Chapter Text
Blitzo Buckzo was clumsily straddling a bendy apple tree branch, peering through a gap in the canvas of his best-friend-slash-situationship’s tent.
Fizz was getting ready for the show, painting big rosy circles on his cheeks over his usual white face paint. In just an undervest his lean arms were left on full display - the muscle never seemed to show much on Fizz, even though a lifetime of acrobat training meant he could beat any towners in an arm wrestle - a fact the pair had used to win a shit-ton of bets with cocky visitors.
Blitzo watched as Fizz finished his makeup, and began pulling striped, puffy clown pantaloons on over his underpants. Technically, it wasn’t creepy to watch Fizz getting dressed because they’d gotten dressed together looaaads of times before.
Even if Blitzo did find himself looking directly at parts of Fizz that casual-buddy-bros would usually actively avoid.
The gentle curve of his back.
His long, flexible legs.
The soft lines where his hips dipped into his pants.
Suddenly, Blitzo heard a rhythmic rasping sound behind him. He turned his head carefully, trying not to disrupt his balance, and saw a pissed-off owl demon staring back at him halfway up the tree, sawing at the branch with a hacksaw.
“Hey, what the fu-ahhhhhhhhh!”
The branch broke with a crack and Blitzo tumbled through the air.
He kept tumbling, as night enclosed around him, and he soon found himself floating among thousands of brightly glistening stars.
Oh. This was a dream.
Wait, why did dream-Blitzo have a boner right now?
The star’s pretty scowling face flashed into his head.
Art by DojoLoach
NO!
Not that.
Right! He was creeping on Fizz. Obviously that was what gave him the boner and definitely not the jealous expression on the star’s face.
But why was the star in Blitzo’s dream jealous of Fizz in the first place? That didn’t make any fucking sense!
FUCK! STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING STAR!
Back to Fizz. Sweet, familiar, comfortable Fizz.
As he drifted slowly through swirling pink galaxies, Blitzo couldn’t decide if it was creepier to spy on Fizz getting dressed, or to dream about spying on Fizz getting dressed. Then he remembered that it actually wasn’t creepy at all, for reasons he’d already decided on a minute ago.
A bright light among the stars grew until it filled Blitzo’s vision. It was big and round and covered in craters. The moon, Blitzo realised, but not like he was used to seeing it in the sky. It felt like he could almost reach out and touch it.
Just as he stretched his arm out to test that thought, a soft melodic voice rang in his ears.
“Save him.”
Blitzo hated when the characters in his dreams were all vague and mystical and shit. It made getting to the cool hero stuff take too long.
“Gonna need a little more detail than that, who the fuck is ‘him’?” he shouted back at the moon. He thought about excusing his language when talking to the moon, but it didn’t really matter. This was just a dream.
“My son,” replied the moon, “he rides into danger. Save him, before it is too late.”
Blitzo considered the request. Sure, he could go on a dream quest to rescue the moon’s son. Not like he had anything better to do while he was, y’know, asleep.
“Okay, d’you have, like, a description then? Of your son?”
The moon began wordlessly shrinking from view. God fucking dammit. Looked like he was gonna have to figure this shit out on his own. Well, the guy would probably just show up at some point. They usually did in Blitzo’s dreams..
Then he was falling through the sky again. The stars grew distant, and Blitzo saw the ground getting rapidly closer beneath him. He wondered if he’d wake up before he hit the ground. So much for that.
***
“You snore.”
Blitzo opened his eyes and sat up, taking a moment to remember where he was.
Oh yeah, Hell.
Only didn’t his travelling companions traitorously abandon him? Who the fuck was speaking then?
Turning onto his side, he looked around at the trees, and spotted what looked like a puppy, sitting up like a person against a nearby trunk. She had grey-white fur, and wore a little dress that made her look like a character from one of those picture books Blitzo’s mom used to read to him and Barbie at bedtime.
“It was fucking loud,” she added, “You should see someone for that.”
Blitzo blinked twice.
“Aren’t you a little young to be using that kind of language, missy?”
He wasn’t sure why, but he felt protective of the girl-slash-puppy-slash-demon. She was far too cute for a potty mouth like that.
“Fuck off.”
“Hey!”
The puppy slouched further down the tree, crossing her cute little puppy arms and wearing an adorable fed-up expression.
