Chapter Text
By the time they met again a week after Halloween, almost everyone in their circle and outside their circle knew Minho and Chan finally hooked up. She doesn’t like being the topic of people’s conversations but a part of her enjoys the fact that everyone now knows she has somewhat of a claim over Bang Chan. She won’t say this aloud, though, especially not to him.
Things haven’t really changed between them, thankfully. Chan practically lives in her apartment now and they might have had sex again two or a hundred more times since the first time a month ago. Minho doesn’t think there’s harm in adding some benefits to their friendship. They know each other so well and their bond has been sealed and glued together since day one. Getting an orgasm or two out of each other should be a healthy way of getting even closer. In their case, a lot of orgasms, because they haven’t been able to keep their hands off each other the entire time.
That might be a lie to herself, but she stands on her ground that it doesn’t make things weird.
“I can’t believe I actually get to witness the making of Minchan in my lifetime,” Changbin says over dinner about a month after Yongbok’s Halloween party, an amused smile playing at his lips as he raises a brow at Chan.
Hannie and Hyunjin had invited them over to their new place, a cozy little house that very much screams Hannie and Hyunjin individually and as a couple. There is a porch and a yard, a garage for their car and an extra room for Hyunjin’s artworks. They had kept the interior simple, but decorated with their quirky little trinkets from their travels. It looks lived in, despite them having just moved into the house. Minho feels only happiness over their progress.
Hyunjin hasn’t always been a part of the group. Minho, Chan, Changbin and Hannie met on orientation day the summer ten years ago, preparing for a brand new chapter of their lives; college. The four of them had been grouped together that day and Minho had clicked with them so effortlessly. While she naturally got closer to Hannie because they are girls and Hannie understands her more than Chan and Changbin would, especially at their age back then, Minho and Chan’s friendship bloomed a little stronger.
Chan has always been her number one supporter. He enables her, somewhat, and he understands her, reads her like a book without having to explain anything. He had been the first to see her cry besides her parents, and he hadn’t made her feel stupid for crying, hadn’t questioned her why and simply held her until she stopped. Chan, in a lot of ways, is the soulmate Minho had always wished for. She just happens to see him in a platonic light.
Well, until recently. She might have invited him to move in with her last night, so cozied up in the domesticity of making pizza together that she finds it ridiculous he would still go back to his rented apartment.
Yongbok joined them a year later, a kid from Chan’s neighbourhood, having moved from Australia to study here. Both Minho and Hannie had a tiny bit of a crush on her in the beginning, just because she’s so pretty and cute and funny. The three of them had a giggle over it later on over a game of truth or dare when they got Minho to confess a truth.
Their third year of college brought Jeongin into the group and it was Changbin who had shown up one day with a boy tailing him around like a puppy. Jeongin has dimples like Chan and when he smiles, his eyes turn into crescents, just like Chan. Minho briefly remembers them calling Jeongin her love child with Chan just because of how much they both fuss over him. She couldn’t help it; he was their youngest, so pure and innocent and young and her maternal instincts had picked up.
Come to think of it, Jeongin is really what started the group’s teasing about Minho and Chan dating. They had fussed over him together, brought him to their movie dates just because he didn’t have anyone to hang out with, and made sure everything went smoothly for his senior year. They, of course, had denied all those teasing. She never thought of them any more than she should. Had Chan thought about it?
“I remember when Seungmin first hung out with us, he thought Minho unnie and Chan oppa were already married,” Yongbok giggles, her words triggering the others into remembering too as they murmur in agreement. “Can’t blame him, really. You guys were glued by the hips.”
Seungmin places his cup down and adds, “They still are.”
It’s funny to think about. Absolutely nothing has changed between them, besides the occasional fuck session, but their friends are speaking as if it has. Minho sips at her drink as Chan keeps a hand on her thigh, rubbing softly, a constant reminder that he’s here, but also because he hasn’t been able to stop touching her. She doesn’t even know what to say to add on to the conversation because it’s getting dangerously close to territories she doesn’t even want to dive into. She wishes someone would change the subject.
“What are we talking about?” Hyunjin asks as she comes back with dessert, Hannie tailing close behind.
Minho watches as Yongbok grins up at Hyunjin before her eyes widen when she sees that Hyunjin had prepared them cakes for dessert. She’s first to reach out and pick up a piece, biting down onto it before she feeds the remaining of it to Seungmin. Minho hopes the topic doesn’t come back up but, unexpectedly, Jeongin is a little traitor.
“We were saying how we all thought Minho noona was dating Chan hyung all along,” Jeongin explains, reaching over to grab a piece of cake too.
Hyunjin snickers at this, “Oh, yeah. The very first time Hannie brought me to see you guys, unnie was literally straddling oppa’s lap.”
“I didn’t even bother to explain what was going on,” Hannie giggles as she takes her seat again on the other side of Minho.
Minho remembers this day clearly. “I was trying to get the splint out of his eyebrow, I told you guys this.”
“She has to because she’s the reason I even got a splint in there in the first place,” Chan scoffs, giving Minho’s thigh a squeeze.
Changbin laughs, speaking with a mouthful of chocolate brownie. “So, like, are you guys dating now? Finally?”
Minho pauses and Chan’s hand on her thigh freezes. She probably should have at least taken the time to compose herself and respond to this but out of some kind of defensive mode, Minho blurts out, “Don’t be ridiculous, hey. We’re just friends. Who said anything about dating? It was just- like, you know, an itch.”
