Chapter Text
The birds are chirping outside, the atmosphere still heavy from the morning fog. Rays of sunlight would hit Aether’s face, kissing him gently, yet he feels no comfort at all.
His bed is too reassuring to get up. No matter how miserable and sorry the state of the bed is–it’s just too nice to walk away from. It’s what he’s used to.
He forces himself to stand up, the speed of which makes him dizzy. Could it be fatigue? Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. Maybe both. Probably both. He figures both
He cups his hands under a trickling faucet, splashing water to his face to wake him up. Memories of last night are still so vivid, still so clear.
He pauses and thinks, ‘Could Xiao really have done that?’
Done what? Have his way with him, calling him his precious baby, and then leave him off not too long after?
Does it really matter? Xiao did it all the same. He dropped Aether’s hands in the middle of the street, leaving him to walk home cold, and alone. Just as he did a hundred times before, and he’ll probably do a hundred times more.
It shouldn’t matter. Because why would it? It’s not like Aether’s feelings for Xiao matters. Not at all.
He forced himself to get up and pulled his toothbrush out of the cup on the sink, putting on a glob of toothpaste. Perhaps putting more than what is necessary. Is he really to blame for not paying attention though? He had just sucked the living soul of the man he had been admiring for the better part of the year, and he dropped him like he’s nothing for a party he had no intention of going to.
That riles Aether up. Is he really worth nothing to Xiao? Just a cock sucker to him? A cock sleeve? He does not know. He does not want to know.
He finally gathers the courage to brush his teeth–only for it to remind him of what he did last night. The shape of his mouth still longing for Xiao’s cock. Fuck, that makes him hard. As if the testosterone in the morning is not enough to give him a boner, a reminder of how he had taken Xiao so well last night is a sure fire way to make him stiff.
He looks at his twitching cock, reaching down to touch it when Lumine opens the door.
He quickly reaches his arms back, pushing the hem of his shirt down to hide his embarrassing morning wood to his sister.
Fuck, Lumine.
–
Despite the hurdle that morning, the twins arrived surprisingly in time for class.
The class is ever so busy, some are talking with their partners about their project, others are chatting away about who knows what. Aether couldn’t care less. He’s not got the sleep nor the patience to deal with gossip right now.
He looks over to his designated seat—taken. What is Kaeya doing in his seat?
He starts walking over to shoo Kaeya out when he notices Xiao, looking at him. He stared at him back, almost expecting Xiao to say something when he extended his arm and signaled to the seat next to him.
“I thought you didn’t want to be seen together” Aether said quietly as he pulled his chair back.
Xiao gave him a blank stare, “We’re partners for this class, dumbass.” he scoffs.
Right. Partners
Aether’s mind had been completely occupied by Xiao leaving him alone, in the cold, dead night, that he had forgotten they were actually partners.
Aether thinks, maybe for too long, half-expecting an apology that never came. “..Right. Where did we leave off last night?”
Xiao went quiet. He knew how bad Aether felt– he’s seen the look on him. He may be an asshole, but he’s not stupid.
Thankfully, the teacher walked in before Xiao could think of a response, and promptly asked them to continue their work from yesterday.
Xiao thought it was a blessing in disguise. He didn’t want to unpack the mess he made yesterday as he left Aether. He didn’t want to unpack the mess that was Aether.
The rest of the class was awkward. The atmosphere is heavy with responsibility, or heartbreak. Neither of them can tell which is which. It felt like they were both walking on eggshells, drowning the thoughts with what they call work. Of course, it doesn’t help. A ticking time bomb is still ticking, no matter how long the fuse is.
Aether’s words cut sharp, slicing the uneasy air they both choked on. “How was the party?” he says, typing away, as to act normal.
“It was alright. I didn’t stay much longer.” Xiao answered quickly, almost sounding like it was practiced.
“But I thought Hu Tao was there?”
Xiao looked up, not expecting Aether to have said that. “She was, yeah.”
“I thought,” Aether paused, swallowing his words and looking back at Xiao. “You liked her.”
“What? She’s not my type.” Xiao answered.
“Right. What is?”
“You–” Xiao replied quickly, sounding so sure.
Thoughts raced through Aether’s mind. You? Me? What? The thoughts that he wanted to drown out, finding a life vessel in such a simple word.
