Chapter Text
Alex lets her get away with moping for only four days before she strides into Kara’s apartment, a sense of purpose dressed in leather. She shuts the door behind her and, instead of responding to what feels like an appropriately indignant “Hey that’s my door, remember!”, Alex just snaps her fingers and points Kara to the couch.
She places her helmet on the kitchen island, taking a moment to steady herself as Kara decides—of her own volition, not because Alex is scary at all—to take a seat on her couch.
“What—”
“No.” Alex spins, points right at her. “No. Don’t. I’m thinking.”
“You barged into my apartment before thinking? You know I have a life, right?” Kara asks, with an annoyed little grimace. The blatant lie is enough to pull Alex closer. She starts to pace the length of Kara’s living room. “And, and things I want to do tonight.”
Alex rolls her eyes. “You’re probably going to help some old lady Gertrude re-shelve books at the public library because it’s so terribly underfunded and then come home with pizza so don’t even try to fool me.” She folds her arms across her chest, looking for all the world like she’s won something, and Kara decides that it’s best not to point out that the librarian’s name is Agatha and she was actually not going to do that at all—she’d been planning on going to the park. and doing some landscaping, which for her is mostly just weeding because the gardeners don’t trust her with the sequiturs. And she’s in the mood for noodles, not pizza.
“I wasn’t trying to fool you,” Kara mutters, and she slumps back into her couch. “My plans are totally valid, even if you think they’re boring.”
Her favourite pillow finds its way into her lap. She kneads at it for a moment. Only for a moment, though, because very soon she feels Alex’s intent stare and she stops, peers over at her.
“What?”
“It’s not that they’re not valid, Kara,” Alex pauses. She licks her lips, suddenly nervous. Her weight shifts from one foot to the other and she unfolds her arms, looking uncomfortable and hesitant, and it’s enough to make Kara sit up straight and press herself right back into the couch.
“What?”
“What are you doing, Kara?”
“Um, waiting for you to not be all,” she waves a hand over at Alex. “Weird.”
“Not now.” She looks nervous again and upset. Kara can feel her own heart rate rising to mimic her sisters and, joy of joys, the already unpleasant sensation is joined by a queasy stomach and clammy hands. “With Lena.”
Kara looks uneasily over at Alex. She’s not sure what to do with her hands—she wants to hug her pillow, she wants to fold them tight together because she doesn’t want to buy new pillows or a new couch or table, she doesn’t want to break anything, she wants to press her hands tight to her stomach where it feels like everything has opened up.
“We—dating?”
“We dating,” Alex repeats slowly, and then she nods. “Thought so.”
“Is that not— Are you not… okay with that?”
It takes that, just that nervous little question, for Alex to soften and all her unease to drain away and be replaced by something more solid, something Kara has recognised in Alex since she first crash landed. That something that, whatever it is, makes her the best big sister in the world.
Alex steps around the coffee table and sits on it, in front of Kara.
“That’s not it,” she says. “Truly,” she insists when Kara squints at her, a little suspicious. “Lena is smart and capable and I truly don’t think she’s out to get you, which is a nice change.” Kara blows her cheeks out and nods vigorously her agreement at that. “And you know it’s not because she’s a girl.” She points to her own chest, snorts. “Obviously.”
“Obviously,” Kara allows, but worry pools in her anyway. It feels like Alex is leading to something. “Then what is it?”
Alex touches a couple of fingers to her eyebrow, scratches at the skin at her temple, and then leans forward. Bracing her elbows against her knees, she sighs. “Kara,”
“Uh oh.”
“What?”
“That’s your unhappy sigh. You don’t want to say this.”
“Of course I don’t want to say it.”
“Then don’t,” Kara snaps, because this is too much, and confusing. Because Alex storms into her apartment and doesn’t explain herself and makes Kara feel like something is wrong but she just looks at her like Kara should know and she doesn’t and it’s just—it’s a lot and Kara doesn’t like it. She slams her pillow back into its place next to her with a little fluff of feathers. “Whatever is it, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Too bad,” Alex snaps back. She catches Kara’s eyes with hers—stern and unflinching and worried—and Kara is surprised enough to blink and forget to stand.
