Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

ocean jasper

let love

be the current you flow to

Perhaps, January was the month where Levi felt his chapter had turned.

No one suspected that Eren and Levi had established a relationship. They acted like they always did around the others. It would be when the sunset and the cicadas singed that the two would indulge in less familial activities. Levi found himself sleeping downstairs on Eren’s squeaky air mattress, watching horror movies and filling his belly with salty popcorn (though Eren hated popcorn, so he would eat cheddar chips).

Their dates consisted of going out in Eren’s truck to department stores or the movies. If they would eat anywhere, it would be at comfy pub bars that sold delicious burgers or seafood. For some reason, Eren knew where all the good spots were. Otherwise, they are relatively the same around each other. Nothing has changed, other than the fact they can touch each other more intimately.

It feels like he has fallen in love with his best friend. That’s the only way Levi could describe the complexities of their relationship. Yet, despite his evident emotions, Levi is still reluctant to claim the word.

Saying he is in love with Eren is like saying his entire marriage with Roman was a farce. It worries Levi that he could move on so quickly.

Because even though the year is new and the weather is changing, Levi lacks closure.

Eren can sense this, as if Levi’s feelings radiate like the sun. It is why he lathers Levi with affection nonstop. He is not understanding that it makes the black-haired male even more stuck.

There are weights Levi can drop off, and weights he has to carry his entire life. Roman is definitely one of them.

That being said, Roman’s voicemails stopped coming in after New Year’s. There is a faint thought that perhaps he moved on. Then Levi remembers that men like Roman do not simply move on.

They chase – like a wolf after limping prey.

Sleeping downstairs in the living room with Eren, Levi deduces, was a bad idea. Don’t get him wrong, the air mattress is comfy and it’s nice to be away from a guest room that holds many painful memories. Eren has collected a massive number of pillows and blankets, so when they sleep together, they get lost in the barricade. Simply put, Levi would take the air mattress over the bed upstairs any day.

But the living room is public. Only a few feet away from the kitchen, which is the first area Kuchel, Isabel, or Farlan would walk into if they came downstairs for a night’s drink. Levi thinks of hanging a sheet to block off the entrance but realizes it would raise suspicions. He did not exactly want his mother to know about them yet.

Eren is twenty-four. Two years younger than Levi now, but in his age-range. Yet, he has the sex drive of a teenager. Levi can honestly say this all he wants, but he is not going to lie.

He sort-of came onto Eren first. So, he guesses Eren can blame it all on him that Isabel caught them that night.

“Why do you play this shit?”

Levi asks Eren, boredom seeping through his body. His eyes are lit up by Eren’s phone, showcasing a rather complicated game that the male enjoyed playing in his free time. Levi rubs his cheeks against his naked shoulder and glances at Eren’s focused face. “Never saw you as the video game type.”

“I’m not, but Farlan got me into this. It’s actually fun as hell.” Eren whispers. He taps his fingernail against the phone. “Look, I made this cool ass house and everythin’.” He fiddles with the controls and shows Levi the pixelated home. Levi hums in response. “Imma make an upstairs next. Then imma make a farm with a whole bunch of donkeys. S’ gonna be crisp, ya hear me?”

At this point, the male is talking to himself.

Levi rolls his eyes and lifts his leg under the covers. He glides his feet along Eren’s calf. All Levi can hear is the sound of his phone making animated noises. Shuffling, Levi places his hand on Eren’s naked torso and rubs fingers along his navel. “Aye,” He hears Eren mutter. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“With your imaginary farm? Yeah, I guess.” Eren scoffs and sways his head. He continues to fiddle with his phone. Levi huffs and digs his hand completely into Eren’s underwear. With a startled jump, Eren squints his eyes at the other and ceases in his game.

“What you want?”

“Is it not obvious enough?” Eren turns the phone off. A soft click echoes the room. He tosses the phone onto the other side of the bed and gestures Levi’s intruding hand.

“You mind?” Levi raises an eyebrow and digs deeper. He reaches Eren’s flaccid erection and grips it tightly. The action makes Eren widen his arms and gaze down. “What you wanna do?” He questions as he pulls his boxers down halfway. Levi lifts himself upward and pushes his hair behind his ear. He shrugs. “Sit on my chest.” Eren wiggles his finger.

“What?” Levi ceases the stroking he did absentmindedly. “Why?” Just to be a little shit, Levi feigns annoyance and furrows his eyebrows.

“Gonna do a lil’ six-nine, what you mean ‘what?’” Eren mocks his voice. He snatches the other by the waist and leans him closer to his torso. “Get on.” Levi decides to ignore his mocking and climbs backward onto Eren’s chest. The air mattress squeaks and screams with their movement. “Don’t doubt me, babe, I always know what you want.” He glides his rugged palms up Levi’s back and stops to squeeze his cheeks. “Before you even know it.”

“If you say so,” Levi teases. He spreads his legs when he feels Eren tugging down his sweatpants. His pants slide off in the next second, and sex-inducing fumes fill in the air. It is Levi’s first time doing something like this (as most of his sexual experiences with Eren are), so it is not a surprise that he cannot focus when the sensations hit him.

His fingers dig into Eren’s clothed thighs. Bending down, Levi tries to adjust to the feeling of the male's tongue dancing on his taint. Once Eren sticks to a rhythm, Levi breathes shakily and takes his leaking erection into his mouth. His tongue circles the bulbous head and swallows the pre-cum emitting. His right-hand strokes the thick length and smothers saliva on all inches. Levi takes his mouth off and takes a deep breath. Holding Eren’s cock lazily, Levi thrust his body back and forth to the fingers inside him.

“Mhh…” He moans. The room is dark enough to make their forms close to invisible. All they go off on is touch and sound. Honestly speaking, Levi thinks sex is better that way. Being able to close his eyes and focus on all touch is an exhilarating feeling. But he also cannot deny that he enjoys seeing Eren’s form on top of him, biceps flexing and forehead sweating, as he fucks with no abandon.

Levi taps back into reality and continues making love to Eren’s cock. He relaxes his throat and swallows. The wet, noisy suction fill the entire room. Levi ignores his sweaty locks of hair falling over his face and bounces his head up and down. He is so invested in the process that he dismisses the familiar sound of footsteps running up the stairs.

“Shit, Levi, wait –“ Separating from glistening cock in his hands. Levi turns around to look at Eren with a dazed face. Eren, lips rosy red and wet, looks away from him. “I think we technically just got caught…” Levi raises himself up and sits on Eren’s chest.

“Whadayu’ mean?” He slurs, still hazy from the intense pleasure he was experiencing. “Wait, who? Did they see us?” Levi briefly wonders if it was his mother. Then he shakes his head no, because if it was, his mother would have definitely interfered. She is not the shy type, and if she told Farlan and Isabel they couldn’t have sex in the house, she damn sure applied that to Levi. Levi runs a hand down his face and tries to remember he is an adult. The whole situation has him feeling like a teenager again!

“Nah, probably heard you. You aren’t exactly quiet.”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you tell me to shut up?”

