Chapter Text
(Realm Four Time) Sunday, September 1, 2002, 830p
I’m not entirely certain what people want from me in this chronicle as I’m merely putting down what happened on paper. Eh, whatever; not my problem people’s vaginas are showing and they need to tug their skirts down. I know this shit is weird and bizarre -I fucking lived it. I’ve even been trying to avoid the repetitive sex because I could write entire books on that alone and never get anywhere with what little plot there happened to be. So, because I’m annoyed, I’m going to give any who read this more instead of less.
Right, the Sorting of the new First Years just finished. I made it a point to keep an eye on the now united Weasleys over in Snake land. Ron hadn’t been this animated since his own Sorting last year: food flying everywhere as he talked, ate, and gestured wildly all at the same time. Thank all that be that Scarlet’s old body -mine now- has zero gag reflex because what I was watching was fucking disgusting. I got a laugh out of his neighbors using Protego Charms to prevent becoming casualties in that mess.
Colin Creevey, the little spaz, wedged his tiny body in between me and Harrie on my left. Maybe I gave off the impression that I don’t like him; that would be a negative. Canon-Colin was underappreciated in my opinion. He survived being near the basilisk. He boldly interrupted Snape in his domain. He stood up to Umbridge. He fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. Seriously, the little dude was not given enough accolades.
Even now, as people watched and waited for me to send him flying because my left tit was sitting on top of his head, he jabbered a million miles a second to Harrie completely content in believing that his hero wouldn’t allow him to come to any harm.
I found him adorkable. Yes, a dork that was adorable. Couple that with him being reported -at least, in fanon- as gay I surprised myself when it occurred to me that I wouldn’t mind if he joined us. Naturally it would be up to him in the end if he initiated anything as I wasn’t going to force the issue.
Food that was still far healthier than the fare around us ingested and our attention was drawn to the head table. Oh, I just noticed that the tacky gold throne and lectern were gone. That’s an improvement already as far as I’m concerned. Flitwick stood on the table, which explained part of why he waited for the feast to be finished as he understood hygiene and manners.
“Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts!” the new Headmaster’s jubilant voice carried easily to all corners of the Great Hall. “Now that bellies are full it’s time for the start of term announcements. The forest is forbidden for a reason, so please don’t enter. Mister Filch has banned anything humorous, which is fine because I fired him and he doesn’t work here anymore,” ooh goodie, one less bully stomping around the castle. “Magic usage in the corridors is restricted to household charms -it wouldn’t do to offend the House-Elves by cleaning too much, however going forward students are expected to clean up any mess they make. Any usage of jinxes, hexes and/or curses will be punished on a scale by intent: the more harm one tries to do, the harsher the punishment. I am not Albus Dumbledore; I do not care who you think you are, who you think your parents are, if you give me reason I will expel you from this school,” well isn’t that a shot across the Slytherin’s bow . . . in all fairness, all of the uppity yahoos are now on notice. Maybe even the Weasley twins if they push things too far. “Staff changes: for Defense we have Gilderoy Lockhart,” I wasn’t the only one to pick up the lack of enthusiasm there. “Potions will be taught by Penelope Haywood,” and doesn’t she just look annoyed by her full first name. Thank the Gods that Slughorn wasn’t brought back because I’d heard that he was . . . at the very least, handsy. “The new Slytherin Head of House is Aurora Sinistra,” no surprise there, she’s the only tenured Slytherin alumni on staff as far as I know. “Ravenclaw’s Head will be Septima Vector,” huh, I didn’t know that she was in that House as a student.
I admit that my mind wandered a bit at that point. Nothing against Flitwick; his enthusiasm was fairly contagious after all but one could only listen to a certain amount of jaw flapping before getting bored. I missed who was taking over Charms while studying the two Houses I could see. Heh, Chang and Edgecombe look worried as they should now that the Ravens have a Professor who can dedicate more time to the House and keeping order. The Slytherins looked about as amused although they were doing their stiff upper lip impersonation again.
