Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Bucky was no longer a wanted man, not by the government, not by Hydra, not even by Steve – though the last one was what he was really concerned about. His name had been cleared; he hadn’t killed that man. He’d been... well, not welcomed into society, but he was working up to it. There were still people in the city that crossed the street whenever they recognized him, but Stark had allowed him to stay at the Stark tower, so he was counting his blessings with that one. One step at a time, he supposed.

Back to his Steve problem. Steve had vouched for him relentlessly, he was a big part of the reason why Stark had allowed Bucky to move in, and though Bucky had been grateful at first (as he’d always be around Steve) he was beginning to think that it hadn’t been such a good idea in the first place. Steve wasn’t avoiding him, per se, but he was definitely keeping his distance. They hadn’t done anything since Bucky had moved in and that had been nearly a month ago. At first, Bucky had thought it’d been because of his and Stark’s spotted past, but then they had worked through that. Now, Bucky wasn’t really sure why Steve was so out of his reach. Sure, he saw him all the time, every day, despite Steve shooting down the offer of sharing a room with him, but Steve seemed set on not crossing that line again.

It was confusing because of how they’d left things. The last time they’d been close had been the night in Steve’s apartment where they’d cuddled in bed all night after a heated make-out session. Bucky wanted more. He knew he was being selfish, but he thought he had the right to be. There were still years upon years they had to make up for, and he didn’t think he could wait a moment more. He didn’t want to.

It was just after a mission; half of the group were huddled around the dining table eating breakfast at four in the morning. Bruce, Natasha, Clint and Wanda had all gone off to get some sleep, and Thor had returned to Asgard, but the rest of them were still up... in a sense.

Stark, Sam and Peter were at the table, though Bucky wouldn’t have classified them as ‘up’. Peter had his head resting in his arms on the table and Bucky was pretty sure he’d fallen asleep some time ago, if his light snores were any clue to that. Sam looked like he was the next to go, consistently sitting up like he’d been jolted and then slouching over his food ever so often. Stark was the only one that was as awake as Steve and Bucky, he was currently carrying on a conversation with Steve.

Bucky watched them from across the table, sliding his scrambled eggs around his plate with his fork. He wasn’t really hungry, he was too energized from the mission still – he needed to blow off the steam, or he’d never get to sleep.

Steve laughed at something the engineer said, Bucky wasn’t really listening to what they were talking about though – he was only observing. Bucky slid his milkshake over to himself, his metal fingers clinking against the glass as he did so. They’d picked up sandwiches on their way back into town, but Peter had been craving milkshakes so obviously Stark had made one for each of them.

Bucky glanced over to the sleeping teen who was drooling onto his arm (lovely) – his milkshake was untouched. Stark had also made them proper breakfast food as well, though that had been Sam’s request. Sam, who was still struggling to stay awake – his food looked barely touched. Bucky smiled softly to himself at the sight before focusing back on his own drink. He slid his tongue around his straw, guiding it to his mouth before taking a sip from it. He reveled in the feeling of the chill sliding down his dry throat; it felt and tasted good – he was pretty sure he’d inhaled his fair share of smoke during the mission. Bucky lifted his eyes and startled a bit when he discovered that Steve was watching him from across the table.

Stark was still talking, but Bucky had seemed to caught Steve’s attention somehow – the one thing he’d been trying to do for the last month. Bucky twirled his tongue around the straw and watched the way Steve’s Adam’s apple bobbed slowly as he tracked the movement with his eyes.

Bucky cocked a brow at him as he pulled off, purposely leaking some of the vanilla shake onto his lip. He swiped it away with his tongue, keeping eye contact with Steve the whole time.

“What are you doing?” Stark asked, breaking Bucky out of the staring match he’d been having with Steve.

“What?” He wondered, feinting innocence.

Stark looked at him, which was when Bucky realized that the engineer hadn’t even been talking to him. Tony turned back to Sam, clasping a hand on his shoulder, “You can eat later,” he said. “You’re going to plant face first into your bacon if you keep this up.”

“Fine, fine,” Sam mumbled, swatting Stark’s hand away from him. “I’m going.” He slowly rose to his feet, swayed, and then staggered away.

Stark watched him go, rolling his eyes, before he glanced back to Steve, “I should probably get the kid to bed anyway.”

“...‘m not a kid,” Peter murmured from behind his nest of arms.

Stark sighed and got to his feet, moving around the table to help Peter to his feet. “Come on,” he said, walking a few feet from the table before turning back to Bucky and Steve. “Do you two mind cleaning this all up?”

Steve answered before Bucky could, which was probably for the best, “Yeah, we got it, Tony, no problem.”

Tony nodded, “Thanks. I’ll see you later. Get some sleep.” With that said, he ventured off after Sam, helping Peter on his way.

Bucky chuckled softly as he watched them go before turning back to Steve who was already clearing the table. Though when Bucky went to rise to help, Steve shook his head.

“Finish your food,” Steve told him, not looking back as he took the dishes he had gathered into the kitchen.

Bucky ate a bit more, but when Steve returned to the table to clear more, he mentioned, “I’m not really that hungry.”

Steve paused, a fistful of cutlery hovering in the air for a moment before he raised his eyes to Bucky’s. “Well, at least finish your shake,” he said. “You seemed to be enjoying it earlier,” he quipped, his lips quirking slightly, before he went back into the kitchen, continuing to load the dishwasher.

Bucky smirked softly and did just that, sliding his straw back into his mouth to drink down the sweet beverage. Within minutes, Steve was finished clearing all the dishes except for the glass that held Bucky’s milkshake.

When Steve sat down again, he sat right beside Bucky, their knees bumping as he settled down in the chair Peter had been using before. He watched as Bucky slurped down the last few drops on his shakes. “You done?” Steve inquired, raising a brow at him – he appeared amused.

Bucky made an obnoxious slurping sound, completely draining the glass before setting it down with a loud sigh of content, “Yes, I think I-” Steve was on him before he could finish the teasing remark.

Steve lifted him up off his chair and pushed him down onto the table – Bucky was grateful that the surface was cleared, he didn’t want a fork or something else digging into his spine. Steve pressed him down onto his back before sliding on top of him, straddling Bucky on the table, and smashing his mouth to his.

Bucky laughed into the kiss as he gripped at Steve’s shoulders, spreading his legs so Steve could settle in between them comfortably. He slid his fleshed hand up into Steve’s short hair, tugging softly as he Steve opened his mouth against his, his tongue slipping in to tangle around his. Bucky moaned as Steve’s hips met his, letting him feel how hard the younger man was.

Steve detached after a minute, breathing heavily into Bucky’s face as he rested his forehead against his. “You... are... so... stupid,” he spoke out in between breaths.

Bucky blinked up at him in confusion, “What?”

“I’ve been sending you signals for weeks- weeks, and breakfast with the group is when you choose to retaliate?” Steve leaned back a bit, bracing himself on his hands beside Bucky’s head. “So stupid.” Before Bucky could even think to speak, Steve’s mouth was on him again, shutting him up and rendering him breathless.

*.*.*.*

Steve didn’t know what he was doing wrong. Bucky had been living here for almost a month now and... nothing. Steve had been pulling out every stop to get his attention, and nothing had seemed to work. Maybe Sam had been right, maybe he didn’t have ‘game.’

<<<.<<<.<<<

It was Steve’s idea that Bucky take the room right next to his. If he’d had full say, he would have suggested they’d roomed together, but he was still a little on the outs with Stark and didn’t want to push his luck even further. Tony had already agreed to let Bucky stay here in the Stark tower – Steve knew that if he asked for anything else, he’d be crossing a line. He also assumed that Bucky would want his own space for his own things, not that he had a lot of baggage (in the literal sense) at the moment, but Steve was sure that wouldn’t be the case forever. Steve was honestly just happy to have him so close.

Still, Steve waited a few nights before coming to him, wanting to make sure he didn’t come across as too overbearing. He knocked lightly, waiting for Bucky to answer instead of just walking in like he was allowed to.

Bucky came to the door a few moments later, looking half-asleep and dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. His hair was slightly ruffled from lying down – Steve wanted to smooth it down with his hand. “Hey,” the brunet greeted, smiling sleepily. “What’s up? Did you need me for something?”

Steve shoved his hands into his pockets so he wouldn’t fidget so much or straighten out Bucky’s hair. “Uh, not really. I just wanted to see how you were settling in.” He glanced over Bucky’s shoulder; it was easy to do – it had been a long time since Bucky had been able to block his view.

“It’s... good,” Bucky told him hesitantly, rubbing at the back of his neck before covering his mouth as he yawned. “Is that it? I was trying to sleep.”

Steve blinked, he hadn’t been expecting the answer. “Oh, right. Sorry, uh...” technically, he didn’t really have anything else, he’d just wanted to be close to him. They hadn’t really talked since Bucky had moved in. They hadn’t done anything else either. “I guess not.” Steve shrugged, turning to go, but he stopped when Bucky spoke up, hope blossoming in his chest.

“Actually, Steve... could you maybe...” Bucky faded off, glancing back over his shoulder.

Steve bit his lip, anything, he thought. Just say the word. He hoped his eagerness did show on his face – he wanted Bucky to ask him to stay.

“Could you maybe talk to Stark about the AC system in here?” Bucky wondered, looking back to him. “It’s like a hundred degrees in here, and as you know firsthand, I run pretty hot. I’ve been practically melting the last few nights.”