“What am I gonna do?” Eren whispers. “If a dick doesn’t shut you up, I’m sure nothing else will!”

“What about you?” Levi situates himself in front of Eren. “You can’t be more quiet?” He pushes his shoulder into the air mattress and fixes his t-shirt over his hardened erection.

“I can’t believe you’re arguing with me about this.” Eren rolls his eyes and places his hands over of Levi’s ass. “Look, are we finishing or not? If you’d like, we can go out to the truck so you can yell all you want.” Levi pauses and contemplates the decision. After a few seconds of deliberation, he decides he is way too horny to stop now and that the truck may not be that bad of a choice. It heats up quickly too.

“Fine.” The shorter male snatches his sweatpants off the floor and bounces off the air mattress. “Come on, then, ass-eater.” Eren grabs his car keys off the floor and tugs up his boxers. He gives one last glare to Levi, something that sends a shiver down his back, and follows Levi’s grinning form.

It isn’t hard to decipher that Isabel was the one who walked in on them. From the way she blushes when she sees the two the next morning and squeaks a goodbye on her way to school, Eren and Levi had already determined that she was their victim. It makes Levi want to yell in frustration. It had to be Isabel. It couldn’t have been Farlan, who would have taken the news rather calmly. But Isabel. She’d be blabbering her mouth on and on about it in the next week.

“Architecture project. Yep, I said it.” Farlan repeats. He swallows down some spaghetti Kuchel had made and ignores the way it sprinkles on his school uniform. The blond drops his bookbag near the living room couch and shakes his head disapprovingly.

“An Architecture project. What the fuck do I know about architecture?” He whispers the last sentence to the wonder duo on the couch.

Eren nods his head like he completely understands where Farlan is coming from. He nibbles on some chocolate ice cream in a glass bowl. Levi sits beside him, enjoying his own strawberry flavored ice cream, and becoming entertained at his brother’s exasperated form.

Farlan regularly complains when he comes back from school. It’s a hobby of his.

“So, I need your help.” Farlan points his metal fork at Eren and cocks his hip. “You build stuff, right?” Eren coughs and punches his fist against his chest. Farlan ignores the response and chews his pasta.

“Um –“ Eren begins. “ – yeah? But not a whole building.”

“That’s fine! It’s supposed to test my creativity.” The blond waves his hand and walks around the room absentmindedly. “I need your help on the type of shit to get, you know? I know I’m supposed to know this stuff, but I’ve always been the video games type of guy. I don’t like wood and glue guns and nails.” Farlan shakes his head in disgust and sets his food down on the living room table. “Can you help? Mom and I are heading out to get some supplies in a few minutes.”

“I guess?” Eren taps his spoon against the glass bowl. “What are you thinking about doing?” Farlan rants on and on about his ideas. Eren gets lost in most of his explaining, and figures he will guide the teen into something more efficient once they have the supplies needed. Nonetheless, Farlan shares his opinion nonstop and becomes so much of a blabbermouth that Levi wants to cry in relief when Kuchel comes downstairs.

“Ready to go?” She asks with a beaming smile. Kuchel wiggles the keys in her hand and waves her hand at Eren. “Come on, now, I don’t got all day!” A deep sigh emits from Eren, making Kuchel pinch his ear, as he grabs his jacket to leave. “Isabel is up in her room. Tell her she needs to have the dishes done by tonight.”

“I’ll do them.” Levi instinctively tells her. Kuchel squints her eye at him. “Oh, yeah, never mind. Yep. I’ll tell her.” Kuchel hums, evidently pleased, and opens the front door to the house. ‘Isabel needs to be more responsible,’ Mom tells him. ‘She needs to be more independent.’ Levi swallows the last bit of ice cream and gets up to place the bowl in the sink.

The same stuff she said to him growing up. Nothing new. Hopefully, Isabel would take Mom’s advice.

The smaller male spends his alone time fiddling with his phone. He ignores texts from Hanji about whether he finished his job application, and responds to pictures Petra sends him on her growing belly. In the middle of scrolling through their ‘group-chat’ (honestly, Levi contemplates if any of them are truly adults at this point), he hears footsteps coming downstairs.

“Hey.” He sees Isabel standing before him, wearing blue jeans and skimp cami-top. She scratches her cheek. “They’re not back yet?”

“No.” Levi responds. “Mom told you to do the dishes. Why are you dressed like that?” He gestures her outfit and watches her face contort. Scowling, Isabel walks over to the kitchen sink, ponytail swinging, and turns on the faucet. “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah, in a few minutes.” The red-haired girl cocks her hip as she searches for an apron. When she finds, it she places it on and continues to wash the dishes. “Going out with my boyfriend.”

“Where?”

“None of your business.”

“Rude.”

“…Why didn’t you tell me you and Eren are together?”

‘There it is.’ Levi stiffens from his position and tries to avert his attention to his phone. Isabel turns off the water. She walks into the living room. She crosses her arms. “I knew he liked you, but what the fuck? And you really need to be more discrete! I did not need to walk into that!” Her cheeks flush. “I just wanted some damn water!”

“What, should I put a sock on the door next time?”

“You have a whole guest room!”

“Alright –“ Levi tosses his phone onto the couch. “You’re right. My bad, okay? Let’s act like it never happened! He was massaging my feet or something.”

“Levi!”

“What!” He is not necessarily used to Isabel calling him by his first name. “I don’t know how to handle this! I’ve never been caught before!”

“You’re so embarrassing,” Isabel shakes her head and tries to hide her reddened cheeks. “I can’t believe you’re my brother. I can’t.” The red-haired girl wipes a hand down her face and sighs deeply. “Alright, I’m burning sage tonight so I can purify this entire fucking room. Also –“ She peers over. “- does anyone else know?”

“Hell no.” Levi scoffs. “As if I need Mom to get into my business anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Isabel wipes her damp hands onto her apron and walks more into the living room. “Is it because you’re…cheating, I guess?”

Levi’s eyes fire up at Isabel.

Her eyebrows are cocked and lips are puckered. She snorts and uncrosses her arms. “Any other situation I’d probably chew you out but…I’ve been waiting for you to break it off with Roman forever.” She laughs. “I never liked him. He gave me weird vibes.”

The way she says his name, is like how she said it during the summertime. A distinct flavor of hatred, but not enough to be lethal. Her voice makes Levi straighten and analyze her awkward movements. Swallowing a growing lump, Levi orders his mouth to move. “Izzy, um,” His lips stitch together before reopening again. “Do you know why I’m here?” It fades into a whisper.

Isabel places her hands on her hips. Her expression falls. “Not really? Mom told us you were taking a break from Roman. Said you got jumped while walking home. They took your luggage and stuff. You were letting the police handle it. I don’t know if it was a lie or not but, uh, she told us not to bring it up.” She shuffles on her long legs. “Said you were mad about the whole situation.” Levi blinks endlessly.