Alex stares at her for what feels like forever, and Kara stirs under that look. Finally, something in Alex seems to flicker and the tension between them drains away, Alex's eyes dropping to the ground. She rubs a hand over her face—Kara rubs her hands down her jeans—and Alex clears her throat. She drags her head up to look at Kara again, hand slipping from where she had been rubbing at her eyes to cover her mouth.
Through her fingers, Alex asks, "Why haven’t you gone to see Lena?”
The question surprises a tiny laugh from Kara. “Really?” Alex nods. “Um. Okay. I—she,” she glances away. Shrugs. “She’s safe now. And I didn’t think that she would want Supergirl hovering around all the time. She has, y'know," Kara shrugs again, plucks at the corner of her pillow. "A business to run and think about and,” it’s not that she’s lying. But it almost sounds like she is. And Alex picks up on it. Of course she does. Kara sighs. “And she hasn’t called Kara either, so...”
Alex makes a small sound, like understanding, like pain. And Kara can’t meet her eyes anymore.
“I.. Jesus, Kara, I don’t know if this is something that’s happened because of this thing with Lena or if it’s been going on for a while, but…” Alex's fingers grip so tight around her own mouth, trying to keep the words in, that where her fingers press on her, the skin is bloodless and white. Kara sits very sit, eyes fixed on her own hands in her lap. “When did you start hating Supergirl?”
Kara doesn’t look up but she can feel Alex’s eyes on her. Like she’s begging Kara to say that she doesn’t hate that part of herself. Well, that she can do.
“I don’t hate Supergirl.” She smiles. It feels fake.
“Do you…” Alex can’t make herself say it.
“I love being Kara Danvers,” Kara tells her, pleasant smile freezing into something desperate. "I love being your sister, Alex." She shifts so they're touching, and feels some of her own tension easing even if the move was meant to reassure Alex.
Alex taps their feet together and nods, considers that information for a moment. It only takes a moment for her to figure it out. “Kara Zor-El, then?” She lets her hand drop finally and she twists it into the knot of fingers Kara has made of her own hands in her lap. “Hey. Talk to me.”
It’s hard. Really hard. Because she’s not three people, not really. She’s just Kara, and the number of people who really, truly know that is probably exactly one.
Alex.
Maybe two. J’onn always seems to know everything.
Kara lets her hands fall loose and she holds Alex’s hand gently. She smiles at the encouraging squeeze she gets.
“I love my family. I love Kal. Clark. I miss Krypton every day. I just,” she bites at her lip. “I know Supergirl is important and I love being her. But she doesn’t just go away," Kara explains, pretty sure that no matter what she says, Alex isn't going to be able to really understand. Because at the end of it, Alex loves her and Kara doesn't think she can step out of that to understand what it might be like to not love her, to not know Kara. That thought is everything reassuring in the world, but it may not be much help right now. "All the things that make me Supergirl , they don't just go away when I become Kara again and it’s hard.” She dares a look over at Alex, who nods but doesn’t speak. “Because she’s a hero, she’s an alien hero, but then I'm just an alien. And I’m...”
Alex waits for her to speak for a while. When Kara doesn’t, Alex asks her, “Is this about what you said after you interviewed Voss?” Kara lifts her head a little, frowns over at her sister. “You said, at least you know Lena doesn’t hate you.”
“We talked about that,” Kara tells her slowly, knowing the uncomfortable shift of her shoulders is a major tell. She's side-stepping, and Alex knows it.
“Sort of.” Alex eyes her with something like pride, and Kara knows she’s caught. The slippery way of half-lies and avoidance she’s tried to use to hide away from her sister is over and Alex holds her hand a little more tightly. “I asked you then if she hated supergirl, didn’t I?” Kara nods. “I didn’t ask if she hated aliens.” Kara shakes her head. “Does she?”
Kara licks her lips. “No. She doesn’t,” she insists when Alex narrows her eyes. “But just because she doesn’t hate aliens doesn’t mean that I’m not,”
“Scared. You can say it.”
