all the things that Koujaku was feeling at that moment, he had sighed out in tearful relief at that. Shinri and Aiji had never known a simple toy of any sort in their short lives. At the very least now, because of Koujaku, they would have something to hold onto in the darkness whilst they slept on some damned street corner.
It was heartbreaking in a way he had never wanted to experience again. That sense of loss and what ifs. What if he had done more to convince Blue to stay. To convince Aoba to stop him.
He simply could not get over the pain of it all.
Koujaku had honestly thought at the very least that he and Aoba had something between them, something that was enough to keep him here.
But now Koujaku understood.
It had not been the fear of Koujaku kicking the three of them out that had driven Blue to roam the streets every night.
It was that Blue couldn’t possibly stand the thought of being held down, contained, anything but completely free. Aoba had been content, Koujaku knew he had been. Content to see his children safe and happy and to be happy himself in a way he had never experienced. It had been the tender beginnings of something, and now because of Blue, Koujaku might not ever know where it could have gone.
It was not fair that Aoba was constantly at the mercy of his desires, forced to be dragged along wherever they decided he should go. It wasn’t fair that Shinri and Aiji would possibly be lost in that uncertain future Koujaku had feared so many times before.
That Aoba’s new baby would suffer the same fate.
For the few weeks that followed, Koujaku and a few of those closest to him searched for Aoba and his children. From the clusters of houses where he lived, to the dangerous grey of the Northern District.
They didn’t find them.
Not until many, many months later.
Not until the late spring had turned to early winter. It had been the last thing Koujaku would have expected for Aoba to be the one to return to him.