Chapter Text
Weeks Later
It has been weeks since Mika last seen Yuu. He would often find himself wandering around Yuu’s house and peering into the windows to see the vast, empty rooms full of stillness as the sun casts silhouettes against the floorboard indicating different times of day. Yet there is no raven boy which disturbs Mika greatly.
He has gotten so use to being with Yuu, texting Yuu, and just even touching him for physical assurance that he feels lost.
Mika feels very conflicted to how he should address Yuu when he sees him again. He regrets to admit that he feels a sense of fear settled under his skin. Who is Yuu exactly? Is everything about Yuu that Mika knows even true? Sometimes there are moments of frustration that make Mika wonder if the Yuu he knew ever really existed. But one thing is for certain-- he wants to see Yuu again, he wants answers to these questions plaguing his mind and giving him sleepless nights.
But more importantly, things since December 1st have been chaotic. After the whole bombing at Tokyo Tower and bizarre series of actions performed in the public’s eye. People who were there that day called it a supernatural phenomenon and endless news reporters have been bombarding Mika the same way paparazzi do to celebrities. Everything happened so fast that nobody but Mika could really comprehend even the slightest bit of truth-- truth that Yuu is no ordinary human… if he’s human at all. However, Mika has never told what he saw under two reason: first reason, Mika still has a lot of reluctance to even believe what happened really did happen; and second reason, it’s about Yuu.
Mika’s family after the incident has changed a lot in demeanor even if none of them intended. Akane has been keeping to herself ever since-- even from her brother that she trusts the most. Psychologists told Ferid and Krul that her behavior is normal for PTSD, however they should keep heavy monitoring in case things go south. Mika, on the other hand, has become very melancholy when alone. His parents suggested him going to a psychologist as well, but whenever he went, he refused to say anything.
----
A Morning Sometime Before Christmas
Mika mindlessly walks down the sidewalk leading to school-- the school Mika cannot even perceive without the thought of Yuu by his side. Where is the emerald eyed raven boy with the most adorable bedhead to walk the face of the Earth? Where is the spitfire that’d throw punches just because he gets irritated? Even the downcast of snow cannot fill the emptiness Mika feels as he walks alone-- something he hasn’t done since the beginning of last academic year.
They say Winter is the time life lies dormant-- asleep-- under a blanket of snow where they rest peacefully until the morning of Spring. But for Mika, he just feels so desolated even with his friends around him.
“Mika, my boy!” Lacus comes charging from behind and tackles Mika by throwing his arm around Mika’s shoulder. “The cutie isn’t back yet? Don’t worry, he’ll come back eventually-- I know he will. Right Rene?” Lacus playfully nudges Rene’s upper arm as he purposely bumps his hip against Rene’s.
“I don’t know-- I've been snooping around for his whereabouts and I can’t find squat--”
Lacus consecutively elbows a few dozen times with the force of a football player.
“-- I mean, yeah! He’ll have to come back sometime!” Rene sweats as he covers his lower ribs from his boyfriend’s relentless fatal blows.
Mika blankly stares at his best friends with disheartened eyes before lowering his head to cover those opaqued, dulled orbs. Things are just not the same without Yuu around. Mika can only imagine his daily life with Yuu in the depths of his mind.
He imagines walking down the street with Yuu-chan, hand to hand. Yuu being ever so shy about public display of affections and him being brazenly proud just before Lacus comes barging over with a couple of jokes about their relationship. He fantasizes that Kimizuki would be slouched across Yuu’s locker, waiting for the moment to pick a verbal fight with the raven boy-- maybe even threaten to fist fight, but get interrupted by Yoichi-- a.k.a. the hidden demon-- a.k.a., a force not to be reckoned with. He relives within his mind, lunch with Yuu, where the Devil herself invites herself and her girlfriend to their table to steal away some of Yuu’s lunch, all while Yuu gets fed up-- probably ready to throw a fork at Shinoa. He imagines a lot of things-- but he is only left with the cold frost kissing his lips, never expecting to kiss anything else but Yuu’s.
“I’m sure you’re right.” Mika fails to portray a believable smile as he shuffles ahead of his two friends straight towards the school doors. Lacus and Rene glance at each other before dashing after Mika, trying their damndest to cheer the blond up. It’s going to be a long day.
----
Yuu
These last few weeks have been excruciatingly hard on Yuichirou. After practically devouring several animals from the park-- sucking them dry like prunes, Yuu had to move locations to avoid possibly attacking humans. It was a smart decision because the chain of dead animal corpses alerted several news reporters to make headlines and caused several investigations too risky for Yuu.
Because Yuu hasn’t retrieved human blood yet, his regeneration process slowed tremendously. None of previous wounds are in dire state; however, they are extremely painful and agonizing frail-- much like a human’s but worse because he has been starved from nutrients since Judgement Day. His ribs and bones are still fractured or broken, but at least his open wounds closed up.
