Chapter Text
Jean threw up his hair into a bun, pulled on some old clothes, and headed out towards the worksite. He’d been slowly growing out his hair over the course of the past several years, and now it was long enough for him to wear up. He checked himself out in the mirror, nodding with approval. Connie said it made him look even more like a horse, to which Jean simply ignored him.
The worksite he’d been assigned to these past few weeks was to rebuild homes for a group of refugees living in the country east of Marley. They’d narrowly escaped the Rumbling, losing everything in the process. It hadn’t been easy, the rebuilding project. Everywhere he went, Jean had to stare suffering in the face. People would cling to his hands, thanking him through their tears. Children constantly hid behind their mother’s skirts, watching him carry heavy supplies to and from different places. The site workers would try to make the best with so little resources. Oftentimes, Jean would come to work only to discover that one or two more people had perished from starvation or illness.
In the beginning, it was easy to find the energy to build houses, but almost a year later, Jean found himself taking a minute or two longer to get ready in the morning. He’d neglected to shave some days. Showers became a thing that he didn’t always consider necessary. Reality was harsh, and Jean knew that he’d taken the burden of carrying other’s suffering at the price of his own health. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the comforting urge to just cover his ears and forget it all… But it had to be done; someone had to help; someone had to pay the price for what Eren did. The suicidal fool… Jean would taste a lie to say he didn’t miss him. He couldn’t think about that now, though, not when there was work to be done. He rolled up his sleeves and headed over to a small tent with a check in desk for the workers. Routine had become a thing during these expenditures; it kept the morale up.
“Kirstein, lot #3,” a grizzled older man spoke with a heavy accent. Thick, calloused hands held out the schedule for Jean to which he took and headed off. His eyes skimmed over it; the schedule included the names of the fellow workers, when break time was, and how long they’d be working today. Typically, Jean worked from early morning til sunset; building houses for people that were not only practical but safe wasn’t as easy as some people made it out to be. The sun was shining brightly and warmly against his neck, indicating another long, hot day ahead of him. When he got to lot #3, the first thing Jean noticed was the roof, or lack of it. So, that’s how this was going to go. The foundation of the house itself was rather large, perfect for a family with at least 2-3 children. He checked the schedule again, reading over the names of the works assigned.
“Kirstein, Mayer, Ingram, Rivers, Braun…” As in, Reiner Braun??? It had been a few days since he’d seen Reiner Braun on the schedule, or in general. The man had volunteered at multiple sites and with numerous people. Jean remembered hearing from Pieck that he’d offered to help her with her projects. She’d expressed interest in helping build an orphanage for children who’d lost their parents, and Reiner being Reiner was the first to volunteer. Other days, Jean would get word from Levi that Reiner had helped him watch the kids or assist Levi with other tasks. Captain Levi may not as mobile as he once was, but the man’s fierce determination never wavered. Reiner certainly would be kept busy, no doubt about that. However, on other days, the man would disappear, and Jean wouldn’t have the faintest clue where he'd go. “Kirstein!” a gruff voice called. Jean looked up; it was the man with the name Ingram. “We need you up here! Get moving!” Pocketing the paper, Jean nodded and got to work.
…
The hours ticked by, slowly but surely, and the roof steadily came together piece by piece. By midday, Jean’s clothes were soaked, sticking to his skin, and he could feel the burn on the back of his neck despite shoving his hair under a hat. Off in the distance, a bell rang; Jean looked up when the sound reached his ears. Lunch time. He slid down the ladder with ease, heading over to pick up lunch and a bottle of water. His eyes scanned the numerous workers around him, hoping to catch Reiner amongst them. The man was supposed to have shown up to help and Jean hadn’t even caught a glimpse of familiar blonde hair during the entire time he had been working. It was unusual since the man had a freakish talent for punctuality.
Where was Reiner? And maybe, perhaps a lesser burning question, why was he so concerned? Reiner was an adult and a very capable man. Heck, Reiner was older than Jean was. There should be no reason so assume the man had gotten lost along the way. The past few months, Reiner had always been there on time, working hard.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Jean quickly caught the attention of one of the foremen at the site. The man was busy eating and reading log notes. “Have you seen Reiner Braun? He was assigned to lot 3, and I haven’t seen him.”