Then there was the mad scramble to vacate the Hall by the upper years. The Fifth Year Prefects could be heard over the din corralling the newest batch to stay put for a moment. Not that me or mine were bothered by staying seated avoiding the rush and crush of bodies funneling out of the doors. As was typical for part of the journey to the Dorms we had some Slytherin company. Not Malfoy and group, thankfully as they had absconded the moment they could, leaving the more pleasant and tolerable behind. I couldn’t tell which of the Carrow twins it was, being only able to see the back of her head, that was on the right. She’d gotten distracted by something Zacharias Smith had muttered, pausing in her steps to turn and glare at the pompous ass. In that moment Astoria stumbled in my direction. My left hand shot out, gently gripping her right shoulder stabilizing her enough for her to get her legs to cooperate.
Since I was touching her -a rare event to be certain as I could see her sister in the corner of my eye opening her mouth to say something-, I might as well ping my magic through hers and try to figure out what was wrong with her. Ooh, ewwww that Malediction Curse feels nasty. Her situation was more dire than I thought and immediate action was needed.
Good thing I had a cauldron full of Elixir of Life. Bet you thought I forgot about it; I just hadn’t had time or reason to bring it out before. Now, however, I did as the younger Greengrass was in a bad way. As soon as I had the thought my magic reacted, banishing a standard vial’s worth straight into her stomach.
I had forgotten about a certain effect of taking the Elixir. Fortunately for us Astoria’s back was to an open space as she had what I dubbed as a ‘dragon fart’. One of those ass rippers that produced a tongue of flame a dozen feet long that super-heated the air proving how real the fire was.
“Ooh, spicy,” she had the decency to blush before standing . . . not taller, but with more strength. Firmer, I suppose. My right eyebrow twitched at her having the same reaction as Harrie had near the end of last term. Was that all farting fire rated around here?! Gods damn it. I did remove my hand from her shoulder at last though, no need to aggravate the situation.
“What did you do?!” of course here comes the protective elder sister. If there was a way to get Daphne Greengrass to emote in public, it was by having an interaction with her sister that seemed to change things.
“Nothing much,” I fibbed as I wasn’t going to advertise that I had a healing agent like the Elixir or the Stone to make it. “I did prevent her from falling and then whoosh,” which was true, from the outsiders perspective. It had looked like I prevented a tumble, turned her towards me, and then fire in -or rather, out of- the hole.
“Hmph,” and there it was, the female version of ‘a noise of a thousand words’.
“Watch your language Missy,” Gemma growled as she sauntered passed our traffic jam. “Get a move on,” was added as an afterthought over her shoulder.
“Wow, grouchy,” feeling infinitely better Astoria broke out the snark, rolling her eyes at her sister when she was shushed.
“Eh, probably not in the mindset of dealing with younger folk yet,” I shrugged, although I did make a note to keep an eye on her and her friends. Something had happened over the summer that put the Witches Trio on the outs with their House.
We did do as was asked though, eventually parting ways with the green and silver on our floor of the Grand Staircase. Once in the Sett, I nearly laughed out loud at the sheer outrageousness of the pout on Colin’s face when he was ushered to the boys dorms after the full House introduction. The only reason I stuck around for Sprout’s ‘private chat’ with the incoming futas was to notify her that Luna was one of ours and we’d handle her needs.
Turns out I was right about our dorm slash warehouse. Not only would the First Years have to go upstairs to what would have been a normal-sized Second Year room, but my soundproofing was still intact.