There is only one place that Yuu can assume he can take refuge-- a place of bittersweet memories but overwhelming nostalgia. The place that was once said to be filled with the warmth of the sun fused with honey all wrapped in affection and love-- the empty building that was once known as Sweetheart -- Sayori’s shop. However, all that remains is an empty husk filled with year old candies and maybe a few cobwebs.
How long does it take to wear down a person’s sanity from thinking about absolutely everything, but is capable of nothing? Yuu has been left in the Hell prison of his mind, slowly deteriorating everything he accepted as truth. If the horrors of suffering from his physical body don’t make him break, his mind will happily and sadistically remind him of the monster he truly is-- especially the monster that Mika could never love.
Yuu has spent day laying against bags of granulated sugar in the backroom kitchen thinking about Mika. What is Mika doing at the moment? How is Mika since he has left? Has Mika missed him even just a little?
Sometimes Yuu kids himself by convincing his mind that Mika is missing him despite for what he actually is. After all, Mika is too nice of a person that of course he’d care for a blood sucking creature like Yuu even though he shouldn’t. Mika should be glad Yuu is nowhere in sight. Maybe Yuu should be glad that Mika found out, then he wouldn’t have to keep up the greatest lie that reminds Yuu everyday of what abomination he is, inside and out.
However, no matter how much Yuu tells himself the reality and truth he believes to be true, Yuu cannot seem to roll Mika off his shoulders like he has done to most people. Even Sayori, Yuu has been able to push her to the back of his mind, though sometimes he does think about what transpired.
Yuu fools himself into having conversations with himself, pretending he’s speaking with Mika-- always dreaming and having delusions of grandeur-- where Mika accepts Yuu for the monster he is and they somehow return back to their normal lives.
The only comfort Yuu can find is when he blacks out from either the pain or the lack of blood, however he’s always woken up by the curse of immortality-- forever in a state of weakness until regenerates enough or he finds a human victim. One would think that after lacking essential blood for so long, Yuu would’ve turned demon, but what only lies for a bloodless vampire is nothing more than the endless suffering of physical wounds and thirst. Decapitation cannot end a vampire’s immortality and dismemberment cannot fade the consciousness. Not even a vampire can escape its suffering by becoming demon. Nothing ends its suffering.
Unconsciously he would find himself thinking about how it would feel piercing Mika’s skin, sinking his fangs down to the vein, tasting Mika’s blood-- the texture, the flavor-- everything.
He’s always thirsty.
Yuu would cry to himself if he had the strength, but he’s far too weak to spare any body fluids. Compared to before, he feels significantly less pained, but he still feels like he’s been hit by a bus where his body limbs weigh down whatever resilience he has to move. None of his vampiric senses function properly without blood so he’s no more than just a bedridden human on sacks of flours for a bed. Yuu has thought about how he could satiate his suffocating thirst and he has came to a risky conclusion, his only conclusion at the moment since he’s far too weak to actually break into a blood bank facility and go unnoticed. Yuu must somehow make it back to his house and hope whatever stash of blood is left in his refrigerator will provide him enough energy to either recover or restore his vampiric reflexes.
Is it risky? Hell yes. No one has seen Yuu since the bombing and if he accidently lets up on his bloodlust restraint even for one moment, he fears he’ll lunge at the first human he sees. He’s not ready to witness another nameless, faceless death that his immortality curses him to forget with the farce of time.
He closes his eyes to focus on his slow regeneration, the next time he opens his eyes, he’ll put his plan in action.
At a later point of time.
He cracks his eyes open to stare at the same, mahogany ceiling he can probably recite where each crack or grain lies.
Yuu doesn’t what day it is, what time it is, or even how much time has passed except that he knows it’s been a while. Like he promised himself some time before, he’s going to at least attempt to move from his location. Yuu feels the soreness of his bones and ligaments strike him repeatedly as he pushes himself to sit up right and stand to his feet.
Oh god, poor Yuu . The moment he stands, he feels so light headed from laying down for so long that he topples over against the wooden counter, clinging onto the edge and digging his fingers, searching for a grip. His skin feels like needles stabbing all along his body and his toes feel tingling numb. It’s only just then that he realizes he’s still in same clothes from that day. His leather jacket still has that jarring hole in the middle of the back with crusty, red blood stains rimming the tear. His jeans are dyed with red stains from animal blood. He looks like a mess inside and out. His hair flies every which way and a sort of weariness dreads his dead eyes and now dull, ivory skin. He has seen death, witnessed death, but death refuses to relieve him in the cruelest ways.
Yuu agonizing struggles to stand on his own two feet, each leg feels like led. He creeps over to the other side of the room to the doorway to the front of the shop. Even though it’s a swinging door, it feels like moving a boulderous wall, an immovable mountain-- an iron fortress of everything Yuu is and cannot deny.
