Chapter Text
Dear Sieun,
I think I wasn't supposed to read your letter. But I did, I'm sorry. I was looking for something else and found it by accident.
It seems like it's already been over two years since you've written it.
I'm back by your side now. But I'm sorry it took me so long.
I'm sorry you had to go through it alone. You never told me, only showed me your patient and kind self.
I'm so grateful for you. You were with me through it all. My bedside while I was unconscious, my rehabilitation while I couldn't walk, and my reintegration into society while I struggled to accept the loss of time.
You gave me everything I could ask for, and more. Talking about paying me back is silly, though.
Before my coma you were everything to me too. You still are.
While I was driving on my lonely routes, I imagined you were the moon, keeping me company.
But there's something I need you to understand.
Sieun-ah, my darling, if something had happened and I hadn't woken up, it would've made me sad to know you lived like that. Because there was no fault of yours, and I will work harder to show you how much you meant to me, and still mean to me. So you'll never have to doubt yourself again.
You changed the trajectory of my life too. You gave me so much, I can't even begin to thank you.
Your love was a light I followed during my loneliness. Before my coma, I was shrouded in darkness. I didn't have anyone, and you were the first thing I cherished, the first thing I loved. The first person to show me kindness, and gentleness. Your rare smiles were the anchors that kept me from falling.
So, if I had never woken up. If you would've had to spend forever without me. I hope you know I would've been with you still, even if it wouldn't have been physically.
That's what I would've liked, I think.
But, that's selfish of me. I'm sorry, I'm a greedy man.
I wouldn't want you to suffer, and mourn me forever, but it's nice to know you would've carried me with you. If I could be remembered by anyone, I would want it to be you, Sieun.
And, another thing. You did cross my mind right before it was lights out. You were my only thought, actually. But it didn't make me sad. Well it did, but not in the way you thought, probably. It made me sad to think I might never see your smile again, or feel your warmth again. It made me sad to think you would be alone again. But, it brought me peace too.
Peace, because I was happy that if my life did end in that moment, I spent my last days with you—even if it was short. I spent them happily, and full.
But I did come back to you after a long rest, and that's all in the past now. I hope we can close this chapter, and focus on the future.
Our future together, hopefully forever.
Your love,
Suho