“Huh,” what was new was the single massive bed that dominated the wall opposite of the wardrobes. “Well, this is nice,” and I meant it too as I found the one that was mine and magicked my clothes into the hamper in the bottom-left corner. Turning around to face the bed I was unsurprised to find round two -or perhaps, merely a continuation of the train ride- in full swing. Ooh, kinky! Aina had Lenna pinned down on her back, pounding her pussy. Right beside them, in the same position, Grace was doing the same to Eve. Riki was taking Terry from behind while the Daemon in disguise fucked Lea’s face. The researcher was on her left side, her right leg sticking up in the air thanks to Kara sitting on her left thigh driving her cock in and out of her cunny, her right hand wrapped around Lea’s shaft jacking her off simultaneously. Anna had mounted Satin, the two fucking like rabbits in heat while the bunny-girl sucked Sara’s cock. There was a small train behind the blond, her sister Selene the next in line with Raven bringing up the rear fucking away without a care. Must be wincest night because Helga was riding Helena, mashing their tits together as they made out.
On the other side of the pile Hermione was parked on Susan’s sternum, making excellent use of those fantastic tits while a little further south Hannah plowed her best friend, her own bouncing rack doing wonderful things to Bones’ fleshy bone. Yes, terrible pun but hey I don’t give a fuck. Hmm, there’s Megan, Harrie, Scarlet and Odette running their own train, in that order. Misty, Faelina, Candy and Tiger made a Daisy chain circle blowing each other enthusiastically. My sisters Emily, Jenny and Rose were entangled in a strange yoga pose that I had no hope of describing as it was impossible to tell where one ended and another began.
Luna, who had followed me into the storage space that was our dorm, clapped and giggled gleefully while bouncing on her toes doing wonderful things to her naked breasts and rigid member.
“Wheee! Oh goodie!” she cried out in delight as I casually chucked her into the sexy chaos. Soon enough her ethereal voice joined in with the moaning and screaming in pleasure.
The only problem I had was trying to decide where to jump in myself. So many options! Fuck it, I’m not going to miss out due to overthinking. Not again. So let’s start with the classics.
“Mmm hello there sexy,” I purred as I wrapped my arms around Grace, my hands having found her breasts while I pressed my own against her back. As soon as I felt my cock notch in the entrance to her drenched pussy I rolled my hips plunging into her tight wet tunnel. “Ooh yes, now this is deliciously naughty,” my voice had transitioned into a sinful moan of pleasure. “Having fun down there Eve?” I couldn’t help but ask the bluenette on her back that was being railed by her redheaded -from a bottle- sister that I was now pounding from behind.
“It just got better!” was the pleasure filled cry, her hands reaching around the body between us to grope what she could of my tits. “Mngh fuck her harder! Ooh fuck yes that’s it right there!”
“You corrupted me!” Grace faux-protested, her tone giving her true feelings away as I couldn’t see her face. “I was a simple, hardworking, good elder sister and now . . . angh fuck,” she cut off and shuddered, her pussy milking my cock wonderfully.
“Stop lying Grace!” Odette moaned over to us from her own pile of literal fucking fun. “You wouldn’t give any of this up for anything and you know it!”
My amusement got swallowed by my orgasm, giving the redhead-from-a-bottle a womb full of cum which in turn set her flying over the edge of her own peak. Eve enjoyed the feeling of her sister’s cock spurting in her cunny enough to climax herself, her shaft pulsing as it launched jets of her seed all over their bouncing tits.
(Realm Four Time) Monday, September 2, 2002, 0530
“Rise and shine!” I called out to the sleepyheads as I flounced -yes, flounced- my way into the massive bathroom attached to our warehouse turned dorm.
“Shut the fuck up,” Harrie snarled with her eyes closed from between Luna’s and Hermione’s breasts, obviously too comfortable to want to get out of bed so early in the morning. Not that I could blame her as that position looked absolutely wonderful.
So of course my response was to conjure a small lake over the bed, letting the cold water fall upon my coven with a tremendous splash. Shrieks and curses met my laughter as I headed deeper into the bathroom then started up my shower in the first stall, the steam and heat drifting out to the dorm through the open door.