Yuu manages to finally shove the door open to slip through before it swings back the mighty momentum of consequences he somehow experiences but escapes at the same time. The blinding lights from outside cast upon a frozen scene where life outside is still. Everything is in a shade of blue from the overhead sky as it reflects off the crystal white snow. Yuu shuffles a foot after another to the front shop window, reaching out to touch the glass. First he feels with his fingertips the icy, numbing texture of the glass. The chilling air beyond the glass would steal anything and everything-- starting with the heat of Yuu’s fingertips if he had any to the dream of being human. If he was human, he could shiver from the cold, he’d need to breathe the frosty air, and he wouldn’t be in this situation. He takes no second moment to gradually move towards the front door that he left unlocked. The small bell above the door echos lonely chime as Yuu pulls the door open and disappears into the vast, cold world midday-- ringing the cry that falls on the deaf ears of the world.
Midday travel is quite subtle and quiet. Children are at school, people are at work and the landscape is left in peace to itself. Nobody is around as the poor, little vampire makes his way through this living hell that was once considered beautiful.
Too much time has passed as Yuu mindlessly wanders inch by inch back to his home street, but the only thing he can conclude is that it’s past noon because the sun has shifted from the apex point in the sky as his shadow slowly starts to lengthen. He still feels so very foggy, like he’s in a lucid dream and everything around him is nothing more than an illusion. Sometimes he’d stumbling and fall against the street walls or collapse onto his knees, but all he can do is continue much like a wandering soul forever doomed to walk the face of the Earth without peace under the high rise sun.
Consequences
Yuu finally trudges to a familiar black, iron fence that he has occasionally stared at from time to time on his way home from school. He clings to the railing but avoids laying onto the spikes of the fence. He’s so close yet so far from sanctuary as mere feet separates him from his home. Just before Yuu could crack an essence of a relieving smile, he hears his nightmare from behind him.
It doesn’t even take voice recognition to tell who it was, just the close proximity and quiet shuffling tells him immediately what it is, no!-- who it is.
Mika.
Yuu silently turns his head as slowly as he can before taking in the blank expression staring straight at him, however what shocks Yuu more is how incredibly pale Mika is. Large, dark bags drape under Mika’s eyes, ruining his normally attractive eyes. Somehow there is a dullness to them that makes Yuu’s heart sting as if he is to blame. That glow that Mika had since the Summer and up until a few weeks ago is diminished as if it never existed-- like a flame that flickered out in one swoop that emphasizes the darkness in its absence.
They exchange suffocating standoffs with their eyes, not once breaking from each other’s gaze-- it’s almost like Yuu is on the defense from a vampire slayer or something.
It’s Mika that breaks the silence.
“Y-Yuu...chan…” Mika utters as a statement of shock, no more no less. He almost falls backwards from bewilderment but catches himself as he plants his feet like tree roots into the ground.
It’s hard to tell what kind of mixed emotions Mika is feeling-- like someone threw a bucket of water on him as he soaks in obvious confusion and slight fear .
Like a tree, Mika stays stationary against all his instincts screaming to him to bolt on out of there. Yes he’s somewhat terrified of Yuu and what transpired but he’d be damned if he let his fear prevent him from confronting Yuu for a sort of truth. He can’t continue living like a soulless thing that just exists. He spent too many nights lost in thought. He spent too many nights crying-- too many nights regretting. He needs some sort of solution, truth or even closure . Mika clenches his fists and tightens his jaw. Mika recovers from being taken back and takes a step closer that makes Yuu jump.
“Yuu-chan, we need to talk.” Mika demands as he refuses to back down now that he has come so far.
Yuu shakes his head as he maintains distance from Mika inching his way towards him. Every step Mika makes forward, Yuu takes a step back.
Mika immediately notices Yuu’s actions and becomes irritated-- there’s no way he’s going to let Yuu have his way.
“ Yuu-chan , stop running away . ” Mika marches over with more bold and haste movements, his voice prominently getting louder at each passing word.
“ Stay away! ” Yuu bitterly growls as he plasters himself against his front door causing Mika to flinch from his raised voice.
Just the sight of Mika makes Yuu’s fangs pulsate the way cavities makes people feel the blood vessels in their teeth. His tongue dries up, desperate to quench its thirst and saturate itself in the crimson liquid that runs through the veins of life. Yuu can sense all the main veins-- no! Arteries from Mika’s body and that scares him tremendously because drinking blood from the arteries means certain death for his victims. It feels like someone is scraping the inside of his skull with daggers, dragging it along to carve scars in a sort of artistic, but sadistic way.
Mika can easily see Yuu’s distraught discomfort and utterly pained expression which is something odd because Yuu rarely shows his sufferings.
“Yuu-chan...?” Mika goes to say something but is interrupted when Yuu recklessly opens his house door and stumbles inside-- he has to get blood now.