The whole table stares at her and then Chan’s hand slips from her thigh, the first time tonight he’s stopped touching her. Minho glances over at him but he doesn’t meet her gaze, busying himself with picking up a cake to eat. Minho wonders if she had said the wrong thing, wonders if there’s a reason Chan isn’t touching her anymore.
Someone on the table clears their throat. Minho swallows the rock in hers and Chan says, “Hannie, did you make these brownies? They’re really good.”
Just like that, everyone’s focus shifts and Hannie nods, a proud smile on her lips. “Yongbok taught me! Are they really good?”
Chan, even with that unfamiliar look of hurt flashed in his eyes, still saves Minho.
-
Chan doesn’t stay over at her place that weekend. When Monday rolls around, after painful dry texts and Chan claiming to be busy, Minho decides she’s spiraling too close to insanity and drives herself to Hyunjin’s shop first thing in the morning.
Hyunjin is out front when Minho gets there, key slotted into the hole as she unlocks the door, officially opening the shop for the day. She looks surprised when she sees Minho but she greets her with a smile anyway and then frowns when she notices how gloomy Minho looks. A rare occurrence, Minho knows; she is hardly ever in a bad mood, though that’s probably because Chan is always around to make sure she’s okay.
She hasn’t heard from Chan since Saturday night, hasn’t seen him since the Friday before that, when they had that dinner at Hyunjin and Hannie’s place. Minho has an inkling her response to Changbin’s question had offended Chan in one way or another. She just doesn’t understand why it did. Wasn’t fucking her an itch he had to scratch too? She had assumed that’s the reason why he had been extra touchy with her.
“I’m in a crisis,” she tells Hyunjin as she walks into the shop, Hyunjin close behind her. Hannie isn’t around anywhere, surprisingly, so Minho takes it upon herself to sit behind the counter. “Hyunjinnie, I think I’m getting dumped.”
Hyunjin frowns again, picking up a claw clip from her counter to put her hair up in a bun. “You have to be dating someone to get dumped, unnie. Last time I checked, you guys are just friends?”
Minho thinks maybe she should have gone to find Yongbok instead. “I know what I said, okay? I mean, what did I say that was wrong? We didn’t say anything about dating.”
“I dunno,” Hyunjin makes a face as she picks up a bunch of flowers and starts assembling a bouquet. “I’d be pretty hurt if someone I like was like, ‘yeah we fucked because I had an itch to scratch’. That was pretty brutal.”
“But that’s if someone you like said that.”
Hyunjin looks at her pointedly. It takes a whole thirty seconds for Minho to make sense of it. By the time her lips part in a gasp of belated realisation, Hyunjin sighs. “I thought you knew, unnie. You keep saying you guys are friends but I thought it’s pretty obvious oppa has been in love with you for years.”
“He’s not in love with me.” Denial is a disease, they said. Minho can’t remember who.
“I mean, think about it,” Hyunjin continues, picking up a pair of scissors to trim up flower stems. “He’s done everything one possibly could to make you happy. He broke up with Erica three years ago because you got cheated on by that loser.”
“He did what?!”
Hyunjin looks at her before she clears her throat, lifting a shoulder in a shrug. “I wasn’t supposed to say that but it’s whatever. He can’t keep that a secret forever.”
Minho is dumbfounded. “When did you and Channie oppa get close like that?”
“Oppa is close with everyone,” Hyunjin says, which isn’t entirely false. “But he didn’t tell me that, I just overheard him talking to Hannah about it like a year ago. It doesn’t matter, anyway. You think you’re just friends, right? Oppa knows he can’t do anything about that. Maybe just give him some time? He loves you too much to break off what you two have.”
It feels as though there’s a frog living in her throat. Minho chokes up, tears she doesn’t expect to come brimming in her eyes and blurring her vision. Her chest hurts. More than anything, she’s afraid she would wake up tomorrow to a world with no Chan in it and the idea of that makes it a little hard to breathe.
“Unnie?”
Minho looks up to see Hannie walk into the shop, a look of confusion plastered on her face. She looks at Hyunjin and then they both look at Minho, whose tears just then fall down her cheeks. She’s quick to wipe them off, clearing her throat as she rises to her feet. She’s a little embarrassed, because no one has ever seen her shed a tear, not Hyunjin, not even Hannie.
Only Chan. And now Chan might actually hate her because she couldn’t reciprocate the feeling she never knew he had.
“I need to- I’ll see you girls later, yeah?” Minho stands from where she was sitting on the chair, squeezing Hyunjin’s arm and stealing a kiss onto Hannie’s cheek just to tell them she’ll be okay.
As soon as she steps out of the flower shop, her tears threaten to fall again. It’s with shaky fingers that she takes her phone out of her bag and calls Chan. Once, twice. He doesn’t pick up even after a fifth time. Minho’s heart races against her chest.
Her phone pings. It’s a message from Chan.
Minho, is it okay if we don’t see each other for a while?
I guess I have some healing to do
I’m sorry. I’ll be back with you as soon as possible though.
Minho stares at the messages as she sits in her car, wondering when exactly she’d lost her senses and let herself mess up like this.
-
Nearly a whole month of absolutely no Chan, and Minho spirals.
She leaves his messages as they are, read and dead. She doesn’t even know what to say. Should she apologise? Should she tell him she doesn’t feel the same and that she hopes nothing changes between them? Everything has changed between them. Minho has gone every single day for the last ten years talking to Chan and now there is no Chan at all.