Xiao coughs, “-- know we should pack up.” As he shuts his laptop.
How stupid of Aether to actually think that he was Xiao’s type? Of course, Xiao wouldn’t say that. Not in a million years. “Right. I’ll see you for lunch?” He forced himself to say.
“I actually have practice after this class.” Xiao says as he packs his things inside his bag. “I won’t be at school for the afternoon.” He followed as he slings his bag on his shoulder.
“We need to submit this by tomorrow morning–” Aether says furiously, hurt that Xiao hadn’t informed him sooner.
He gets cut off by Xiao, looking back at him “How about I see you at my house tonight, at 8?” He says as he runs off.
And just like that, Aether was alone again. The wounds of last night barely recovered, yet Xiao ripped it open. He wanted to cry. Does he deserve to be so uncertain? He does not know. He does not want to know, not right now.
Aether sat with Lumine and Paimon for lunch. The two would talk about their own projects, as Aether thirdwheeled. His mind replays, ‘I guess I can go’. Xiao’s words haunt him shitless. That’s not even to mention that Xiao totally said he was his type.
He did do that, didn’t he? He didn’t just imagine that.
‘What’s your type?’
‘You–’
Was that all in his mind? Surely, not.
Hopefully, not.
A notification from his phone would give his blank stare some life, though. It was from Xiao. What does he want now? Aether opened his phone reluctantly, still mad about all that happened
“You busy?”
Aether doesn’t know how to reply. He puts his thumbs to the keyboard to type ‘No.’ But he quickly deleted it. He doesn’t want to be too available to Xiao.
“Finishing lunch.” He sent.
He’s not even started yet. His mind is far too occupied with Xiao, his stomach is empty of sustenance. He puts his phone down to actually touch his food, but it lit up far too quickly. Like Xiao was ready with what he had to say next. Annoyed, he picked up anyway.
“Alright. You’re coming over tonight, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, sweet.” *Sent an attachment*
Xiao sent a photo of himself from practice. Sweaty, hair a mess, and make-up melting off his face. To top it all off, he’s wearing a white shirt. The sweat forming a silhouette of his chiseled abs, and his chests poking through.
Aether almost dropped his phone onto his food, and Lumine must’ve noticed the life come back to her brother’s eye as she said, “Careful now. We don’t want your phone to eat before you do.”
Paimon gives a chuckle, and Aether pulls his arm from the table. Hiding his phone close to himself.
“What is that?”
“I’ll see you later” Xiao typed.
What the fuck? What was that?
Aether doesn’t need more uncertainty from Xiao. He doesn’t need more questions from the man. He doesn’t need this push and pull from Xiao. None of it.
The day would pass by without Xiao. It’s not unusual. He’s used to not seeing Xiao for days, weeks even. Not today though. Not when the man would send provocative photos, and not explain after. Not when the culmination of today leads to Xiao’s place.
Aether’s confusion only grows as he approaches Xiao’s house. He has so many questions, and what sucks is, he can’t get his answers tonight.
Focus. He’s here for the project, and nothing else.
He rings the doorbell, and Xiao beckons not too long after.
Xiao looked comfortable. His pink pajamas contrasting on his teal hair nicely, sitting atop his framed body.
He didn’t take Xiao for a ‘shoes off the house person’, but he apparently is. He leaves his shoes off the doorway, and Aether followed.
You can feel the cold air inside. The cold tiled floor touching Aether’s socks uncomfortably.
Aether sat himself down the couch, “So uh,” As he props up his papers and laptop next to Xiao’s, he says, “You live alone?”
“Yeah.” Xiao replied, heading into the kitchen.
Should he follow? Is this another customs of Xiao? Before he can stand up, Xiao came back and handed him water.
“I’m glad you didn’t get lost on your way.” Xiao says as he sits next to Aether.
Aether exaggerated his offended face and said “Lost?” Do you even know me?”
“Ah you’re right—” Xiao says as he makes himself comfortable. “I don’t.”
Aether was taken aback. He knew what Xiao was like alone. But he never had him closed doors. Is this him being vulnerable? That can’t be…
“I’m sorry.” Xiao leans forward, “About last night.”
Shit. He IS being vulnerable. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Aether said as he was shuffling his papers, trying to make himself look busy.