Steve nodded tightly, not letting the disappointment show on his face. Bucky would come to him in his own time; he just needed to be patient. “Right, uh, I’ll talk to him in the morning.”

Bucky grinned and clamped a hand down on Steve’s shoulder – it burned. “Thanks, buddy, I really appreciate it.”

Steve nodded again, forcing a small smile, “No problem.” He clenched his hands into fists inside of his pockets. “Anything else?”

“Um...” Bucky tilted his head to the side like he was thinking. “No, I think that’s all, but if I think of anything else, then I’ll let you know.” He stepped back inside of his room, “Good night, Steve.”

“Night, Buck,” Steve said, stepping back as well as Bucky’s door slid shut. He stayed there for a few minutes, just staring at the door. He could have asked, he knew that, but he didn’t want Bucky to feel pressured in any way. Bucky wasn’t subtle, if he’d wanted Steve to join him in his room he would have asked. Steve sighed to himself before walking back to his own room.

A week later, Steve’s patience had run out a bit. Maybe Bucky just needed a little push, just a little one to make it known that they were okay. Steve knocked on Bucky’s door, full of hope and some patience. He had taken some time to think about this before coming to him – he’d waited a week, figuring Bucky just needed a bit more time to settle in before he was comfortable doing anything... probably. “Hey,” Steve beamed as Bucky opened his door. “I was going to do some training, and I was wondering if you wanted to join me.”

Bucky smiled back at him, “Sure, let me just get dressed. I’ll be down in a few.”

“Great,” Steve replied, smiling just a little wider before turning and heading off down the hall. When he got down to the training room, he had a few minutes to think about how he was going to go about doing this. Stark had cameras in here, so he wouldn’t be able to do anything that was outright provocative, but perhaps he could get a little closer helping Bucky with stretching or-

Steve looked up as the doors to the gym swung open, but his smile immediately dropped when he saw that Bucky wasn’t alone. Sam was with him, which was fine, it just made Steve’s plan to get closer to Bucky more difficult.

“Look who I ran into,” Bucky seemed about as thrilled as Steve did, though he knew it wasn’t for the same reasons. Steve didn’t know why but Bucky and Sam didn’t seem to like one another. “Wilson was headed down here anyways, so I guess we could all have a session together.”

Steve forced a smile, nodding at Sam, “For sure, the more the merrier,” he boasted.

Bucky ducked his head as he came over to Steve, whispering, “I figured you’d say yes to him, so I did.”

Steve definitely would have said yes to Sam under different circumstances, now he wished Bucky would have just let him answer for himself. Though, it was too late now. He couldn’t exactly tell Sam to leave; he didn’t know how he’d explain himself. So, he sucked it up. He’d just ask Bucky to train a different day, just the two of them.

This is fine, Steve thought as he wrapped his hands. Everything is fine. He still had plenty of time to get Bucky alone.

Steve made it a day.

A day later, he pulled Bucky aside after lunch.

“Hey, I was thinking about maybe training again today,” Steve told him in a hushed voice as he didn’t want anyone else to invite themselves. “What do you think?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, it’s good to train every day, even with the serum, you don’t want to get out of a routine.”

“So, later then, alone,” Steve said – he wasn’t asking, he wanted it to be clear that he wanted Bucky alone. Just the two of them.

“Sounds fun,” Bucky replied, smiling. “I’ve got to have Stark check out my arm, but I’ll see you later, okay?”

Steve smiled widely, proud of himself. “Yeah, definitely. Good luck. I hope everything is in order.”

“You and me both.” With the said Bucky went off to find Stark.

Steve nodded to himself, good, he thought. See, everything is fine.

Steve waited and waited and waited. He did a few rounds with the punching bag between his constant glances at the clock as he waited for Bucky to show. Finally, when it had begun to darken outside of the windows, he had had enough – his patience had been draining the whole time and now there was nothing left.

Where is he? Steve thought, annoyed at his best friend. He was sure he’d been pretty clear. He’d asked Bucky to come train with him alone, and it was definitely later, so, what had happened?

Steve packed up his stuff and left, making his way up to his room. He put his things away before taking a shower. Maybe Bucky had forgotten about the training session – his mind was still pretty jumbled, and Steve didn’t know to what extent. Maybe he’d fall asleep? Maybe the checkup with Stark had taken longer than he thought it would? Whatever the reason, Steve wasn’t ready to give up quite yet. After he showered and dressed, he went straight to Bucky’s room, knocking lightly on the door in case Bucky was indeed asleep.

That wasn’t the case.

When Bucky answered, he didn’t look like he’d been asleep at all, “Hey.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, “Hey?” He repeated. “That’s it?”

“Uh...” Bucky looked him up and down, “How was the training?”

“It would have gone better if my partner had showed up,” Steve said, unable to keep his anger from his voice.

“Oh-” Bucky blinked- “Sam flaked on you?” He appeared genuinely sympathetic.

“What?” Steve shook his head, “No, you, dumbass.”

“Me?” Bucky pulled a face, “We trained yesterday.”

“Yes, but I asked you earlier, after lunch, if you wanted to train with me.”

Bucky pursed his lips, “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, Buck, I did.” Steve ran his hand through his wet hair. “I even told you to come alone to avoid what happened yesterday.”

Bucky stared at him for a long moment before he laughed, “Oh! I thought-” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, pal, I- I thought you were just letting me know that you were training later.”

Steve was seconds away from throttling him. “Why would I do that?”

“I was confused, too.” Bucky grinned, “I thought you just wanted to keep me in the loop or something. I honestly had no idea you were inviting me. You gotta word your shit better.”

Steve frowned before letting out a sigh, feeling his anger evaporate. It had been a simple misunderstanding; it wasn’t Bucky’s fault. “Right, okay,” Steve started, holding Bucky’s eyes with his, wanting to get his point across in the plainest of terms, leaving no room for miscommunication. “Tomorrow night. You and me. Training room. Alone. Seven o’clock. Is that clear enough for you?”

Bucky cocked a brow at him, “I don’t know,” he sighed, like Steve was asking too much. “Maybe I have plans.”

Steve huffed exasperatedly, “Buck.”

“Okay, okay.” Bucky smirked, “I’ll be there with bells on.”

Steve took a deep, steadying breath, “Okay, good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Can’t wait.” Bucky’s smirk softened into a smile, “Good night, Steve.”

“Good night, Buck.” Steve shook his head, smiling as well as he turned to go back to his own room.

Everything is fine, totally fine.

Everything was not fine. Steve wasn’t sure what was going through Bucky’s head, but it was definitely not what he’d had in mind. Every time Steve got close to him - to angle his arm, shift his posture, or even just to touch him - Bucky shrugged him off, telling Steve that he had it and that he was okay doing it by himself.

“I know you can do it by yourself,” Steve assured him, struggling to keep his composure. He was currently pressed right up against Bucky, his chest flush to his back, but somehow Bucky still wasn’t getting it. “I just want you to know that I can do it for you,” Steve spoke out suggestively, his lips almost brushing against Bucky’s earlobe.

“Well, you’re not helping,” Bucky huffed. “You are breaking my concentration though.”

Steve turned his head to the side before bowing it, hovering with his mouth a breath away from the back of Bucky’s neck, “I can break it further if you want me to,” he whispered.

However, just when Steve went to make well on his words, Bucky elbowed him in the ribcage and pushed him off. “I’m serious, Rogers, you wanted to train, so let’s train.”

It didn’t hurt, but Steve still rubbed his side, “Alright,” he surrendered, frowning. He didn’t understand. Was Bucky only acting like this because of the cameras in the room or had he changed his mind about them? Bucky had been acting so distant lately – it was as if they’d never been lovers in the first place.

Steve eyed him as Bucky continued stretching, trailing his eyes over his best friend’s form. Maybe he needed some advice. Steve knew war, strategies, mapping out things. He’d never been good with dating or romance or flirting – he’d never gotten the chance to really learn any of that stuff. He needed to call in reinforcements, and soon, because he didn’t think he’d last much longer. He didn’t want to end up snapping at Bucky – he couldn’t risk upsetting him and waking up one day to find him gone. Steve didn’t think he could live through that again.

Sam had been laughing for the last three minutes – he wiped imaginary tears from his eyes, “Is that why you looked so pissed at me the other day? How was I supposed to know it was a date? I would have left if I’d have known that.”

Steve, resting his face in his palms, hiding behind them, sighed loudly, “It wasn’t like a date-date, I just wanted some alone time with him.”

Sam snorted, “And then he thought that meant that you just wanted some alone time by yourself?” He shook his head, still chuckling.

“Yep.” Steve slumped his shoulders, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Then, when I finally did manage to get him alone, all he wanted to do was train. He thought it was an actual training session.”

Sam cackled, and Natasha kicked him so hard it had Steve wincing in sympathy even though the other man had been laughing at him for the last few minutes.

Sam quieted down, rubbing his shin, glaring at Natasha. “Ow,” he hissed at her.

“Have some empathy,” Natasha told him, eyes narrowed – she didn’t appear apologetic in the least.

Sam sighed and glanced back to Steve, “Sorry man, that’s rough. I would have caught on right away.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not looking to romance you, so.” Steve leaned back in his chair, letting out another sigh. “I don’t know what happened, I couldn’t have been more clear.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Natasha mentioned as she crossed her legs, settling back down in the chair across from Steve’s – she’d gotten up specifically to kick Sam. “Barnes’ brain is... well, he has gone through a lot. He isn’t the same man you grew up with. I’m sure he’s missing some things.”

