Chapter Text
02:09.
Roach stared at the clock on his bedside table. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get his mind to stop. The day’s events played on a loop, over and over – taunting him. His stomach wailed, having not eaten a meal before bed. He thought about his words to Simon, wondered whether the reality of them had been too harsh, whether he’d doomed himself to loneliness. Maybe Simon would decide Gary wasn’t worth the time or energy. Maybe they wouldn’t talk again.
He thought about how Simon had effectively acted quicker than even he had, during the assault. He’d clearly been observing – hence him questioning Roach whether the guy was causing him a problem. Had he been watching the entire time? There was something about that, the idea of Simon intensely watching him as he worked, which made him feel… safe. Excited, even. The fact that he had the other’s attention like that. With great power came great responsibility, and that was exactly how Roach felt about it – the sheer power of Simon’s apparent need to protect Gary was dangerous. It'd already been proven, one man missing numerous teeth a stand alone example.
Stay with me tonight. He wondered whether he’d have slept better, had he agreed to Simon’s plea.
Gary rolled onto his back and exhaled heavily, reaching for his phone. He blinked at the bright screen, thumb locating his messages and tapping on Ghost’s name. Absentmindedly, he opened the reply bar and started typing.
[ Hey, Simon. Are you –
He sighed and deleted the message, trying again.
[ I keep thinking about you, too. ]
“Stupid,” he grumbled. It didn’t matter how badly Simon wanted him around. Didn’t matter that, in an idealistic world, they’d compliment each other as a couple. Didn’t matter how much Gary longed for them to get along, for Simon to let him in and not be so quick to shut himself away. He understood it, respected the man needed time but he also refused to put himself through endless heartache. The thought of Simon rejecting him over and over again – a miserable work life not knowing whether the other would be adoring him or hating him when he showed up each day. If only Simon could promise him… To give some sort of proof that Roach’s patience would be rewarded. In the sense that his heart wouldn’t be left in a pulp after every enjoyable event spent with the man. That he wouldn’t put himself through the torment of losing and gaining Simon over and over merely to lose him in the very end.
A knocking sound echoed throughout the apartment. Roach’s brows furrowed and he tensed under his covers, listening intently. There it was again. “What?” He asked himself, confused. Sliding out of his bed in thin, grey lounge pants and a khaki t-shirt, Gary silently crept his way into the hall. It was a cooler evening, the air finding its way up past the material fitted to his ankle – making him quietly curse.
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock!
A series of louder knocks, this time; his gaze fell on the front door. “It’s two am,” he told himself. Who the hell would be knocking on his door at 2am? Was he losing his mind? What if it was someone looking for trouble? He’d never experienced this before, and one of the primary things you learnt growing up was to never answer the door after dark. Adrenaline started to course through him, shoulders squaring and fingers flexing.
Knock, knock, knock!
Nevertheless, Gary neared the door, thankfully hidden by its total lack of transparency. He glanced around for something that had weapon potential, the nearest thing being an umbrella. A fucking umbrella, he mocked himself. What are you going to do with that, Gary? Keep them distracted with a Mary Bloody Poppins impression?
Conjuring up enough courage, he tilted his head to peer through the eye hole and his breath caught at who he saw waiting on the other side. The door was unlocked and opened, a frown etched on Gary’s face.
“Were you asleep?” Simon inquired, remorse thick in his tone.
“No,” Roach admitted, barely managing to speak due to the shock of seeing the other. “Couldn’t…” He trailed off, hands nervously rubbing at the sides of his thighs. “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
Was this a terrible idea? Should he shut the door in his face and be done with it? “Yeah.” Gary stepped aside, allowing Simon to enter. He closed the door and placed the double lock across before turning to face his company.
“You were right,” Simon breathed.
“About what?”
“About staying afraid or fighting it.”
Roach arched a brow. “What – uh – what do you mean?”
“I can’t stop thinkin’ about you, Bug… I know I come with a whole tonne of shit on my back but – I wanna be with you. I feel so… shit without you around. Fucking sat in my bed and all I can think about is how much better I’d feel if you were in it with me. How good I could make you feel. How I wanna make you feel.”