“What has you in such a good mood?” Susan smacked my ass playfully as she took the other shower head in this stall.
“Last night had a lot to do with it,” I groped her tits in return, giving her a faux leer before turning to attend to my hair under the spray of water. “Really though, there’s no one reason. I’m just in a good mood,” my eyes had closed as I washed my red tresses, feeling the water flowing over my stiff nipples. Blasted pregnancy hormones, meh whatever.
I had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair when I felt a surge of combined fright and worry sear across the bond. From the number of sources it had originated here in the bathroom. My head and eyes swung around even as my legs were already in motion, carrying me to the far end.
“No Harrie, don’t touch that!” came from more than one voice as my right hand settled on her shoulder intending to pull her away from whatever it was. I caught a glimpse of a familiar golden rent in reality, that suspiciously looked like a vagina, hovering a couple feet off of the floor when she touched it with her left hand. I felt something latch on to my very being, a hook-behind-the-navel effect, and like I had gotten flushed down the toilet before darkness took me.
(Realm Five) Time Unknown, Day One
With a very much not sexy moan I rolled onto my right side on the cold stone ground and promptly puked.
“Fuck, that was terrible!” I got out once the nausea had passed, a simple though cleaning away the mess. Harrie whined from somewhere on my left before upchucking the remnants of her dinner.
“J-Jaime?” she called out softly as she shakily rose to her feet.
“Yeah, I’m here babe,” I kept my voice down, more-so than usual, to prevent echoing in the chamber we found ourselves in. To my right I spied ancient Greco-Roman style architecture: an obviously man-made entryway that had pillars and arches spanning the short distance between two rock walls. Filling the gaps was a pastel green barrier. Just in front of the leftmost pillar stood a statue of two imps stacked on each other, the eyes and mouth of the upper imp glowing the same color as what was blocking the way. “I don’t think we’re in Hogwarts anymore, Toto,” I made the modified reference as I stood, another thought cleaning up the mess again.
I frowned. While I could still feel the bond and those in it, it was like molasses . . . in January . . . in the Arctic. Very much ‘paused’ for the lack of a better term. That would mean time was frozen whence we came, something that shouldn’t be possible yet it was.
“I’m s-sorry,” Harrie sidled up to my left side, wrapping her arms around me. My left arm draped over the back of her waist, pulling her closer making her stiff cock rub my hip. Damn these eternal erections are somewhat inconvenient.
“Well, I probably would have touched a glowing gold pussy floating in the air myself,” I admitted, doing just that with the one right in front of us with my free hand. Oh, I knew it was a Site of Grace but I was irritated to have been drug somewhere against my will . . . again. On a whim I tried to connect to the one in the bathroom of all places -when it hadn’t been there the year previous- only to get what felt like a ‘not now’ denial. Fucking fantastic joy and laughter. “Consider this a learning experience: it’s okay to be curious, but one must also be cautious,” like I had any room to talk but I was trying to demonstrate that I wasn’t upset.
Eventually we parted, allowing me to conjure up some robes and sandals to cover up our nudity. Wasn’t much I could do about the obvious bulges and tenting going on south of the border other than ignore it as I led her towards the stairs opposite the door that would take us deeper underground.
“Whoever built this place made it to last,” her eyes were darting about, taking in the architecture.
“I think you’ll find this next bit fascinating,” directing her to stand to the right of the pressure plate in the center of some columns I purposely stepped on it activating the ancient stone lift. With a soft grind of stone on stone up we went.
“Hogwarts could use one of these!” seeing how enthusiastic she was about it made me smile softly.
“One would have to figure out how to get it to stop at every floor rather than the default ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ settings but I heartily agree,” an elevator versus those annoying stairs, there’s no contest in my opinion. I opted not to tell her of the ones I knew about that were purely operated on magic as we’d find them eventually.