“Like the brain itself,” Sam muttered.

Natasha ignored him, “Common sense, social cues,” she went on. “There is a chance he has no idea that you’ve been ‘putting the moves’ on him.”

Steve frowned, considering what she had said. “You really think so?”

“Either that, or you got no game,” Sam piped up helpfully, before taking a sip from his water. “When was the last time you asked anyone out on a date? Please tell me it’s been since you got back.”

“Well...” Steve averted his eyes, rubbing at his mouth.

“Before you went into the ice?” Sam asked, hitching a brow. Steve stayed quiet – Sam and Natasha shared a look. “You mean to tell us-” Sam looked back to him- “that you have never asked someone out on a date before?”

Steve held up a hand defensively, “It never came up. There was a war going on, you know? It’s not like I had the time to really meet anyone,” he sighed. “Well, anyone else. After Bucky died- after I thought he’d died, I never looked. I didn’t want to meet anyone; I didn’t want someone else. I just- I was in love with him. I’m still in love with him.”

That shut Sam up right away, a sober look creeping into his eyes.

Natasha leaned forward and placed a hand on Steve’s knee, patting it gently. “I think you have to be more clear,” she told him. “Neon-sign, gong-ringing clear. Don’t leave anything up to chance. Let him know exactly how you feel.”

Steve pursed his lips into a line, “I’ve been trying.”

“Well, try harder. He’s not going to get it unless you smack him in the face with it,” Natasha paused before smiling softly. “Metaphorically speaking, of course. Starting a fight might not be in your best interest.”

“Okay,” Steve agreed, feeling more confident already. “I think I got an idea.”

The next night, Steve cooked dinner for Bucky. He had somehow managed to convince the others to vacate the premises so they would be completely alone, maybe then Bucky would feel comfortable accepting his advances – Steve was sure that was part of the issue, he knew Bucky wasn’t big around crowds now, not since he’d been back. Before he had loved being around people, but that had been a long time ago. Steve wasn’t sure if he’d ever get back to that part of himself, but he decided he didn’t mind it if he didn’t. He only wanted Bucky to remember how he’d loved him before, and, yeah, maybe that was a little selfish, but Steve thought maybe he deserved to be a little selfish after all of this time.

Steve joined Bucky in the front of the television as he had also picked out a movie for them to watch together. He passed him his plate of food before settling down next to him on the couch.

“So,” Steve started, glancing over at Bucky, who was already stuffing his face. He smiled a bit. “Everyone is out tonight, and I figured it’d be nice to have some alone time together.”

Bucky nodded, licking his lips, cleaning some sauce from the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. Steve couldn’t help but track the movement with his eyes – he licked his own lips almost involuntarily. Almost.

“So, we’re alone, completely,” Steve added, making sure to get the point across. Natasha had suggested that repeating himself might do some good, might help Bucky actually hear what he was saying. “It’s been a while since we had some time alone,” he mentioned, when Bucky continued on eating.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Bucky said with a nod. “Are we going to watch something or did you want to talk?”

Steve frowned. A part of him wanted to keep talking, but it didn’t seem like Bucky wanted to – it seemed like Bucky was more interested in watching the movie than anything else. “Right,” Steve muttered as he picked up the remote. He hit play before he began to eat, trying to focus on the screen. He wasn’t too worried about Bucky’s mood, they had all night, he had time.

Though, the more they sat there, eating and watching the movie, the more he itched to say something. Steve finished his meal rather quickly before he set his plate down on the coffee table in front of them. He waited until Bucky was done as well before clearing their dishes. Steve loaded them in the dishwasher before heading over to the fridge and grabbing a couple of beers – he’d picked them up specially for tonight. He returned to the living room, holding one out to Bucky, who took it with a smile of thanks. Steve smiled back at him, happy to see a different expression on his best friend’s face. Steve uncapped his beer before settling back down on the couch next to Bucky – he took a swig from his bottle before setting it on the table.

They sunk back into silence. Bucky seemed to really be enjoying the movie, which was weird, because Steve had put on a boring one on purpose. He wasn’t sure how Bucky was so into it; it was a silent film – not that all silent films were boring, but the teenager behind the counter at the shop had assured him that this one was. Steve had been hoping that Bucky would be bored out of his mind and, therefore, want to do something else. Something much more exciting.

“Buck?” Steve whispered, leaning into his space.

Bucky took a sip from his beer, his eyes remaining on the screen, “Yeah?”

“Are you enjoying the movie?” Steve asked, slipping his hand over the cushion between them, his fingers inching closer to Bucky’s lap. “I’m finding it a little boring,” he went on.

“No, it’s fine,” Bucky told him with a shrug, still facing forward.

Steve exhaled, “Well, wouldn’t it be better if we did something else? We do have the place to ourselves,” he reminded him again.

Bucky had another drink, “Yeah, where is everyone anyway?” He glanced at Steve then, his brows furrowing. “Are they out on mission?”

“No?” Steve blinked at him, confused. “No, I- I don’t know where everyone is tonight.” It was the truth; he had no idea where everyone was. He knew they’d left because he’d asked Tony to get them out of the tower, but nothing more than that.

“Are you lying to me because I’m not cleared yet? I thought I was.” Bucky frowned. “Did Stark change his mind and you’re just here to distract me, so I stay put and don’t mess things up?”

“What? No, no, of course not.” Steve inclined farther, sliding right into Bucky’s personal space, the tips of his fingers brushing up against the denim of Bucky’s pants. “I actually- I asked them to leave, because I wanted you to myself.” He couldn’t have been more clear than that, he couldn’t, but somehow (somehow) it wasn’t clear enough.

“So, you lied to me?” Bucky questioned, setting his beer down on the table with a loud sound that had Steve flinching.

“What?” Steve gawked at him. Was this real? Was Bucky being serious right now? He had to be messing with him, right? “No, I wanted- I wanted us-”

“I think I’m done hearing about what you want, Steve.” Bucky got to his feet abruptly, “My mind’s already fucked up enough without you messing with it, too.” He picked his beer back up, “I’m going to finish this in my room. Enjoy your movie.”

Steve could only sit there on the couch as he watched Bucky walk away from him. What the hell had that been? He couldn’t have been more- he’d tried everything- he’d even taken Natasha’s advice and... what?

Steve took another swing from his beer and leaned back into the cushion behind himself. He was a little too stunned to move, but the minor setback didn’t deter him in the least. He just had to take things up a notch.

Okay, new plan, he thought. Steve was sure this next one would work; he was sure there would be no room for a miscommunication.

Steve was set on trying one last thing, and he was a hundred percent sure this was going to work. There was no chance in hell that Bucky could misread the situation. Steve had snuck into Bucky’s bedroom just before bedtime, knowing his best friend would be headed off to bed soon. He positioned himself on the bed with only a sheet covering him from the waist down. He was completely naked otherwise. Bucky had to get it this time; he couldn’t be that dense.

Steve perked up when the door to Bucky’s bedroom slid open, but what he hadn’t been counting on was to see Stark standing in the doorway instead of his best friend. Steve instantly threw a pillow at him.

Tony laughed and dodged it easily enough, simply stepping to the side to avoid the blow. “Oh, hey, Cap, I thought this was Sergeant Barnes’ room,” he told him, coming further into the room.

Steve flopped down on the bed with an exaggerated sigh, “It is, I was waiting for him.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Stark replied, still grinning from ear to ear. He perched down on the side of the mattress, clasping his hands together in his lap. “So, you and Barnes, hm? I got to say... this isn’t a surprise at all.”

Steve sat back up and glared at him, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said,” Tony huffed. “You two are pretty obvious, honestly. I’ve been worried about Barnes jumping you at a few debriefings and briefings and breakfasts and just any time of day when I’ve been in the same vicinity as you two.” He made a face before shaking his head. “Not something I would like to be around for.”

“Then why are you still here?” Steve questioned, still glowering. “Because Bucky should be up soon, so if you don’t want to see anything that will scar you...” he trailed off, hoping the engineer got what he was saying.

“Yeah-” Tony sucked on his teeth, creating a hissing sound- “about that,” he continued on, getting to his feet.

Oh, great, Steve thought sarcastically. What now?

“What?” He said out loud.

“Barnes is down in the lab,” the brunet informed him. “His arm has been giving him trouble again, so I’m working on it. He’s kind of locked in place, but the arm went all-” Stark made a vague gesture with his hands- “anyway, he needs a new shirt.”

Steve pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and let out a groan, “This shouldn’t be as hard as it has been,” he muttered as he dropped his hands to his sides. “I’ve been trying to get Bucky alone for weeks, but no matter what I do, he just- he doesn’t get it.” Steve frowned, adjusting the blanket over himself.

Tony eyed him for a moment before sighing, “God,” he exhaled. “I normally wouldn’t care, but I really can’t have you moping around the tower at hours on end-”

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Steve murmured.

Tony went on as if Steve had never interrupted him, “-it isn’t good for moral. So, I’ll help you.”

“How?” Steve narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re not going to say anything to him, are you?”

“God, no.” Tony shook his head, his face scrunching up. “I don’t plan to get that involved.” He picked a piece of lint off of his blazer and flicked it to the side. “I just meant that if I see you struggling with him again, then I’ll step in and help.”

“How though?” Steve asked again.