The man shook his head. “Don’t even know who he is. Why don’cha ask someone else? I’m busy here.”
Jean’s face fell. Ok, that didn’t work. He headed over to the table where he checked in earlier. “Have you seen Reiner Braun?”
“Nope. He didn’t check in this morning. That’s not your concern though. Just get back to work when lunch is over. I expect that house to be finished by sunset.”
“Yes sir,” Jean muttered, processing the words. Guess he’d better start eating then.
Sunset? They’d spent all morning just getting the supports right for the roof. Jean and his team were nowhere near fully trained carpenters. He wouldn’t even be able to tell you just how many carpenters were left after the Rumbling. With his sturdy build and strong arms, Reiner would’ve made the morning fly. Heck, having Reiner here period, work or not, would’ve been enough for Jean. In the wake of everything that happened, having someone who understood the weight of it all soothed the ache inside his chest that refused to heal.
Ever since the truth about Reiner’s betrayal was revealed, Jean had spent nights reeling in fear, anger, and hurt. Who could they trust when one of their own had been knowingly going behind their back for years? When Jean learned the truth about Marco, there were no words to describe the feeling in his chest. It had all come flooding back to him that night, the memories, the death, the nightmares, the horror… Trost had been a bloodfest despite their victory, and Marco’s body had been a part of the festivities. What a cruel game it was that they were playing.
At the time, Jean had been so angry at Reiner, not just because of what happened, but because of Reiner’s self-pity train. The man could not shut up for two seconds about how much he wanted to die and how much he deserved it. Jean couldn’t take it anymore. What right did Reiner have to tell Jean of all people how sad he was? How dare he suggest that this was all about him and how he felt after? But as time passed, as they lost more people to Eren’s destruction, it suddenly didn’t matter as much to Jean anymore.
The pain was still there; it always would be in some capacity, but after Jean had helped his friends take down the Yeagerists, their own people, could he really call himself that righteous and heroic anymore? All of those fancy terminologies had been lost after the Rumbling. And at the heart of it all was Reiner freaking Braun. A man who had offered to sacrifice himself in order to atone for his wrongdoings. A man who had wept freely when Jean offered him an olive branch during the final battle.
So, if you asked Jean why he still gave a damn about Reiner Braun, it was because too much pain and hurt and loss had happened for him to want any more of it.
…
The door slammed shut behind him when Jean got home for dinner. A savory scent wafted through the air; Jean sighed, ignoring the ache in his muscles. The foreman wasn’t kidding about having that house down.
“Jean! You made it!” Connie’s voice called out. Jean smiled warmly and joined his friends at the dining table, a warm of pot of Hange’s stew was placed right in the middle. Around the table sat Connie, Armin, Annie, and Mikasa. Pieck was home with her father and would be away for a few days. The only other notably missing person, aside from Captain Levi, was Reiner. Although Jean figured he’d gone home to eat with his family as he often did. Still, Reiner not showing up to work when he usually was so punctual didn’t sit right with him.
“Busy day, huh?” Connie asked, pouring Jean a bowl. “You look like you’re going to pass out.”
“That’s because you took today off to visit Captain Levi,” Jean replied. “They had us working ‘til sunset.” He wiped his brow, which was still beading with sweat.
“Things are coming along quite nicely,” Armin agreed. “Annie and I have been traveling around, talking with the refugees. They’re grateful for the help we’ve offered.” Annie nodded. “Many of the Eldians are settling as well.”
Jean offered them a small smile; it was good news at least. The surviving Eldian population still remained fearful of the Marleyans to no fault of their own. In spite of the Rumbling, the right to live as an Eldian remained shaky within the world’s eyes, even more so if you came from Paradis. He continued to eat his soup, listening to his friends discuss politics, crack jokes, and ponder the fate of Paradis and the world.
Despite all of their light banter, Jean thoughts remained elsewhere. “Reiner hadn’t been here today. Unusual. He’s ok, though. Reiner’s probably with his mom. His mom, who used to tell him how evil Paradis was. What about his little cousin? Reiner’s fine. He is. He’ll be there tomorrow.”
“What’s got your head up in the clouds?” Connie asked. “Come on, share with the class, Jean.”