Only then did Blitzo notice a heavy chain attached to her collar, wrapped several times around the tree behind her. He wondered if maybe someone had left her here for safe-keeping, though as he thought that he felt kind of gross about the idea. She was just a kid, right? Why chain her up?
Blitzo guessed people did chain their dogs up all the time back home, even puppies, to keep them from running off.
“Did your owner leave you here?” Blitzo asked.
“Uh, no??” the little demon replied, looking at Blitzo like he was an idiot.
Blitzo decided the puppy’s attitude was pretty adorable too.
But someone had to have left her here, right? He decided to clarify, since maybe she wasn’t getting him.
“Like, the person who looks after you?” he tried.
She was so wittle and adowable. Who wouldn’t wanna just scoop her up and take care of her?
The puppy’s eyes widened for a second, then she scowled and turned away.
“I don’t need one of those,” she huffed.
Blitzo wondered, then, how the little pup had gotten chained to the tree. If she didn’t have an owner, had she done it herself? Maybe dogs just liked being chained to things. He’d never really had the chance to ask before, since he’d never met one that could speak. At least, he didn’t think so.
Just as he was about to ask, he heard a little sniffle. Then another one.
A thin wet streak was making its way down the little puppy girl’s nose.
Blitzo’s protective streak flared up again.
“Ohh, no-no-no, don’t cry, sweetie!”
Shit, He’d made the cute little puppy girl sad. He’d made her CRY. Just like he always made little kids cry, FUCK!
“I’M NOT– *sniffle* CRYING!!” she shouted back.
She was definitely crying.
God fucking dammit, how had he fucked up so bad already? He had to fix this somehow. What did kids like? Fizz! Wait, shit, Fizz wasn’t here. Okay, what would Fizz do?
“Heyyyy, wanna see a magic trick?”
The sniffling stopped.
The puppy turned her head over her shoulder, looking up at Blitzo with wet, expectant eyes.
The words had escaped Blitzo’s mouth before he’d had the chance to remember he was shit at magic tricks. Fuck, if he fucked this up he’d only make it worse. But he couldn’t just say he was gonna do a magic trick and then… not.
Blitzo took a hellcoin out of his pocket, pinging it into the air for some extra flair - which pretty much backfired ‘cause he looked stupid flailing around when he almost didn’t catch it.
He tried to win it back with a big ol’ smile as he presented the coin to the puppy.
“See this?”
The puppy nodded.
Now for the hard part. Blitzo flourished his hands and slipped the coin down his jacket sleeve to make it ‘disappear’. Only it missed his sleeve and landed softly in the grass by his foot.
Buuut the trick could still work if she hadn’t seen it fall. He decided to commit.
“Nnnnot anymore you don’t! Ta-dah!”
“It’s there.” The puppy stared directly at the coin on the ground. Fuck.
“LOOK OVER THERE!” Blitzo shouted and pointed into the woods. As the puppy looked away, he swept up the coin and produced it from behind her ear.
“Ta-dahhhhh!”
“Ta-dah what?”
“It came out of your ear!”
“No it didn’t.”
“Uhh, yes it did.”
“You picked it up.”
Okay, smart-ass. Maybe this kid was too old for magic tricks.
“You’re not very good at magic,” the puppy said, like Blitzo didn’t know that already.
“Yeah, well, got you to stop crying, didn’t I?”
“I WASN’T CRYING!!” The puppy gave him an angry (adorable) look.
“And I didn’t pick up that coin.” Blitzo grinned back.
She didn’t argue back this time. Smart kid. Blitzo sat against the tree next to her.
“Blitzo, by the way. What’s your name?”
She eyed him for a moment before replying:
“Loona.”
“Loona, huh? Pretty cool name.”
Blitzo wasn’t even just saying that to make her like him more. It suited her. A cool as fuck name for a cool as fuck kid.
“Well Loona, how’d you end up on your own out here?”
He’d considered asking about the chain, but decided on a gentler approach in case she, y’know, didn’t want to be chained to the tree. Which, now that he thought about it, seemed more likely.
“I– I just am, okay?”
She’d started to sound a little upset again behind the hundred-and-forty-two layers of defensiveness. Blitzo decided to quickly change the subject.
"Hey, want me to give you a hand with this chain?”
Loona’s whole body tensed as she looked up at him. Her eyes darted across his face. She reminded Blitzo of a scared little mouse about to get whacked with a broom.