“Oh.” He mutters. Of course, his mother would not tell them the truth. She didn’t want him to become an example. She wanted him to stay pure in their minds, as their ‘Big Brother.’ Levi forces a weak smile and rubs his left eye absentmindedly. He guesses he wasn’t the best example back then. Beaten black and blue, back hunched over, and stomach still bubbling from swallowing pain pills.

Yeah. They don’t need to know. Let them believe their brother fought tooth and nail against a gang of hoodlums. He came out alive, but showing battle scars.

It was much better than telling them he has been getting battered for the past six months – by one person. The person he had a wedding with, in a wonderful church, where he cried out his vows and eaten velvet cake. The person he swore he’d love all eternity. Let them believe the lies.

Let them make up this fantasy, just like he did.

“Big Bro?” Her dainty hand touches his shoulder. Levi flinches at the touch and lets out a deep breath. “You okay?” She asks. The male instantly nods his head and sits back against the couch. “I know this is going to sound ignorant, but you look paler than usual.” Levi scoffs and removes her hand that she rested on his forehead.

“I’m good. Go finish the dishes so you can go out.”

“Actually…I might cancel.” Isabel fiddles with the short-top and covers her exposed belly. “Don’t think I’m ready to wear things like this out yet.”

“Then change?”

“No,” She shakes her head. “I’ll cancel. You want to watch a horror movie? I hear they have some good ones that just came out.” Levi watches her back up slowly. He wants to tell her to please, go. He needs time alone to think – but then he remembers that time alone is not necessarily good for him anymore. That luxury had long been ruined. Levi lets out an exasperated breath and grabs the television remote near him.

“Fine. Don’t blame me when your boyfriend breaks up with you.”

“He won’t. I’m a good catch, after all!” She laughs as she runs upstairs.

They watch a terribly made horror film, full of all the clichés and unrealistic deaths. Isabel rolls her eyes at some scenes, evidently used to watching these sorts of shows with Levi, and laughs at unnecessary sex scenes. Levi makes them peppermint tea and popcorn. They get halfway through the movie before Isabel decides she wants to start speaking again.

“So…” She begins. Levi glances over. “Eren, huh?” He resists the urge to roll his eyes at her suggestive tone. “Can’t say I’m terribly mad. Though I did not expect it at all.”

“Why? You were the one who rooted for us that one time.”

“I was joking.” She waves her hand dismissively. “I dunno. I thought he’d give up. S’what I get for assuming, I guess.” His little sister reaches down and fiddles with her pajama pant’s strings. “Are you serious about him? You’re not stringing him along, are you?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be asking him that?” Levi scratches behind his ear. “You’re my sister.”

“I worry about him a lot.” Isabel scrunches up her eyebrow and sits up on the couch. The television becomes the only background music to their conversation. “He doesn’t have a family. No friends. Just walks around the neighborhood, like a stray dog, looking for some place to feel at home at. He’ll never admit it but I think he feels real…lonely sometimes.”

‘He does,’ Levi wants to say. ‘But he is more like a stray puppy.’ Flashes of Eren’s amazing smile, shaggy hair, and endless need to cuddle starts. “Yeah.” Levi hums. “He deals with it in his own ways.” Him cooking, cleaning, taking Levi out on dates, watching movies till the sun rises, buying Kuchel materials – everything Eren does, he does to feel wanted.

He does not do these things for himself.

It is an issue Eren needs to work on. But Levi has a lot of issues himself, so who is he to judge? As time grows wider than the clock, they could help each other. That is the essence of a relationship – isn’t it? A healthy one, anyway.

“Don’t we all…” She whispers. “I need to go charge my phone. I’ll be right back.” In an abrupt way, Isabel slides her feet off the couch and walks barefooted upstairs. Levi watches her slyly and pops some popcorn in his mouth. He pauses the movie and shuffles his treats to subdue the silence. He hears her footsteps upstairs, stomping and pausing. Sighing, the male snatches his phone off the nightstand and provides entertainment for himself.

Four-Eyes

did y’all know some pugs’ eyes can pop out? they are so big that they can’t contain it.

Meek-Eh

@Ervin no because eucalyptus is good for anti-inflammatories. Try tea tree oil.

Peet

okay so what do you do when their eye pops out. I’m confused.

Ervin

But I heard eucalyptus is best for it. Are you lying to me again? What about rosemary?

Meek-Eh

Who works at an aromatherapy shop here?

Four-Eyes

Stick that sucker back in!

Peet

I use lavender oil in the bath. What do you guys use?

Meek-Eh

Ew, you take baths?

Ervin

Baths are better than showers. They save a lot of water and are more environmentally friendly.

Four-Eyes

Wow what a true geologist. I put turmeric. Sooo good for sore legs.

Peet

That has nothing to do with nothing. Also, good choice. It stains so much tho.

Grumpy

Peppermint oil.

(2) tea tree is good for rosacea.

Ervin

Seriously? Alright it better work then.

Meek-Eh

I told you!

Four-Eyes

Levi! How I missed seeing your mean-mug in your icon.

Grumpy

Shut up

(2) turmeric in the bath is too much. It stains my shirts.

Peet

Then don’t wear a shirt ; )

Four-Eyes

I agree with this statement.

Ervin

What even is skin care I don’t know about any of this millennial shit

Grumpy

Get Aloe Vera too.

Meek-Eh

You know a lot about this?

Grumpy

I’ll want payment for my help.

Ervin

CashApp?

Grumpy

That’ll work.

Four-Eyes

Let’s talk about English language: what is the difference between effect and affect. I keep forgetting.

Erwin jokingly sends him fifty cents as a thank you. Responding with a middle finger emoji, Levi chuckles to himself and types out a response to Hanji. He types a short sentence explaining the difference between the two, while also calling Hanji an idiot for having their doctorate. Hanji replies with a meme, which Erwin and Petra laugh at, and Levi wonders how he got caught up with middle-aged children.

A soft knock, small enough to sound like a kitten’s paw, picks up in Levi’s ear.

The male glances up from his phone and peers into the kitchen. Isabel is still upstairs. Levi untucks his leg from under his bottom and stretches his body. His bones crack and ache. Fixing the sock hanging off his heel, Levi walks up to the front door and unlocks it.

The way the sunlight hits him, with its devilish way of contouring his nose and cheeks, makes Levi want to gasp. Nature cuts off his hair into a choppy style and tans his skin slightly. Even those red eyes, the one’s Levi could never forget, forge into cocoa-brown.

Levi could have sworn, just for a second, that his father was at the front door. A taller version of him, but his blood nonetheless.

But it isn’t.

His head blocks the sun, and all figments vanish and show reality. Any glimmer of comfort bleeds away. Levi shakes his head and contemplates if he is seeing things.

He first saw his father, and now…?

“I know I don’t look the greatest right now, Levi.” He flexes his fingers around the duffle bag hanging from his shoulder. “But you don’t have to stare at me like that.”

Roman Mallory forcefully steps into his mother’s house, dressed in a dingy t-shirt and sweatpants. He drops his duffle bag to the ground. It falls with a heavy thud.

“Close the door.”