She sees him on his social media, of course. There’s nothing much to do but stalk her hopefully not former best friend. He doesn’t post much, but there are a couple of pictures with Jeongin and Changbin, some other friends Minho recognises but only knew as Chan’s friends. She declines any offers to meet with their circle, no more dinners or lunches, and she only sees Hannie and Hyunjin whenever they show up at her apartment with food, worried she hadn’t eaten.
Life without Chan is miserable, Minho won’t try to deny it. She thinks Chan would pick up the phone if she called, but she doesn’t know what to say and she doesn’t think she can listen to Chan tell her in his voice that he doesn’t want to see her ever again. The idea of not being loved by Chan in any way at all terrifies her, hurts her deep in her core, even though she knows it’s her fault that they have grown apart like this.
She tries to keep moving. Life goes on, as everyone likes to say. She wakes up in the morning and gets breakfast by herself, puts on her makeup to cover the darkening shade under her eyes from the sleepless nights she’s suffering lately, and seeks therapy in excessive shopping sprees. She buys things she already has just to feel that same joy.
Chan’s clothes are still in her closet and she had washed the ones in the laundry bag but had kept his hoodie unwashed so she could sleep in it. It still smells faintly like him.
Hannie is forcing her out of her cocoon tonight, however, claiming she has missed hanging out with Minho outside of her apartment. Minho doesn’t want to, but she feels she owes it to Hannie for making sure she’s alive. To show her gratitude, for the celebratory dinner to congratulate Hannie for her newly-opened music school, Minho books a reservation at Hannie and Hyunjin’s favourite restaurant and willingly becomes their third-wheeler. Shocker.
It’s a fine-dining restaurant Minho used to frequent when she was younger. Lately her taste in food has shifted into simpler meals and she likes staying home and cooking with Chan. Well, when Chan was around, at least. Ever since his ‘break’, Minho has gone back to ordering take-outs and skipping meals.
Since the restaurant has a dress code, Minho goes in a black cocktail dress with a lace corset top and a split skirt that starts from the top of her thigh, a pair of her favourite stilettos and a black leather purse to match. Her hair is up in a high bun and she’s put on just enough make up to look decent.
She looks great actually. It’s too bad there’s no one to compliment her tonight.
Hannie and Hyunjin are already waiting outside when Minho gets there. They’re dressed just as beautiful, with Hannie in a cream-coloured dress and Hyunjin in her black. The three of them shower each other with compliments and giddy giggles before they’re guided inside to their seats. It’s starting out to be a good night; Minho looks beautiful, surrounded by her beautiful friends, and only missing the others that used to be present for celebrations like this.
She’s aware that the only reason Hannie hadn’t invited everyone else is because Minho and Chan aren’t on the best of terms. It would be too awkward, not just for them but everyone else. She feels almost sorry for causing the group to feel divided. Though at the same time Minho thinks they are all old enough to be acting professionally.
Dinner goes well. The food is exquisite and the service excellent. Minho listens to Hannie talk about her future plans with her music school and they talk about how the wedding plans have been set in stone, which means no more changes. Minho is truly, genuinely happy for both of them.
The worst of it all hits her at her most unsuspecting. She’s laughing over a joke Hyunjin had made as they make their way out of the restaurant after dinner when she bumps into someone. Someone familiar, someone whose body she knows and memorises. Chan.
When their eyes meet, Minho is too stunned to speak. He looks as handsome as ever but his hair has grown a little longer and he has straightened his curls, slicked back for a neat, formal look. He looks just as surprised as she feels but he’s quick to let a smile form on his lips, as if nothing had happened. Minho doesn’t miss the way he eyes her down, taking the sight of her in, knowing he thinks she looks marvellous.
She wishes he would tell her that.
Chan’s mouth parts to speak and Minho offers him a smile, aware that Hannie and Hyunjin are just next to them to witness all of this, but Chan doesn’t get to say anything because a girl comes up to them and hooks her hand around Chan’s arm.
A date. Chan is here on a date.
Minho feels the food she had just eaten threaten to come back up. Her corset feels too tight and subconsciously Minho places a hand on her abdomen as if to stop herself from throwing up. She feels a hand on her elbow, probably Hannie, enough to steady her on her feet.
“Are you girls leaving already?” Chan asks, directing it to all three of them even though his gaze remains on Minho.
It’s Hyunjin who says, “Yeah, we had our dinner, oppa. We’re heading home now, though. You enjoy yours.”
“Try their today specials,” Hannie adds as she ushers Minho forward so they could keep moving. “It’s so good, trust me.”
Minho wants to get the hell out of here. Her feet feel heavy, though, and her heart feels heavier. She’s hot in her face, probably from utter humiliation and embarrassment, but still when he calls her, Minho stops in her tracks and turns.
“You look great, Minho,” Chan says. His smile is kind but one of a stranger. Minho misses the smiles he used to give only to her.
She simply returns his smile and realises when she gets home that she didn’t say a single word to him.
-
It should not have hurt as much as it does. Minho should be happy for him, right? Minho doesn’t like him like that and he has clearly moved on from whatever feeling he might have had for her. Maybe he never even had feelings for her to begin with.
But it does hurt. It hurts more than it did when she had walked in on his ex cheating on her. It hurts more than every other break up she has had to go through. She doesn’t understand why. Why does it break her heart? Why does it feel as though the tiny shards of her broken heart are piercing through her organs every time she takes a breath?