Tony shrugged, “I guess we both won’t know until next time,” he told him as he started to make his way back to the door. Then he seemed to remember why he’d come up in the first place and made a detour to the closet to grab Bucky another shirt. Stark paused in front of the door, turning back to look at Steve. “You could wait for him tonight, but I don’t know how long this is going to take,” he mentioned.

“Oh, so you do care?” Steve’s mouth quirked up at the sides.

“No-” Stark shook his head- “not at all,” he denied, but he smiled at Steve before he left, the door sliding closed behind him.

Steve decided to go back to his own room – he dressed before he headed out into and down the hall. He settled down on his bed with a sigh. He wasn’t sure why, but it seemed like the universe was plotting against him.

Tomorrow, he thought to himself decisively. Tomorrow will be better.

>>>.>>>.>>>

Tomorrow turned out to be hell in a handbasket. Some giant half-robot creature had been terrorizing the people of Oregon, so they’d been called out on a mission. Once they had defeated the thing (Peter had called it a Cyborg, but Steve didn’t know what that was), they’d stopped for takeout. When they arrived back at the tower, a few of them went off to get some sleep, while only a handful remained. Stark made actual breakfast food for them all, despite picking up sandwiches, Sam had wanted bacon, and upon Peter’s request, he’d made them all milkshakes.

Steve had stuck to the sandwiches. His stomach was already twisted in enough knots to add grease to the equation. He was trying to figure out how to get Bucky alone again, though they were kind of alone. Sam was falling asleep and Steve was pretty sure Peter was asleep. The only one actually awake besides Bucky, was Stark, who Steve was ‘talking’ to without talking to. He wasn’t really paying attention – he was just making noises with his mouth while his eyes continued to stray over to his best friend. He was worried about him. Bucky didn’t seem to be eating, which was weird, because Bucky was always in the mood for food.

Steve laughed at something Tony said, praying it was meant to be humor-inducing, but ultimately his mind kept drifting back to Bucky. He’d tried everything, he didn’t know what else to try. Though, what did eventually perk Steve up was when Bucky reached over for his milkshake, his metal hand clinking against the glass. Steve watched at Bucky swirled his tongue around the straw in a manner that was anything but innocent – Steve felt his own mouth start to water at the sight of it. He wished it was him under Bucky’s mouth and not the straw. He wanted to jump across the table and-

Steve’s train of thought cut off as Bucky’s eyes met his, he faltered slightly in his speech as well with whatever he’d been saying to Stark. He watched as Bucky’s tongue twirled around the straw, he’d clearly noticed how Steve was staring at him and using it to his advantage. This. This was what Steve had wanted for weeks, some acknowledgement that Bucky still loved him, still wanted him. Steve swallowed hard as Bucky basically started to give a blowjob to his straw, his eyes locked with his the entire time.

Bucky lifted a brow at him as he popped off the straw and some of the vanilla shake, that looked suspiciously, provocatively close to something else, splattered on his top lip. He slowly swiped his tongue over his lip, licking it clean.

Steve felt all the air from his lungs leave his body in one silent whoosh – he imagined it visibly coming out of him like a cartoon character.

When Stark spoke up, it felt like a frying pan to the side of the head – it knocked Steve out of the trance he’d been locked in with Bucky. Thankfully, when Stark asked, “What are you doing?” He hadn’t been talking to Steve or Bucky.

Small mercies.

Still, Bucky piped up with, “What?”

Steve almost face-palmed, but stayed silent, lowering his eyes back down to his own plate of food.

Stark was talking to Sam, chiding him about face-planting in his breakfast and informing him that he could eat later.

“Fine, fine,” Sam muttered, smacking Tony’s hand away from him. “I’m going,” he said as he got to his feet, slumping over before shuffling away from the table.

Stark rolled his eyes before shifting them back to Steve, who froze up, paranoid that he would now be called out on his staring, but the engineer only mentioned that he should get the kid to bed.

“... not a kid,” Peter mumbled, sounding exactly like a stubborn kid that didn’t want to go to bed yet.

Stark exhaled as he rose to his feet and moved around the table to practically pick Peter up from his chair, “Come on,” he told him as he steered the teenager away from the table. He paused a few feet away, turning back to look at the super soldiers and asking if they wouldn’t mind clearing the table.

“Yeah, we got it, Tony, no problem,” Steve replied automatically, failing in trying not to seem too eager to have Bucky to himself at last.

Tony nodded at him, “Thanks. I’ll see you later-” he paused briefly, and Steve didn’t miss the way his eyes slid between them. He smirked at Steve, sending him a secret wink, “Get some sleep,” he said before leaving the room with Peter in tow.

Steve began clearing the table immediately, wanting to get it finished and out of the way before he made a move on Bucky. He wanted his complete focus on him, and he couldn’t do that if there were dirty dishes everywhere. When Bucky started to get to his feet, to help presumedly, Steve shook his head at him.

“Finish your food,” he ordered before he walked into the kitchen, his arms full of dirty dishes. He set the ones that needed to be washed by hand in the sink while he put the others in the dishwasher, loading it up as quickly as he could without accidentally breaking anything. His hands were shaking with his excitement now – it was getting hard to control. He was practically buzzing with his eagerness.

“I’m not really that hungry,” Bucky let him know when Steve returned to grab another haul of dishes off of the table.

Steve stopped moving for a moment, his eyes sliding over to Bucky, “Well,” he said, partly smirking. “At least finish your shake. You seemed to be enjoying it before.” With that said he walked back into the kitchen, loading more dishes into the dishwasher and placing others carefully in the sink. He’d have to get the those later, he didn’t want to waste the time he seemed to have now. He wasn’t sure how long Bucky would stay in one place. Steve was still upset that he’d run off the other night without giving Steve time to explain himself properly.

Eventually, every single dish, except the glass Bucky’s shake was in, was cleared and put where it was supposed to be, whether that was the sink or the dishwasher. He decided to leave the glass, watching Bucky slurp down the last few remnants of the shake.

“You done?” Steve asked, cocking a brow at him in amusement as he sat down next to him at the table – despite using a straw, Bucky had a milkshake moustache. Steve had no idea how he’d managed that one.

Bucky slurped harder, louder before setting the glass down on the table with an even louder, satisfied sigh. “Yes, I think I-”

Steve really couldn’t wait another second. He lurched forward, grabbing Bucky by the shoulders and hoisting him up. He dropped Bucky down on the table, nothing short of graceful, and immediately slid on top of him, fully sitting on him. Once he’d locked his thighs around his waist, he leaned in, capturing Bucky’s mouth in a kiss, tasting and smearing the vanilla cream – it was something he’d been wanting to do for so long. Now, he felt the urgency course through him as Bucky’s body reacted to his, like Bucky had been waiting for this, too.

Bucky laughed into the kiss and spread his legs, letting Steve slot between them without an issue.

Steve slipped his tongue into Bucky’s mouth without invitation, licking his way into the wet heat, tasting him, savoring him. He felt Bucky’s fleshed hand slide up into his hair and tug, and Steve deepened the already harsh kiss. He adjusted himself, pressing his hips directly down onto Bucky’s and grinding his growing erection against him – he was pleased to feel that Bucky was just as hard as he was. Then Bucky moaned into the lip lock and Steve needed more.

He pulled back from the kiss, resting his forehead on Bucky’s as he struggled to catch his breath, trying to clear his mind and figure out what he wanted to do. He didn’t think fucking Bucky on this table was a smart idea, especially because he didn’t know how long this would take and did not want someone walking in on them. Though, he’d been trying to get him like this for week, so a part of him didn’t really care if anyone did.

“You... are... so... stupid,” Steve told Bucky, still in the midst of catching his breath – his lungs felt as though they were on fire, they rivalled the heat stirring in his lower stomach.

“What?” Bucky blinked up at him slowly, appearing confused, because of course he didn’t know what Steve was talking about. Steve had been running himself ragged for weeks, and Bucky hadn’t batted an eye.

Steve clenched his hands into fists against the table where he was holding himself up, feeling his frustration rise within him. “I’ve been sending you signals for weeks- weeks, and breakfast with the group is when you choose to retaliate?” Steve pulled away, giving Bucky a little bit more space, so he wasn’t yelling in his face. “So stupid,” Steve muttered before catching Bucky’s mouth with his once more, kissing him hard and shoving his tongue back in past his lips.

Bucky pushed him back by his shoulders, a look of confusion still plastered on his face, “What? What do you mean you’ve been sending me signals for weeks? Were they written out in fine print or something?” He teased.

Steve wanted to strangle him. “No,” he huffed. “I literally... I’ve been throwing myself at you for weeks. I wanted to train with you alone. The first time, you invited Sam, then the time after that, you didn’t show because you had assumed that I wanted to work out alone. Then, my personal favorite-” Steve scoffed- “was the last try, when you showed up and we were alone finally, but you kept insisting you didn’t need my help. You were completely oblivious to the fact that I was trying to touch you sexually and not to correct you.”

Bucky opened his mouth up in an ‘O’ shape, the realization flashing in his eyes. Then he was frowning again, “Well, that... how was I supposed to know? You could have been a bit more forward.”

Steve glared down at him, “I realized that, so I did. I was more forward. I cooked a homemade meal for you and got everyone else to clear out so it would be just us. I picked a boring movie that I cannot believe you were interested in, by the way, and I even bought your favorite brand of beer. Why do you think I was cuddling up next to you on the couch? Getting into your personal space? Why would I keep bringing up the fact that we had the place to ourselves? Why would I go through all that trouble just to ‘hangout’ with you?”