Reluctantly, Levi shuts it. He stares at the pristine white door before turning around. It is then Levi notices the plastic container Roman holds against his side. The living room smells like coffee. Smiling, Roman gestures the drinks in his hand and cocks his head. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

He hasn’t said a word. Levi watches Roman place the drinks on the table and hold out the beverage. “Here.” Levi stares at it. He does not move, nor does his acknowledge any response to him. Roman calms the boiling occurring in his abdomen and softly places the coffee onto the table.

“Sorry, I’m late. A lot of issues happened. I had to stay overtime for work and then many flights got delayed. It’s why I look like this. Didn’t expect it to take a whole month to get here but…” He smiles. “It happens.”

The shorter male keeps his distance from Roman. He stands against the kitchen wall, gazing at Roman’s form near the screen doors. Roman rubs his hands together and cracks his knuckles absentmindedly. “Are you going to speak or just stand there like a fucking degenerate?”

“Why are you here?” Levi questions.

“You know why I’m here.” The long-haired man grabs a wooden chair and pulls it with him as he walks toward Levi. Levi glances down at it, wondering why he would snatch it as if it were a weapon. “For you. I’ll spare you the small talk and advise you to take your happy ass outside. We have a taxi waiting.”

“I’m not leaving –“ With a deep-seated exasperation, Roman slams the wooden chair in the table. They clash against each other and the table slides against the floor with ease. He throws the chair to the side and strolls toward the shorter male.

“Don’t –“ He pauses. He takes a deep breath. “ - fuck with me right now. I’m not in the mood.” Levi’s head turns toward the mess Roman already made. He crosses his arms and tries to glare. Tries to convey to Roman that he hates him and that he wants him to leave. Tries to hide the fear, not of Roman, but the fear that this might be the closure he desired.

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to hear this bullshit right now, Levi!” His red eyes roll and he bobs his head. “I came at the perfect time. Nobody is here. You can write a stupid fucking note and call it a day. Honestly, I’m going to start counting numbers in my head, and if you aren’t out that fucking door by ten – I’m dragging you out.” Roman backs away and snatches a coffee container off the table.

“Move!” He barks.

Levi glues his feet to the ground. The urge is there. The yearn to mend their flaws and work through it is clawing at him. Yet, with all the toxic thoughts crowding his mind, he can feel himself grounded. Maybe it is his will, maybe it is his perseverance, or maybe it is the necklace that feels heavy again.

The lack of disobedience triggers Roman immensely. He holds the coffee to his lips and strolls up to Levi. Now face to face, he looks down at the male and watches Levi’s determined eyes burn. Roman holds the coffee to his chest and glares.

“You want a divorce?”

“Yes.” Levi confidently says.

“You don’t want me?”

“I don’t.” It pains him that the words sound so right coming out his mouth.

“What did I do?” The midnight-haired man sighs shakily and clenches the plastic container. “I love you. I came here for you. I let you stay here. You know how lonely I was in that house? But I did it for you. Now you want to tell me that I have to live like that forever?” He chuckles dryly. “You must be crazy. Is this…is this about the hitting?”

Levi’s breath hitches. He looks away from Roman, whose crimson eyes are beginning to water. The older man wipes them immediately and straightens his posture. He clears his throat.

“You know I can stop. I’ve done it before. Please, baby. I’ll do anything. What do you want? I’ll get you anything. Just tell me.” His quivering voice makes Levi’s gut churn. Levi stares at Roman’s chest to avoid his bloodshot eyes.

“The ocean.” He whispers to his ex-husband. Roman’s eyebrows raise.

“What?”

“Get me the ocean.” Licking his lips, the older man lets his hands fall to the side. Levi analyzes his new posture and wonders how he will respond. Reassurance? Saying ‘Yes, I can baby. Anything for you’? What response would he come up this time?

If it were Eren, he’d laugh and say ‘but I’m right here?’

The coffee is hot. So hot Levi can practically feel his skin peeling off. Shouting, Levi pushes Roman roughly away. He watches the plastic container fall to the ground as waterfalls of boiling coffee soak down his chest. Roman runs up again and grabs Levi by his shirt.

“You think this is a game!?” His knuckles dig into his collarbone. Reaching up, Levi tries to softly clench Roman’s hands to ease his anger. “I’m trying to love you and you keep fucking with me! I’m not joking right now!”

“Let go.” Levi groans out. His back slides up the wall as Roman lifts his body up higher.

“I should kill you right now. How would your family feel, coming home to nothing but a dead body? Huh? Since you think my love is so funny –“ He drops Levi down and backs away. Roman watches Levi’s eyes contort into something familiar. Scowling, he balls his fist up. “Don’t look at me like that.” The shorter male glowers with mysterious intent.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to hit me.” Levi breathes out a sigh and looks away from him. How many times has Roman said that to him? Levi bounces his body off the wall and contemplates his next move. Should he call the police? Should he lead Roman on and run at the last minute?

As he thinks, he does not have time to process the veiny fist raising and bursting against his jaw. His head cocks to the side and spit falls on his chin.

His hand covers his mouth. Blood travels around his tongue and every swallow taste like iron. Eyes widening, Levi narrows down at his hand that is covered in vermillion. Roman snatches his neck and raises his fist again. It is so quick that Levi almost does not have time to react. He blocks the next one with his arm and pushes his ex-husband again.

“Get the fuck out!”

The back of his knees bend, and he almost falls over the kitchen table. Roman regains his posture after several attempts and looks at Levi with utter shock. His own hand covers his mouth, and his long hair his starting to get overly tangled.

“Did you…” He mutters from under his hand. He slouches and peers down at his palm. “…just hit me?” Levi’s eyebrows scrunch up.

His knuckles throb. A speckle of salvia, now mixed with blood, is distinctive on his ring finger. Levi stares down at his knuckles and tries to remember when he got a hit in. He pushed Roman away, didn’t he? He didn’t hit him. Levi opens his hand and gapes at his ex-husband.

“Alright,” Roman’s emotionless voice seeps through the silence. “You want to fight then?” He throws up his hands mockingly. “You’re a fucking joke! I can’t believe I wasted nine years -” He scoffs. “ – nine years on your worthless ass!  Now here you are, trying to be some type of soldier, and hitting me!” His hands fall to his side. “You want to fight? Come on then. It’s nothing new. You’ll always look the same – useless. Worthless. Always.” He utters the last word viciously.

“Hit me.” Roman repeats. He wipes the blood dripping from his mouth with his thumb. “Do it again. I dare you.” His fists ache. The black-haired man rubs his own knuckles and stares down at his hands. Roman’s heavy breathing filters through the room. He chuckles.

“Thought so.” Instantly, his ex-husband snatches his shirt and pulls him forward. “I thought so, fucking –“

He surges all his vexation into a loud slap against his cheek. Levi’s body stumbles to the right, somewhat familiar with the feeling, but Roman’s rough fingers grab him again. His back collides with the wall before he can feel the next assault. Raising his arms, Levi tries to block the pelting attacks and lets his body become a ragdoll.