The trip to the upper floor was short, the only thing up here being the doors that led outside. It took some effort to get them open, the rust welds on the hinges popping revealing the western Limgrave region. Due north was the ever imposing Stormveil Castle, perched on the tallest cliff backed against the ocean. To the northeast was the gigantic Erdtree, dominating the skyline being impossible to miss with that golden glow. We could even see the ruined bridge leading to the Limgrave Divine Tower, the dark stone a silhouette against the brightness of the background. Closer to us there was a lot of greenery dotted with ruins galore, rolling hills and a small forest to our right.
“Huh, this isn’t so bad,” Harrie’s optimism made me wince internally.
“Trust me, it’ll swiftly go into nightmare fuel territory,” I hated being the one to have to tell her that but better she be prepared. “Just about everything moving is hostile. Plants, animals, people, and things that go ‘bump’ in the night. You’ll see,” I couldn’t figure out how to tell her that someone at some point had the bright idea to strap swords to massive birds’ talons, or a lion’s right foreleg, or the emaciated dogs to say nothing of the mutations roaming Caelid. Just thinking of those beasts made me shudder.
Heading down the stairs we walked the short distance to yet another tear in reality that looked like female anatomy which I casually stuck my right hand in activating the Site. Huh.
“Do you see that?” I murmured, aware of the dude known as White-Faced Varré standing not too far away. What I was referring to was the arch of golden light that was pointing towards the Church ruins now visible from our view point.
“Wh-what is that?” Harrie boggled, her eyes tracing the ‘guiding light’ before movement on the path drew her attention.
“Remember, hostile,” I vaguely gestured at the patrolling Tree Sentinel, yanking her left arm down as she had started to wave trying to get its attention. Fortunately for us she hadn’t succeeded; on the flip side she spurred Varré into speech. I stared at him unamused at his condescending asshat douche-bag verbal diarrhea about being ‘Maidenless’. Of course we were: the body of what would have been our Maiden lay in the Chapel of Anticipation, killed by this clown. Not that he knew we arrived in the Stranded Graveyard bypassing that ridiculous Grafted Scion bullshit fight.
I had multi-tasked: while Mister White-Face -really just a mask to save on animating the mouth- jabbered, I waited for the Tree Sentinel to wander back into my ‘range’ then spun up an Arcane Orb as I pointed my hand taking aim. Letting it fly, he and Harrie were stunned by the sudden violence as I blew the Sentinel’s head off. In the same motion my left hand pulled my trusty sword out of my hammerspace, quickly beheading the Bloody Surgeon.
“Jamie?! What-?!” the poor girl was stunned at the sudden execution which I knew ran contrary to her nature. She’d only fallen silent when the body turned into particles of light before vanishing into the aether.
“That’s a thing,” I deadpanned, noticing the loot from the kills appearing in my hammerspace along with an absurd amount of the local currency known as Runes. Huh; these were actual coins that featured Marika the Eternal Queen on the front and the Elden Ring as it used to be on the back I observed when I pulled one out of storage. Well, that made more sense than the nothing the players were given as an explanation.
“Oh, sorry,” I returned from my distracted state, focusing on Harrie as I led her back towards the building we emerged from, made a wide left U turn, and walked along the path towards the Church ruins. “So, as I was saying: hostiles are everywhere, friendlies are few and far between. That pompous ass I slaughtered worked for one of the Demigods going by the wonderful title: ‘The Lord of Blood’,” she shivered appropriately. “Yeah. You’ll find that madness of some form is pretty much baked into the minds of the people. Even the few that won’t attack us on sight,” I amended as we passed by the crucified effigies lining the path. They weren’t crosses, instead looking like someone had stuck a sideways parentheses, the ends pointing at the sky, onto the top of an I. “Ugh, take these charming fellows for example: they scream at night,” this time we both shivered as we walked under the remains of the poor folks stuck up there. Fucking spooky ass ‘ambiance’, brrr!