It takes a second for Mika to recompose himself from his shock, he’s never seen Yuu so desperate before. He breathes in a single, emphasized motion before squaring his shoulders, puffing out his chest, and stretching his neck before promptly following Yuu into the house with absolute caution.
Yuu falls over the sunken-in step of the foyer before he clumsily picks himself back up and clings to the island to get to the fridge.
He musters whatever strength is left in his right arm to pull the refrigerator door open against the will of the magnets.
‘The blood packets should still be good, it hasn’t been a month yet.’
He literally rips the nozzle of a blood packet with his bare teeth and trembling hands as he chugs down whatever fluids resided in the packet, not even sparing a second glance.
Chilling and Heavenly.
Speechless and Thirsty.
God, when did packaged blood taste so good.
To become a monster.
To become what he loathed most.
And to be fine with it even at this moment.
Yuu knows humanity has forsaken him,
He’s not worth saving.
He’ll never be worth saving.
Not even if he were to
Cut off his head,
Burn his body at the stake,
Live an eternity of suffering
Will it forgive
Will Yuu forgive
The sins he has committed.
Blood drips down the side of his lips and down to his chin, but Yuu dismisses it as he finally regains strength to grip the packet and strangle it for every last drop. He tosses that aside as he grabs another and another, completely ignoring Mika who is silently watching from the entrance of his doorway.
After the fourth or fifth-- maybe sixth blood packet, Yuu doesn’t notice, he ceases his gluttony. His hands dripping in blood from accidentally breaking some of the packet from his newly found and uncontrolled strength.
Yuu sees the pile of blood packets on the floor as he cannot find it in himself to look at Mika eye to eye. They’re silent for a long period of ten minutes before Mika decides to speak.
“Yuu-chan… I-”
“Why are you still calling me that?” Yuu cuts Mika off.
Mika upturns his eyebrows in semi crescents as he’s baffled by Yuu’s comment, however not completely ignorant to what Yuu is asking.
Mika feigns ignorance.
“What do you mean, Yuu-chan? Why wouldn’t I call you that?” Mika tries to smile.
Yuu is taken back. Is Mika really asking that? This irritates Yuu immensely.
“You saw what I did, you know what I am.” Yuu lowers his voice to a soft, but very vivid tone. “I’m a monster. Just look at me!” Yuu waves his hands around to emphasize the blood upon his right hand and face that is quickly drying to a crusty brown. “I can show you my eyes if you’re still not convinced.”
“You’re not a m-monster, Y-Yuu-chan.” Mika attempts to deny and undermine Yuu’s words but still cannot mask the truth-- he’s afraid of Yuu.
Yuu scoffs, then bitterly laughs at Mika’s words. This is comical. Just comical.
“Yes I am, Mika. You know it. I know it. I can sense how terrified you are just standing in the same room as me. Just… go.” Yuu turns his head away to avoid displaying any of the heat that is rising in his face.
“But Yuu-ch--”
“ Just go ! Pretend you never saw me return. Pretend that I moved away or something… pretend that I’m human… please. Grant me that one, last wish.”
Another long silence suffocates the room.
“...What are you going to do now…?” Mika’s voice is so audibly low but both of them know Yuu can hear it as clear as daylight.
With resignation, Yuu shrugs the same way a lost soul looks out into the vast void of the static world, as if nothing is out there but endless wandering.
“I don’t know. I’ll just do what I always do after a few years… just get up and walk until I’m in a different place with different people-- where nobody knows me.”
“You’re planning to leave?!” Mika’s tone spikes which makes Yuu raise an eyebrow.
“Of course.”
“Why?!”
“...What do you mean why? You found out, Mika. You should be ecstatic. The monster is leaving and never coming back. Then you can live a peaceful life with your family.”
“But you’re not a monster, Yuu-ch--” Mika goes to intervene but before he could let the words flow out, Yuu flashes over and covers Mika’s mouth with the palm of his clean hand.
Yuu bares his teeth-- particularly his fangs as he changes his eye color to crimson red. The spirals in his eyes remind Mika of spider webs, horrifyingly beautiful.
The immediate cold sweat and stiffen shoulder alarms Yuu that Mika is more than just on edge. He sadly pulls a smile across from cheek to cheek with blood stains decorating his chin. He doesn’t need to say anything to understand what Mika’s thinking. Yuu has conveyed his point.
Yuu withdraws gradually, as to not frighten Mika even more. When he’s finally about a good ten feet away, Yuu snickers a lighthearted and almost miserable noise. His eyes fade back to their normal forest green.
“It was fun getting to be with you, Mika. I won’t forget the memories we made… even if you will one day...” Yuu casts his gaze downward again as he faces away, he cannot imagine the expression on Mika’s face. Maybe Mika would try refuting Yuu’s claims again, after all, Mika is a good person, however Yuu would never forgive himself for taking advantage of Mika’s goodwill for his own selfish redemption. With a heavy heart, Yuu mumbles with his back turned,
It hurts.