Oh shit, yeah he wasn’t gonna mention the chain right away. But he’d said it now.
“I, uh, can untie it from the tree… if you want.” Blitzo offered.
Loona held eye contact with him for a few more seconds. Her big red eyes almost reminded Blitzo of the star’s. Then she nodded.
She watched Blitzo carefully as he walked around and around the tree, unwinding the chain.
Blitzo wondered what kind of demon had chained her here and made her so scared. Something super evil probably. What kind of heartless monster would tie up an innocent creature against their will??
When he finished, he gave a final “Ta-dahhh!”, hoping to make her laugh or something. She didn’t.
“It didn’t hurt you?” Loona asked, staring unblinkingly at the coiled chain in his hands.
Blitzo looked at the chain in confusion. Hurt him? Why would it hurt him?
“Uhh, I–”
“You really are magic!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his legs in a tight hug.
Blitzo didn’t have the heart (or humility) to tell her that he really wasn’t. And next, when the chain disappeared from his hands in a flash of light, he really didn’t think it’d make sense to say otherwise. So he didn’t.
Loona jumped excitedly about on all fours, seemingly making the most of her newfound freedom. That is, until she noticed Blitzo watching her with big glistening eyes of admiration and stood back up on her hind legs, leaning against the tree with a deep blush spread over her cheeks.
“Uh, thanks,” she offered, sounding totally unimpressed again. By now Blitzo had realised that was just part of her unique charm.
He wondered if she was going to be okay out here in the woods on her own. Wasn’t it kind of a dick move to leave a little kid unsupervised? What if she got eaten by a Smellywood or something?
“Hey, I’m heading into the mountains to find… someone.”
Loona didn’t seem like she was gonna rat him out to anyone about the star, but Blitzo didn’t wanna take any risks.
“You can come with, if you want.”
“You’re looking for the star, right?” she retorted.
How the fuck–
“How do you kn–” Blitzo caught himself, just in time. “I mean… Noooo. What star? What’s a star, even?”
Loona didn’t look like she bought it.
“The tree told me to tell you something,” she continued, ignoring Blitzo’s attempt at acting like he didn’t know what stars were.
Blitzo looked over Loona’s shoulder at the tree. Looked normal. It definitely hadn’t said anything since he got there. It also didn’t seem to have a mouth. But hadn’t Moxxie also mentioned something about trees listening or speaking or some shit? Maybe. Blitzo had mostly tuned him out.
Loona, as if sensing his doubt, added: “You were asleep.”
“Hey, were you two talking shit about me behind my back??”
“Aren’t I a little young for you to use that kind of language, mister?” Loona mocked back, putting on a ridiculous voice that was nothing like how Blitzo sounded.
He really liked this kid.
“Okay, well I’m all ears.”
As he spoke, Blitzo remembered that his imp form didn’t actually have any ears. Not visible, at least. How did he hear then? He must have them… somewhere…
Maybe tree mouths were like that too…
“The tree said the star is in danger,” Loona continued, getting back to the main point.
Blitzo’s ears pricked. Or at least, they would have done if he had any ears.
“What sort of danger?” he asked, imagining a thousand different but equally terrifying hellish scenarios at once.
Loona shrugged.
Blitzo looked to the tree for an answer.
It didn’t.
Stupid fucking star riding off on a unicorn on his own. What did he think was gonna happen?? If he was in so much danger that a fucking tree was telling this kid to warn his kid-napper - wait, no, his star-napper - about it, he was probably in a fuck-ton of danger. What if he got hurt?? What if he died??
… Well it’d be his own fucking fault!
It’s not like Blitzo actually cared about his bitchy ass anyways. He just needed to bring the star back to Fizz safe and sound. Like he said he would. Did he say that? It didn’t matter. That’s what he’d decided to do.
Blitzo swore and paced beside the tree, trying to figure out how the fuck he was gonna catch up to a unicorn on foot. He’d already tried running. That’s how he’d ended up passed out next to Loona. He could still feel the star getting further from him.
“You seem kinda pissed,” Loona remarked, accurately.
“Yeah well he wouldn’t be in this shit if he’d just stayed put like I told him!”
Or if Blitzo hadn’t been so fucking stupid leaving the star alone with Princess Sparklehorn.
“Did you upset him?” Loona asked.
Blitzo stopped pacing. He thought of the star’s continuously scowling face. His irritated retorts.