After a ten minute walk we reached what was left of the Church of Elleh. The glass and wooden roof was long gone. Three of the four walls were damaged and crumbling. Only the front wall, with the empty belfry up top and the stone internal ceiling support pillars remained giving anyone a clue as to what the ruin once was. Heading in through the space where the door used to be we found another tear in reality that I stuck a hand in to activate. There was another golden ribbon pointing east-northeast at the small forest on the hill. Next to the last right hand pillar, taking up some of the space where the altar would have been, was the first friendly ‘face’ to be found tending to his fire. Not too far away was a smithing anvil and what represented an eternal forge in the form of a bag of burning coal to the left of that.
‘Be polite,’ I mentally spoke to her. ‘The Merchants are useful and on a blue moon have information that can help if we get stuck,’ not bloody likely as it was. It would depend on how much is different to the game really.
While Harry and Kalé talked, I pondered a thought that popped into my head: where, exactly, does magic come from? Of the five realms I’ve been shuffled through, one was without any strange supernatural nonsense, two could cast spells without a medium, and the last two needed a foci to work properly. Unlike the vastly populated Potterverse though, the denizens around here all had the ability to use magic. All they had to do was get a focus of some kind: finger seals, staves, even properly impregnated runic swords were enough.
As much as I sod the fucking rules of reality, it was still something to ponder. I understood hereditary ‘bloodlines’ easily enough; the lack of knowledge was in people like me. Those that had lived a mundane existence, then quite suddenly ‘hello, there’s magic in the family!’. There were only two real possible explanations: one, it was genetic. Drab, dull and boring I know, but when one thinks about animal breeding and that to ensure a clean young there’s extensive paperwork to prove the parents had no common ancestor within four or five generations -even more for the faster to reproduce species- it goes a great length to explain why certain families in Harrie’s realm have issues losing magic. Eww, just look at the Gaunts and how fast they inbred themselves to extinction. A century after adopting that ‘always brother-sister’ concept and they were gone. Two: there was some cosmic being involved -including the ever popular ‘Magic is Sentient’-, running it like a lottery for those not born to it on who got magic or not. This theory was nonsense I felt; when cosmic beings are involved they usually fuck it all up, making things worse. Case in point, the very lands we now walked.
Nah, give me an intelligent argument about the source of mystical powers or don’t talk to me about it.
Back to the here and now.
While I was thinking, Harrie had finished talking to the local equivalent of Santa Claus. At least that’s how the Merchant was dressed at any rate, complete with a veil instead of a beard. I had felt the transaction as she’d bought all of his wares, including that chain mail armor set. Ah, okay, here’s a deviation: he had two of those sets. Well, better than conjured robes at any rate so I won’t complain. Oh good they come with a linen lining, even better as my conjurations do fade eventually. With nary a thought or concern about our audience I vanished the temporary robes from our bodies before redressing in the outfit. I had to help Harrie figure out how to stuff her stiff cock in a pair of breeches; boy was that a laugh and a half.
Rather than immediately move on towards the Gatefront Ruins I had Harrie pull out the Sword of Gryffindor from her storage space and spent days training her. Magic from range was great yet I knew that we were going to encounter foes that could tank outrageous hits and get in our faces necessitating the need for her to be up to snuff with melee fighting. The only way to mark the passage of time was the day/night cycle, and the oddities of the realm.
“Strange,” she’d noted four days later. “We’ve been practicing all of this time and yet I’m not tired, hungry, or even need to go to the bathroom,” I nodded when she sent me a questioning look, confirming that it was the same for me. Thank the Gods, no asinine sleep/hunger mechanics!
“Everybody goes on and on about the Rune of Death being missing,” I sat at the Site of Grace, instantly clean and refreshed as she too parked her butt on the grass to my left. “What the locals fail to notice is that Time is not moving either. Oh, sure, some actions stick but those are few and far between. In fact, I know an easy way to show you,” with a thought I triggered the passage of the night to the next morning. Rising to our feet I looked toward the path. Just coming out of the edge of the forest was the patrolling Godrick’s Soldier, torch illuminating the area around him. It took a bit to find the other one to the north, another fool using a torch giving away his position.