Xiao immediately followed it up, “I just didn’t want to—”
“Drop it, Xiao. Let’s focus.”
That was good, right? Keeping focus is good. They can talk about feelings later, but right now, they need to finish this paper.
Right. Paper. Aether’s drop from 0 to 100 caught Xiao off guard, so he had no choice but to follow Aether’s lead in doing the actual work.
No matter the awkwardness, Aether kept his cool the entire time. He’s really determined in making this project work, and he’s not letting dick get in the way.
It’s past midnight and they had just finished their first draft. They were planning to do so much more than that, but fuck is it difficult to communicate between them two. Thanks to Aether’s effort, they were able to come up with something to present tomorrow.
It was not a fruitless endeavor, but they were both spent by the end of the night. Xiao had fallen asleep first, and Aether atop of him soon after.
They were close. So close. Xiao’s breath would hit Aether’s face as a warm embrace. It did not stink. It smelled more of tea and herbs, instead of what you would expect from a man. Aether would not notice though, no. He’s too tired from today. Too tired from last night. Too tired of everything.
He dozed off onto dreamland, unmoving atop Xiao's sleeping body. Oh, the games that life plays. Aether would kill to see the sight of them cuddling, yet he’s dead asleep in the moments of it.
It would not be long before Aether wakes up though. He felt the hands of a man fondling his ass, and he thought he was still dreaming.
What the fuck? What the fuck is Xiao doing?
He barely opens his eyes, trying to make sense of what is happening. He can’t actually see what’s happened, but he’s sure of one thing. He feels Xiao’s hard cock pressing against his legs, Xiao’s hands pinching his ass cheeks.
He looked up to Xiao, and he hadn’t even opened his eyes when he started humping his legs.
This doesn’t feel right. Not at all, no. Aether doesn’t want it. Aether shouldn’t want it.
Xiao opened his eyes, and flipped them both together in one swift motion. Aether fell onto his back and he was too tired to fight back. Maybe a little engaged. He still doesn’t know.
The teal haired man is now on top of him. His eyes still blurry from waking up so suddenly. Nothing is clear at this point.
Does he want this to stop? Does he like this? He does not know.
He tried thinking the situation through, but his mind was still unclear of what was happening. He must’ve said his thoughts aloud because the very next moment,
Xiao replied “Shut up. You know you want this.” As Xiao kisses down Aether’s neck, his hands would grip around it like it’s the last thing he would let go of.
Aether is taken aback. He doesn’t know if he wants it. “Xiao, wake up–” Aether cries out, squirming under the man’s body. “You’re choking me.”
“Just take me, baby.” Xiao insisted, leaning more of his body weight on Aether, making it difficult for the blonde man to move.
His hands would let go of Aether’s neck, only to guide the man’s hands down to his crotch. “See what you’re doing to me? I need this.”
Baby. Fuck. There goes that word again. Hearing it sent shivers down his spine. He likes sweet words. But his actions are not sweet. It is anything but.
Aether’s moment of hesitation gave Xiao the opening he needed. The man on top of him pinned him with his legs, “I need this, please Aether. Don’t fight it.” Xiao continued as he unbuckled his pants.
Aether did not fight back. Despite every fiber of his being telling him to, he does not fight back. Despite it not feeling right, he does not fight back. Because it’s Xiao telling him not to. Because it’s Xiao, begging him, asking him to just give it to him.
And he must have noticed the lack of resistance from Aether. Because the very next moment, he made his way down, also taking off Aether’s pants, just low enough to expose his ass cheeks.
“You’re so good for me.” Xiao says, as he looks at Aether’s exposed plump ass.
Aether doesn’t know what to feel. How to feel. He doesn’t know what to say. And before he could think of what to say, Xiao put his fingers down his mouth. Pushing it down like it belonged there.
Aether gags, and Xiao looked amused. “You love being a slut for me, don’t you, baby?” Xiao said, as his other hand would work inside the man’s shirt, finding Aether’s nipples and twisting it.
The blonde could not help but squirm. From the touch or from the gag, he does not know. He’s not sure of anything. For a man that hates uncertainty, he’s not resisting this.