“Fine! I’m scared! I’m scared that she doesn’t like aliens, not because she wants to hurt me but because she’ll try really hard to like me because she likes Kara but then I’ll fall in love with her, because it’ll be easy! It’ll be so easy to fall in love with her,” she almost sobs, breath catching in her chest. “She’s smart and amazing and so strong and her family is totally messed up and I can't explain how brave she is, how good she's trying to be, and I’m afraid that I’ll love her and she won’t love me. And I’m so tired,” she cries, and Alex moves quick to sit on the couch with her when Kara's voice cracks. She pulls Kara in against her shoulder, pulls her so Kara's head is tucked in that perfect hollow of her neck that is the most safe, protected place in the world. "I'm so tired of wondering whether I missed my chance. If I'm ever going to get to fall in love with someone who loves me or if that person died."
Alex murmurs something that might not even be words but still sounds comforting, reassuring. Kara lets Alex hold her and she lets herself ache for a home of muted red sky and ground and the words I love you in her natural tongue.
“Maybe we don’t fit," she says, words dull and clunky. "Maybe I’m just too alien. And maybe I’m too much Superman’s cousin. She still doesn’t trust me.”
“Give it time,” Alex soothes. She wraps her arms around Kara’s shoulders. “Give her time.”
“Mm.”
They sit in silence for a little while. Kara knows Alex is thinking about everything she’s shared, but Kara can’t bring herself to think at all. She yawns, and lets Alex pull her more firmly into a hug.
“Have you spoken to Lena about this?” Alex asks her eventually. They've turned on the television—there's some game show on, but Alex has long since muted it and they've both been staring blankly at the screen. Kara shakes her head no. “You reckon you should?”
“Maybe."
“That’s one fucked up family. I think you need to give her a little time. I’m not saying you can’t be upset,” Alex clarifies. “I saw how she was. Sometimes it was like she only wanted to be near you, with you, touching you. You... She looked the most relaxed with you. Like she knew you were safe and there for her. But then sometimes it was like she couldn’t make herself go near you.” Kara nods. It had felt like that to her too. “She’s had years of Luthor brainwashing.”
“I know.”
“You trust her?”
Kara nods.
“Then I think you should go talk to her. Let her know you noticed. She’ll either try or she won’t and if she doesn’t,” Alex shrugs. “You’re my little sister, and if I have to put her in jail for a night then I’m afraid that’s just what I have to do.”
The faux gravity of the statement makes Kara laugh and she rolls away from Alex, sending her laugh up to the ceiling. It feels good. Brightening, only a little but enough that Kara doesn't feel like gravity is dragging at her anymore.
They stay there, Alex's arm around Kara's shoulders, until Kara finally feels settled.
"Thank you."
“Any time. And hey,” Alex nudges her and Kara grumbles, “don’t keep secrets from me, okay? I do have a job to do and having to figure out why you’re skulking around really takes time out of my days off.”
Kara gives her a guilty little smile and a shrug. The words click after a moment.
“Day off?” She takes in Alex’s leather, and the bike helmet on her counter, and some things start to fall into place. “Day off, huh? Took your baby out for a spin?” The words sound clunky in her mouth, not cool like the way Alex says it as she pours herself over her motorbike.
It makes Alex laugh.
“Yeah, I went for a drive.”
“Mhm.” Kara folds her arms.
“What?”
“Anyone go with you?”
“No.” Alex would be a perfect liar except for the fact that alien ears easily hear the way her heart skips over the lie.
“Who was it?” Kara squeals. “Maggie! Was it Maggie? Did you go with Maggie, was it a date, was it fun, did you have a good time, is she nice?”
Alex groans and sinks down into the couch. She hides her face in her hands and groans louder, trying to out groan Kara’s excited babble.
“Does she have a bike too? Did she ride with you on your bike that you’ve never ever let anyone else touch before? Except for your mechanic, I guess? But you never really had a head for engine science so I guess it makes sense that you would need to find someone who could do that for you.” She pauses for a moment. Alex comes up for a breath and Kara starts in again. “Where did you take Maggie, did you go for lunch, did you take her to that beachside restaurant or was it more casual? Did you go for icecream?”
“Oh my god, Kara.” Alex’s phone rings from a pocket inside her jacket and Kara squeals, much louder this time.
“Is that her?”
“When did you get this embarrassing?” Alex grumbles, but there’s the faintest smile on her lips when she pulls out her phone and she rolls her eyes and nods. “Yes, okay? It’s Maggie. And yes, we went out today but no, she didn't ride on my bike." Kara waits for a second, patiently, and she's rewarded when Alex flushes a light pink and admits, "She has her own bike.” Alex really can’t hold back her grin anymore and she continues, “We went for icecream.”