Slammed against the wall. Kicked to the ground. Levi feels his form curling in, wanting to protect itself from the hurling attacks that he fears retaliating. Roman’s fist, one that uncurled into a softened palm that used to hold him gently at night, rocks boulders into his forearms. Some slip through, properly striking him in the face, and others are stopped. In frustration, his ex-husband grabs his arm and starts to twist it.

“What are you doing!? Get off him!” His hidden cove is open. Levi can hear the yells of his sister. His eyes widen and he relaxes his body. Roman takes advantage of this, dragging the smaller across the floor and slamming him into the kitchen table. Levi uses his arms to lift himself and ignores the throbbing in his entire body.

“Stay back, you stupid bitch.” Roman’s teeth grind together. He pushes a kitchen chair out his way and points to Isabel. She stands at the bottom of the stairs, cellphone in her hand and eyes widened. She stares at her older brother’s twitching form. “This has nothing to do with you. Mind your fucking business.”

“You’re crazy.” Levi hears her whisper. The fear in her voice, the slight shakiness, and edge gives him all the more reason to stand up. “Oh my god! Levi!” Her feet move forward.

“Didn’t I tell you to mind your business!?” The long-haired man pushes her roughly. She stumbles into the table and looks at him in shock. She leans forward off the table and stares right into Roman’s crimson eyes. He glares down at her dauntingly. “What? Think I won’t hit you too? Get the fuck out of here, cunt –“

“ Be safe. Keep your mother safe…and everyone you love safe.”

Levi can tell anyone how it feels. How it feels to fight back. It is not exhilarating as everyone puts it. There is no adrenaline rush, nor any excitement.

The only emotion Levi can feel as he raises fists against his own husband is sadness.

Complete, utter sadness.

Sad that life had to play him these cards, and he had to pick out the best number. Grief that in the end, Levi was forced to fight back. He never wanted to hurt Roman – ever. No matter how many times the urge came, his gut told him not to.

Levi felt if he responded physically, everything would end. And Levi cannot keep going knowing he beat someone he loved.

Luckily, he blacks out, so his emotions are unreliable at the moment. One second he wants to cry, knowing the blood flowing down Roman’s forehead is from his wedding ring, and the next he wants to scream, knowing that same wedding ring is enacting a sort of vengeance. He hears Isabel yelling, telling him to stop, screaming that she called the police, and that she is scared.

There is an orchestra of noises.

Breaking glass, shouting, slamming, beeping. His ears are ringing. Levi breathes heavily and tries to focus. His vision is getting foggy. Anxiety rising, Levi slams his fist into the nearest area when he cannot focus anymore. “Stop! Calm down! Please, Levi, chill out!” A soothing voice echoes in his ear. Levi feels his body tumbling down. “Shh, it’s alright, jus’ chill out, okay?”

“Separate them.” Someone says. Levi scrunches his eyebrows. “Take him outside! Now!” The voice booms. Gaining the strength to open his eyes, Levi looks behind him to see bright greenish-blue eyes gazing at him. He twitches, feeling Eren’s hands on his biceps, and looks up at the scene above him.

A police officer peers down at him. His keys jingle as he walks toward them. “Stay here. We are separating both individuals. No moving unless we say otherwise. Clear?” He does not give them a chance to respond. Levi pushes himself off Eren’s torso and gazes at the chaos around him.

Frames that were hanging on the wall are fallen and cracked. The kitchen table is pressed against the screen door, indenting it with a crack. Glass is littered on the ground. Utensils, plates, bowls that were drying on the counter are now splattered on the floor. He loses his breath.

“Kuchel and Farlan were held back,” Eren utters to him after a few seconds. “I got in just by a hair. They might take their anger on me out on you. S’ okay though. Can you stand?”

Eren lifts his leg and gathers himself. Levi follows the lead and stumbles unexpectedly. Three officers conversing glance over. Ignoring their glares, Eren snatches a chair off the floor and sets it down properly. He urges Levi to sit.

Eren is calm.

He does not scream at him. Not like before. Doesn’t yell or question him too much. He gives Levi a hug and a place to sit. He makes him a cup of water and wipes his bruised knuckles. “…I’m sorry.” Eren whispers. He had grabbed a wet paper towel and was currently wiping blood from his nose. “I should have been here.” Levi scrunches up his eyebrows and moves Eren’s hand away from him.

“Don’t say it like that.” He mutters. “Like I need your help.”

“I’m not.” Eren squats on his knees and rips another paper towel off. “I just wanted to put my two cents in too, you know?” He tries to smile. Levi hums and lets the cold towel clean off his face. “…Are you okay? A lot is fucking happening right now and…I wanna know that you’re good.” His palm slides down the curvature of his neck. Licking his cut lip, Levi sways his head left and right.

“I’m not.” He confesses.

 His hands are throbbing.

“I’m not.” In response, Eren connects their chests and embraces him. He utters pacifying words and rubs along his spine. Levi clenches his eyes closed and prevents any tears threatening to appear. Raising his arms, he lays them on Eren’s back and inhales his woody scent.

Isabel labeled the situation over the phone as ‘domestic violence.’ In overhearing her statement to the police, Levi learns she heard them way before the fighting occurred. She instantly called the police when Roman threatened him and waited at the bottom of the steps. She did not interfere purely out of shock. The police tell her it is good she did not interfere, saying that her safety was top priority.

It does not make her feel better. Levi can see it in her face when they escort her out the house. She gives him a grim smile and is ushered out.

They put handcuffs on Levi the minute she leaves. With the way Eren’s stance straightens and his arms meet the waist, the police officer decides to speak up quickly. “As far as we are concerned, we have no definite victim, though we are leaning towards the one outside. We need to bring him in for questioning.” The click of the handcuffs solidifies everything.

Eren steps forward.

“The fuck do you mean ‘victim’?” The bright-eyed male waves his hands. “Wait, wait, wait, unless I’m crazy, y’all are really finna say he is…?” Eren scoffs. “Hell no. Hell no. I’m not ‘bout to –“

“Sir, we will discuss this during questioning.”

“Yo,” The way Eren grins makes Levi want to chuckle. He steps in front of Levi, guard up and face showing irritation – no matter the smirk on his face. “He’s not goin’ nowhere, I promise you that. I don’t give a fuck whether ya got one, two, three –“ He gestures the officers outside. “ – thirty of ’em, he not leavin’ unless they both got on cuffs. “ He widens his hands and clasps them afterward. “And that’s it.”

Levi watches the officer’s face contort as he hangs his fingers on his belt. He tuts his lips and shakes his head. He sneers under his breath. “Jesus fucking Christ. You’re one of those.” The disgust on the officer’s tongue is potent. Levi clenches his sore fist in the cuffs. The blood rushes into them once more.

“The fuck does it matter?” Eren grinds his teeth. “’Stead of wonderin’ about me why don’t you let ‘em know he not goin’ alone.” The police officer hums to himself and speaks into his shoulder. Eren looks off to the side and attempts to ignore the side-eye Levi gives him. The officer ceases speaking to his partner and shuffles his belt. “Well?”