Aether whimpered as Xiao pulled his fingers away, his mouth would follow, hating the feeling of being empty. Xiao would not leave Aether empty for long though, as he puts his two fingers, wet from Aether’s spit, inside the man’s hole.
It made a wet slick noise, and Xiao would say. “Fuck, you’re so soft.” as he leans down to kiss Aether. “Tell your hole to shut up, baby.”
Aether bent as he heard that, tightening his hole as if to trap Xiao’s fingers there. The teal haired man noticed it, and inserted the length of his fingers further, teasing Aether’s insides.
“Xiao, please–” He sobbed, pulling away from the man’s kiss.
Xiao would interrupt this with his fingers curling up inside the man’s hole, “Please what, baby? I can’t hear you.” He further teases, as he parted his fingers inside to stretch the man.
Aether lost his words. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to say ‘It feels so fucking good’ or ‘You’re fucking hurting me.’ He cannot find the right words. His mind clouded with lust, his hole filled with fingers. If he wanted this to stop, he cannot bring himself to say it.
Not that what he wanted mattered, because Xiao was quick to act. He pulled himself back, and before Aether could realize it, Xiao had lifted his legs up in the air. “Beautiful.” Xiao simply mumbled looking at Aether’s puckered hole.
Xiao entered abruptly, forcing his way in. Aether would arch back at this. His head is already spinning from what’s happening– having the man of his dreams’ cock inside him isn’t helping.
“Good fucking girl.” Xiao says as he pounds his way in, entering so easily, pressuring Aether’s prostate, “How many studs have been in here, huh, slut?”
Girl? He’s not a girl. He’s a man, with a penis attached to him. He’s not a girl, and he won’t let himself be called one.
Regardless of his thoughts, Xiao would continue to pound and bully his hole.
Aether cried harder at this. He gnawed at the air, begging for Xiao to take a break. His whole body was shivering from this. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? He doesn’t know. This is his first time, so he promptly answered “Girl?! Please, Xiao you’re hurting me–”
Xiao hears this, and slows his pace down. “Anwer me, baby.” He says as he slaps Aether, leaving a red print on his otherwise pale face.
His hole puckered at the slap as it left a stinging feeling on Aether’s face, his tears would soothe the burning area. He cried out harder, mumbling inaudible words to Xiao.
“Aww, you like being spanked?” Xiao caressed the red print that he left, teasing Aether further with “Your boypussy just squeezed me so good.” As he continued to slap his face.
Aether’s hands would move to Xiao’s chest. Not to feel it, no. To push him away. “I’m not a girl–”
Xiao pushed harder, “Shut the fuck up, and just take it.”
And take it he does. His face red from the slapping, his nipples hard from Xiao playing with it. He’s a pathetic mess, bruised and marked from the face down. Fuck, he doesn’t know if he enjoys it. He cries, begs for Xiao to slow down, to take a breath, but no. Xiao is too far out of it. He’s not here. It’s almost as though it’s not Xiao fucking him.
His thoughts were immediately stopped when Xiao pulled out, and he whimpered at the feeling of being empty. His hole gaped at nothing, and fuck did that hurt more.
“You like this, baby? Just me bullying your fucking boypussy?” Xiao teases more, as he slaps his cock on the rim of it.
Aether cried out even more, and pulled himself closer to Xiao.
Xiao wiped the tears from Aether’s face, kissing the areas he had slapped him from earlier. He said, “I know, baby. I’m so bad. I’m sorry. I just need this, okay?”
Aether nods, and Xiao would insert himself back in.
The very action made Aether finish first, making a mess on Xiao’s shirt. Xiao would take his shirt off, only to give it to Aether and say, “Look at the fucking mess you made for me. Clean it baby, lick it up.”
Aether tasted himself at Xiao’s command. His tongue eating away at Xiao’s shirt.
“I wish you had your camera with you so you can see how fucking pathetic you are.” Xiao said, and the sight of Aether being so submissive is enough to do him in. He finished inside Aether and immediately pulled out.
It was sloppy. It was messy. He hurriedly buckled up his pants, only now seemingly waking up. “I— I’m sorry, Aether.” He said, tumbling as he walked backwards.
Aether took a long pause, trying to process what just happened. He did not just get fucked shitless by Xiao, and all he had to say was that He’s sorry???