His bound wrists.
What kind of heartless monster…
But that wasn’t the same thing! Blitzo had a super good reason! He wasn’t evil - if anything the star was the evil one for not wanting to help him! Yeah, fuck him!
Blitzo decided not to explain all that to Loona. Not that she wouldn’t agree with him, she totally would, but just in case he worded it badly and she got the wrong idea.
“It’s useless, Loonie,” Blitzo sighed, “there’s no way we’re catching up to the star.”
“There’s a carriage heading to the mountains further up. If you run now you’ll catch it,” Loona replied.
Okay how the fuck did she know that? Did the tree tell her that too? How did a random tree know all this shit?
There wasn’t time to ask.
“That’s weirdly convenient but, uhh– fuck it, let’s go!”
Blitzo turned on his heel and started running up the road. A few moments later, he noticed Loona wasn’t with him.
“Come on, Loona, you said we gotta–”
He turned back to call her, but there was no sign of the little puppy girl who’d been chained to the tree.
“Loona?” He called out again. Shit, he didn’t have time to look for her if he was gonna catch that carriage. And without the carriage he had no hope of catching up to the star. And if he didn’t catch up to the star–
She’d be alright, right? The tree hadn’t said anything about her being in danger. She was a smart kid.
Blitzo took one last look towards the tree. Then he ran.
He ran and ran, veering this way and that along the winding road as it led up the mountain. And just when he reached a crossroads, a black carriage drawn by two of the most gigantic and bad-ass looking horses Blitzo had ever seen whizzed past, almost sending Blitzo careening off the edge. Before he’d even had the chance to regain his balance, let alone open his mouth to call out to the driver, the carriage had disappeared around the bend.
Shit.
Blitzo scrambled on all fours up the steep hillside, ignoring the steadily inclining path of the road, and shouted at the top of his lungs for the carriage to come back, hoping to fuck that maybe the driver could still hear him.
Fuck, what if the star fucking died because he couldn’t get this fucking carriage to pull over??
He dug his claws into the dirt, clambering and yelping for the carriage to stop.
The star was gonna fucking die and it was his fault.
In a frantic mess of grasping limbs, Blitzo tripped over his tail and went careening down the mountainside. A series of painful crashes and bumps later, he landed face-down in a bramble bush.
Fucking shit shit fuck!!!
Blitzo pushed himself to his feet, sore as shit and bleeding from bramble scratches.
Why did he even care about the stupid fucking star!??
He picked up his pack-on-a-stick and threw it hard at the ground. It didn’t break so he stomped on it a few times. Then, when it still didn’t break, he kicked it down the mountainside and watched its contents scatter across the dirt.
Seeing all his food get ruined, he felt something akin to instant regret. But he soon decided that all of this was the food’s fault in the first place for making him leave the star alone. Fucking traitorous food. It could fucking stay in the dirt.
This whole fucking thing had been a stupid mistake. He was stupid when he agreed to it and he’d be even stupider now not to give up, head down the mountain and go home.
The star could just fucking die by his fucking self since he wanted to be alone so bad! See if he cared!
But in spite of Blitzo’s continuous reminders to himself about how little he cared, he found himself stomping his way back up the mountain anyway.
He really was a fucking idiot.
Perhaps there was some kind of blessing on idiots in Hell though, because before long he came across a familiar black carriage, stopped just short of a fallen tree lying across the road.
A tall figure stood surveying the tree. He wore a dark cloak and a hood obscured his face, but his shoulders were so broad he could probably move that massive tree all on his own!
Okay maybe noone was that strong, but he seemed swole as fuck even under the cloak. Blitzo figured making himself useful might be a good place to start if he was gonna ask this guy to let him bum a ride out of the goodness of his heart.
“Need a hand?” he shouted over.
The stranger turned his head sharply and two narrow green eyes stared at Blitzo from under the hood. The eyes softened as they landed on him, and the man settled into an easy smile.
“What’s a fine demon like you doing all the way out here?”
His voice was like hot melted butter on a pancake drizzled with syrup. Blitzo felt his face flush a little at the compliment from the handsome stranger - handsome in a demonic but who-wouldn’t-wanna-hit-that kind of way. The guy was practically dripping in sex-appeal, even with his face mostly obscured by the hood.
And he’d called Blitzo a ‘fine demon’, huh? Did this mean he was hot by demon standards? Fuck yeah!