“Simon…” Gary croaked, lips parting and then sealing as he tried to decide how to respond. “I – I feel a similar way.”
Simon stepped closer, automatically bringing a palm to the side of Roach’s face, caressing him there. “Yeah?”
“I just can’t let myself… get close t’ you if one day you decide – I don’t know, that we don’t work or… or something.”
“That won’t happen,” Simon reassured softly.
“It’s like you said – that’s not something that can be promised. And – and I’m a patient guy, Simon. I mean I would… wait for however long was needed if it meant… if it meant I could be with you. But I can’t wait that long just for you to shut me out.”
Simon exhaled heavily. “Before you came along, I was,” he paused, meeting Roach’s gaze, “self-destructin’, I guess. Never been good at the whole… civilian life charade. Come home hopin’ for another assignment straight off the bat, ‘cause nothing replaces the things I’ve seen so it flows better when there isn’t a break between ‘em, if that even makes sense t’ you,” he shrugged. “Then you fuckin’ show up…”
Roach frowned, listening intently to each word. It was rare for Riley to talk like this.
“Point is, at least self-destruction is a straight forward plan. Then, before I knew it, you were sharin’ cigarettes ‘n’ lunchtimes with me… Doin’ your bloody best t’ spend time with me and – well, I enjoyed it. Fuck, Roach, I started t’ look forward to it. Any day you went without sayin’ some… snarky thing back t’ me or kept t’ yourself I didn’t…” He paused again, as though debating whether he was saying too much.
“Keep going,” Gary encouraged him, voice hushed. He understood it must’ve been tremendously difficult for Simon to discuss what he was, but it needed to be said. Gary needed to know.
Riley felt his hands beginning to tremble at the intensity swelling in his chest. “I couldn’t approach you. Couldn’t find it in myself to ask if somethin’ was wrong or… Had t’ just get on with my day and then go home disappointed. Soap doesn’t even fucking know – or at least I haven’t told ‘im.”
“Told him what?”
“How I feel about you, Roach. ‘s just been stuck inside my head and it feels so fucking good t’ get it out.”
Gary blinked. “And now that it’s out, do you feel any differently?”
“No. In fact, I wanna tell you over ‘n’ over, Bug. Y’ know, I’m never gonna change. Never gonna be cured’a this bullshit but… if I could wake up next t’ you every morning I –” Simon stopped himself, trying to read what Sanderson was thinking. “Please…” He whispered. “Give me a chance t’ make things right. I want you in my life, ‘n’ I understand that now.”
“We can be in each other’s lives, Simon, even as friends.”
Simon tensed. “No, no, no,” he uttered. “Not friends, Roach, I wanna be with you.” The Lieutenant brought his lips to Gary’s temple, his voice lowering. “Wanna be with you.”
At the contact, Roach redirected him and placed his hands on Simon’s jaw, bringing their lips together. As the other started to reciprocate, Gary parted the kiss. “Prove it.”
Riley leaned back a few inches to meet his eyes, breathless. “Prove it?”
As a hint, Gary placed his hands on Riley’s hips and brought his own forward, rolling to create friction which Simon gave a guttural groan at. “Stop saying how badly you want to be with me and show me. Convince me.”
“Bug…” Simon said softly, overwhelmed by Roach’s forwardness. He’d been significantly passive, until now. Their lips met a second time as Simon took control, carefully walking Roach back towards the back of the sofa. This time, he remembered the other’s injury and helped him up to keep his back from making contact with anything. “Take your shirt off…” He muttered against his partner’s lips.
Roach let out a gentle moan at Simon’s husky tone and removed his t-shirt as efficiently as he could. Immediately, Riley’s hands began to roam, admiring every dip and curve, his lips relocating to Roach’s neck where he kissed, sucked and licked across the stretch of flesh, rumbling his appreciation against it. He was clumsy, clumsier than Roach recalled him being during their last make-out session though he put it down to adrenaline. Simon was fighting to keep Gary around and that told him everything he needed to know.