“He’s arrested. Any more hostility will get you thrown in jail, sir. Step aside, now.” Despite the pregnant pause, Eren moves his body and Levi steps forward. They look at each other briefly.

Solemnly, Levi wants to say sorry. But somehow, with Eren’s comforting smile and encouraging dimples, Levi thinks he already knew that.

Seventy-two hours.

He gets seventy-two hours to get his fucking life together.

Not only that, but Roman is getting treated like the victim - the fucking victim. All because he had a few more physical wounds. Levi scoffs and rubs his forehead in irritation. He itches his arm in the uncomfortable jailing garments.

“You want to stick with a public defender?”

Kuchel whispers to him. She shuffles her feet in her chair and gazes concerningly at her son. “I can help pay for a lawyer, baby boy. You know this.” Her hair is messily tied back. She is still wearing the dress from a day ago, evidence that she has been worried sick. Especially because Levi had been denied bail. He guesses Eren’s rather protective personality did not work out in the end. He wonders if all officers around the world are allowed to fiddle with the law like this.

“No,” Levi responds. “I can pay for one. Apparently, Roman’s a great liar.” He chuckles dryly. “Which is fucking great. Just what I need.” Kuchel nods her head and fiddles with her fingers. She glances around the visiting room and gazes at other visitors.

She smiles emptily.

“You know…” She starts. “I always thought I’d see you in jail with the way you fought in high school.” Kuchel scratches her ear. “Then you went to college and I thought I’d never see you in there. Now…here you are. It’s funny how life works.” She laughs. Levi watches her eyes wrinkle and laugh die out. “But for this? This?” She repeats. “I never even dreamed of it.”

He tries to lighten the mood. “At least it isn’t for drug –“

“If you get yourself stuck in here, Levi, I’ll never forgive you.”

Her words fade into a whisper. The shakiness in her voice is evident. “I’m not playing. I know what you’re doing.” She closes her eyes and tries to breathe evenly. “Don’t you fucking dare give up. I see it all in your face. I know you love that man, but you have people who love you more. People who love you in ways that don’t hurt, baby boy. Please.” She raises her hands and clasps them together.

She prays for him.

“Please. Do not be an idiot. This is real now, Levi. It got real the minute Isabel called the police.”

Levi watches his mother tremble. She bobs her head and whispers under her breath. He can see the tears bubbling in her eyes.  Other visitors are staring at them, along with security, wondering what the noise is all about. As if they never experienced jail before. Sighing, Levi digs his hands into his lap and stares at the wooden table.

“Please get a lawyer. Promise me you will.” Kuchel mumbles. She finally looks up at him with reddened eyes. “Promise me.”

“I don’t need one.”

“Levi!” Her hand slams onto the table. An officer takes his lazy form off the wall. “This is serious!”

“I don’t need one.” Levi runs a hand down his face. His elbow connects with the wood and he bleeds all his body’s tension onto the table. Swallowing the lumps in his throat, Levi hides his face from his mother and utters his next words. “I have...um, voicemails.” She pauses her anger streak.

“Of him?”

“Yeah…and pictures. Saved on my email.” He whispers it so softly as if Roman was listening over his shoulder. Kuchel watches his nervous form. “I – don’t. Never mind. Just get the voicemails. Not the pictures, please.”

“…Pictures are going to help your case, Levi, believe it or not.”

“I know that.” He utters. “This isn’t about protecting him or anything like that. I don’t want the fucking pictures. That’s it.” His voice rises. Kuchel quirks an eyebrow at her son’s defensive words.

“We have seventy-two hours to figure this shit out. If you have pictures, they are fucking getting them! I refuse to let you get thrown in here because you’re too fucking stubborn!” Her mouth puckers as she speaks. She leans across the table as she angrily whispers to her son. “Put your pride aside for once and realize this situation is domestic violence. They will lock you up in a millisecond.”

“Do you want me to stay out of jail, or do you actually want to see me beaten on photo?” Levi snarls. “Bad enough I have to have those goddamn voicemails played for everyone to hear, and now you want photos? Maybe if those assholes did a medical check, they’d find out I have physical evidence right fucking now.” He scoffs. “I have a left sunken cheek and three chipped teeth in the back because of him! But you need pictures!? Why?” His fist slams the bottom half of the table. “It’s right here!”

“They could blame that on anything.” Kuchel reluctantly murmurs. Her eyes flicker to Levi’s cheek, noticing the odd curvature and deepness. She swallows. “I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t even want this.” He shrugs his shoulders and spurs out a dry laugh. “If there was anything in my life I never wanted, it was this. I never wanted it to go this far. You know, I should of just –“ Levi sucks in a breath and recalls his sore knuckles.

Should have just let Roman hit him.

Should have never fought back.

“…I don’t know anymore.” He sighs. “I was happy when he was gone. I wanted him to disappear…like we never happened, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit.” A security officer connects eyes with him. Calmly, Levi averts his gaze and stares longingly at his mother.

“Now you want pictures. You want to see everything.” The ebony-haired male rocks his leg back and forth. “You can’t. I don’t want you too.”

“Why are you making this about me?” Kuchel interrupts. “This is about you. This is about you avoiding jail! Who gives a shit about how I feel!”

“I do!” He shouts. His knees hit the table. “You don’t need to know how it looked or felt! And I don’t want to be reminded of it! How would you feel, having dozens of people looking at your bloody face and pitying you?”

Petra flashes through his head.

“And Roman going to jail. To jail. He doesn’t deserve that! I just wanted us to break up, like a normal couple, like normal people. He doesn –“ Levi ceases his ranting and absorbs his mother’s wide eyes. He lowers his voice and blinks. “ -N – Never mind.” He drawls out.

They were never normal in the first place.

“…You’ve never acted like this before, Levi.” Kuchel speaks up after a few passing moments. Her face is wrinkled as she gapes at her own flesh and blood, staring as if he is a stranger. “This has you fidgeting. Your legs are shaking and you keep looking around. The way you’re talking…it’s not you.” She wipes her undereye and rubs away at the salty tear on her finger. “You’ve done…a great job at hiding this part of you. I never thought I’d see the day you would be so hysterical.”

“Is this entertaining to you or something?” He growls out.

“You’re going to need a lot of help when this is over, baby boy.” Her hand reaches over the table to lay over his own. She gently clenches his thumb and pinky finger together. “A therapist, psychiatrist, a friend –“ Eren. “ – someone. I don’t care what you say.”

“These nine years….” Her broken smile gnaws at him. “…have been hard on you.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t figure it out.” Her body trembles. “I’m sorry I was so starstruck that I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry this is happening to you. If your dad was here –“ Her tone breaks apart. She covers her mouth. Tears flow over her nimble fingers. “ – this would have never happened.” Her nails dig into her hair. She bawls. Her son observes her, reflecting over her words and contemplating their value.

He misses his dad so much. And now that Roman is gone, the holes he had filled in Levi’s soul are left vacant.