Bucky’s frown deepened, “Well, I just thought... we’re friends, aren’t we? Wasn’t that the kind of thing we would normally do?”

Steve halted, his annoyance and frustration faltering. He understood now. Bucky hadn’t been picking up on anything because he’d figured it was all out of friendship. A friendship he barely remembered.

Shit, well now Steve felt like an inconsiderate ass.

Steve sat back, settling on his knees as he placed his hands flat on Bucky’s sturdy chest, “I... well, the last thing probably would have worked, but you got busy and I got Stark instead.”

Bucky’s brows shot up into his hairline, “What? You and Stark?”

“No! No.” Steve waved his hands frantically. “God, no.” He shook his head, “I was-” he took a breath, feeling the back of his ears heat up. “I was waiting for you in your room, naked, mind you, in your bed, and he came up to get something for you. But I was waiting for you, Buck, not him. That was an unwelcomed surprise.” Steve grimaced, rubbing at the back of his neck as he remembered the other night. “A surprise that I never want to happen again,” he muttered.

Bucky stared at him for a whole moment, before he burst out into laughter, throwing his head back with the suddenness of it.

Steve narrowed his eyes down at him, waiting it out. Though, when it seemed like it was going to go on forever, he slid off of Bucky and got to his feet.

“You’re an asshole,” Steve told him, shaking his head once more. “I have- I have been trying my best- my best, for weeks, and now you’re just laughing at me?” He frowned. “Do I mean nothing to you?”

That shut Bucky up real quick. He sat up abruptly, his eyes finding Steve’s right away. “What? No, of course you mean something to me.”

“Something?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, “So… does that mean that you haven’t decided exactly what I mean to you?”

Bucky slid off the side of the table with a sigh, “It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about it- in fact, it’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.” He pursed his lips into a line before stepping closer to Steve, reaching out to take his hand in his. “I just... I don’t know. I don’t know how to remember. I thought you were being extra friendly these last few weeks to jog my memory, I didn’t even think you were ‘coming onto me’.” He wet his lips with his tongue, glancing down at their hands. “But even if I had known that, I wouldn’t have come to you weeks ago. It’s obvious you don’t want who I am now,” Bucky said, giving him a sad smile.

Steve opened his mouth to speak, but Bucky was already going on.

“It’s true, don’t deny it.” Bucky let go of him, tucking his hands into his pockets. “You... the man you loved is long gone, and I wish I knew how to get him back- I want to be that person for you, Steve, I really do, but I can’t. I don’t know how.” He went to step around him, but Steve moved, blocking his path.

“Just... try,” Steve pleaded, cupping a hand around Bucky’s face. “You can try, can’t you?”

“It won’t be the real thing, I mean... it’ll be real, I do feel something for you, but-” Bucky bit his lip, before exhaling- “it won’t be what you need. I can’t be him.”

Steve chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek for a moment before bringing his other hand up to close around Bucky’s other cheek, “I don’t want him,” he decided, speaking in a low voice. “I want you.”

Bucky furrowed his brows, “Steve, don’t- don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Steve wondered, tilting his head to the side. “Fall for someone new?”

“It’s more complicated than that and you know it.”

Steve shook his head, “But it doesn’t have to be,” he told him. He leaned in, brushing his lips over Bucky’s, and almost melted in relief when Bucky didn’t pull away. “You don’t have to remember everything right now, but I- I need you, Buck. I’ve needed you for weeks,” he whispered against his skin, pressing his nose into his cheek. “Please.”

He could feel it, the moment Bucky caved, his shoulders slouching and the tension, that always seemed to be there no matter what, left his body. Steve turned his head to the side, bringing his mouth back to Bucky’s and kissing him again – for real this time. He slid his hands into the long hair, tugging Bucky closer, parting his lips against his as he deepened the kiss.

Bucky moaned into the kiss, his whole body relaxing into it, “Steve,” he murmured after a moment. “Shouldn’t we- uh, move?”

Steve pulled back to look at him, he didn’t know whether to laugh or not. It was completely unlike Bucky to be the voice of reason, so it kind of threw him off guard.

At seeing Steve’s face, Bucky amended, “No offense, but I, too, would like to have you to myself. I don’t want someone walking in and getting a free peep show. I’m sure half of the people on your team wanna hit it.”

Steve sputtered, his eyes widening, “Oh, Christ, Buck, no.” He laughed then as he took Bucky’s hand in his and started to lead him towards the elevator, then down to the parking garage.

They made it back to Steve’s in record time, Bucky immediately shoving Steve up against the wall of his small front hall and attacking him with his mouth. Steve laughed faintly into the kiss, pushing Bucky back by his shoulders lightly, but Bucky’s lips only moved from his mouth to his neck, latching on there instead.

“Bucky,” Steve murmured, the word turning into a low groan as he struggled to keep his wits about him.

“Mhm?” Bucky mumbled, not letting up.

Steve felt his tongue trace down the column of his throat and shivered at the feeling of it, at the sensation of pleasure the simple action brought with it. He eventually untangled himself, slipping out from under Bucky’s persistent mouth and hands as he walked off towards his small kitchen. “Do you want a drink or something?” He called back over his shoulder – he could feel Bucky’s eyes tracking his every movement. “I think I might have some-” and that was all he got out before Bucky was picking him up from behind and carrying him into his living room. Steve grinned, shaking his head up at Bucky as the older man dropped him down onto the couch. “You’re insatiable,” Steve accused lightly, his eyes gleaming in sunlight that was coming in through the window – the sun had just begun to rise.

Bucky smirked as he straddled him, pushing him down onto the couch, making Steve lay flat on his back. “You’re stalling,” he shot back as he tugged Steve’s shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side. “And don’t act like you didn’t know this was coming,” he added as his hands settled on Steve’s belt, making quick work of opening it under his fingers.

“I’m sorry-” Steve cocked a brow at him, suggestively- “what’s coming?”

“Hopefully, you,” Bucky replied, grinning wider as he pushed Steve’s jeans down over his hips, teasingly slow. He shimmied the denim down Steve’s thighs and knees, before eventually deciding to take them off completely, removing his briefs with them. He threw the pants and underwear to the side as well, just like the shirt – though, they ended up hitting Steve’s bookshelf, knocking a few paperbacks to the floor. Neither of them made a move to go and clean up the mess, it wasn’t even a thought to entertain right now.

“Careful,” Steve still muttered, smirking lightly.

Bucky didn’t appear to have even heard him. He was sitting back on his knees now, almost transfixed. He trailed his eyes over Steve’s now completely bared body, his lips slightly parted, his breathing shallow. His gaze eventually dropped down to Steve’s leaking erection, which was flush against Steve’s lower stomach now that it had been freed. Bucky licked his lips as he followed a drop of precum that was sliding down the side of Steve’s shaft.

“Damn,” Bucky breathed out, just above a whisper. He reached out with his left hand and then faltered, his ‘attachment’ hovering in the air between them.

Steve tipped his head up, his eyes going from Bucky’s face to the metal hand and back again. He was confused by his reluctance for a moment before it clicked. “It’s okay,” Steve assured him quietly. “You can touch me, Buck. Always.”

Bucky bit his lip, “Are you sure? It’s not like... weird, or anything?”

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion, “Why would it be weird?”

Bucky was confused, too, “Because it’s not like... my actual hand.” He was well aware he could have used his real hand, but this angle was wrong – he’d have to move them, and he didn’t want to leave the space in between Steve’s legs for even a minute.

“You do use it as your actual hand, don’t you?” Steve wondered, partly reminding him. He’d seen Bucky use his metal hand for a lot of things, mundane things, not just on mission. Bucky had touched him with the hand before, but maybe it was different because he hadn’t had the opportunity to touch Steve here with it until now.

Bucky was hesitating still, despite Steve’s calming words. “Well, yeah, but-”

“Buck,” Steve cut in, sitting up a bit so he could cup his hand under Bucky’s jaw and pull him in. He kissed him tenderly for a few seconds, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip in a petting motion, trying to soothe him, before pulling back. “I trust you,” he assured him, whispering the words against his wet lips. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

Steve wasn’t counting that time Bucky had beat him senseless because he hadn’t wanted him to follow him. That was all in the past, this was now, and now they were good.

Bucky smiled a little and kissed him once more before Steve laid back down. “Okay,” Bucky murmured, mostly to himself. He wrapped his left hand around Steve’s shaft and Steve immediately hissed. Bucky stiffened up, instantly fearful that he’d somehow hurt Steve only by touching him. “Shit, are you-”

“It’s just a little cold, that’s all,” Steve interrupted again, “It’s alright, I just wasn’t expecting it. You can keep going.”

Bucky nodded, and then he began to pump Steve in his metal hand. He watched Steve’s face for any signs of discomfort, but there were none. Steve only looked back at him with affection and then he stopped looking at him when his eyes rolled back into his head and his body shook beneath Bucky’s as a wave of pleasure washed over him.

“Bucky,” Steve moaned, his hips bucking upwards, more precum escaping out of the tip of his dick, portraying how good he was feeling.

Bucky slid back a bit, stretching out along the rest of the couch vertically, before he settled down with his elbows on either side of Steve’s hips. Before Steve could say anything, Bucky was taking him into his mouth, slurping up the precum that had been consistently leaking out and practically taunting him for the last bit. He moaned around the tip, rubbing his tongue against the slit, gathering up more of the salty, slimy substance and swallowing it down like a man dying of thirst.