“I just don’t understand why it hurt so much,” Minho sniffles as she curls up under the throw blanket Chan had gotten for her last year, sitting on her couch with the lights off and the movie How to be Single playing on her TV. Her mother is on the other end of the line, probably preparing dinner. “I hated seeing it, mama. It doesn’t make sense.”
Her mother hums on the call, calm as ever. “Why doesn’t it make sense, Minho-yah? Why do you think it hurts?”
Minho goes silent, thinking through all the possible reasons and trying not to deny what she thinks is obvious. It’s embarrassing enough that she has to share this with her mother, but her mother is her very first best friend and even now, with her all the way in Italy, she knows how to calm Minho down.
“I don’t think I like him that way,” she says quietly, almost as if to convince herself. She stares at the characters on the TV and wonders why she’s relating to the girl who’s learning how to be single. Hasn’t she been single for three years now?
It doesn’t feel like it. It doesn’t feel like it because she had Chan. Minho closes her eyes and sighs, knowing the reason for her heartbreak can only mean one thing; she does love him, not the way she thought she had loved him this whole time. The idea scares her beyond reason. The idea that she has to go her entire life not being loved by Chan scares her even more.
“Well,” her mother prompts, as if she already knows what’s going on in Minho’s mind. “Are you going to tell him?”
Minho chews on her bottom lip until it hurts. “He’s seeing someone, mama. I can’t do that to her.”
There’s a pause on the other end and then her mother says, “Why don’t you come here, sweetheart? Take a little break and think it through. Christmas is next week. You know you’re always welcomed to spend it with your dad and I.”
Minho thinks and thinks and thinks about this, even long after the call ends and another movie starts. Eventually, she buys the ticket to Rome and spends the entire night packing her bags to leave at first light.
-
There’s only so much you can do in Italy as someone who’s lived there at some point. Minho gets so bored she actually considers taking up a job. The only thing stopping her is that she would have to know how to make coffee if she works at a cafe and she would have to practice patience if she ever takes up customer service. Learning is obviously an option, but Minho gets bored of something too fast, too quickly.
It has been two months since she left Seoul. Christmas passed quickly, followed by a very quiet new year. Her Valentine’s day was sad and lonely, but her parents brought her chocolate and the three of them made dinner together. Coming here to spend time with her parents did help, at least a little bit. While she’s sad she doesn’t get to meet her friends as often, being here means the chances of bumping into Chan with his new girlfriend is slim.
She doesn’t check his social media anymore, for fear seeing updates with his new girl would send her into the psych ward, and she doesn’t ask her friends about him. She doesn’t text him or call him. She doesn’t read all their older text messages, doesn’t look at their pictures. All she does, at the end of the day, is think about him.
Minho can’t seem to stop thinking about Chan.
It’s a humbling, heart-wrenching feeling to realise your feelings for someone goes beyond platonic only after everything has gone to shit. She has always prided herself in being a smart girl, someone no one can easily fool. In the end, she ends up fooling herself. All the signs were there and not for the lack of clues; her friends, even her parents, had so long pointed out how much they look and act like a couple.
Minho should have known why all her past relationships hadn’t worked out, why none of them have felt as good as it always felt with Chan. There are so many should-have’s that she could think of, many more what-if’s that plague her waking mind, but Minho is here and Chan doesn’t want her.
Chan has moved on. A small, egoistic part of her thinks he’s only able to because he took himself out of her life, but a bigger part of her mourns Chan’s presence, knowing it is probably good for him to be away from her.
Well, she’s made sure she is far away. She hopes Chan finds the happiness he deserves. Minho will have to find something to do when she reaches thirty-five and remembers the pact they made three years ago. Her heart aches at the thought of spending her thirties without Chan. She feels it’s impossible to be friends now that she has admitted to her feelings. Maybe in a year, when she’s finally gotten over him. Would he still want to be friends then?
Minho doesn’t expect to be losing friends at her big age. It all feels too movie-like, something her younger self might have experienced. Her twenties were so good, so full of bonding friendships and meeting people who now mean so much to her. It’s hard to accept the fact that she has already lost Chan.
Her parents introduced her to that Italian boy they were talking about. His name is Damiano, a man only a year younger than she is. He’s… Well, she thinks he’s sweet and gentle. They go on morning runs together and get coffee at a nearby cafe. She learns he’s into music and makes some of his own, which reminds her of Hannie, so she tells him about her. He doesn’t try too hard, something she appreciates, and he tells her he would still like to be friends when she comes clean and tells him she isn’t interested in getting into a relationship.
She has to go back to Seoul eventually, though. Her apartment is too dear and sentimental for her to sell off and Minho still wants to go to Hannie and Hyunjin’s wedding. She scrolls through the page now to look at flight tickets, laying down in her bedroom her parents had kept clean for her and trying to decide when exactly she should go back, if she should just be there for the wedding or stay a little longer. There wouldn’t be much of a reason to stay in Seoul after the wedding, though. She doesn’t really like living in Italy. She considers moving somewhere else. Maybe Japan. She quite likes it there.
The knocks on her door startle her from her blind scrolling. She rolls over onto her front just as her mother opens the door. She offers the older woman a smile. “Hey, mama. Do you need help with dinner now?”
Her mother smiles and shakes her head. “There’s someone here to see you.”
Minho frowns, moving to get off the bed. She doesn’t have friends here besides Damiano and it isn’t like him to show up without giving her a call. “Who is it?”
“Put on your pants and go downstairs, Minho-yah,” her mother fusses lightheartedly. “I’ll be out back in the garden if you need me.”