“When… when you leave out that door…go back to your old life.”
Can’t breath.
“.... Even if we happen to cross paths again,”
Suffocating.
“we are strangers--”
“ Yuu-chan! ”
Mika tackles Yuu from behind like the way a white billiard cue ball is served in pool, fast and hard.
This takes Yuu by so many levels of surprise that they are knocked over onto the floor. Yuu groans as he feels Mika’s weight on top of him. As Yuu shifts up onto his elbows, he sees Mika’s head hung low, covering his face.
“Mika--”
Drip.
Drip.
Drip
The way strayed raindrops fall before the massive on-pour of water from the clouds above is the only way to describe what Yuu is witnessing.
A kind of agonizing misery that only continues to fester and snowball into an onslaught of the unsaid.
“Why, Yuu-chan?! Why do you always do things on your own, decide the fate of us on your own.” Mika bellows out in a hysterical out burst as tears continue fall without end in sight.
“What--” Yuu goes to wipe his tears with his arm, but Mika grabs ahold of his wrist.
“ I don’t want this. I don’t want you to go away. I don’t want our time together to end. ”
The words echo throughout Yuu’s being as he can no longer keep face.
He tries his damndest to conceal ,
For the sake of his love,
Even if it slowly eats Yuu up inside,
Devours
Making him hollow,
Nothing left but an empty husk of a shell
Of what he once was.
This was the pinnacle moment of everything they’ve been through.
This is
His finale .
Tears start to also trickle down Yuu’s peachy cheeks as he cannot stop the emotions from flowing out-- he has failed his last performance for Mika. He cannot cease the cries of his heart from yearning as it tells its secret.
“ I don’t want this to end too. I want to stay with you, Mika. I want it so badly-- ”
“ Then why, Yuu-chan? ”
“ Because I’m a monster, I could never let you love a monster. ” Yuu cries out, baring his fangs as his ruby eyes continue to shimmer as the sunlight peers through the windows.
“ But you’re not a monster --” Mika
“ You don’t know the things I’ve done, the lives I’ve ruined . ”
Mika clams up for a moment as soon as the words dawn on him how serious Yuu is. Afterall, Yuu isn’t the one to sugarcoat or overestimate situations. For a solid minute, Mika can only moisture his tongue as it feels like sandpaper against his palate as his grip on Yuu’s wrist diminishes. Mika’s heart sinks down to the floor as he is scared to ask,
“What do you mean? What have you done?”
Yuu wasn’t expected to be actually asked about as he accidently displays his inner turmoil with a broken heart expression. They lay on the floor like they’re frozen in time as they hear white static noise-- like statues, ever so still but there exists so much more than just the surface.
“If I told you, you would never look at me the same way… Please Mika, please don’t make me tell you, it’s selfish of me, but I don’t want to shatter whatever is left.” Yuu raises one of his hands to gently push Mika off him by his chest, but Mika snatches it, squeezing it firmly.
“We can never go back to the way we once were...” Mika’s voice trails off as he searches for words to change this conversation. It doesn’t matter what Yuu has done. He can’t lose Yuu now, especially now that he has the raven boy underneath him.
Yuu’s feels like someone is impaling his heart from all angles, striking him down to the pits of hell.
“So we have to be honest with each other now, otherwise we’ll be living a lie. I want to live an honest life with you, Yuu-chan.” Mika is satisfied that he managed to form a sort of sentence. He really does want to know what Yuu has done, he’s no idiot to ignore that, but he has no intentions of using it to shame Yuu.
Yuu is flabbergasted. Yuu was prepared for the screams of disgust, the shunning glares, and the bitters of word of hatred-- but not this. Not this. Yuu is petrified.
“You still want to be with me? Why!?”
“Because I love you, Yuu-chan.”
Yuu coughs as he sits up to meet Mika’s eye level. “What do you mean ‘because you love me?!’ You can’t love me!”
“And why not?” Mika’s eyebrows turn upright as he gently reaches out to caress Yuu’s cherry colored cheeks.
“Because I’m a monster!” Yuu’s eyes tremble as he continues to try facing up to the truth of his being. It’s one thing to think secludedly of himself as a monster, but it’s another to admit it to the person he loves most.
“You’re not a monster…. Besides, you love me, right?” Mika’s lips quiver in an attempt to smile and mask the underlying fear any human would have being so close to a supernatural being.
“Of course I love you, Mika.” Yuu has no second thought of blurting out his feelings about his love. This strikes Mika as his tremors fade to an almost reassuring hum in his head. Yuu loves him and that somehow gives Mika strength to relax.
“Then there is no problem.” Mika uses his thumb to rub against Yuu’s peachy-like skin in admiration. The velvet touch of Yuu’s skin lowers Mika into a feeling of ease, it’s been so long since he has touched Yuu.