“B-Buck, oh God,” Steve hissed as his body jerked under him. His hands quickly found the back of Bucky’s head again, his fingers sliding into the long locks of hair. “I- this feels so-”

Bucky took his deeper, hollowing his cheeks as he lifted his eyes to Steve’s, who met his head-on. He maintained eye contact as he opened up his airway for, sliding Steve’s dick further down his throat.

Steve quivered under him, fisting his hands into Bucky’s long hair and pulling - not off, never off - but just enough to let Bucky know how much he was enjoying this. “I forgot how good this feels,” he murmured out without meaning to. He immediately tensed up, peering down at Bucky once more. “I mean- I-”

Bucky popped off him and smirked, his mouth and chin glistening with spit. “So-” he moved his lips up the side of Steve’s shaft, eliciting a stuttering gasp from the blond- “we’ve done this before, have we?”

Steve swallowed hard, before nodding, “Y-yeah,” he confirmed, trying to keep his composure. His mind was spinning, and still having Bucky’s mouth on him wasn’t helping him in any sense. “But- but it was years ago, before... before everything happened to you.” He combed his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “Before I- it was the night before I lost you,” he confessed lowly.

Bucky dimmed a bit, leaning back slightly. “Oh,” he breathed out. “Uh...” he paused, like he was searching for the right thing to say. After thinking for a whole two minutes, he finally decided on, “Well... has my technique improved?”

Steve snorted, rolling his eyes, “You’re- Christ, Buck. You haven’t changed at all.” He froze as soon as the words left his mouth, “Shit, I-”

“No,” Bucky cut in, shaking his head. He flicked his tongue out across the tip of Steve’s dick, and Steve bit his lip, stifling a moan. “Don’t torture yourself, okay? It’s fine, everything is fine.”

Steve studied him for a time before nodding, “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“No apologizing either,” Bucky instructed. “Just... enjoy this, okay?”

Steve nodded once more, “Sounds doable.”

“You sound doable.” Bucky gave him a rakish grin and pressed a soft kiss to the head of Steve’s dick before he slid his mouth back on, sucking Steve back in past his lips. He flattened his tongue against the underside of Steve, tonguing at the thick vein there in a way that had Steve shaking under him, and tugging at his hair more frantically.

“Buck,” Steve panted out, his hips bucking upwards into the slick heat of his best friend’s mouth. God, it felt good.

Bucky lifted his eyes back to his and smirked around his dick, his teeth grazing along Steve’s shaft. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew he’d improved; Steve was sure of it.

“Bedroom,” Steve breathed out desperately, his thighs shaking against Bucky’s cheeks. He didn’t want this to be over too fast – he wanted this to last, and he knew he wasn’t going to last if Bucky continued on like this.

Bucky pulled off of him, getting to his feet and helping Steve up off the couch. He kissed him again before taking his hand in his, his metal hand, and leading Steve down the hall towards his bedroom. When they reached their new destination, Bucky picked him up again, and honestly Steve was just stunned at how effortlessly he did it. Sure, it hadn’t been a big thing when he was small (though, for the most part, it’d been super annoying), but to have Bucky lift him like he weighed nothing, now when he did?

It kind of blew Steve’s mind.

“What are you smiling at?” Bucky wondered as he set Steve down near the top of the mattress near his pillows. He crawled onto the bed beside him, before sliding on top of him as he had done out in the living room. He settled down in between his legs once again, spreading them open with his hands.

Steve, realizing that he was in fact smiling, shook his head, “Nothing, just thinking,” he replied vaguely.

Bucky stroked his strong thumbs along his inner thighs, sending a wave of goosebumps over Steve’s flesh. “Whatcha thinking about?” The brunet pressed on, appearing inquisitive.

“Just you,” Steve told him, leaning back against the pillow behind him.

Bucky smirked, “What about me?”

“Mmm,” Steve hummed, debating whether to give him a direct answer or not. He didn’t need to think about it for very long. “Not telling.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him, “Why not?”

“Don’t want to,” Steve told him with a shrug, still smiling. “I’d rather be doing something else with my mouth,” he added suggestively, tilting his head to the side.

“No,” Bucky huffed, stubborn as always. “I wanna know. Tell me, or I’m gonna leave.”

Steve didn’t believe that for one second. Still, for the fun of it, he faked appalment. “Are you commanding me?”

“Yeah, I am.” Bucky’s smirk returned. He inclined, resting his hands on either side of Steve as he leaned over him. He brushed his lips over Steve’s as he spoke, “What are you going to do about it, Captain?”

Steve struck then, switching their positions in the blink of an eye. He chuckled at the gasp Bucky let out and relished in the shocked expression that was now present on his face. He held Bucky down against the mattress as he slid on top of him, straddling his thighs with his and keeping him firmly pinned in place – right where he wanted him.

Bucky was a little startled by the aggressiveness of the action, but his surprise was quickly stomped out as he felt Steve’s tongue shove its way into his mouth. Bucky moaned softly as Steve’s tongue tangled with his – he tasted like home. He reached out, closing his hands around Steve’s hips, holding him securely, pressed flush against him.

Steve slid his hands into the long hair, and pulled slightly, eliciting another noise out of Bucky. He pressed down against him, rotating his hips against his, letting Bucky feel him, letting Bucky feel what he was doing to him.

“Wait, wait,” Bucky murmured into his mouth, breaking the kiss even though it was the last thing that he wanted to do. “What about- are you sure about this?” He questioned breathlessly. “What if I can’t-”

“I meant what I said before,” Steve said as he traced his fingers down Bucky’s chest, before pushing up his shirt so he could touch him flesh to flesh. “I just...” he bit his lip. “I love you, Buck. And I know you don’t remember everything, but you remember this, don’t you? At least... some of it?”

Bucky scrunched up his nose, making a face, “I... think so. But I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m just really turned on by you or something.”

Steve gave him a look, “Wow, that’s- that’s actually...” he shook his head, taking a breath. “It’s a start, I guess,” he offered.

“So, are you going to tell me what you were thinking about or are you going to make me drag it out of you?” Bucky questioned, his lips quirking up.

“I don’t think you’re in the right position to be making any demands, Sergeant,” Steve informed him, smirking once more – his eyes glinted mischievously in the sunlight coming in through the window. “Don’t assume that just because you’re older, you’re the one in control here. You may have had the upper hand when I was smaller, when you could take me better, but things change.”

Bucky licked his lips, his gaze traveling over Steve’s larger body. The sunlight casted around Steve’s head and shoulders almost made it seem like he had a halo – which went directly against everything that had just come out of his mouth. “Damn right they do,” Bucky half-muttered, partly to himself.

“Though, maybe I’ll be nice and let you...” Steve trailed off on purpose, teasing him.

It peaked Bucky’s interest, “Let me what?”

Steve leaned in, placing his mouth next to Bucky’s ear, “I’ll let you fuck me,” he whispered before leaning back to see Bucky’s reaction.

Bucky was sure his brows shot through the roof – it took a whole minute, but he was able to eventually compose his face. “Oh, yeah?” He asked, smug, as if the words hadn’t done a number on him.

“Yeah.” Steve then twisted his hands into the front of Bucky’s shirt and in a swift, and startlingly action, he tore it down the front, baring Bucky’s chest to the cool air of the bedroom. He leaned in again, his lips ghosting over Bucky’s. “So, what do you say, Buck? You going to take a chance or what?”

Bucky growled softly and gripped at the back of Steve’s head, before pulling him in that last inch and kissing him hard. His other hand slid down to grip at Steve’s hip possessively, he began to grind up against him, finding a rhythm they both seemed to enjoy.

Steve kissed him back, moving against him, rubbing their erections together. He moaned into the kiss, and Bucky swallowed it down, sucking on Steve’s tongue as it infiltrated his mouth again.

Bucky flipped them back over, though he was certain Steve had let him because the blond had had no problem taking control only moments ago. “You’re such a punk,” Bucky hissed out between clenched teeth as his hips shot down again, grinding into Steve like he wanted to be inside of him.

Oh, wait.

“Lube?” Bucky uttered, without really asking the full question, but he knew that Steve would understand what he meant right away.

He did. “Bedside table,” Steve said, jerking his chin to the side. “Second drawer down, blue bottle.”

“Very specific,” Bucky taunted him lightly, but then reached over to open the drawer and dig inside of it until he found the lubricant. Once he had it in his hand, he sat back on his knees and unbuckled his own belt. He then reached into his jeans and pulled his cock free, hissing in relief at the lack of confinement.

Steve made some kind of choked off noise, and Bucky looked at him to see Steve staring at him – wide-eyed, open-mouthed.

“What?” Bucky cocked a brow at him, setting the bottle down to the side beside them. He still craved to be inside of him, but Steve’s expression had caught his attention. “Have you never seen my cock before?”

“Yeah... but just... just once,” Steve confessed, his eyes still glued to Bucky’s crotch. It was like he couldn’t look away. It looked bigger. Actually, it was absolutely bigger – he was sure of it. Now that he was seeing it in all its glory, not just from far away when Bucky had kneeled and jerked off in front of him all those years ago, it was definitely doing something to him. He wanted to touch it. He wanted to put it in his mouth. “Can I... can I touch it?” Steve asked hesitantly, his gaze still locked downward, unbashful. He hadn’t touched it before; Bucky hadn’t given him the chance to.