She doesn’t close the door behind her as she goes back down the stairs and Minho considers changing her shorts but decides it doesn’t matter because she isn’t going anywhere. Confused as to who would be looking for her, she leaves her room and closes the door, dressed in a t-shirt that’s gotten a little small on her and a pair of micro dolphin shorts that must have made her mother think she’s only in her underwear. They’re short but she’s at home and comfortable and it makes her butt look cute.
Minho goes down the stairs and makes her way to the living room, where she assumes her guest would be waiting. She gasps and halts midstep as soon as she sees who it is, unable to believe what her eyes are seeing.
It’s Chan.
It’s Chan all the way here in Italy. What the fuck?
“Oppa?” She calls out finally, bringing his attention away from admiring the family portrait hung on the wall. “What are you doing here?”
Chan looks at her and his lips curl into a small smile. He looks a little sheepish and he looks good. He looks so good actually, dressed in blue and white flannel to top his grey shirt underneath and a pair of black wide-legged pants. His hair has grown long enough to be some kind of a mullet, some strands of his fringe falling over his forehead. Minho mourns the loss of his soft, soft curls. Why did he start straightening his hair?
Chan clears his throat, hands sliding into the pockets of his pants. “I came to see you.”
Minho’s heart is racing against her chest so she crosses her arms and fidgets where she stands. “You flew all the way here to see me?”
“I- I didn’t want to do this over the phone.”
“Do what?”
“Talk,” Chan sighs, a hand coming up to run his fingers through his hair. He’s still wearing that necklace around his neck. Minho tries to suppress the memory of it swinging in her face. “I just really need to talk to you, Minho.”
Minho swallows the lump in her throat. She doesn’t know what to say, where to begin. “There’s really nothing to talk about.”
“There is, though,” Chan looks at her again, his gaze a little harder now. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him angry, and she certainly has never seen him angry at her. When he speaks again, it’s with a half laugh, humorless and pained. “There’s so much to talk about. You’re saying you’re okay with us just- With us just going back to being strangers? I know you’re not a liar, Minho, and I know you wouldn’t be here if there’s nothing to talk about.”
She clenches her jaw, ignoring the way her heart hammers against her chest. “What do you want to talk about then?”
“Us?” He looks at her, incredulous. “We have to talk about us, unless you really don’t give a fuck and I’m really just an itch you scratched.”
God, her heart aches. She should swallow her pride and make this easy, but then she remembers the girl on his arm that night at the restaurant. “Does it really matter? You’ve gone and got yourself a girlfriend anyway so I don’t see why you even bothered coming here.”
“I came here because I love you!” Chan’s voice raised, for the first time ever, directed at her. Minho flinches in response but Chan only continues. “I’m fucking in love with you, Minho. That’s why I came here. That’s why I had to let her down because no matter how hard I tried, she’s not you. I don’t blame you that my feelings got hurt, but it hurt, and I still came to find you because I love you. You can pretend to be clueless or act as if you don’t care, but you can’t tell me that there’s nothing to talk about.”
Minho could feel her lips tremble. Her vision has blurred and it only clears when her tears fall. She’s quick to wipe her cheeks. “I didn’t know you had feelings for me, before- I wouldn’t have initiated anything if I knew, oppa.”
Chan shakes his head, “What we did- It was a decision we both made and I made it with a conscious mind. I don’t blame you. It hurt to know that it was just something you had to try out, but I can’t blame you because I can’t force you to feel the same for me. I’m not some teenager who can’t get past my own feelings just because you don’t reciprocate. I just- I don’t want to lose you, Minho. I only needed time.”
“I don’t want you to hate me,” she tells him, a tremor in her voice as she fights off the urge to cry. “I don’t want you to hate me after what I've done. I didn’t like seeing you with her. I already feel like I lost you, Channie.”
Chan frowns and she watches as he physically stops himself from coming closer, from touching her. She wishes he would touch her. “I could never hate you, Minho-yah, but you have to let me see other people if you don’t feel anything for me. It’s not fair. You never liked anyone I’ve ever dated and you’ve taken away opportunities for me to start something with someone else. I don’t want to, I can’t because they’re not you, but why do you do that if you have nothing for me?”
Minho is dumbfounded. She has spent months thinking about her feelings for him and yet when the moment presents itself, Minho’s tongue is frozen.
“I need you to be honest with me, Minho,” Chan presses on. He looks desperate, his eyes glassy. Minho hates seeing it. “I need you to tell me to move on so I can actually finally move on, because all you’ve done with the way you act around me is give me hope. You have no idea how many times hope has broken my heart, Minho. I just need you to tell me there isn’t hope for us so I can heal and we can stay friends.”
It’s so hard to say. She’s afraid of so many things and she has so far done so well at running away from everything she’s scared of. But Chan is here and Chan deserves an answer. She steps closer, close enough to feel his body heat against her own. How she missed being this close to him.
Their eyes meet, both pairs glassy with tears and she blinks to let them fall. “I don’t want you to move on from me, oppa.”
“Minho-”
“Let me finish, please,” she reaches up to wipe her cheek but he beats her to it, thumb brushing over her tear track. Minho sniffles and forces herself to look into his eyes. “The reason I left is because I hated seeing you with that girl. I wanted that to be me. I only realised after seeing you with her that I- that my feelings for you have always been there, that it’s the reason why I’ve only ever been truly happy with you. I’m sorry that my denial hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Chan doesn’t say anything for a long time, so long Minho starts to wonder if she really is dreaming. She parts her lips to speak, to tell him to say something, but his lips are on hers before she could and he’s kissing her like his life depends on it. Minho makes a sound of surprise in response, a soft mewl escaping her as her brain tries to register this.