Smiling smugly back at the stranger, Blitzo suddenly remembered he’d been asked a question,
“Oh, uhhh, just– on my way home,” that wasn’t technically a lie, “back, uh, through the mountains!” Blitzo shot fingerguns in the direction of the tallest peak. That seemed to be where the star was headed.
The larger demon’s slitted eyes scanned the range, and Blitzo thought that maybe for a second his smile faltered, but he was soon gleaming in Blitzo’s direction again.
“Actually, I could do with a hand moving this tree out of the road,” The request fell smoothly from his lips, “since you’re so kind to offer. It crashed right in front of us, almost hit Nyx and Achilles,”
Cool as fuck horse names.
“The weird thing is, there was no wind,” he added.
The stranger made pointed eye contact with Blitzo, something like a challenge in his smile.
“Huh, that… sure is weird!” Blitzo awkwardly grinned back. He marched up to the tree and whispered a quick thanks to it. Hopefully the tree hadn’t seen him kick that stick back there…
Bracing both hands under the thick trunk, Blitzo began to heave.
The tree didn’t move.
So he tried backing up against it and pushing with his legs, but they just slid hopelessly along the ground.
He laid on his back, hooking his feet under the trunk to try and lift it, but that didn’t seem to help much either.
Honestly he thought the big guy with the cool horses would help him out instead of standing around watching with a shit-eating grin. He was still kinda hot though. But he figured he probably shoudn’t think that about people who weren’t the star– FUCK, NO, FIZZ, HE MEANT FIZZ. Stupid brain. He was obviously super tired from all the running and tree-lifting.
After a few more seconds of concentrated effort, Blitzo suddenly lifted the tree high into the air. Holy shit!! He did it!! He had to be the strongest imp in all of Hell! It didn’t even feel that heavy! Actually, it kind of felt like he wasn’t carrying anything at all–
An indigo glow of magic had surrounded the trunk, and the tall stranger’s hand was held outstretched. With a flick of his wrist, the tree went flying off the side of the road, landing with a crunch of branches.
Oh, okay. Fuckin’ show off.
“Shit, why didn’t you just do that to start with?” Blitzo brushed himself down. Woulda saved him getting his cool jacket all dusty. Asshole.
The tall demon lowered his hood, shaking out a mane of fiery blue hair and chuckling to himself.
“My apologies.”
Damn, his voice was even butteryer-er than Blitzo remembered from like a minute ago,
“But what else is a demon to do for a little entertainment ‘round here?” The man’s green eyes seemed to flicker up and down Blitzo’s torso.
Wait, was this guy checking him out?
Okay well. Fine then. He was hot demon shit. It was understandable.
Blitzo watched as the stranger stepped back up into the drivers seat of his (awesome as fuck) black carriage.
“Thanks for… the help.” The large demon wiggled his eyebrows as he spoke, picking up the reins and readying to set off.
Oh he was totally coming onto him. Time to turn on the charm.
“Hey, if you really wanted to thank me properly, maybe I could…” Blitzo leant his elbow against the seat of the carriage and looked up at the stranger with lidded eyes, “catch a ride with you?”
The fiery haired demon’s grin grew wider. Blitzo figured he was in with a shot here, even if the guy was expecting something else… but he could worry about getting out of that one later. Right now he just needed to get on this carriage.
The stranger's face suddenly dropped.
“Wait, how old are you?”
Ah fuck, was this guy a pedo? Of course demons would be into that shit. But, if it helped him get a ride…
“Seventeen,” Blitzo answered honestly, trying to lull his voice in a sexy way. “My birthday’s not for a whole three weeks~”
What kind of pedo wouldn’t be into that.
The large figure scoffed and shook his head. “Sorry, kid, maybe when you’re a little older.”
Fuck, the demon had MORALS!??? What kind of Hell was this??
“Wait– WAIT!” Blitzo shouted as the surprisingly sexually responsible demon raised his reins to set off. “Please, I- I can help with other stuff! I can, uhh–” Shit, what else did he have to offer? Oh yeah! “I can look after horses real good!”
The demon gave him the kind of straight, unimpressed look that Bitzo had often found himself on the receiving end of. Then raised a single questioning eyebrow.
“I promise, I’m not bullshitting you, I know everything there is to know about horses, just–” Blitzo sighed, letting his shoulders droop. “Please. I need this.”