Dogs start to bark in three surrounding neighbourhoods from Kara’s resulting squeal.
“Jesus Christ.” Alex presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth and wiggles a finger in her ear. “I’m never going to be able to hear again.”
“Don’t be a baby.” Kara tucks her feet underneath her, beams over at her sister. If both of them realise she may be a little too excited, a little too happy about this newest development for Alex, neither of them comment on it.
Alex tells her about her day, softly and hesitantly and Kara doesn’t press at all. Not really. She's excited, and tugs answers out of Alex until her sister starts to offer them happily and she stands and makes them both coffee and they lean over opposite sides of the kitchen island and talk about it giddily and happily like it's a high school romance. Alex never had one of those, Kara remembers, and she knows it’s because of this.
“Hey.” Alex tucks her phone back into her pocket, out of photos of her date with Maggie to show off. “Are you going to be okay?”
Kara curls her hands around her mug and she nods, slowly, so Alex knows that she’s thinking seriously about the question. “Yeah. I think I’m going to go talk to Lena.”
“Good.” Still, Alex hesitates. She’s got one hand on her bike helmet but makes no move to pick it up. “Kara,”
“Oh my god, Alex, go," Kara laughs, shooing her toward the door. "You have a hot second date and as for me, everything is going to be fine." She doesn't know if the double dose of just how fine everything is going to be is for Alex or her. "I will talk things over with Lena and—oh!” Kara sucks in a breath and her eyes slam shut tight against the hot prickle of tears when Alex throws herself at her, wraps Kara in a tight hug. “Alex,” she murmurs, and she finds herself being gripped all the more tightly. “What—”
“You are the best person I know,” Alex tells her, voice firm and fierce. “You are kind and gentle and you always, always see the best in people.” Kara feels herself sag a little and Alex curls one arm around her waist and brings the other up between her shoulder blades and she holds Kara. “You told me Astra said you have the heart of a hero and you know I believe that. You know how much faith I have in you, and in your Supergirl. I have seen what you mean to this city and it's important and good but Kara,” Alex hesitates like this is too much, and maybe it is for a night of gossip between two sisters, but this is them and their lives are always anything but normal, average. Kara can feel the press of these words like they have to be said. Have to be heard.
She closes her eyes again and curls her fingers gently into Alex’s jacket, nods.
Alex continues. “You’ve got so much heart. For everything you do, for everyone you love. People know, okay? They know how you feel. It's impossible not to feel it. So whatever happens, I need you to know that I love you. Every bit of you. Everything you are." Kara nods into her shoulder again. "So if, if Lena doesn't—if that doesn't work out, I need you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. Do you understand me?"
For the third time, Kara nods, and finally the pressure of Alex's hug eases and she slowly steps back.
Kara wipes under her eyes. Alex holds her by the shoulders and smiles when she’s done.
“And remember, I was serious about that jail time.”
It makes Kara laugh again as she sends Alex out of her apartment and, like Alex no doubt knew it would, it lifts Kara’s heart just enough that the idea of talking to Lena doesn’t seem like it will be the end of her world anymore.
“Alex?” Her sister pauses where she is, down the hall. “People like being brought dinner and stuff, right?” she asks, clinging to the door frame and poking her head just out into the hallway. Alex looks like she’s about to head right back into Kara’s apartment and the only reason she doesn't is because Kara holds her hand up and shakes her head firmly. “Stop, seriously, I’m fine. I will be fine. Just… dinner?”
Alex sucks at her teeth for a second before she gives Kara a jerky nod. “Yeah. People would probably love being brought dinner. Especially if people have been throwing themselves into work instead of thinking about their mom.”
Kara squints at her. She tries to hide her smile when she asks, “You’re talking about Lena too, right?” with as much confusion as she can push into her voice.
“What? Yeah, of course I am—oh. Ha ha, a joke. Really funny, Kara.” Alex rolls her eyes and fishes her keys out of her pocket. She hesitates before heading down the stairs and shakes her head, sighs. "Because I'm the best big sister ever, one more bit of advice?" She lifts her eyebrows and doesn't hide her grin at all. "Don’t get potstickers? Unless you think that making her watch you put four in your mouth at the same time is some kind of ultimate seduction.”