When it does, it doesn’t take a second for Minho to kiss him back. Her arms go around his neck as his hands find her waist, lips parting to welcome him, gasping as he kisses her hard. It’s months of built-up frustration, months of missing each other, of not getting to touch for days and days. He kisses her like he wants to devour her and his hands roam in places she had missed him touching. There are fingers on her waist under her shirt, fingers gripping at her bare thigh, hand closing around her breast.
She bites back a moan as his mouth finds her neck, sucking marks into her skin, each one of his kisses sending that familiar heat down to her cunt. She has to push him away when she remembers that it’s her parents’ house, that they can’t do this here. Breathless from the kiss, Minho presses a hand onto Chan’s chest, and she wants to tell him to wait but the sight of him like this, so wrecked from just a kiss, his eyes lidded heavily as he leans to steal another, Minho can’t help but want him.
“My room,” she whispers and watches as he nods his head dumbly before she takes his hand and pulls him with her up the stairs to her bedroom.
She loses all sense of her wariness as soon as the door closes and Chan locks it. He’s onto her within seconds, mouth latching onto hers in another feverish kiss as his hands slip underneath her shirt, pulling it up and over her head to toss it aside. She moans into his mouth, her own fingers working his clothes off of him until he’s left in the grey tank top he’s wearing.
Her back hits the bed with a bounce and Chan is already on top of her. He kisses her again, needy and wet and all-consuming as his hand finds her breast to squeeze and she whines, high-pitched and desperate. When Chan pulls away to unzip his pants and shove them down just enough to release his cock, Minho kicks off her shorts, the only one naked while he’s still clothed. Seeing that urgency in his movements makes her so, so wet.
Her legs spread to welcome him back between them and she watches, with heavy eyes, as he spits onto his fingers and smears it over her already wet pussy. Her hips jerk as his thumb slides over her clit, teeth sinking into her bottom lip to mute any sounds that threaten to leave her. Her toes curl with need and as he notches the fat tip into her, Minho’s hand finds his muscled abdomen to push against, gasping at the stretch of his cock and the delicious slide of it reaching deep inside her.
Minho shakes from the pleasure of it, from the pure ecstasy it fills her with to feel him again. Her eyes roll back as he pulls out and she cries out when he slams back into her. His pace is frenzied from then on, delivering desperate bucks of his hips as he buries his face into her neck and fucks her open. He feels so good inside her, each pump of his cock pushing her closer towards her climax. He grows sloppy quickly, grinding into her, stimulating her clit with each thrust and Minho cums with another gasp, fingernails digging into his back.
Chan doesn’t stop, even as Minho shakes from the force of her orgasm. He chases after his own pleasure, whining needily into her neck. “Wanna cum, jagiya. Fuck, please. Let me cum inside you.”
“Okay,” Minho pants, not wanting him to finish anywhere else but in her. “Okay, oppa. Fuck. You feel so good, Channie. You miss fucking this pussy, didn’t you? You can cum. Please cum inside me, oppa.”
Chan’s whines go up in pitch and his hips stutter, thrusting once, twice before he spills inside her. The sound of his wet moans muffle against her skin and she closes her eyes as his cock pulses. She clenches around him, bringing another whine out of Chan before he finally stops moving.
They breathe together, heavily, as time stops. She’s aware that having sex with Chan as soon as they start talking again is probably a bad idea, but she feels good. She feels loved and wanted and like Chan is hers again. After a moment, she feels him stir and lift some of his weight off of her. There are kisses pressed onto her clavicle, along the column of her neck and then Chan lifts his head to look down at her. They stare at each other for a long time and it’s all too easy to let her eyes close again as he kisses her, soft and gentle on her lips.
He pulls out of her eventually and makes quick work of cleaning himself and tucking back into his pants. Minho sits up in bed and closes her legs but he knocks her knees apart ever so gently so he could clean her up too. They don’t say anything as he picks up her clothes and helps her dress. They don’t say anything as he puts his flannel back on and fixes his hair. They don’t say anything as she leads him back downstairs to the kitchen.
She pours him a glass of water and he insists she drinks first. Minho struggles to focus on a singular emotion, not when she’s filled with relief and guilt and joy and more guilt. She stares at him after they finish that glass of water, drinking in the sight of him, the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, realising one more time that she does feel the same for him.
Chan pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek and then he beckons her closer. Minho goes without question, falling right into his open arms.
She’s crying. Oh, it’s embarrassing, but his hands are cupping her cheeks as she sobs and sniffles and then his arms are around her and Minho feels herself melt against his chest. The familiarity of his warmth makes her cry a little harder despite having just fucked him and her arms squeeze around his abdomen, just to make sure he’s here, just to make sure he stays. There’s a kiss pressed into her hair, at her temple as she buries her face into his firm chest.
He holds her until her crying stops, palm gently caressing her back, and he stays until it feels as though they are back to the way they once were. Her parents came in from the garden at some point and Minho has to wipe her face as Chan greets them. She has amazing parents, however, because they tell her they would be out for the night at a friend’s house for dinner and won’t be back until late.
When they’re gone and Minho is much, much calmer, Chan asks if a walk would make her feel better. She says yes.