Leading Harrie, I skirted around where I knew the soldiers to be, hugging the cliff wall to the north. It took some jumping on fallen boulders but eventually we reached a vantage point overlooking the Ruins.
And the battalion of Soldiers and Knights everywhere.
“Well . . . shit,” I understated things, pulling out the telescope we’d bought to get a closer look. Instead of the dozen or so I’d expected there were indeed a hundred enemy combatants dotting the landscape amongst what was once a village. To the south, off the road close to the cliff overlooking the shallow lake was a tent city that didn’t normally exist, filled to the brim with civilians. Talk about living life dangerously; any closer and they risked aggro on the resident dragon Agheel.
Handing her the scope, I leaned against the rock wall behind me. Harrie paled and shivered as she had a look for herself at the forces arrayed down there. I knew it the moment she found the off-duty soldiers in the midst of an orgy with some of the civilian women . . . and it hadn’t quite looked voluntary to me either.
“Are they really-?” she whispered through her gasp, unwilling to believe what her eye was telling her as she peered through the small telescope.
“When your Lord is a deprived piece of shit more concerned with his personal power than the people,” I made a gesture at the events going on in the near distance. It wasn’t part of the lore or game but it made things feel more . . . real to me. Much more than scripted enemies walking the same paths over and over again. “C’mon, there’s a safe spot not to far from here,” taking back and stashing the scope I jumped off of the boulder, continuing to hug the cliff. Just past the structure between the cliffs, the obvious Storm Gate -that might control the approach from the south, but I knew there was nothing of the sort on the eastern road parallel to the crumbling bridge that went from the castle to the Divine Tower of Limgrave- I stuck a hand in the Site to activate it. Then I had to go get Harrie who was standing in the middle of the road, gawking at something between the cliffs. Ah, yes.
“Disgusting, isn’t it?” I mused quietly, looking up at a piece of ruin that made a bridge. Standing on top of that was what had her attention: the reanimated corpse of a Troll. It was clearly dead and had decomposed to the point that the spine was visible up to the ribs looking at it from the front, the internals long sloughed away. Being cursed into reanimation to serve the Shard-bearers would fit with how they were originally attacked. “Might just be a curse or genuine necromancy at work,” I tacked on as I urged her out of the road to the floating golden pussy that was supposed to actually look like a tree or a flame on a candle wick, depending on the point of view. Heh, I bet it was supposed to look like a vagina, it’d be the only way Marika got touched these days. If they were indeed linked to her that is and not just the fancy glowing tree off in the distance.
“We need a plan,” with a thought I summoned the Map Fragment from the Stele just down the road, which went unnoticed thanks to being ‘foreign’ magic. “Going north into the aptly named Stormveil Castle would mean making progress yes, but would mean missing out on important loot and some really important bits of lore. Going south beyond this bridge and road junction can take us to the Weeping Peninsula, and more importantly one of the first people we can save: Irina, daughter of Edgar who is the Commander of Castle Morne on the south coast. There’s a big problem down there though as the ‘servants’ have rebelled. While they’re called Misbegotten think Neanderthal -communicates through grunts, violent to outsiders, cannibalistic, and generally very unpleasant. Irina is quite close to the bridge connecting the Peninsula to Limgrave; however she’s not aware of that because she’s blind. Not that I would trust Godrick’s men to leave the girl alone if they knew she was there,” I snorted, throwing a vague gesture in the direction of the tent city where we could faintly hear what was going on over there. “Backtracking to the junction just south of the bridge, we could go east into the Mistwood Forest. While still part of Limgrave it has its own dangers, most notably Runebears. Lots and lots of the oversized, highly aggressive, exceedingly violent Runebears and their cubs. My vote is north, at least far enough to gain access to a safe haven. Then we can go south to secure Irina,” and prevent her turning into Hyetta, which was always a plus in my book. Fuck that Frenzied Flame bullshit. I could save some time later and kill Edgar if he goes nuts, the reward was the same since I always ignore the Lord of Frenzy path.