“What?! Of course there is a problem! A monster loves you!” Yuu jerks his head away from Mika’s warming caress as just the sight of the kindness in Mika’s eyes frightens Yuu. How could Mika be so cruel to show him, a monster like himself , love.
“So are you going to stop loving me?”
“If I could, I would! I wouldn’t be in this mess if I could!”
“So you can’t?”
“Yes, I can’t!”
“Then... why do I have to stop loving you?”
“Because you’re not a monster!”
“So… you can love me, but I can’t love you?”
“Yes!”
“That hardly seems fair, Yuu-chan.”
“It’s not suppose to be!”
Mika narrows his eyebrows and pouts like a child. He suddenly wraps his arms around Yuu’s neck and pushes him against the ground as he nuzzles beneath Yuu’s chin. He then promptly turns his head upward to look face to face at Yuu to glare.
“I can love whoever and whatever I want! I want to love you, so I’m loving you and there’s nothing that you can do to stop me!!”
Their argument turned from solemn and serious to a sort of comical bickering between two kids the television remote.
“Stop being childish, Mika! Things can’t always go your way!”
“I could say the same thing to you, Yuu-chan! You one-sidedly decided the fate of our relationship all on your own and I’m suppose to happily go along with it?!”
“What are you saying, Mika? How can you still want a relationship with me? I’m not human! You could live a happy life with a normal girl-- have a family, have kids--”
“ I don’t want that! ” Mika’s voice rings from the inside out. “I just want you…. Yuu-chan…”
“But--”
Yuu goes to protest but is interrupted when a pair of frail lips capture his own in a sort of clumsiness, aggression and desperation. They immediately go silent as they remain lip to lip for a few moments before Mika gradually pulling a few inches away so that he can see Yuu’s expression.
“Yuu-chan, I don’t know what I’m suppose to do to keep you here with me…” Mika’s eyes droop down and away from Yuu. “These weeks without you… it’s been a living hell. I couldn’t breathe right, sleep right, like all I was doing was existing-- lingering to whatever memories we had that kept me living from day today. I can’t lose you, Yuu-chan. Please, even though I’m sure you were fine without me, I can’t live without you.”
Yuu cannot speak, he too was living a hell without Mika. but he would never say it because it’d be selfish.
It takes them awhile before either one of them has the courage to move from their positions, how can they? What lies ahead for them now?
“Mika… I missed you so much… but is this really what you want…?” Yuu utters as he heavily swallows his saliva, his eyes locked onto Mika’s. “To be with something like me?”
Mika’s heart flinches as he hears Yuu refer to himself as a ‘thing’ instead of a person. Sure, Yuu may not be physically human, but to Mika, he’s everything a human being is and more.
“More than anything, Yuu-chan. You are my sweetheart regardless of what you are.” Mika rests one of his hands on Yuu’s and intertwines their fingers the way puzzle pieces fit together. “We’ll get through… whatever this is… together, okay?”
Yuu silently nods as he still feels incredible guilt for allowing Mika to have his way instead of doing what is right for him.
“Okay, Mika…. If that’s what you really want…” His voice trails off with uncertainty.
“It is… I want to know everything about you, Yuu-chan. Tell me everything .”
Yuu’s eyes jut up at Mika in a sort of bewilderment.
In the first time in all of Yuu’s existence, he now has to tell his life story in some sort of chronological order to another person-- a real person other than himself! He never gave this thought before which causes him to hesitate as he tries to assemble a sort of coherency.
It’s a long story that Yuu cannot condense without given preparation, so instead, he sighs and pulls himself to his feet despite Mika’s weight on him. Yuu leads Mika by the hand to the island counter.
They sit in consecutive high seats silently as Yuu takes another moment to review anything he could possibly mention. At first, the silence irks Mika because he isn’t sure if Yuu’s ignoring his question, but then diminishes that idea when he sees the solemn, thoughtful expression plastered upon Yuu’s face.
It takes several hefty hours, but Yuu explains as much as whatever would fly out of his mouth at a mile a minute.
Yuu was born two centuries ago. He was of simple, but wicked origins-- born from an affair and not wanted by either party. He was blamed by his parents for they were forced together, as it were their culture, and revered to him as a demon-- at one point, they tried to exorcise him by setting their house ablaze with him inside unaware. He managed to escape before everything engulfed in flames, but learned that his parents wanted his death. He fulfilled their wish and staged his death in the fire, leaving them to believe he perished. He then lived on his own with nothing but the clothes on his back and scarring memories that has made him the reckless, hot headed teenager he is today. He lived a peaceful year in a village in the North, making friends with the villagers, until a passing vampire attacked. Yuu was accidently turned when he bit the vampire on his last thread of life and drank its blood. It was only then did Yuu realize how much a vampire’s thirst could drive it insane and unfortunately, as a newly turned fledgling, he was unable to control his thirst. His blood rampage lasted three nights and took the life of the village people he once use to greet in cordial gestures during the morning, particularly the life of a girl who was fond of Yuu despite his attitude. This was the death he would never speak of again, and yet-- somehow he finds courage in himself-- no, that he owes it to Mika, to explain everything that he has done, to explain every sin he has committed.