He waits for her downstairs as she goes to change into more appropriate clothes, making sure to grab her coat because it’s still cold outside. It didn’t snow this time but it rained a lot and the evenings are chilly. When she’s dressed and ready, she meets him downstairs and waits for him to put on his jacket before they head out.
Minho takes Chan to her current favourite cafe. She plans for them to sit inside and get warm, but the cafe is packed so Chan only gets them their coffee, a couple of pastries and brings her to sit at a nearby bench overlooking the park and river.
“You’re at this cafe a lot, you said?” Chan says after they have their first sips of their hot drinks. “With who?”
Minho frowns and gives him a look, “What do you mean with who?”
Chan laughs, “I mean I know you don’t like going to public places alone, so that means you came here with somebody.”
She really can’t lie about anything, not to Bang Chan anyway, so she sighs and murmurs against her cup. “I made a friend when I came here.”
“A date?”
“No,” she clears her throat and adds, “I mean, mama introduced him hoping we’d make something out of it, but I wasn’t ready and I was clear on that with him. He still wanted to be friends though, so why not, right?”
Chan hums. He’s quiet for a minute before he says, “He was totally hoping to be more than friends eventually.”
“How would you know that?”
“Because that’s what I did,” he confesses, sounding a little sheepish, a little ashamed as he smiles at her. “I had a sad, massive crush on you when we first met and you were clear about not dating during college so I backed off. You went and dated that Seungkwan guy like, three months later. We were already really close, though, and I told myself that I love this bond we built too much to let anything ruin it. And I thought I did great, got over my little crush, but then you’d break up and the feelings come back. Every single time.”
Minho thinks about how long ago that is, how many times Chan had to get over her without ever having her. “You should have said something.”
Chan nods in agreement. “I should have, yeah. I was young, though, and by the time we were old enough, I felt it would have been pointless to say anything. You were in a serious relationship for some time, and so was I. I genuinely thought that was it, I’d found my person and you found yours.”
“And then he cheated on me,” Minho sighs, staring into her cup of coffee. The memory is bitter, but her wounds have long healed. She was never in love with that cheater. “Erica didn’t want to break up, did she?”
Chan leans back in his seat, his smile a little pained as he shakes his head. “No, she didn’t. I just- You were so hurt and it hurt me to see you like that. I told myself it’s because you really needed me to be around and Erica was starting to complain about me spending so much time with you. But really it’s because I gave myself hope that something could happen between us, and it couldn’t if I was still with her. It’s not my proudest moment, I admit, but we made that pact and I didn’t bother looking for anyone else because I had you. And it almost felt like you were mine.”
Minho places her cup aside and leans to rest her chin on his shoulder. She wants to be closer, wants to tell him she is his now, but they still need to talk about it. “What now, oppa?”
“What do you want, Minho?”
She raises her head to look at him, drinks in the sight of him after spending months not getting to see this face. She knows what she wants. “I let you cum inside me an hour ago, Chan-ah. It wasn’t an itch. I want you. I missed you.”
Chan turns to meet her gaze. There’s a smile playing at his lips and he takes one of her hands in his to hold. “So, I don’t have to wait til you turn thirty-five?”
Minho laughs and she pushes his face away, as she always does whenever she feels too fond of him. Her heart feels warm and his smile is blinding and Minho leans to press a kiss onto the corner of his mouth. “And skirt around each other for another seven years? No, thanks. You’re crazy.”
“Yeah, no,” Chan makes a sound of relief with a shake of his head as he lifts her hand to kiss her palm. “No more waiting. I just want to love you.”
Minho smiles and nods her head. There’s that familiar, girly giddiness she feels bubbling inside her chest. It doesn’t matter that she’s turning twenty-nine this year and Chan would be thirty. She asks the question anyway, “Boyfriend?”
Chan laughs, nodding before he kisses her on the mouth. “I surely hope so.”
-
The thing about dating your best friend is that you already know what to expect out of them. Minho has known Chan for eleven years now and she knows what habits of his that annoy her to no end and what little quirks give her the serious case of cuteness aggression. For one, Chan doesn’t take compliments very well, and all her praises and compliments are met with a half laugh and a remark to say he doesn’t agree.
For one bad trait he has, however, Chan makes up for it with three good ones, so Minho can’t complain.
“If you tell me you don’t look good one more time, Chan-ah, that means you’re calling me ugly.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Chan says in disbelief, finally finished putting on his shoes and scrambling to keep up with Minho, who’s already making her way to the car.
It’s the big day for Hannie and Hyunjin. Spring rolled around two weeks ago and the weather is perfect for an outdoor wedding. Minho isn’t dressed yet for it, though only because Hannie has booked a hotel room and a makeup artist to get them ready for the day. They’re about to be late, though, because Chan doesn’t know how to let go once he starts cuddling her in bed.
Minho is grumpy from having slept only three hours last night and they have to make this two hour drive by nine in the morning. It’s already almost seven! She has a hickey on her neck that she needs to cover up during the drive, they haven’t gotten their coffee for the day, and Chan looks annoyingly handsome but refuses to acknowledge that.
“Are you sure Hannie would like her maid of honour showing up looking like a grumpy cat?” Chan teases as he starts the car, finally taking them on the road. He’s amused, she could tell, and he looks good in his suit, but she’s also extremely irked.
“Are you sure you wanna deal with a grumpy cat for the next two hours of your life?”
Chan laughs, as infuriating as ever, “I’m a master at this. Did you forget I’ve been practicing for the last, I dunno, ten years?”