“Baby,” Roach whimpered, wrapping his legs around the other’s waist, encouraging with his own hands – one slipping beneath the back of Simon’s waistband to clutch the globe of his arse. “Make me feel good.”
“‘s all I wanna do…” Simon hummed, working his way down Roach’s chest and stopping to pay his nipples some attention. Roach tilted his head back, biting down on his lip to suppress a whine. It was cathartic, total bliss – something he’d been needing from Simon specifically for some time and by the looks of it, the other felt the same way. “Bedroom,” he said, hooking his hands beneath Roach’s thighs in order to carry him down the hall.
The bedroom door was nudged shut upon entry and Simon brought Roach over to the side of the bed where he reluctantly released him. “Your back,” he croaked. “How d’ you wanna do this?”
There was little time to think, to process the situation, Roach’s mind was buzzing and he didn’t want to stop now. Without wasting time, he crawled his way onto the bed, rested on his front and lifted his covered arse into the air. One of Simon’s bandages could be seen covering his wound. “Like this.”
Riley took a second to memorize Roach in that position before stripping off his own t-shirt. His bottoms were also thrown aside, leaving him in his boxers which he grasped his length through; muttering quietly at the pleasure gained from it. “Not yet,” he said. “Wanna see you…”
Gary glanced at him over his shoulder and licked his lips at the sight. He managed to shift onto his side and propped himself up with his elbow. “You first.”
“Fuck,” Simon grunted, overwhelmingly turned on my Roach’s more assertive tone. However, he obeyed eagerly, slipping his thumbs under his waistband and then slid the material down his legs, revealing his solid member.
“Holy shit,” Roach purred, grinning lazily at the sound that left Simon. “Look at you, Baby.”
“C’mere…” Simon growled, taking a hold of himself to initiate the first few strokes. Gary rose from his place on the bed and stood, closing the distance between their forms. Simon reached out with a spare hand and clutched Roach’s length through his bottoms, drawing out a lengthy groan. In return, Roach grasped at Simon’s heat and his thumb ran a teasing stroke over the slit. “Ah – been thinkin’ about this…”
Slowly, Roach lowered himself to his knees, maintaining eye contact – not that Simon was at all looking like his attention would shift. “About me?”
“Only about you,” Simon stuttered, holding his breath as Roach ran his tongue down the veiny underside. “Shit, Babe.”
He took the length into his mouth, tongue circling his length’s head. One hand caressed Simon’s thighs, the other cupping him underneath, sending waves of pleasure through his partner and Simon desperately tried to remain still and silent, yearning to hear every sound and feel every touch down to the finest detail. Roach shifted back, freeing his mouth. “Breathe, Simon.”
“Don’t wanna miss anything…” Riley admitted, reaching out to gently grasp at Roach’s hair to keep himself steady.
“You’re not going to,” Gary smiled.
Roach lowered a hand down under his own bottoms and held himself, hand stroking back and forth. Simon was torn between watching Gary get himself off and getting him off, opting for the latter as he reached down to bring the shorter to his feet. Hands hooked under Roach’s waistband and tugged down his lounge pants and boxers at the same time, a deep rumble leaving Simon as Gary’s length sprang free – his palm instantly wrapping around it. “I’m supposed t’ be convincing you.”
“Shit!” Roach gasped at the sudden contact, lips parted as his breathing shallowed. “Simon…”
Riley’s arm was placed around the other’s form, bringing him into an embrace, Roach’s face pressed to Simon’s chest as he continued to pump his fist. “Love it when you say my name…” Simon drawled.
Gary’s hand curved around Simon’s neck and drew him down into a deep kiss, tongues fighting for dominance – with Gary losing because Simon stroked him in a way that prompted him to cry out, mouth parting in submission. It felt right, to be this close. To be held by the other in this way.
The two came up for air and Simon nodded towards the bed, a free hand squeezing his partner’s arse. “On your front for me…”
“Yes sir,” Roach murmured, giving a teasing brush against Simon’s heat before finding the position he’d previously had on the bed.