The rest of Yuu’s vampiric life was a repeat of traveling-- temporarily staying in places and moving without a trace... until he met Sayuri. Sayuri was a special case-- she was blind and unable to see any visual indications of Yuu’s being. She never asked Yuu of his origins, his parents, why he is who is or anything of that fashion. She just asked him vague questions-- something that relieved Yuu from his usual guard of other people’s suspicions. Yuu found a sort of peace with Sayuri which caused him to relish more in their friendship than any other temporary relationship. He told Mika about his recent discoveries about her, the demon who tried to make a contract with him, the sirens that nearly ripped him to shreds, and the faerie that is no more because of him. It really is a mouthful of events Yuu never thought he’d be given a chance to contemplate aloud. By the end of his story, Yuu finally runs out of things to say-- things to show remorse or regret about that he goes quiet.
Yuu stares at the marble counter and tries to follow the grooves of the black pigments. His heart is pounding from the exhilaration this brought to him and he’s more than discouraged to steal a glance at Mika for his response or reaction.
“That’s… about it…” Yuu’s lips quiver with a upturn smile-- a smile of his self deprecation-- as he wants to jeer at himself for being pathetic.
Reliving the emotions and memories he pushed to the back of his mind in front of Mika is devastating.
That’s it.
He’s bare.
There is nothing protecting him of any mockery or disgust that could shatter him at any given moment. This is nothing more cruel than being thrown to the wolves, awaiting the faith he so deserves and left to perish.
Yuu can see his hands start to tremble, but he cannot stop the terror from racking his whole body from his head to his toes. Yuu loves Mika and the thought of actually hearing the words he has prepared himself ever since Judgement Day makes him absolutely, positively petrified.
‘ Please… Don’t h-hate m-me .’ Is what Yuu wants to cry-- wants to beg, but he bites his lips to prevent any utters slipping. He lowers his gaze to Mika’s chest and arms, watching them. Yuu’s heart drops as he steals a glance at Mika clenching his fists in a sort of expression of anger, squeezing his eyes shut.
“See, I told you that I’m a monst--”
A warmth engulfs Yuu from his shoulders as his face is pressed against Mika’s chest, arms wrapped around, caressing his head so tenderly.
“Oh Yuu-chan… Shhhhh.” The sweet honey rolls off Mika’s lips as he rocks Yuu back in forth to sooth his hysterical raven boy. Mika finds one of his hands slide down Yuu’s spine to rub circles into the small framed wreck in front of him.
“...You’ve suffered so much. My poor sweetheart .” Mika hums as he feels strands of black ruffled hair stick against his cheek, kissing into Yuu’s bedhead.
“No! Mika, you--” Yuu goes to argue as he tries to grip Mika’s shoulders and push himself away, but part way through, Mika takes the opportunity to cup his cheeks and kiss him on the lips.
“Mmmmmm!” Yuu flails his arm in the air as he is utterly bewildered and somewhat frustrated-- no, flustered.
Mika withdrawals after a few minutes until he can no longer hear the raven boy squirm. A cheeky grin plastered across his face as he stares into Yuu’s emerald eyes with loving intent, hands still locked around Yuu’s peachy cheeks burning a vivid shade of red.
Yuu’s eyebrows display his baffled perspective as he cannot break their interlocking eye contact. Something about Mika’s motherly gaze holds Yuu in place despite all capabilities of breaking free, like the way a person is humbled when placed in front of God himself.
Mika chuckles at Yuu’s somewhat precarious state as he leans his forehead against Yuu’s to feel the raven’s silky skin against his own.
“Hey, Yuu-chan… Let’s go back to school… together.” Mika’s voice lulls Yuu like a siren’s haunting voice that drives men to long for the sea.
“But how can I go back--”
“Just say you were on an urgent family leave, I’m sure that’ll work.”
“...Mika…” Yuu lowers his eye to Mika’s hands holding his head in place, he needs something other than Mika’s cerulean eyes-- he doesn’t want to mindlessly agree with Mika. “I don’t think… I’m ready to go back to school right now…”
Mika hums to himself, still staring straight at Yuu full of uncertainty. As much as he wants his sweetheart to return to school so they can resume whatever they had before Judgement day, he doesn’t want to pressure Yuu-- make him unhappy and possibly cause him to retreat. It is a miracle that Mika caught Yuu before he took off-- probably forever, and Mika is not just about to screw up this chance by doing something stupid or saying something that’ll make Yuu uncomfortable.
There is nothing physically Mika could do that would succeed Yuu’s inhuman strength, but perhaps he could cage him with the strongest chains known to man-- the chains that are both intangible and unbreakable, the chains of love.