“It was on krypton.”
Alex laughs and laughs, all the way down the stairs.
She ends up getting pizza—with cutlery and twelve fabric napkins, because Kara might eat with her hands but Lena doesn’t, not over her paperwork anyway—and she only turns back twice before steeling herself and landing lightly on the balcony of Lena’s office.
She considers knocking, but Lena is bent over what look like blueprints so instead, Kara rearranges the bags with the food into one hand and pulls out her phone with the other.
—hungry? I got pizza
She watches as Lena’s phone buzzes on her desk and Kara bites her lip, wondering if it’s weird for her to watch. If Lena wants to send her away then she should have that option. Right? And not feel weird about her possible girlfriend lingering outside.
Her worry is pushed aside when she sees Lena pick up her phone and cradle it like it’s precious, when she sees Lena sink back into her chair. From this angle, Kara can just see her smile when she types a reply.
—famished. how soon can you get here?
Kara tucks her phone away and raps very lightly on the door.
“That was quick,” Lena comments, pressing a button on a small remote to unlock the door.
“And that’s more high tech than a key.”
“I got it installed. I figured a few upgrades were in order.” She crinkles her nose and drops the remote into her drawer. Then, adorably and it makes Kara’s knees a little weak, Lena crinkles her nose again and sniffs. “Pepperoni?”
“For you. I got, um, deep dish meatlovers and also a mushroom one. It was new,” she explained. “And I like buying pizza from them. It’s kind of a family business?” she talks as she tries to clear a small space on Lena’s desk.
“Couch,” Lena instructs gently, and Kara nods, leaving the papers where they are.
“I always worry that they’ll flop,” she continues, and she lifts the coffee table easily and sets it down much closer to the couch so they can sit and reach. “Not them, like, not this particular place because it always looks pretty busy. But other businesses like that. I like them. They’re cosy. The big franchises are good but there’s something I like about family places.”
“You’re soft hearted,” Lena says, tugging her pizza toward her. “Could that be it?”
The words are nothing less than fond, and Kara takes in Lena’s warm eyes, her smile, the way she leans in toward Kara when she sits on the opposite end of the couch.
There are things they need to talk about, but this is the first time they’ve spoken in four days and Kara is determined to enjoy it. They’ll talk later. About those things. For now, they can talk like adults who are sharing dinner with someone they like.
The desire to talk lasts until Kara is pauses partway through a complaint about work. She licks at sauce that has dripped onto her wrist, licks up into the palm of her hand because of course she has to get sauce everywhere.
“Sorry, so, I was writing it and about to send it off when—”
“Kara,” Lena interrupts her, and Kara looks up into dark eyes and carefully sets down her slice of pizza before Lena can jump her. It's not a wholly fitting verb, Kara thinks, because technically Lena doesn’t jump—she rolls up onto her knees and tugs Kara so that her legs are up on the couch and then she straddles her. So no, she doesn’t jump.
But Kara thinks her own reaction is similar to if Lena had jumped. Jolted, a little. Surprised.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Lena murmurs, and she eases Kara back against the arm of the couch.
Kara goes willingly.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Lena shakes her head. “Pizza? Talking about our days? You’re here.”
“I’m…” Kara nods. “I am. I’m here.”
“We should talk about this.” Lena bends slightly. Her breath is hot against Kara’s cheek and she presses her forehead to Kara’s. A little uneven, she rests mostly against Kara’s right eyebrow, and Kara waits patiently. “Is it bad that I just want to kiss you for an hour?”
“Why would that be bad?” Kara asks her, very softly, and she tips her head up just a little in an effort to catch Lena’s lips. When she pulls back a little, Kara groans and waits.
“What’s wrong?” Lena's voice is low and amused and Kara pays her back by laying her hands on Lena’s back and pulling her down. A good plan—Lena’s breath leaves her in a rush and she noses at Kara’s cheek, heart racing. It’s a bad plan—Lena isn’t the only one affected by the move. “What’s wrong?” Lena asks her again, and Kara’s gesture has done absolutely nothing to knock the amusement from her tone. “That didn’t go to plan?”