“Touch yourself, Roach.”
Gary gave a low hum and reached between his legs, meeting Simon’s gaze as he rocked into his grasp. He moaned, calling out to Simon who was stroking himself at the sight. “You said you’ve been thinking about me…”
“I did.”
“What sort of things?” Roach asked innocently.
“Sure you can imagine, Bug.”
“Indulge me.”
Simon paused, grunting as he worked his length, debating whether to expose himself in such a way. Should he give Gary the details regarding the times he’d touched himself, thinking about him? What if the other thought he was wrong to do so?
“Hey,” Roach reminded, drawing him from his thoughts. “I won’t judge if that’s what you’re thinking about.”
He took a deep breath. “You remember that photo you sent me?”
Sanderson grinned, biting at his lip when his hand rubbed against a sensitive nerve. “Oh fuck.”
“You make me feel some kinda way, Roach. Who was I t’ deny myself of that?”
“You know…” Gary began. “I might’ve thought of you a few times, too.”
That snatched Simon’s attention back tenfold. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself any longer, placing a knee on the bed behind Roach so he could grasp at the other’s arse and spread it, forcing a groan from him. “So fucking gorgeous.” A finger strayed, lingering at Roach’s entrance – teasing. “Tell me,” he pleaded. “Tell me, tell me.”
Roach keened at the touch, the note leaving him continuing on for a few seconds as he anticipated it going further but when Simon stilled he crackled into inhaling a sharp breath. “I never agreed to teasing.” To counteract Gary deflecting, Simon ran his tongue beside his partner’s entrance, prompting the younger to jerk and gasp. “Holy shit, Simon!”
“Tell me.”
“Okay! Okay, fine…” He sighed shakily, startled. “Fuck, okay, it – well, it was actually similar to this. I uh – it was a dream. You know, like a wet dream. Well, it was a wet dream but –”
Simon interrupted his rambling. “You dreamt about me?”
“I –” Gary gulped. “I suppose I did.” A kiss was placed at the base of his spine before Simon rested his chin there.
“When?”
“Uh –”
“When did you have it?”
It was encroaching on embarrassing territory now. “If I tell you, you’re not allowed to –”
“Judge you?” Simon finished his sentence. “Never.”
“Alright. It was before you showed me around Hereford. That morning, actually…” Behind him, Simon fell silent. Roach could only feel the weight of his balanced head and his chest pressing against his arse. “Simon?”
Another kiss was placed, followed by another and then a third until a trail of kisses led Riley up Gary’s spine and next to his ear – his form hovering above him. “Wish you’d told me when I picked you up. That day could’ve gone very differently, you know.”
Roach scoffed, trying to fight the pleasure the other’s lips were bringing him. “As if! I was mortified.”
“Why?”
“Because… I don’t know, I wasn’t sure whether you liked me or not – in that way, I mean. Plus I almost never do this.”
“Do what?”
“This. And not because I don’t get offers but… it’s not something I –”
“You don’t need to explain if you don’t want to,” Simon reassured him.
“It’s not that, Simon, I’m trying to say that I – haven’t wanted to have this in a long time. When I do, it means more than… finding you attractive or whatever. That dream… pretty much told me that we have something here.”
“You don’t need t’ tell me.”
Roach groaned, pressing himself back against Simon’s length. “You’re not the one needing to be told.”
“Oh.” The Lieutenant hummed, withdrawing himself back to his previous position behind his partner. A hand tucked itself between Gary’s legs, replacing the hand there which had since stopped moving.
Sanderson shuddered, peering over his shoulder to make sure his words weren’t having a negative effect. Surprised, he guessed otherwise when Riley ran his teeth over the curve of Gary’s right cheek, teasing him with more kisses there.
“Then let me make it clear as day t’ you, Bug.”
“Please, Simon.”
“Where’s your lube?”