An unbearably long second passed, and Blitzo felt the stranger staring right into him. Like he was undressing his soul. Which wasn’t as sexy as it sounded.
“Fine,” the demon finally replied.
“Shit, really!?”
“Get up here before I change my mind.”
Blitzo hopped eagerly into the seat beside the much larger demon. For a second, as his eyes glanced across the carriage, he thought he saw five oddly shaped figures through the window. But he blinked and they were gone. Had he imagined that?
The demon beside him scooched away slightly in the seat.
“And no funny business, m’kay?”
“Yessir! I mean, uh– no, sir!” Blitzo laughed nervously. He was still staring behind him into the empty carriage.
His new travelling companion flicked the reins and they began to make their way up the mountain.
Blitzo decided it must have been a trick of the light. But maybe he’d keep an eye on it every so often, just to be safe.
He smiled to himself. Something out there in the universe really must be on his side. He was gonna find the star (again), and then everything would be okay.
Sure, the star was still a massive bitch, and it’s not like Blitzo missed having him around or anything. His face probably wasn’t even as pretty in real life as Blitzo had remembered it being in his dream this morning! But even if he was a gigantic pain in the ass, that didn’t mean he wanted him to die!! And after sweeping in and saving his life from whatever this mystery danger was, maybe the star would finally show him some appreciation. Maybe he’d finally let Blitzo take him back to Fizz without throwing another hissy fit.
Yeah, everything was gonna be just fine.
***
Atop the highest, coldest peak of the miserably barren mountain range, Andrealphus stood. Waiting. Silvery dagger in his right hand, rusty cleaver in the left. He grazed them gratingly against one another, and the sound rang out through the crisp air like an awful whine.
He hated waiting.
He looked at his left hand, grimacing at the sight of the gnarled bony talons and speckled flaking skin. A stain on his otherwise perfect and youthful physique, and a grim reminder of the consequence of using any more magic before finding the star. Ditchwater Sal had deserved it, of course, but he’d need to be careful not to use too much in laying his trap.
The star was close now, he could feel it. He yearned for the bloody metallic taste on his tongue, relished at the thought of that slithery wetness sliding down his throat, wriggling and struggling. He stretched his neck blissfully at the thought of it, an exhilarated moan escaping his beak.
Soon.
But first, there was some preparation to be done.
He turned to the two goats, who were both grazing on a single tuft of yellow grass sprouting from a crack in the icy rock. It seemed a shame to have to waste more of his youth on them, but this trap had to be laid carefully. Every detail must be perfect.
With a wave of his claw and a fluttering of snowflakes, the goats’ short fur grew out into elegant white feathers. The pair stood on their hind legs, stretching up to meet Andrealphus’ height. Two beautiful female goetic demons. One mature and motherly. The other young, alluring, and slightly boyish. There must be something of the imp still in him. No matter. He’d make do.
“You are Billie.” he pointed to the first, “My beautiful and adoring wife. And you,” he pointed to the second, “are Denise. Our daught–” He stopped in his tracks as Denise reached up to cup her feathery new breasts. “Stop that!” He scolded, batting her hands down.
His whole left arm now felt frail and gaunt. Lifting his sleeve to examine it, he brushed against loose feathers, which floated to the ground leaving raw crusty skin behind them. He sighed. Another necessary sacrifice. But soon to be fixed. Now where was he?
“You, Denise, are our daughter. We run the inn at the top of this mountain.”
Denise, who was formerly a goat, who was formerly formerly Dennis, looked around gormlessly at the barren, inn-less landscape.
Billie, who had been a goat all her life until a moment ago, stared lazily ahead, picking grass out of her beak.
Andrealphus sighed. Working with these pathetic excuses for lifeforms was beneath him. But needs must.
“Patience, dear daughter,” he assured through his gritted beak.
He sprawled his talons over a rock, willing it to change, but this one was stubborn. It always had been easier to change the living. Rocks were too old, too set in their ways. Glancing around for an alternative, his eyes settled on the chariot.
Oh yes, that should work.
At a single touch, the chariot’s wooden panels bowed and sprawled themselves into an inn, with old weather-worn beams and an iron sign hanging above the door.
Andrealphus felt the skin sag around his belly. Disgusting. At least it was hidden by his robe.
The two recently reconstructed goetia stared up at the towering building, their jaws hung open.