The same scars, made on August 24^th, are reopened and eating at him. Roman had been his seal.

Someone who did not soothe his pain about his father, but made him forget about it. 

He lived two different lives: one with his family (his father included) and one with Roman. Now his husband is gone, and all Levi can do is mourn the loss of two.

Instead of urging his family to not attend his trial, Levi accepts that they are going to be there.

His lawyer had already gathered all of the evidence, voicemails and pictures included and was excited about his case. Levi suffers through long talks where the male goes on and on about how things will play out. He fiddles with those poor-quality pictures of Levi’s bruised and swollen face, waving it around like candy.

Really, the only time his lawyer is remotely shocked is when he listens to the voicemails. He gives Levi this grim smile afterward, full of surprise and unease, and says, “Well, you definitely have a case.”

Yeah, no shit.

“Should’ve let you die, fucking faggot. Let you go be with your half-breed dad. I wish, I fucking wish, I never met you. No one is ever going love you like me. No one! Might as well swallow those pills again. Better yet, I should come and blow a bullet through your fucking head for doing this.”

His ex-husband’s voice through the recording emits an evil aura around the courtroom. Paper’s shuffle, breathes hitch, and sighs exhale. Levi stares down at his shoes. He doesn’t want to look back. Doesn’t want to see the look on everyone’s faces. Levi does, however, peer at Roman’s agitated form. The taller male’s hand is rubbing his forehead. Levi cannot see the look on his face.

“I want you dead. I’m never going to forgive you for this. Kill yourself.”

Those words cause Roman to gaze over. They stare at each other across the room. No one knows they are looking at each other, as they are too invested in the other voicemails Levi never got to hear. Roman’s eyes soften.

His eyebrows form a mountain and he smiles.

‘I love you,’ he mouths. His cheek is swollen. Bruises litter his face and neck.

Levi averts his eyes.

This love hurts. It always hurts.

“Levi Mallory-Ackerman.” The judge’s voice startles him. The shorter male glances at the woman a meter away. “These are voicemails from Roman Mallory - done somewhere between early December and early January. Am I correct?”

“Yes, your honor.” He drily responds. Not even thirty minutes in and he is sick of this ‘your honor’ bullshit.

“You also have pictures. When did this assault take place? Do you remember the date?” She wiggles her fingers at him. Levi swallows the building saliva in his throat. He shuffles on his feet. “Mr. Mallory-Ackerman?”

“Um,” He stutters. “Early June, I think.”

“Did you go to the hospital at all? Are there any records of you going to the hospital for these injuries?”

“No, your honor.” Levi licks his chapped lips. “I took care of it myself.”

“According to your testimony, you visited your mother over the summer. You stayed in her household, along with Mr. Roman Mallory. Questioning from your family says they have only seen you wounded when you came back from a visit in October. I will ask again, so I am not mistaken. Are these pictures from June or October?”

“June.” He grinds out.

“Inform me how the healing process occurred for these wounds.” She gestures the pictures laid in front of her. “After, I will confirm with Mr. Mallory if this is correct.”

“I slept. I didn’t use bandages. I stayed in my mother’s guest room for two weeks.” The judge raises an eyebrow. “I told my family I had food poisoning as an excuse.” She nods her head in understanding. She speaks to Roman, asking him to stand up and fix his posture. He does so with irritation. Levi fiddles with his fingers and refuses to look back. He wonders how his mother looks. How are Farlan and Isabel reacting?

Is Eren here?

“Two records of assault from Roman Mallory. Both proven by solid evidence and accuracy.” The judge vocalizes. “Before we come to a conclusion, I have some final questions for you, Levi Ackerman.” She says his name proudly. It makes the shorter’s back straighten and eyes widen.

“You did not offer a reason as to why you traveled back to New Orleans. By the logic of your case, I would assume it would be because of the domestic abuse. Can you clarify before I make my final decision? Please inform me why you traveled back to New Orleans, with no luggage or plan, in the middle of the night.”

She sits back, fingers intertwined and face curious. She knows he is holding back. Of course, she knows, she is a fucking judge. Levi takes a deep breath and stops fiddling with his hands. ‘Don’t look back,’ He utters to himself. ‘Don’t lie.’ He demands. ‘Tell the truth.’ The male wipes his forehead and pushes back falling locks of hair.

“I tried to kill myself.” He blurts.

The sentence echoes in the small courtroom.

Roman bites his lip so hard that blood kisses his tongue.

The closure is tickling Levi’s fingertips.

Lay the truth out onto the table, pure and raw, and let that chapter close. The soft, delicate sound of a leather book’s completion is what closure sounds like. It feels like the lightness around his neck. It tastes and smells like blueberries.

“Oh my god…”

Two inches long of hair falls onto Eren’s knee. Jaw dropped, the bright-eyed male snatches the falling hair and rubs it between his fingers. The sky is dimming down, lacking chirping cicadas but making up for it with the tangerine horizon. Fireflies flicker through the backyard and attract themselves to Eren’s bicep. Eventually, the male catches one, and shows Levi before letting it fly away.

“You’re cutting a lot, Levi.” Eren whines. He wiggles from his position on the patio steps and digs his elbows into Levi’s thighs. Scowling, Levi opens his legs and watches Eren slouch against his stomach.

“I don’t like short hair.”

“It’s not short.” His pale fingers tug the still relatively long hair. “You need to trim your ends. You’re not finna be walkin’ around this house lookin’ crazy.” Levi pushes Eren up and parts another section of his hair. It feels like silk in his hands before he touches the split ends. The paler male cuts the frazzled hair and ignores Eren’s painful groans. “Your hair smells good though.”

“Mhmm,” Eren hums. “Thank you. I’ve been using Carol’s Daughter. Expensive as hell, but it’s worth it.” Levi tilts his head backward and starts to work on the front of his hair. Eren lays his head on his thighs and licks his lips.

“’Em really likin’ this view.” He whispers. Levi ignores his comment and focuses on parting the male’s thick hair. A particular tug makes Eren yelp. “Ow!”

“It’s those split ends.”

“Will you stop blaming it on them? You just like causing me trouble.”

“Maybe.”

Two weeks after the trial passed.

Day three is where reality starts to hit him, and Levi makes an appointment to a psychiatrist. With two visits a week, Levi finds himself busy.

He has an interview Thursday. He guesses Hanji’s spontaneous job application worked out in the end.

Three days out of the week, Levi and Eren hang out outside in the backyard.

At the same time, same place, with the same environment.

Being busy keeps his mind off the fact Roman is currently in prison – serving three years and getting his pure record smashed to pieces.

Keeps his mind off the fact his mother won’t stop pestering about how his therapy is going. Or how she hides Tylenol and Ibuprofen pills like they are crack cocaine.

“Hey, guys,”

Farlan knocks on the screen door, like the backyard is their room, and cocks his hip at their closeness. He hadn’t exactly been told about their relationship, but he has always been a good guesser.

“Isabel cooked chicken and green beans. It’s kind of gross, but don’t say it. She’s tryin’ her best.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Anywayy, I’m heading to bed. Make sure you lock this screen door when you done.” He shuts the door and strolls through the kitchen.