Roach had to think about that one. It was rare he ended up needing it, not often one to touch himself to the thought of those he wasn’t emotionally involved with. “Fuck it’s – uh – top drawer in the corner, I think.” He felt Simon’s weight lift from the mattress and waited patiently, listening as the other searched through various items. It would likely be a full bottle, due to using it so little. He assumed Simon had located it, as he closed the drawer and made his way back onto the bed. There was a quiet click, and then something cold dripped down his right thigh, causing him to jolt involuntarily. “Fuck,” Roach hissed. “You could’ve warned me.”
Simon chuckled, the reapplied pressure of his chest making the sound travel through Gary. “Like t’ keep you on your toes.”
“Trust me, I’m already on my –” Roach was interrupted by his own gasp and nearly collapsed at the sensation of one of Simon’s fingers slipping into him. “Simon!” He could feel Simon drag his tongue up his lower back, keeping its distance from his bandage, and he shuddered; his arms giving way beneath him.
“You sound so fucking pretty,” Simon grunted, slipping in a second finger.
Roach rocked his hips, attempting to speed Simon’s painfully slow movements up. Gradually, he did grow faster, though eventually the sensation disappeared entirely when Simon removed his fingers. “Need you inside me, Baby,” Gary pleaded, shaking his arse from side to side which earned him the tip of Simon’s length ghosting over his entrance.
“You want this?”
“I do, I fucking do. Want you, Simon.”
The head was pressed nearer and Roach cooed with nervous excitement but as a few inches sank in, Simon removed himself and Roach moaned. He didn’t complain though, hopeful his patience would pay off. He was teased a few more times, another couple of inches slipping into him this time before he pulled out again. Then, with more icy lube slicking him, Simon buried himself in the heat, driving forwards carefully until he couldn’t go any further.
“Shit!” Gary jerked, a spark of pain biting at him. “Don’t move for a second, holy fucking –”
Simon leaned over his form, an arm reaching around his torso, mouth positioned beside Roach’s left ear. “Tell me when,” he said breathlessly.
Gary waited, attempting to shift to judge whether he’d adjusted to Simon’s girth yet. Comfortable, he nodded with a soft whimper. “Please.” The arm surrounding him coaxed him upwards, leading his body to be arched upright and flush against Simon’s torso.
Riley’s hips started to roll, testing the waters first, before he started to pick up a rhythm – breathing heavy, hot air against the side of Roach’s face. Gary hadn’t experienced anything like this, the feelings Simon awoke within him, mentally and physically, he was certain couldn’t be replicated. Riley’s hand found its way to rest on Roach’s sternum, securing him in place as his thrusts became harder and more passionate. Gary managed to turn his head, allowing Simon to catch him with a sloppy kiss. His free hand made a point of sliding down Sanderson’s chest, stopping at his hardened member which he grasped, savouring Gary moaning into his mouth as he teased him.
His strokes had expert rhythm, hand rolling down as his hips forced Gary’s forwards. When Simon could spare the energy, he would whisper compliments and praise into his partner’s ear, ensuring Roach was captivated throughout the entire experience though he could only ever moan in response.
Simon released the other and pressed him down into the mattress, gripping at his hips while exerting his energy with some powerful thrusts – deciding to keep them going as long as he could when they tore delightful cries from Roach who tried to bury his face in his bedding to muffle the sounds. His stamina ended up depleting, prompting his hips to slow as he leaned over Roach again to pepper kisses across his back. “Stand up,” he requested tiredly, pulling himself out in order to reposition. Taking a few moments to collect himself, Gary shifted off of the bed and tried to stand but his knees buckled beneath him and he stumbled into Simon’s hold. “You okay?”
“Yeah…” Roach wheezed giddily. “You’re just… fucking amazing.”