Hm. It was nice to see his work appreciated. Even if it was by idiots. His sister probably would have just complained about the shape of the windows or the pattern of the roof tiling.
“Come, both of you,” He beckoned, making his way inside. “It will snow soon.”
***
Blitzo was gonna give Nyx and Achilles so many pats and nuzzles. They were catching up!! It was gradual, but he could feel them getting closer. The star could SUCK IT! In a saving-his-stupid-life-whether-he-likes-it-or-not kinda way, obviously.
The carriage had stopped a little while back at a turn in the road, and the tall stranger had tossed some little rocks with strange markings into a bowl. They started glowing red, and apparently that meant they needed to carry on up the main road. Seemed like demons didn’t use maps then. But they were still definitely headed the right way to catch up with the star too, so that was lucky. Blitzo didn’t know what he’d do if they started going the wrong way. He probably couldn’t take this guy in a fight. Probably.
Besides, he didn’t exactly want to fight him. He seemed like a chill guy!
Along the journey, Blitzo had found himself wondering where the star was trying to run off to in the first place. He probably knew all about Hell, having watched it from the sky all his life. But maybe he had better things to do up there than look down at all the people and demons and their boring-ass lives. Maybe he played star-tag with the other stars. Or had a fuck-ton of star-sex. Though the star had never answered his question on whether stars actually had sex.
Blitzo’s collar got tight all of a sudden, and his stomach felt kind of hot. But not because he was thinking about the star having sex. He just hadn’t ridden in a carriage for this long before. It was probably travel-sickness.
Maybe he should think about something else though.
“So, where are you headed?”, he asked the stranger.
The larger demon chuckled back. “Where you been?”
The way he said it made Blitzo feel like maybe this was something he should know. Y’know, as toootally real demon.
So was this guy in the demon newspaper or something? Maybe he was famous! He did have fancy horses… Blitzo couldn’t risk this guy figuring out he was human. Eh, he could for sure fake it.
“Obviously I know, uh– some things– about you.” He tried to carefully read the demon’s reactions as he spoke.
The demon’s face fell a little. “Then you probably heard about the king’s passing. My brother and I… we’re the only ones left in the race now.”
“Ohhhh, right.”
That gave him… something? Blitz scrambled for the right response. “Uh. Sorry?”
The demon shot him a confused look.
Fuck, abort! ABORT!
“I mean NOT sorry!” Fuck, the big guy just looked even more confused now. Try again. “Kinda sorry?”
The stranger exhaled through his nose. Or his beak? His beak-slash-nose thingy.
“You’re a weird little guy,” he replied.
Okay, bit of a step down from being a ‘fine demon’, but he always had been looks over personality, so it was a matter of time.
“What’s your name?” the stranger continued, looking down at him curiously.
“It’s Blitz–” FUCK! No giving his real name to strange demons!! How many fucking times!
It was fine, he’d realised just in time to save it.
“Just Blitzø. The O is silent”
Perfect. A completely fake name that was nothing at all like his real one. Moxxie would be proud.
“Well thanks, Blitzø.” the stranger replied.
Heh. He bought it.
“I don’t meet many demons who see the tragic side in all this. They usually assume I’m out for power. But really? I got a good thing going in Lust. Honestly, I’d rather stay there. But Satan on the big throne? Now that’d be a pain in the ass. No offence.”
Blitzo - or, Blitzø now, he guessed (gotta stay in character) - had no idea what most of that meant. He’d heard of Satan, like, the devil. But why would calling Satan a pain in the ass offend him? Everyone in Hell probably worshipped him, he guessed.
“Feel free to call me Ozzie, by the way,” the demon added, “‘n how ‘bout you? Where you headed?”
Even if he liked Ozzie, Blitzø had a feeling telling him about the star was a bad idea. But he also didn’t wanna outright lie to the guy - what if he said something and then forgot what he’d said later? A half-truth was the best reasonable compromise.
“I’m– looking for someone. But I think he hates me.”
Ozzie’s fiery blue hair tinged purple for a moment. “Ooooooh, you got love troubles?” He seemed a little too excited about that. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“NO,” Blitzø quickly corrected “No, not like that. I mean, I guess I do kinda have ‘love troubles’, but that’s with someone else. NOT– not this guy.”
“Mmhmmmmm.” Ozzie’s buttery voice crooned out. “So why’s he hate you?”