Bucky let out a soft chuckle that sounded both nervous and relieved, “Only if you want to,” he said.

Oh, Steve thought. I want to.

Steve tentatively reached out and wrapped his large palm around Bucky’s shaft, feeling the heat and weight of him in his hand. He groaned lowly at how perfectly it fit in his hand, like Bucky’s cock had been made for him to hold. Steve started to stroke him slowly, marveling at the precum that spurted out of the tip as he began to pick up his speed.

Bucky’s hips jerked instinctively, chasing the newly found pleasure. He bit his lip, bowing his head, his long hair sweeping over Steve’s chest, tickling his skin and blocking Steve’s view of what he was doing to Bucky.

Steve licked his lips, making a split-second decision, “Before you- before we start, can you... can you come closer?”

Bucky lifted his head, his brows furrowing, “What do you mean?”

“Um...” Steve flushed red. “Could you sit on my chest?” He wondered. “I want to taste you.”

Bucky’s eyes nearly bulged out of his skull, and he scrambled forward, sliding up to sit on Steve’s chest, his cock swaying with his motions, smearing precum across Steve’s cheek before Steve got his hand back around him.

“Eager,” Steve murmured teasingly, grinning. He didn’t give Bucky the chance to shoot something back at him as he took him into his mouth.

Bucky’s hips bucked and he groaned deeply, his hands springing up to grip at Steve’s headboard. “Fuck, Steve,” he hissed, more precum squirting out, though this time it was into Steve’s mouth.

Steve hummed around him, amused and aroused, before he flicked his tongue over the slit. He moaned around the new weight in his mouth, savoring the salty flavor of Bucky on his tongue. He reached up and gripped at Bucky’s hips, pulling him in closer so he could take him in further.

Bucky shuffled forward on his knees, obliging to the silent request – his hold on the headboard tightening, the wood splintering under his metal fingers with a low creaking sound. He gazed down at him and inhaled sharply as he saw that Steve was already looking at him. His eyes were an impossible blue in the sunlight streaming in through the large window – it made Steve appear almost angelic, despite the fact that he had his lips wrapped around Bucky’s cock.

Bucky dropped his metal hand down to cup around Steve’s cheek, giving the headboard a little bit of a reprieve, and caressed the side of his face. “You look so pretty like this,” he whispered. “Can’t believe how nice you look while you’re sucking on my cock.”

Steve felt his face heat up again and he whimpered around Bucky in response to the praise. He sounded like his old self. Steve had missed Bucky talking to him like this. He opened up his throat, taking more of him down as he tipped his head forward, wriggling his tongue against the underside of his cock.

Bucky shuddered on top of him, seemingly a little sensitive right there, and Steve did it again, loving the reaction, but then Bucky’s hands were coming down and pushing him back by his shoulders.

Steve frowned, blinking up at him, “Did you not like it?”

Bucky shook his head, panting as he slid himself back down Steve’s body before crashing his lips down onto Steve’s in a smoldering kiss. He broke away a second later, breathing heavily, “No, I- I did,” he reassured him. “I just don’t want to blow my load in your mouth,” he went on, pressing a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth, whispering, “I wanna fill you up, if that’s alright with you, Captain?”

Steve faltered slightly – he’d heard similar words form Bucky before- before everything. It caught him a little off guard.

Bucky, catching the shift in his expression, lost his grin. “What’s wrong? Was that too far?”

Steve shook his head, simultaneously shaking himself out of it, “No, no, I just- it’s good, I like it.” But had Bucky remembered he liked it, or had it just been a coincidence? Did Bucky just recycle the same dirty talk over and over again? Was this only for him?

“No, something’s wrong,” Bucky stated, reading him like a book. “Do you want to stop?”

“God, no,” Steve said, pulling him back in, kissing him again. He parted his lips against his, curling a hand around the back of Bucky’s head and holding him close. He shuddered when Bucky kissed him back with just as much desperation, just as much devotion. “Fuck me, Buck,” Steve whispered into the kiss. “I wanna feel you inside of me. I’ve waited long enough.”

Bucky broke away, panting, “Are you sure?” He wasn’t sure. He still had his doubts about where this path would lead them. If he could be what Steve needed – if he would compare to the man he used to know, the man he had been in love with.

Steve cupped his hand around Bucky’s face, “Yes, I’m sure,” he told him, giving him a soft smile. “Now, hurry up, before I change my mind,” he teased.

Bucky smiled back, but in the back of subconscious, he was worried. What if Steve did change his mind? What if they did this and it wasn’t enough? What if he wasn’t enough?

Only one way to find out, he thought as he squashed the more intrusive thoughts down.

Bucky leaned back, retrieving the lube from the space beside them and popping open the cap. He squirted a generous amount from the bottle into his hand before taking his cock in his hand once more, slicking himself up as he raked his eyes over Steve’s body.

“Do you need me to open you up?” He asked.

Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek thoughtfully for a moment, “I mean, I want to say yes, but I don’t know,” he finally replied. “We’re built differently, it shouldn’t be too bad, right?”

Bucky’s brows tried to evacuate his face, “Uh, I don’t know,” he admitted. He didn’t know.

“Maybe yes then, just in case...” Steve faded off, his gaze flickering from Bucky’s face down to his cock and back. “You’re looking a little thick there,” he added.

Bucky snorted and picked the bottle back up before slicking up two of his fleshed fingers, “You really know how to flatter a guy, don’t you, Rogers?”

Steve shrugged slightly, “The only person I ever had to learn from was you, Buck,” he told him, softening, serious.

“Well, then... thanks,” Bucky wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. He reached down with his metal hand and spread Steve’s thighs further, before sliding his fleshed hand in between them. He rubbed his pointer finger around the pucker, slicking it up before he pressed the digit inside. He moved slowly, in and out, for several moments before adding the second finger after a nod from Steve.

Steve gripped at the sheets under him, gasping softly, his hips jutting upwards to meet Bucky’s actions, “A third,” he instructed after a little while – his words were partly slurred with pleasure.

Bucky obliged, using the slick from his own cock to wet his ring finger before he pushed all three back inside of Steve. He halted when Steve clenched down on him, a low groan vibrating through him as his body adjusted to the intrusion.

“Keep going,” Steve urged.

“You’re so tight,” Bucky muttered, but obeyed nonetheless, thrusting the three fingers inside of Steve, pushing past the slight resistance. He watched in fascination as Steve’s dick twitched against his stomach, spurting up precum that glistened on his already sweaty abdomen. Bucky licked his lips – he wasn’t going to last much longer.

“I’m ready,” Steve told him, his hand clamping down on Bucky’s fleshed wrist and stilling his actions. “Give it to me, Buck.”

Bucky retracted his fingers from Steve, who huffed softly at the loss of pressure, before he lined his cock up with his entrance. He pressed the tip against Steve’s pucker, slowly easing himself in past the first line of defense. He clenched his jaw as he slid inside of him, gritting his teeth together. Bucky didn’t know how good his stamina had been before, but he was sure as hell that he’d never been inside of something this constricting before.

“Buck,” Steve moaned lowly, his hands coming up to grip at Bucky’s shoulders, his fingers digging into his skin.

Bucky finally bottomed out, his hips flush to Steve’s. He bowed his head between his shoulder blades, letting out a guttural noise as he attempted to adjust to the tight heat that was Steve. “Fuck, sweetheart,” Bucky half-groaned, brushing his lips over Steve’s jaw and trying to stay still as he waited for the go ahead. Super soldier or not, he didn’t want to hurt him.

“I’m good,” Steve informed him, his thighs squeezing around Bucky’s waist, needing him to continue. “You can move, Buck,” he added when Bucky didn’t do anything.

Bucky did move then, but it was slow, cautious – like he was worried about hurting Steve. Which was ridiculous because of who Steve was, of how he was built.

Steve wasn’t having any of that. He lifted his hips, needing to feel more of him, but Bucky was set on going slow apparently. “You’re killing me here,” Steve murmured, glaring up at him. “Just fuck me, please. I won’t break, I promise.”

Bucky couldn’t help but ask, “Would he have?”

Steve narrowed his eyes, “What?” It clicked a second too late, “Bucky, you can’t- you can’t keep thinking about that. You’re who I want, who I love.”

“What if I’m not-”

“Bucky,” Steve cut in sharply. “Please, just be here with me.” He slid his hands into the long hair and tugged him down, catching Bucky’s mouth with his once more. “Right here,” he mumbled.

Bucky reciprocated a breath later, kissing him back and beginning to fuck inside of him – the dark thoughts vacating his mind as Steve clenched down on him, there wasn’t any room for anything else when he started doing that.

Steve slipped his tongue into his mouth, tangling it with his as he laced his fingers into his hair, holding him close. He moaned as Bucky’s cock rubbed against his prostate – it was like a flash of white behind his closed lids, he’d never felt anything like it-

Wait, no. He had felt something like it before. The first night he’d seen Bucky’s cock, when Bucky had been down on his knees for him, sucking him off, Bucky had gotten Steve to cum faster by sliding the tip of his finger inside of him. This was similar, it felt better, it was a deeper sensation, a more. Steve found himself crying out into Bucky’s mouth as Bucky hit against the sweet spot again, his fingers in the long locks twisting, jerking.

“You like that, baby?” Bucky asked as he sat back on his knees. He gripped at Steve’s hips, pulling him closer and angling his hips upward, holding him a bit off the mattress as he thrusted inside of him. “It sounded like you liked that.”