Before he could think of what he had to say, Xiao had already gone upstairs. He’s stuck with Xiao’s come leaking out of him. He’s always dreamt of this moment, but fuck did he imagine it so differently.
He thought it would be romantic. It would be kind. It would be nice. But no, this is dirty. This is unkind. This is guilty. He feels guilty.
His thoughts were entirely stopped by Xiao tossing him a shirt. “Change into that. I’m— really sorry.”
At least Xiao was kind enough to offer him something to change into. Is that the bare minimum? Again, he does not know. This is his first. He’s yet to decide if he enjoyed it, or utterly hated it.
It wasn’t long before the two fell asleep. Aether was left on the couch as Xiao went up to his room to get a proper shut eye. Aether can’t believe any of it. He can’t believe that Xiao had just fucked him. That he’s sleeping on Xiao’s couch. That he’s wearing Xiao’s clothes.
He won’t believe it.
–
Aether woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. He still can’t believe what happened last night. Because what kind of idiot would let this happen? The guilt he feels is large enough to bridge the chasm between Xiao and his feelings. Fuck, it’s eating him alive.
Should he really complain though? Did he not like what happened? I mean, that was the goal, right? To have Xiao all to himself– even if it was just this.
And there the man is. Standing right by the kitchen counter, the morning light enveloping him as if he’s the son of heaven himself. The sight of him makes Aether mad. Or sad. Or happy? He does not know. Before he could decide which, Xiao looked back at him and started speaking.
“Pancakes?” Xiao reaches the plate full of pancakes.
Aether doesn’t know what to say. Is he just supposed to pretend like last night didn’t happen? “Right. Thanks.” He forced himself to say, swallowing the world’s hurt down his throat.
“What’s the problem?” And for a moment, Aether’s soul just left him. He thought they were pretending that nothing happened. Not immediately talk about it. He’s not used to Xiao talking about it, and neither is he expecting him to. “Are you more of a waffles guy?” Xiao followed.
Oh. Okay.
Okay. Cool. We’re playing cool. Nothing happened last night, Aether figures. If Xiao doesn’t want to talk about it, he can play it cool. He can keep his cool.
“This coffee for me?” Aether asks, a pathetic excuse for ‘playing it cool.’
“Yes. Take a seat.” Xiao answered.
It didn’t take long for Xiao to prepare their breakfast, and for Aether to stuff his mouth with it. The breakfast was quiet as the both of them tried to feel the awkwardness. The air is thick with the memories of last night.
Neither of them wants to address it though. It could choke all the air, but none of them will cave.
“These pancakes are good.” Aether tried to converse, keeping it civil between the two. His ass is aching and sore from last night, but he can ignore that. He can ignore all of last night, as long as Xiao can.
But of course, Xiao can’t.
He took a sip of his coffee, and looked at Aether.
This is a really fucking bad time to be vulnerable right now, Xiao. Do not do this to Aether.
Yet, he does so anyway.
“Aether, listen.” Xiao started, completely catching Aether off guard. “I’m sorry about last night.”
What the fuck. What happened to playing it cool? Xiao can’t just decide when or when is not the right time to bring up last night. That’s not fair to Aether, it’s not. What the fuck happened to playing it cool?
“I just thought you were someone else–” Xiao continued.
“Bullshit.” Aether stood up. If he wasn’t sure of how he felt before, he sure as hell is sure now.
“You just looked so feminine, and girly, and I–”
“Fuck you, Xiao.” Aether said, storming off the kitchen.
He put on his pants, gathered his things, and left the house. He seriously cannot believe that Xiao just tried justifying fucking him because Aether is what?
Feminine?
Girly?
Soft?
So what if a man is in touch with his feminine side? That should not excuse him getting fucked awake in the middle of the night. He’s a grown man with dick and balls, for Archon’s sake.
He’s furious. He’s fucking furious.
And Xiao,
Xiao is an idiot.
A big, stupid, fucking idiot. That’s how Xiao feels right now, and rightfully so.
What could Xiao even say to explain his situation?
Aether, I’m sorry for being an idiot. I totally knew I was fucking a boy last night, but I cannot bring myself to admit it. Anyway, can we still shag?
Is that good enough? Fuck no. Nothing is good enough. He’s just destroyed the man, both physically and emotionally.
How the fuck does he come back from this?