“Not exactly,” Kara admits. “Are we going to kiss or not?”
That startles a laugh from Lena and Kara looks at her in time to see something unfamiliar and utterly lovely in her eyes. It makes a strangely spinning world slow into something recognisable—the tiniest, tiniest shift, and Kara feels at home.
Later, she’s sure she’ll feel anxious about it.
She’s already fallen for Lena. Hard. Unable to recover, probably.
But for now…
“Sure, Kara, we can kiss,” Lena laughs, and she closes the distance between them.
She spends zero time on sweet or tender—instead, she heads right for the kisses that make Kara arch up into her hands and it’s an awkward scramble but Kara grips at her hidden zip and Lena murmurs approvingly when there’s suddenly a whole lot more skin that she can touch. “I love this suit,” Lena says, and she nips down Kara’s neck for punctuation, “but it covers up so much.”
“Chastity belt of steel,” Kara laughs, a little breathless, and Lena grins wickedly up at her before focusing on her collar again and yeah, who knew? She’s wildly sensitive just about everywhere.
Kara rucks Lena’s blouse up out of the waist of her skirt and slips her hands up Lena’s back. “This okay?” she asks. Lena returns to her lips to give her their first gentle kiss of the night and a very enthusiastic yes.
They don’t go too much further—though, Kara traces every inch of Lena’s back, until she’s shivering, until dragging the pads of her fingers down a small square at the small of her back makes Lena bite at Kara’s lip. Until the kisses Lena drags over Kara's skin leaves her feeling too hot and tingling. Eventually, though, they stop. Lena drags herself back and Kara follows her without a thought, keeping them pressed together. She likes it that way, never wants to go without again, and she sits up to kiss her. Lena smiles into it, wraps her arms around Kara’s neck.
“I have work,” she says, murmurs her apology into Kara’s cheek.
Kara’s arms tense. This was good. Better than good, and she hopes that it wasn’t just on her side. She's afraid, for a moment, that it was just her but then Lena cups her cheeks and kisses her, hard at first—almost desperate, and Kara remembers how awed she was, remembers how she cradled her phone in her hands, how she had whispered her awe that Kara had come to her. Kara kisses her back.
“That’s some goodnight kiss,” she mumbles, and Lena pulls back to laugh. She slips from Kara’s lap, stands a little unsteadily.
In a rush, Kara returns the coffee table to its original spot and she cleans up—folds the napkins Lena used, closes up the pizza boxes, zips herself up and back into her suit, and there really isn’t much else to clean so she stands there, uncertain, until Lena lays a hand on her arm.
“Thank you. For dinner,” she clarifies. “And for bringing it to me. And for making out on the couch with me.”
Kara can feel her cheeks burning but to her credit, she doesn’t stammer or stutter or lose her words. “My pleasure.” She licks her lips, drags her eyes away from Lena to the clock on the wall. Eleven. She should leave. “Don’t work too hard,” she tells her, and it’s stupid to feel like she’s being kicked out, because she knows that Lena has to work and she knows that it was an impromptu visit, but still.
She suspects they really should have talked about it. About everything.
“Okay, goodnight,” she says, aiming for cheery, and she’s almost at the balcony door when she hears Lena coming after her.
“Kara.” She turns back—Lena sounds angry. Lena looks angry. “I have a business to run, okay, I’m sorry I can’t spend all my time with you.” She softens a little. “I really am sorry. I would love that.”
Kara feels for the way hurt has shoved stern strength into her shoulders, forcing them broad and commanding, and makes herself calm down, makes herself relax. “No, I understand that, I do,” she insists.
“Then,” Lena gestures, confused, to the balcony door. “I’m not, I’m not banishing you. I’m not kicking you out. I just have to work.” She swallows, looks away. “Have I… done something?”
Kara stares at her for long enough that Lena looks back and her face falls a little.
“So I have.”