When Farlan started becoming a Mom, Levi had no idea.

“Speaking of chicken…” Eren starts. He grins up at Levi. “I’m going pure vegan.”

“Yeah, right.” He sarcastically responds.

“Don’t say it like that!” The taller male sits up and presses his back against Levi’s torso. “I’ve been lovin’ eggplant lately. You wanna do it with me?” He wiggles his eyebrows. Levi cannot help the chuckle emitting from him. Levi wraps his arms around his warm body and lays his chin on top of Eren’s head. “I can make you vegan burgers. We’ll have eggplant fries and peppermint soda.”

“Gross.”

“Mmm, yeah.” His gentle lips press a kiss against Levi’s arm. “Gross.” He repeats sensually. Scoffing, Levi pulls his arms away and leans backward on his hands. Eren pouts at the loss of contact. “You look good today.” He voices. Levi quirks an eyebrow and pushes hair out of his face. Eren peers back at him and rubs his knee comfortingly. “Gorgeous, even.”

“You say that every day.”

“Stop lookin’ good, then.” Eren turns sideways. “How’s the doctor?” He asks. Levi cocks his head and stares at the mildly cloudy sky.

“Fine. He laid out a bunch of cards and told me to choose which one represents my feelings.” In childish repute, Levi rolls his eyes. Eren laughs heartily. “I picked one and he said that was ‘odd.’ Told me I’ve been in a different headspace lately.” The shorter male wiggles his legs and itches behind his ear. “I swear he is a psychic.”

“What was the picture?” Eren scratches his head and scowls when he feels his hair still in a high ponytail. Taking the rubber band out, Levi becomes enamored at the view. His cocoa-colored strings of hair flow over his shoulders. His abalone-eyes, looking like rubies under the sky, glaze over at him. His heart thumps against his ribcage. Levi bites his lip and admires Eren’s gorgeous figure.

“It was water.” He finds the voice to speak. “You could see the ripples. It reminded me of this –“ He gestures the shell necklace. “ – had the same shimmer to it.” Eren hums and reaches over. He caresses the shell and pulls gently at Levi’s neck. Eager to follow, Levi lifts himself up and let’s Eren nuzzle the abalone with his thumb. “It was calming. The picture, I mean.”

“Water is calming.” Eren’s hands stroke his jaw next and leaves after rubbing his chin. “I’ve only seen the ocean a few times, but there is no place better. We should go sometime. Tomorrow?” Levi chuckles at Eren’s eagerness. Eren rambles on about what is the perfect time to go, and if they do go, they should do it on a really cold day so no one is there.

His innocent words cause Levi to reach over and kiss him endlessly.

It’s been three weeks since they’ve kissed, and Levi has missed it more than anything. He opens his mouth and licks at Eren’s dry lips. The younger male moans and separates. He goes back in with eyes closed, lips wet, and eager to taste. Levi listens to their soft kisses, escalating more and more into something more sexual, and disconnects once Eren’s tongue starts to make his legs tremble.

“You haven’t kissed me in a while.” Eren slurs. He licks his rosy red lips and grins. He wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and presses another kiss against his lips. “I missed it.”

“Sorry,” Levi whispers. After all that has happened, Eren has patience. He thanks the universe, God, or any other deity for gifting him with Eren. He does not deserve him, but he has him. 

“Don’t apologize.” Eren dismisses. “It all takes time.” Their mouths coalesce once more. Eren situates himself on his knees and lays the male over the wooden deck. Lathering his neck in kisses, Levi wonders if they’re going to have sex right on the porch. He hardly has time to deny or accept the activity with the way Eren opens his legs. He attempts to stifle a moan when their groins connect.

Despite Eren’s wishful grinding, his lips tell a different story. Levi indulges in their slow movements and takes deep breaths. Eren’s hazel hair tickles his cheek, so much so that Levi tugs it back and wraps his legs around the male’s hips. “Eren…” He manages to whisper when they part. Maybe it’s the grinding, or the way Eren whispers love letters with his mouth, or possibly his visit with the psychiatrist – but the words flow out before he understands what he is saying. “I think I…” He moans when the male starts to kiss his neck. “Lov –“

“Oh shit!”

His eyes jump open. Eren snatches Levi’s body and rolls them over. Now on top of him, Levi gapes at his surroundings and wonders what the fuck just happened. Eren places his hands protectively around his waist and attempts to get up. As if he could stand up while carrying Levi at the same time.

“Look!” He whispers. Levi bends his knees and wipes dust off his back.

“What the fuck, Eren, I was about to say something romantic –“

“Possums!”

His finger points to the far-right side of the deck.

A snow-white face. A bubble-gum nose. Gray and white fur. Ears shaped like the moon.

Yep, that is a fucking possum.

“Didn’t you get rid of them?” Levi questions. The possum makes eye contact with them. The two stay deadly still, not willing to agitate the animal. Eren places his hand on Levi’s lower back.

“I thought they died. Is it the same one?”

“I don’t know! You’re the one with the pictures.”

“You’re right.” Eren squeezes the space between his eyes and sighs. “Alright, I need to go get my camera. Keep watch, okay!” As if he is going off to the war, Eren gives him a large smooch on his cheek. “Be safe.” The male slyly enters the house and runs upstairs.

The two stare at each other. Levi cocks a hip and glares at the animal. “You’re still ugly, you know?” He utters. The possum wiggles its nose and blinks its onyx eyes. “Can’t believe you ruined it for me.” Levi tsks. “Right when I had the balls to say it.” He crosses his arms childishly. The possum’s ears twitch, and soon enough, it runs off. Levi watches the animal squeeze through the backyards fencing.

The possums are back, he guesses, with a vengeance indeed.

“I’m back! Okay – Wh-Where did it go!?” Eren’s jaw drops when he sees the possum has disappeared. He looks at Levi like he is crazy. “You were supposed to keep watch.”

“I’m not touching that rat.” Levi snatches his camera and hides it behind his back. “Let’s go upstairs. I need to tell you something.” He snatches Eren’s shirt and tugs. Eren pauses, then grins.

“Something unholy?” Eren’s full attention is now on him. Levi rolls his eyes. So much for being romantic.

“Maybe.”

“Say no more.”

I dream of mountains that night - covered in melting snow that forms a stretched river.

Tomorrow comes, and we see the sea. Eren throws blankets and stolen pillows from Farlan in his beat-up truck. We watch the sun beam on the water. I admire the pearly, holographic look of it all.

With the number of times I’ve seen it in Australia, one would think I’d be sick of it.

But Eren shines when he sees it.

He sees a world that is different than mine. I want to live in it. Though I’ve been stuck in my own, whenever I gaze into Eren’s abalone-irises, I experience what it is like to live full of joy.

And freedom.

Eren reminds me of rain, geysers, lakes, lagoons, and hurricanes. He reminds me of baths and showers. Now when I hear droplets of water or the hammering of rain – I think of him.

And all the love he flows into me.