Hmm? Oh, had he been staring off into space? Jean cleared his throat, face turning a hair red from spacing out. “Has anyone heard from Reiner lately? He was supposed to be working today, but he wasn’t here.” There was a beat of silence. “I mean, it’s probably not a big deal, just odd. You know how he is.” More silence followed; Connie even lowered his spoon.
“He’s been distant,” Annie admitted with a quiet sigh. “It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from him.” Her voice seemed strained, making Jean tilt his head curiously. “We were going to meet up for lunch,” she continued, “right before we were going to see Pieck. He never showed up.” Annie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I sent him a letter; nothing ever came back.”
Jean wasn’t liking the feeling that was building up in his chest. Was this the first time that this was happening? “I haven’t heard from him either,” Armin chimed in. “We’ve been so busy with taking care of Paradis and the refugees.” So, neither Armin nor Annie had heard from him. “And you didn’t check on him at home?” Jean asked. Annie shook her head. “If something was wrong, Reiner’s mom would have called us by now.”
Annie had a point; in the early days after the Rumbling, Ms. Braun had been all over her son and all over Jean and his friends. She constantly asked questions about where they were going, and for how long, and when they’d back, and what the nature of the mission was, and would Reiner ever be by himself, and so forth, and so forth. The woman was even more overbearing than his own mother.
“I’ll go see her tomorrow,” Jean decided. “See where he’s at. I’m sure Reiner is just taking some time off.” Yeah, that’s what it was, time off. Everyone needed a break once in a while.
…
With a loud rapping on the door of Ms. Braun’s newly built home, Jean straightened his outfit out and fixed his bangs. No use looking like he just rolled out of bed. He waited. One minute, two minutes, no reply. He tried again, slightly louder. After another few minutes, there was a creak and the door opened a crack, a figure concealed in darkness peaked out from behind the wooden frame.
“C-c-can I h-help you?” Her words were stuttered and timid, not uncommon for Karina Braun. Reiner had spoken little of his mother; Gabi spoke a lot. Jean had listened to the little girl go on and on about how many rules she had and how fearful she used to be before the Rumbling. If she was already a timid woman beforehand, now, she had dived even further into her comfort zone.
“Ms. Braun? Hi,” he started, adjusting his collar again. Why was he so nervous? Because of what he might find? Because it was Reiner? Or both? “I’m Jean Kirstein, one of Reiner’s friends. I was just checking up on him since I haven’t seen him in a while.” His eyes strained to see through the darkness of the home. From what he could make out, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. If Reiner was fine, then what did his mother have to hide?
“R-Reiner?” she stuttered, voice going distant. “Oh, he’s just feeling ill. He’s just ill, sweetie. That’s right. Reiner will be better soon. Don’t worry.” Her lips curled upwards into a wide smile. “He will be better soon. Alright? Thank you for stopping by.” She began pushing the door shut, still muttering words under her breath. “Yes, he will be better soon. I’ll let him know you came. What was your name? John?” Within seconds, the door shut, and he heard a small click. Great, that went well.
Jean didn’t even have time to open his mouth to protest. He stood there, staring at the door, trying to process what just happened. He hadn’t even gotten to ask how Reiner was doing before his mom began mumbling words. His stomach was twisting knots over her words. Something was very, very wrong here. There’s no way if Reiner was actually ill, his mom would’ve answered like that. Jean didn’t know Karina Braun very well, but usually, parents would answer with more certainty or not hide behind a doorframe. But if Reiner wasn’t ill, than, what happened to him?
“Gabi and Falco would have to know something. They know Reiner better than anyone.” It was worth a shot, Jean figured. The children would know something.
…
Jean found Falco sitting outside his home, under a tree, reading a book. The small boy with big eyes turns the pages slowly, clearly focused on what he was reading. He approached Falco quietly, careful to not disturb his reading. The soft crunch of leaves was enough to alert the boy of his presence. “Hi, Falco,” Jean started quietly. “Can we talk?” Falco looked up, but quickly scooted over and put his book down, inviting Jean to join him.
“Not sure if I can offer much help, but I’ll try,” he offered. The two of them sat under the tree, Jean nervously picking at the grass. “So, how’ve you been lately?”
“Ok, I guess,” the boy answered. “I haven’t talked to Gabi much recently. She’s been quiet, too quiet.”