“No.” Kara sucks in a breath. “We hadn’t spoken. In four days. I thought, I thought maybe I had done something wrong? And I wanted to give you space,” she continues, because now that she’s starting, she doesn’t want to stop in case she never tries again and Alex is right, probably, honesty is the best method and if she lays everything in front of Lena now yes maybe it will be too much to handle but maybe it will all work itself out. And now that she’s thinking it, maybe it will be too much, maybe hoping it’ll work out is wishful thinking and reality is going to throw a punch like a prize fighter, but she’s already started and now she can’t stop. “To think about everything that happened and with, with the person who paid Voss. And I didn’t want to crowd you or make you think that I didn’t trust you, or scare you because we didn’t get any hit of a threat in the last few days, and I didn’t want to hang around as Supergirl in case,” she cuts off, a little strangled, and Lena frowns.
“In case what?”
“I just,” Kara spreads her hands. “I know how you feel about her.”
“About Supergirl?” When Kara nods, Lena’s expression darkens. “And how do I feel about her?”
It feels like a test. It’s absolutely a test. Kara closes her eyes. “You don’t trust her.” She can hear the way Lena gathers her breath for a tirade. She continues. “You think she’s only going to see you as a Luthor because of what happened with Lex, and you think she’s going to take Superman’s side over yours, and you think that she’ll never see how you’re Luthor and Lena.”
“So if that’s why I don’t trust Supergirl, why don’t you trust Lena Luthor?” There is no hint of anger or upset in Lena’s voice.
Kara opens her eyes. For a moment, she just sees kiss-swollen lips and mussed hair. Then she sees the way Lena holds herself back, like they’re already done, and Kara shifts. She tries to open her position so Lena knows that once this conversation is over, she wants to hold her again. There’s no way to know if Lena understands, so Kara just talks.
“I don’t know who you see,” she confesses. “If you see Kara Danvers, or Supergirl. Or if you see, me?” she says, a little stilted, and Kara touches the very base of her crest for courage. “I don’t know what me being an alien means to you. I don’t,” her voice hitches. “I don’t want it to be a bad thing. But,”
“You’re afraid.”
Kara clenches her jaw tight and then, slowly, nods.
Lena takes a step back and sits on the edge of her desk. She clasps her hands in her lap and watches Kara for a minute.
“I know I’ve been distant. I’m sorry if you thought... I’m sorry if it seemed like that was because of Supergirl. Or your being an alien.” Lena purses her lips before she smiles a tight, unhappy smile. “Maybe it was, a little. I've had all kinds of vitriolic shit poured into my head since I was a child, you have to understand.” A flicker of desperation dashes across her face. “You don’t have to understand. I only mean,”
“I understand.”
Lena calms herself again. “I’m not… accustomed,” she tells her, “to having someone not want something from me. I told you that. And I told you this would be hard for me.”
“You did.”
“I’ve,” Lena looks younger. Kara thinks it has something to do with the way raw vulnerability strips her of her composure. Her face is pale and her lips visibly tremble when she presses them together, trying hard to calm herself. It helps, Kara notes, when she steps forward to sit next to Lena. “I’ve been trying,” she says quietly. “But I suppose I haven’t been trying very hard. Have I?”
Kara considers the last weeks Lena has had, the horrors and the heartbreak of her own mother—of everything that has happened, and she considers that night Lena had come to her. And now, tonight. She considers what it feels like when Lena looks at her like she’s special, when Lena lets down her guard enough that Kara can see how she feels.
“We made pretty good progress tonight, I think,” she says, and she sits properly on the desk and swings her heels a little. “Kissing. Talking about trust. Discussing problems.” Kara shrugs. “I don’t want you to be perfect, I just wanted to know that...” She feels her heart lurch a little and, suddenly shy, she ducks her head forward so a curtain of hair falls between them. “That you wanted me. All of me, not just Kara Danvers.”
“I do.”
“Okay then.” Kara lets out her breath slowly. “Well, some minor suggestions then?” She makes her tone purposefully light and Lena looks at her like she knows what she’s doing but she nods anyway. “You could text me back sometimes. And ask me for things? I can cross the city in, like, a minute so anytime you leave something at home I can get it like that.” she clicks her fingers and looks at Lena proudly, tucks her hair behind her ears. “Or if you want to hang out, anytime. All you have to do is call. Or text. Either.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lena promises. The upturn of her lips is small but it feels genuine and sweet and Kara thinks it’s just enough of a sign that this is going to work. She’s forever being accused of being too much of an optimist but this time, she knows.
