Chapter Text
“You’re okay.” Steve’s voice gasped out, relief blatant in his tone as he rushed to grab her hand, touch her hair - find some living, breathing proof that she is okay.
And Robin didn’t know how to feel about that, not really. She knew she should be grateful for the attention, for the love. But she just wasn’t? It was honestly, frankly, overwhelming. The stares of panic and relief suffocating her slowly.
And Nancy just stood there.
Silently gazing forwards, as Steve frets and worries over all the new machinery. It was as if all the near-death instances had finally caught up to her. They had, deep down in some repressed part of her soul, she was screaming. Screaming for the broken girl in front of her, her beautiful girlfriend being reduced to nothing more than a shell, screaming for all the people who weren't lucky enough for these chances and screaming, for the little girl in her, the girl who should never have been thrown into this constant state of fear, a girl who should not have to sleep with guns under her bed because it is the only way she can manage to feel safe.
“You are okay, right? They did tell you what happened, didn’t they?” Steve questioned, desperately probing for some certainty in this wave of unknown, But Robin just nodded, unable to formulate any words of comfort
“Good, you’re going to get better. I know it, you’re a fighter.” Steve spoke, voice turning towards that of optimism, the only response in a situation such as this, where the other person was so, so far from hope. It was up to him to bring them both up.
Steve was used to this, to being the guiding light - Robin was better at it, at staying positive and making jokes, but she couldn’t. Not right now. So he must.
“I’m not though. Am I?” The smaller girl grumbled in response. Catching Steve so far off guard all he could manage was a tear filled, wide eyed stare.
“I’ve ruined my life. I shouldn’t even have a life but I screwed up at ending it too- I shouldn’t be here, I don’t want to be here! I Want to Die! Why can’t you just let me!” Robin snapped out, voice growing louder and louder until she had no choice but to scream - words hoarse and breaking as she curled forward in her seat.
“Robin, calm down.” Steve said gently, clinging to those small scraps of positivity - a futile measure, but one he hung onto nonetheless.
“I- I- am- ca-lm” she wheezed out, voice giving up on her as one final ‘fuck you’ from the universe before her head lurched back.
It almost caught Steve off guard, when this violent jerk wasn’t followed by the seizing of her muscles. Instead she laid slack, eyes open but unseeing.
The room fell into a deep lull of silence, tension suffocating all members as they racked to process the desperate yellings of mere moments before.
“I’m gonna- I’m gonna get some air.” Nancy quipped out, breaking her self-imposed silence as she rushed out the room.
“I think I should go check on her. Will you be okay?” Karen said gently, fighting to find any words of comfort in a situation so dire.
“Yeah, Yeah I’m fine,” He let out, clearing his throat and moving to the seat closest to Robin’s empty glaze. Filing ice chips into her mouth and whispering small comforts as the door swings shut and Robin's words - both those she yelled, and those kept silent - weighed heavy.
—
“I don’t know what to do- I don’t know how to help her.” Nancy gasped out between strangled breaths, tapping her fingers together in some desperate method of coping.
“Nancy, Can you take a deep breath?” Her mom comforted.
“No- No I can’t- I’m so out of my depth- I can’t fix her- I can’t! Barb died! She died in the upside down!- And so did Eddie- Munson” - She added after the worried look on her mothers face switched ever so slightly to confusion “He was innocent, Vecna killed Chrissy, and Fred- And almost killed Max! I can’t lose her too- I can’t- I won’t survive-” Nancy rambled, breath heaving, panic gripping a hold in such a way she couldn’t care to worry about any civilian ears.
“I know. Nancy I know.” Karen said, carefully. She didn’t know, not really - She had suspicions, I mean that many kids dying in the same town under those circumstances would make anyone specific, but she was yet to connect the dots.
“I can’t do it again- I can’t lose her- I love her!” She gasped out, leaning back against the wall as her vision grew blurry.
“I know you do.” Her mother spoke with all the care in the world, pulling her into a desperate hug - both as an act of silent support, and stability.
“You do?” Nancy asked, pushing back, voice small as her eyes grew wide.
“Yes. I could tell. It’s okay. You're still my daughter, I still love you Nancy. And I am so- so proud of you.” The older woman spoke again, recognising that while the timing felt inappropriate ( The girl in question suffering in a cold blue bed ) this conversation had to happen now.
Nancy sniffled, wiping her eyes dry as she once again tried to recollect herself - breathing still irregular, but improved.
“How about we go for a walk? You’ve been trapped inside way too long.”
“But- Steve- He’s been here longer.”
“I know, I’ll make him walk with me afterwards?” She said in a way almost half questioning, being met with a gentle nod from Nancy.
“Come on.”
—
“So you were right, when you said something happened to Barb.”
“Yeah. I didn’t know it then but… How do you remember that?”
“How couldn’t I? She was your best friend.”
“I miss her.”
“I know.”
—
“I’m scared. Honestly, I’m scared for Robin and for Steve, and you. You aren’t talking to me.”
“Why Steve?” She said quickly, brushing off her mothers worried gaze.
“He doesn’t look well. None of you do.”
“Do you expect us to?” she snapped almost defensibly.
“No. But you need to talk, to me or to each other. You can’t help her if you’re spiraling too.”
“I know.”
—
“Is she asleep?”
“Yeah, has been for a while. Are you okay?” Steve said gently, voice running weary.
“Yeah. Mom made me go for a walk, I think she’s angling at forcing you out next.”
“That’s if I don’t fall asleep first.” He joked, releasing nothing more then an empty chuckle.
“Have a nap. We can walk after.” Karen said, walking inn with hands full of vending-machine snacks.