Ohhh where to fucking start. Because he’s a massive bitch? Because he’s a spoiled, prissy, selfish asshole?
“I tied him up,” Blitzø said, before his brain could cut off his mouth. Why the fuck did that come out? That wasn’t what he was thinking at all!
Ozzie sucked his teeth. “You gotta communicate with each other if you wanna get kinky. Not cool, Blitzø.”
Yeesh, that kinda stung.
Ozzie felt like one of those cool uncles that Blitzø didn’t wanna let down. Which was weird cause he was coming onto him before… but that was in the past. Things had changed in the last few hours.
Yeah, okay, maayybe the whole tying-up shit wasn’t super cool of him, but Ozzie didn’t know all the reasons why he had to!! It was NOT a kink thing for starters. But Blitzø couldn’t exactly explain that he had to tie the star up to bring him back to the guy he was actually trying to make fall in love with him - that sounded even worse! And it wasn’t!! Anyone who’d seen everything happen through Blitzø’s eyes would totally agree with him.
“Think about it from his perspective,” Ozzie said, as if he could read Blitzø’s mind. Wait– could he? That’d be bad.
Blitzø thought really hard about a naked grandma (The same one he’d thought about when he was riding Princess Sparklehorn with the star) to see if Ozzie reacted.
Nothing. Phew. Get grandma back outta here.
“Not everyone’s gonna be into the same shit you are, and you gotta respect that. But when you find someone who is? Mm mmm, now that’s magic,” Ozzie finished.
It probably should have felt weirder getting sex advice from a random guy he’d just met, but Blitzø found himself taking it on board. He was just glad Ozzie wasn’t yelling at him. Was this the kind of thing dads were supposed to say to their kids?
Blitzø’s dad never said anything like this. The only time they’d talked about sex, he said to never let anyone make him put a wrap on it, and to run away with her money if she gets pregnant.
Thanks, Dad.
“How do you know?” Blitzø tentatively asked, “If they’re… into it?”
Memories of hushed evenings in Fizz’s tent flashed to the front of Blitzø’s brain. They’d never gone that far. Sure, he’d wanted to try it, but they always seemed to get interrupted, or Fizz would change the subject and start talking about having to go do something or other.
“You don’t gotta guess, kid.” Ozzie smoothly replied. “Just ask.”
Huh. Yeah, that made sense.
Blitzø wondered what Fizz would have said, if he’d asked.
Maybe it was easier not to know.
Eventually, when it got too dark for the horses to see the edge of the road, the carriage stopped off by the side of the road for the night. Ozzie offered for Blitzø to sleep inside, but he thought he saw a glimpse of those strange figures again, and decided he’d rather sleep by the fire.
As he lay under the stars, looking up at the vast sky, he thought about the star. It was cold in the mountains. Did stars know how to make fires?
Blitzø reminded himself that the star was probably snuggled up just fine with Princess Sparklehorn right now. Traitor. He had nothing to feel bad about.
Only, he was starting to think that maybe he did.
“I’ve gotta be the stupidest guy in Hell.” he muttered to himself.
From across the fire, a smooth voice replied. “You’re young and in love. Every demon like you is the stupidest in Hell.”
The next morning a frost had formed over Blitzø’s jacket and horns.
Fuck, it was fucking cold.
The air fogged up from his breath like a dragon, and he pretended he was one while he tended to Nyx and Achilles. Being a dragon would be cool as shit.
They soon set off up the mountain again, and the air got even colder. By mid-afternoon, the wind had picked up and snow had started to fall. It felt like it pierced Blitzø’s face as the carriage trundled on up the icy road.
“You should ride inside.” Ozzie offered, raising his voice above the gale. “No need for both of us to freeze our asses off.”
Blitzø cautiously glanced over his shoulder through the carriage window. It looked empty. For now.
“Eh, my ass is already frozen,” he settled on, trying to sound casual about it because he wasn’t scared.
Ozzie seemed to follow Blitzø’s eyeline back towards the carriage, but just for a second before he was focused on the road again. Could he see them, Blitzø wondered?
Evening fell and the snow turned into a blizzard. Ozzie said something about the storm, but Blitz couldn’t fully hear him over the loud-ass wind.
Was the star stuck out in this as well? Blitzo probably wouldn’t even be able to see him 10 feet away in all this.
Despite that, he looked out into the white frenzy.
A warm hazy light broke through the snow, getting bigger and closer.
An inn.