Oh? Jean lifted his head up curiously. It would take hours to get Gabi to listen or to quiet down. Jean had heard her chatter all night long post Rumbling. “Is she ok?” he asked. Falco’s words confirmed Jean’s nerves; whatever was happening wasn’t just his fears getting the best of him. Falco didn’t answer at first, choosing to stare at the ground. “Please, Falco,” Jean pressed. “It’s about Reiner. Have you heard from him?” Falco’s eyes instantly welled up when Jean’s words left his mouth. “Falco?” The boy clutched his book tighter. “Hey, hey, Falco,” Jean began. He had to help the kid. “Breathe with me. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.” Maria, what had happened?
“No, it’s not,” Falco whispered. “It’s not going to be ok.” Two tears trickled down his face.
“What happened?” Jean asked. “What happened to Reiner?”
“I don’t know.” Jean’s breath hitched at Falco’s words. “Gabi came to find me one night; she wouldn’t stop crying. That’s all I remember Mr. Jean; she wouldn’t stop crying.” He hugged his book tighter.
The sinking feeling in Jean’s stomach was getting deeper and deeper. “Where’s Gabi now, Falco?” He wasn’t going to make the little girl talk. She’d scream at him until he ran away or her parents chased him off. Based off of what Falco was saying, then this was something he couldn’t resolve in a few days. No amount of talking would fix whatever this was turning out to be. “Is she safe?”
“She’s at home,” Falco said. “That’s all I know.” The boy siffled. “Mr. Jean? Is Gabi going to be ok? I’m scared for her. Please tell me she’ll be ok!”
Jean stared at him, lost for words. What was he going to tell him? Yes, everything would be fine? Gabi and Reiner would be ok? He would fix this? “I promise Falco,” he began, words finally coming, “that I will figure out what’s going on and doing the best I can to resolve it. I promise you.” Big promise for something definitely out of his control.
“You promise, Mr. Jean?”
“Yes, Falco, I do.”
…
“YOU PROMISED HIM WHAT?!” Connie had Jean’s shirt in his hands, pulling him towards him until their foreheads were practically touching.
“Relax, relax,” Jean huffed, pushing Connie off him. “I told him I’d find Reiner and that’s what I plan on doing.” He was anxious enough as it was about the whole ordeal and Connie yelling in his face wasn’t helping. Truth be told, he had no clue where to start looking; Reiner could be anywhere and he highly doubted many of the other Eldians knew where he went. Reiner didn’t usually get out much either. If he wasn’t at work or with Jean and his friends, he was home.
“Jean, you do realize that kid’s counting on you to figure this out, right? He’s probably been worried sick for days!” Since when was Connie the one with common sense? Jean held back an eyeroll. He really didn’t need Connie putting more pressure on him than he was already placing on himself.
“I know what I said, Connie!! I know!”
“Then, why did you promise him something as big as that?”
“Because I’m scared too! I’m worried something awful happened to Reiner and we might be too late if we don’t do something now! I went to his house, Connie.” Jean ran a rushed hand through his hair. He paced around the room much to his friend’s increasing worry. “His mom was incoherent and talking in circles! It was like she was hiding something. When I mentioned Reiner, it only made it worse. There’s something very, very wrong; I just know it!”
Connie sat down for a moment, trying to catch his breath. “And what do you suppose we do about it? If she won’t open the door for you, it’s not like she’ll open it for anyone else either.”
Jean looked at him, face at a loss. “I don’t know, Connie. But we need to start somewhere. We can ask around, see if anyone’s heard anything or knows anything. And not just the worksites either… local hospitals, schools, anywhere that large of communities of people may be.”
“I can ask Armin, Annie, and the others,” Connie offered. “It will widen our search.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” Jean replied. “Thank you, truly.”
“It’s odd you know,” Connie started. He had a distant look of reminiscence in his eyes that didn’t go unnoticed by Jean. “A year ago, I would’ve never agreed to this crazy plan of yours.”
“That makes two of us,” Jean agreed. “After Marco, I didn’t think I could be capable of ever showing him mercy or kindness.” He remembered that night vividly.
“What changed?” Connie asked, his eyes meeting Jean’s.
“Well,” Jean began, the thought of Reiner creating a mixture of warmth and pain in his chest. “I guess I realized that the world was already cruel enough; I don’t want to live the rest of my life adding to that cruelty.”