Minho rolls her eyes but fails to hide her smile. Chan has a superpower and it’s to never fail at cheering Minho up, no matter the problem. Because he’s so good at it, the two-hour drive ends up being one of the best mini road trips Minho’s ever had.
They separate as soon as they get to the hotel. Chan goes to meet with the other guys and close guests while Minho is ushered to Hannie’s room. When she gets there, Hannie is already on her chair getting her make up done and Yongbok is in her bathrobe, looking through the array of jewellery she must have brought for them to choose from. Hannie’s sister is there too as well as some of her high school friends and cousins, all of them invited as bridesmaids.
Minho greets each one of them excitedly, happy for Hannie’s big day, though she only gets to wave at the bride through the mirror so she doesn't ruin her makeup. All that’s left to do now is make sure her dress is okay and she catches up with Yongbok as someone sits her down to deal with her hair.
The bridesmaids and maid of honour are dressed in pastel green, Hannie’s colour. Everyone gets their own design, and Minho’s is a satin, strapless dress that she completes with a lace shawl collar with long sleeves in a lighter shade of green. Everyone else goes sleeveless or with shorter sleeves but in the same material and shade. Minho hears Hyunjin’s side will be blue but they’ve decided to surprise each other on d-day.
Once everyone is glammed up with makeup and hair for the wedding, Minho takes a moment to spend with Hannie. For someone who has always been nervous, Hannie looks surprisingly calm. Minho wonders how it feels to be sharing this big day with someone you love.
“You’re so beautiful, Hannie,” Minho says as everyone else around them finishes up with getting ready. Hannie is already in her dress and veil, her hair put up and makeup enhancing her already pretty face. Minho feels just a little emotional. “How are you feeling? You having the jitters?”
Hannie laughs and nods her head. “I feel like I might explode, unnie. You’ll know how it feels when it’s your turn.”
Minho thinks that’s still a long while, but her cheeks warm anyway. “Do you think Chan oppa is the marriage type?”
“For you? Absolutely,” Hannie scoffs before her smile softens and she takes Minho’s hands. “I’m glad things worked out for you, unnie. I’m so happy you’re here.”
Minho can’t help the way her lips tremble and she pulls Hannie into her arms. “I wouldn’t miss your most special day for the world, Hannie.”
Hannie sniffles as they pull away, “I can’t cry right now, hey. My ass is flat from sitting on that chair.”
“It’s time!” Yongbok calls for them, gesturing for them to start moving. “Hannie, go and get married!”
Later, after Hannie and Hyunjin are officially married and everyone is dancing at the ceremony, Minho finally gets to be with Chan again. Her duties as maid of honour are complete and her bride is legally bonded to the love of her life. Minho is exhausted from the long, eventful day, but her skin buzzes with the thrill of it all, the pure joy radiating from almost every single one of them here at the ceremony.
She feels even better to see Chan again, to slide into his arms and be held against his chest. He’s smiling at her as she looks up, kissing her puckered lips before she feels his hand slowly and gently caress her face. She blames it on the atmosphere, on the amount of love this day has brought them, and she feels unlike herself. Sentimental, emotional, overwhelmed with emotions. Happiness and joy and love.
All the love she feels for him.
The song slows to a ballad and guests start to slow dance. Minho smiles as Chan sways them to the rhythm of the song, gentle and calming, his smile ever present. He feels warm against her, warm as he has always been. Safe, a constant in her life, the ever present support she never lacks. Chan loves her so obviously, so selflessly, and he always has even before their confessions, even before they put a label on it.
Tonight, though, she feels his love a little more than usual. It makes her heart swell in her chest, makes her eyes burn a little with tears. She smiles at him and hopes he could see in her eyes how much she loves him too.
“Am I allowed to say you look even more beautiful than the brides tonight?” Chan asks as they slow dance, his hands on her hips and her arms around his neck.
Minho’s smile widens and she pretends to look around them as if to make sure neither Hannie or Hyunjin are within earshots, pressing closer to him just because and leaning to steal a kiss on his lips. “No, but it’s okay if you think so because you’re my boyfriend.”
Chan laughs softly and they fall silent for a moment, simply enjoying each other’s presence. Minho thinks Chan looks beautiful too, as beautiful as the heart he carries in his body. Minho has never felt so lucky. They dance and dance and let the music change to another slow song.
“You said you wanted two, right?” Chan asks.
Minho tilts her head, confused. “Two?”
“Kids,” he smiles, a little sheepish, but one she loves more than anything. “You told me before that you wanted two. Is that still right?”
Minho feels her cheeks warm up as she nods her head. “Three, if you’re the baby daddy.”
“What do you mean ‘if’?” Chan fakes a gasp, still smiling even though he’s acting shocked. “I will be baby daddy. Actually, I’ll be husband first and then dad. Three, you said?”
Minho giggles and nods again, her heart racing over the idea of getting married to Chan, of having children with him. They’re new, she knows, and there are so many things for them to explore together in this dynamic before they could think about getting married and having kids. But she lets herself be entertained by the idea of it, the idea of Chan as her husband.
“You’d marry me, oppa?” She asks as they stop dancing and everyone else seems to disappear. There is just Minho and Chan.
His smile softens and he looks at Minho as if she hung up the moon. His hand comes up to cradle her cheek and he kisses her, soft but sure, on her lips. “Minho-yah, you’re the only one I’d ever marry.”
It might be seven years from now, but Minho believes him.