Riley gave a hearty laugh that Gary found himself grinning at. He loved the sound of Simon’s laughter. “Sit here, Babe.” He led him to stand opposite his knees before coaxing Gary to position himself over Simon’s legs, which he managed. Simon then helped lower the other down until he was seated on his erection. “Fuck, just like that…” He was able to see Roach’s face, now, in its full glory – lips parted and eyes working to stay open as he whined beautiful notes after every other tilt of his hips. Mesmerized, he watched as Gary bounced himself on Simon’s member, sweat beading on his forehead and eyes utterly flooded with lust. “Roach…” He called fondly, right palm drifting up his partner’s torso. He placed it carefully against the other’s throat, admiring his finely cut jawline and the stubble that scratched at his flesh.
Roach reached up and grasped the raised arm by the wrist, drawing his hand further up so that he could press feather-like kisses to the callous skin there. The contact prompted a shaky inhale from Simon, and because he’d not been able to do much teasing of his own yet, while continuing to meet Riley’s thrusts, he dragged his tongue along the bare palm.
“So fucking close,” Simon warned, fighting the urge for his eyes to roll into his head. “Shit!”
“Noticed you have a thing for my tongue,” Roach accused with a smirk that faltered when Simon’s length nudged something blissful inside him.
“What?”
“I know you didn’t buy me that ice-cream because of the taste.”
“It was a warm day,” Simon argued.
Roach slowed to a stop, keeping the head of Riley’s length captive. His wrist was also still in his hold.
“Hey.”
“Admit it.”
“Gary.”
“Hm?” Roach tilted his head.
“Look, I have a fucking thing for every part of you, alright?”
“So it won’t bother you if I do this?” Gary placed the tip of one of Simon’s fingers on his lip, allowing his tongue to wrap around it and tickle the skin.
Simon became silent, unmoving – save for a few attempts to shift his hips. After a few licks, he gave a growl and tugged his hand free, wrapping both arms around Roach’s back to pull him down into a deep kiss. “Gonna make you pay f’ that,” he said, muffled.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” Simon used his strength to stand up and lift Gary, encouraging him to wrap his legs around his waist. Careful of his injury, Riley began rolling his hips and the angle Roach was seated in had him incoherently crying out into Simon’s shoulder. “Fuck!”
“You nearly there, Baby?” Gary whimpered.
The Lieutenant nodded, thrusts growing faster.
Roach readjusted himself and made space between their abdomens. He grasped for Simon’s hand which he guided to his needy member but Simon couldn’t hold the weight with one hand, forcing him to place Roach back on his feet. Before he could recover, however, he was turned around and forced face down onto the bed. Simon pressed back into the heat and picked his pace back up, practically snarling as his thrusts started to lose their rhythm. Quickly, he reached down and gripped Roach’s length which was almost trapped between his stomach and the mattress. Between reaching his orgasm and stroking Roach, he lost himself.
Gary yelped into the bed covers, grasping tightly at the material as his feet worked to keep his knees from meeting the floor in the strange position. Simon’s current technique was fast and powerful, his breathing sharp and quick and stamina at an all-time high, which Roach took as a hint that the other was almost at his peak and therefore reached out to make Simon slow to a halt. He groaned as Riley reluctantly slid from him, but kept distracted by turning to face him. He shifted back so that he could kneel on the mattress and encouraged Simon to join him.
Gary brought him into a kiss and placed Simon’s hand back on his length while clutching his own around Simon’s and the two remained there, kneeling and pressed together as they brought each other to the edge.
Their kiss parted with every groan, riding out their orgasms until they had no energy left. They remained there for a few moments, panting into each other’s faces as they pressed their foreheads together until Simon gently nudged for Roach to lean back against his bed and then lingered above him, weakened arms working to keep him in place. Searching Roach’s face, he breathlessly asked, “Did I manage to convince you?”
Roach laughed tiredly, a fond smile growing on his face as a hand rose to stroke Simon’s jaw. “I love you, Simon.”
The words came as an utter shock to Riley, his eyes widening and brows raising. They played on a loop in his mind, an impossible sentence made wholly possible seconds ago. I love you, Simon. His breath caught and he made a quiet, surprised, choking noise; a brisk grin appearing and then disappearing, before reappearing for good. He lowered himself to press a kiss to the corner of Roach’s lips, then whispered, “I love you too, Bug.”