Normally, Steve would have rolled his eyes at the smugness is his best friend’s voice, but as it was, his eyes had already rolled back into his head in response to the quick, pounding pace that Bucky had picked up. Since Bucky had changed his angle, Steve had taken to gripping at the sheets under him once more, though he’d preferred the former.

“Shut up,” Steve finally got out, but he’d taken too long to properly catch his breath, so all he got in response was Bucky grinning down at him.

“Did you struggle with that one?” Bucky taunted lightheartedly, his thumbs pressing into Steve’s hips as he drilled deeper inside of him. “Need me to slow down so you can catch up?”

Steve huffed and purposefully clenched down, hard.

Bucky’s actions stuttered, his hold on Steve tightening to the point of bruising as he tried to keep his wits about him, “Punk,” he hissed. He paused in his thrusting, completely hilted inside of Steve. He began to grind into him, gliding his shaft back and forth along Steve’s prostate in a way that had Steve falling apart beneath him.

“B-Buck,” Steve sputtered, reaching up, trying to grab at him. “Shit, that’s- that’s a lot,” he stammered, his back arching off of the mattress as Bucky continued to move inside of him purposefully. It was a lot, but somehow, not enough. He could feel the heat in his lower groin growing, but snapping back inside of him – so close, yet so far. “Fuck me, Bucky,” he pleaded. “Harder.”

Bucky smirked, but Steve could tell he was feeling the same way he was. “Say please.”

Steve glowered up at him, and then flipped him over, thudding Bucky down against the bed with a soft thud. “No,” Steve refused, using his hands to hold Bucky down as he began to ride him slowly. “I’m not the one who was being an ass,” he added, smiling a little.

Bucky bit down on his tongue, his own hands sliding up to settle on Steve’s hips, “You love it,” he stated.

“I love you,” Steve whispered as he rode him, using his knees as leverage to lift his body each time before dropping himself back down on Bucky’s cock.

Bucky crumbled a little internally. He couldn’t say it back. Well, that wasn’t true, he could, but he didn’t want to lie. The truth was he didn’t know yet. He didn’t want to just tell Steve what he wanted to hear. So, he kissed him again instead, jerking Steve down by the back of his neck and smashing his mouth onto his. And Steve let him, but Bucky knew he was disappointed. He tried to make up for it, deepening his thrusts, without Steve having to ask him a second time to fuck him. He pushed everything else out of his head, solely focusing on the blond. He rolled them over again, taking his place on top of Steve in one fluid motion. He kissed him harder, his hands clutching at Steve’s hips tighter as he continued to pound inside of him.

Steve tangled his fingers into Bucky’s long hair, tugging slightly as he parted his lips against his, letting out a moan into his mouth. He cried out softly when Bucky’s teeth came down on his bottom lip, hard, latching onto it mercilessly as he fucked him into the mattress. He understood why Bucky couldn’t say ‘I love you’ back, at least for right now. He wouldn’t push him on it – they had plenty of time.

Bucky broke away from the kiss as he hoisted Steve’s hips up higher, ramming into him at a new angle that had several broken sounds falling from Steve’s lips, his body jerking against his as he scrambled for something to hold on to. Bucky placed his fleshed hand down on Steve’s stomach, feeling himself move inside of him, but also giving Steve something to grab on to.

Steve immediately wrapped his hands around his thick wrist, anchoring himself with a small smile directed to Bucky in his appreciation. Maybe Bucky would be able to say it sooner than he thought. Still though, Steve wouldn’t push him.

Bucky’s cock beat against his prostate once more and Steve clenched down on him, a bit involuntarily, his fingers digging into his arm a little painfully. “Fuck, baby,” Bucky grunted out, speeding up. “Gonna make me shoot off inside of you if you’re not careful.”

Steve managed to give him a full-fledged grin and clenched down on him, purposely this time. “That’s kind of the point, Buck,” he quipped, his eyes gleaming mischievously in a way that had Bucky’s heart beating just a little bit faster in his chest – it tugged at his heartstrings in both the best and worst way.

He did love him; he just wasn’t sure it was enough. He wasn’t in love with him.

“Do you not want to?” Steve asked, mistaking Bucky’s expression for something else – his eyes losing some of their gleam, dimming in the sunlight streaming through the room.

Bucky forced a smile and shook his head, “Are you sure you can take it, sweetheart?” He bowed his head, capturing Steve’s mouth with his once more, hoping to soothe Steve, to make it known that that isn’t what he didn’t want. “You want me to fill you up? To the brim? Leave you dripping with it, maybe?” Bucky spoke out into the kiss, before licking his way into Steve’s mouth and eliciting a moan out of the blond.

Steve gripped at his wrist just a bit tighter, bucking his hips up to take Bucky deeper, “Yes,” he breathed out against Bucky’s lips. “Give it to me, Buck.”

Bucky, spurred on by the admission, sped up, his hips beating against Steve’s much more frantically than before. He let go of Steve’s hip in favor of wrapping his metal hand around Steve’s dick, beginning to pump it in time with his slightly sloppy thrusts.

Steve kept his hips up, using his elbows as leverage to keep his lower body off the bed and perfectly angled for Bucky to plow into him. He gasped out as Bucky took a hold of him – the stimulation of having Bucky inside of him and having his hand around him was almost too much. He shot a hand up and twisted it into Bucky’s long hair before jerking him back down, kissing him hard as he shuddered against the bedspread.

“I’m- I’m close,” Steve told him, his body doing what it could out of its own accord to keep up with Bucky’s. Even though he was The Super Soldier, he didn’t have the sexual experience Bucky had.

I guess some things never change, Steve thought to himself in amusement, because, of course, Bucky’s body would remember how to have sex, but his brain wouldn’t remember who Steve was. Steve supposed it could have been worse.

Bucky smiled into the kiss and bit down on Steve’s bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth for the umpteenth time, (he really couldn’t get enough of Steve’s lips), teasing it between his teeth lightly –  he reveled in the way Steve shook on top of him. “Cum for me, baby,” Bucky murmured encouragingly. “I want you to soak me with it.”

Steve moaned, and Bucky swallowed it down, jerking him off as he pounded inside of him. “Fuck, Buck, I- I’m-” he jerked underneath him, his dick pulsing in Bucky’s hold and spurting up against his chest. Steve held onto him tighter, one hand tightening around Bucky’s wrist while the other tangled harsher into his hair, his dull nails practically clawing at his skull. He didn’t break the kiss until he was spent, his body relaxing against the mattress, his hands loosening in their priorly tight hold.

Bucky kissed along the underside of his jaw before burying his face into Steve’s neck, latching on there, marking him as he convulsed on top of Steve, spilling out inside of him with a low groan, his hips bucking almost violently before he hilted himself in him, throbbing, unloading, panting into his slick skin.

Steve combed his fingers through Bucky’s damp hair affectionately as they both came down from their highs – he pressed a soft kiss to the side of his head, smiling a bit. “I love you,” he whispered. He wasn’t expecting Bucky to say it, as he hadn’t before, so he was more than surprised when Bucky lifted his head, his eyes meeting his.

“I love you,” Bucky told him just as quietly. He kissed him lightly, lingering for a moment before pulling back and sliding out of him slowly.

Steve winced a bit, but it wasn’t too bad. “Can you grab a towel from the closet?” He asked, gesturing with his hand. “You’re cleaner than I am,” he added.

Bucky smirked, cocking a brow at him, looking back and forth between Steve and his own chest, which was dripping with Steve’s release. He could point out that that wasn’t true, but... “Alright, sure,” he agreed, not wanting to argue – he also admittedly didn’t mind getting the towel. He went over to the closet and grabbed it before returning. He wiped Steve clean first, taking his time, his eyes never leaving his work. Then he wiped himself off quickly, less precise, before tossing the soiled towel into the hamper next to the closet. He flopped down beside Steve with a satisfied sigh, “Well... that was nice.”

Steve elbowed him the ribcage, and Bucky laughed, bumping his shoulder against his.

“Just nice?” Steve asked, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow to hover over his best friend.

“Okay... more than nice,” Bucky amended as he reached out, cupping his metal hand around Steve’s face, stroking his cheek.

But not enough.

Bucky leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Steve’s forehead, lingering once more, breathing him in.

I’m sorry.

“We should get some sleep,” Bucky suggested quietly, pulling away again and settling down on his back.

Steve nodded and dropped down on him, resting his head on his chest and placing a hand right over his heart, “Thank you, Bucky.”

“For what?” Bucky wondered, wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulders and staring up at the ceiling, leveling out his breathing.

“For not giving up on yourself,” Steve told him, flexing his fingers against his skin, tracing over a scar. “For letting me in,” he went on, nuzzling his cheek into his chest. “For staying.”

Bucky clenched his jaw and stared a little harder at the ceiling, “Get some sleep, Steve.” He murmured, kissing Steve’s head.

Steve grinned, “What? Too sappy for you?”

Bucky exhaled, his heart aching in his chest. “Not at all.”

It proved easier to sneak out than Bucky had thought it would, with Steve burnt out from the mission earlier and then the sex (which Bucky had begun to hate himself for), Bucky was able to slip out into the night without being detected. All he could do was hope that Steve would understand. Bucky did love him, but not the way Steve loved him. He might not know a lot of things, but he did know that. Steve deserved better than that. He deserved the truth: Bucky only loved him, but he wasn’t in love with him.

He wasn’t enough. His love wasn’t enough.

Maybe it never would be.