"And from me?" Kara asks her. "I'd feel better if you texted me back, what would make you feel better?" she clarifies when Lena frowns, confused.
"Me? I—" Lena closes her mouth with a faint click of teeth and she blinks. "Keep," she hesitates and Kara is reaching out to hold her hand before she can think it through. The movement makes Lena nod. "Keep coming to me? I want to know that I'm important to you," she says so faintly that Kara has to strain to hear it. "I liked your texts."
Kara stands and keeps Lena on the desk where she is with a firm press of her hands. She dips her head to catch Lena's lips and kisses her with a fervour that surprises even her. She can't get rid of the idea that Lena might be lonely, sad, that she might feel unimportant, and she knows that it doesn't work like this, that you can't chase those feelings away, but when she cradles Lena's jaw in her hands and kisses her like for that moment she's everything that Kara needs, she thinks it helps.
"I can do that," Kara promises, and she swallows hard when her voice comes out a little hoarse. She steps away. "Should I?" She points to the balcony, shifts a little awkwardly. "I know you have work and this has been... a lot."
Lena bites her lip. "I'm sorry, it feels strange after everything for you to go."
"But I do have to. Right?" Lena nods. "Okay. I'll text you when I get home," she promises, and she's heard dozens of similar promises after dates and it sends a little thrill right through her. She can't, doesn't want to, halt her beaming smile, or the final kiss she gets from Lena.
She’s only been gone for a minute when her phone buzzes and she considers waiting until she gets home to look. Something stops her and she pulls her phone out to a message from Lena.
—take me home?
The sight of Kara landing on her balcony is answer enough and Lena steps out, locks the door behind her. She’s got her heels in one hand and her bag in another and she laughs when Kara sweeps her up into her arms.
“I’m not overly fond of flying,” she reminds Kara, who shrugs. Lena tries to hide her appreciation of the way Kara’s muscles move under her hand, but Kara smugly notes it.
“I’m faster than any plane, and I’m practically invincible. You’ll be safe with me. And,” she says, conversationally, “I'm really glad you asked me to take you home because you’ve been working a lot. And I know that you have to run your business and it takes more time because of everything that has been going on, but you have to look after yourself, okay?”
Lena clings more tightly to her and nods, laughs into her neck. “Yes, dear," she teases.
“Good.”
At Lena’s apartment, Kara lowers her gently to the tiled balcony and lifts her up again when she shivers. The tiles are cold against bare feet.
“Sorry,” Kara whispers.
“It’s okay.”
They don’t really have to whisper, except that they’re pressed together and all the lights are out and it feels intimate, somehow, even with the whole city stretched out behind them.
“Do you want to come inside?”
Kara thinks about it for a moment before shaking her head no. “You should sleep.”
“That’s not out of the question, but it wasn’t the first thing I thought we would do.”
Lena’s voice is quiet, but it’s so full of promise and Kara can’t do anything except laugh.
“Next time, maybe,” she says, still grinning, and Lena steps up closer still to her super girlfriend—and yeah, that term is fitting so much better now for Kara—and she kisses her, slow and hot and so good that Kara thinks she might be melting a little bit. She leans back against the wall of Lena’s apartment, allows herself to be pressed against it, and for a while all she can think about is Lena. Lena warm against her, Lena sighing and that irritated little sound she makes when Kara breaks their kiss to smile, the way her hands urge their mouths back together.
“I don’t think I can walk,” Kara huffs when Lena finally pulls away.
“How about flying?”
She grins a little dopily and tells her, “I want to do loops. And corkscrews.”
“Oh?”
“I’m happy,” she says and this time it’s her turn to kiss Lena. And she does, short and sweet. When she pulls away, she pulls away completely, jumps over the side of the railing and floats level to Lena. But just out of reach because if she doesn't leave now or soon, she doesn't think she will at all. "Goodnight. And sleep. Don’t stay up answering emails.” Lena rolls her eyes and nods. “Okay. Goodnight. Bye. I’ll,” she falls a little in the air and laughs, the jolt kicking her nerves out of her system. “It’s your turn,” she calls, and Lena nods that she’s heard her. So Kara spins, and shoots into the sky and if she does one, or maybe ten or so stunts on her way back home well, only she knows that. And several weather helicopters with plenty of footage.