“Okay, Yuu-chan. You don’t have to return right now…” Mika pulls his hands from Yuu’s cheeks, leaving a lingering loss of warmth.
“M-Mika, it isn’t that I don’t want to--” Yuu interprets the withdrawal of intimacy as a form of displeasure and tries to clarify his statement.
“I know, Yuu-chan. You don’t have to explain, I’m not mad or disappointed.” Mika smiles as he pats his thigh to indicate to Yuu to come closer. Yuu tilts his head as he complies to Mika’s wishes and stands up from his stool and inches closer. Mika sharply pulls Yuu forward causing him to lose his balance, resulting in Yuu leaning against Mika for support.
Before Yuu can adjust his weight and stand upright, Mika sweeps Yuu’s legs from underneath and sits Yuu across his lap, knees hooking over Mika’s thighs before standing straight up with Yuu in his arms.
“M-Mika!!” Yuu protests from the sudden change in position as he clenches Mika’s vest. “What are you doing?!”
“… Remember when you said you’d reward me if I went with my family for the Summer?” Mika chuckles as he carefully walks over to the stairwell leading to Yuu’s second floor bedroom.
Yuu nods his head, still ignorant to what Mika is implying as Mika climbs the stairwell, reaching the top with triumph.
“I want it now.” Mika’s voice lowers and becomes husky-- hot and bothered.
Yuu’s face heats up like a steaming kettle, rouge blush saturated upon his cheeks and mouth agape.
“Mika! Don’t joke with me!” Yuu takes a moment to gather his mental strength not to stutter. How could Mika do this to Yuu? After trying so hard to be sincere and honest, Mika’s making sexual jokes?
“I’m serious, Yuu-chan.” Mika gently tosses Yuu onto the bed, watching him bounce a few times from impact before climbing on top of him and laying centered on top of Yuu, making himself comfortable with his chin on Yuu’s chest and body between Yuu’s thighs.
“Mika--”
“I love you, Yuu-chan.”
Mika interrupts whatever thought Yuu was about to spew about self doubt by causing him to bite his tongue from surprise.
“You… still want me...even though I’m….?” Yuu’s voice continues to soften until Mika can only imply what is said as Yuu’s eyes dart around anywhere and everywhere except at Mika’s.
“I’ll always want you, Yuu-chan.” Mika faintly chuckles as he leans in to peck Yuu on the tip of his nose. “Do you… still want me?”
“You don’t even have to ask that, Mika. If I was… still human, as selfish as it is, I’d cling to you shamelessly even after you love another.” Yuu lowers his head until strands of his bedhead fall across the bridge of his nose.
“I will never love someone as much as I love you-- no, I will never love someone else other than you, Yuu-chan.” Mika takes his index and middle finger to gently brush the stragglers from Yuu’s face, emphasizing the enriched evergreen irises that still make Mika breathless. “Hey, Yuu-chan, were your eyes always this enchanting green before you were… turned…?”
Yuu’s cheeks resemble cherry blossoms in the midst of a Spring day.
“I was born with green eyes and after I was turned, it took many years to develop and harness my vampiric powers to consciously revert my eye color. Even now… sometimes I forget when I’m too indulged into my desires and they fade to their vampiric state.”
Mika follows along with every word Yuu speaks with the utmost attention but at the same time, a sort of undermining as if everything is normal. He maintains that satisfactory hum a person does when things have simple solutions and others are just overthinking the situation. Mika’s eyes glance over at Yuu’s side to notice Yuu’s fidgeting fingers curling in on themselves. He reaches over and lifts Yuu’s hand from underneath, letting Yuu’s hand rest on top of his own with palm to palm. Eventually, Mika twists his wrist to rotate his hand upward to match Yuu’s orientation and locks fingers. A lot of questions and ideas run through Mika’s head that he’ll have to wait a while before he can express it to Yuu, except for the one that is way overdue.
“Yuu-chan, I still want promise rings with you.”
Yuu’s eyes widen before gradually dilating.
These promises of love,
Earnest, innocent at first.
Heartbreaking in the end.
None of it is intended to become superficial lies,
But reality has its truths to uphold.
Until the last thread is cut,
Yuu will cling to the paris that will be his poison.
“Yeah… That’d be nice…” Yuu cannot find any other way to state his thoughts on the spur of the moment. He just wants to stop worrying-- stop thinking and just be with Mika for as far as he can foresee. The fact of Mika’s mortality, the righteous pride to let Mika fall properly in love with someone who could give him happiness, and the obvious red herring to the suffering he is forcing upon himself-- Yuu ignores it all-- undermines it. He’s tired of caring about consequences. He wants to live in the moment despite staging his own finale-- sharpening the blade of his own guillotine.
Yuu closes his eyes to feel the heat from Mika’s body radiate and wrap him in warmth. Maybe in the morning he’ll come to his senses again-- deny everything his soul cries for, but right now, it’s enough. Mika is enough.