“Meh, I don’t know,” naturally she was completely unconvinced, knowing that we were going to have body counts from here to the moon. It must be nice, having a conscious and a sweet personality.
“If I had a choice, we wouldn’t be here,” I wrapped my left arm over her shoulders, pulling her into a side hug. “We’d be back home with the others, living the magic school life, popping out a kid a year, and only have to think about after Riddle.” I planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Instead we’re here, and just sitting around hoping for a miracle to get home isn’t going to do anything other than depress us . . . or drive us completely barmy, or both. We get enough of that nonsense with Tonks in the family, I think,” I made the joke, knowing that at some point I was going to pay for it. The Auror Cadet already had tales of her training and dealing with the internal politics that curdled hair.
“Mmm,” Harrie made a thoughtful noise amongst her giggles before they petered out into a sigh. “I don’t like the thought of killing,” she admitted softly, turning to look down the road at the soldiers we could see.
“Truthfully, despite how I act about it, neither do I,” I admitted just as quietly, following her gaze. Although quiet my tone firmed. “Sometimes though, needs must when the Devil drives. Remember how I said I would prove that things around here are broken?” letting her go I stepped over to the edge of the road, taking in the thirty soldiers that occupied it. Trying something new I formed an Arcane Orb with my right hand before ‘gripping’ it with my left elongating the attack into a spear form. Then I reared back and chucked in into the throng blowing them all up and earning a couple hundred thousand Runes for my efforts. Seems I got some of the Knights too. Calm as can be I returned to the Grace and quickly rested there pulling her down with me. Then we promptly stood back up and looked down the road.
It was like nothing had happened.
There was no panic, or call to arms, or even a missing flagstone. The cluster of soldiers and Knights were perfectly intact, completely unaware that they had ‘died’ not thirty seconds ago in the same exact spots they had been. Understandably, her jaw dropped open at the sheer level of shenanigans.
“As I said: totally and utterly broken,” I intoned softly, trying to figure out why I had such a payday . . . and contemplating doing some farming if that was going to hold up. Definitely going to need AoE one-hit kill attacks . . . and build up our defenses. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of one of those, thank you very much. Ooh, there is an Equipment and Inventory menu. Huh, I have a Crimson Amber Medallion that’s doing something odd to me. Hmm . . . a little experimentation, moving it into the Inventory and back, gave me the answer. Fuck yeah, God Mode! If you’re not cheating you’re not trying! Well, in single player Campaign at the most because I have suffered at the hands of God Mode in multiplayer online regardless of game. Fuck that shit, grrr! It’s not hypocritical either because who cares if you cheat in solo play? Oh, not going to get some achievements that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things? Whaaa, cry me a river so I can go fishing.
“Hey, see if you have some options that look like a menu,” with my introspection over I coached Harrie into following my thought processes. It was a good thing that she had her own Medallion as I would have given her mine and figured out something else otherwise.
This time when we parked our keesters on the grass next to the Site of Grace -that acted like a campfire as it produced a subtle heat that was very pleasant- we got the visitor I had been expecting. Gods, she sounded so robotic having no idea that she’s been stuck in a loop as she went through her spiel. I half listened as I checked her out. Chestnut hair, her right eye the color of honey while her left was sealed shut under what I knew to be a Beast Seal of Maliketh, a youthful attractive face with surprisingly smooth skin. That dark brown cloak over her tan dress, and her legs hidden inside of black leggings.
“Before I answer,” Melina had asked for her accord, and I felt bad enough for her to try to break her out of her cycle. I did notice Harrie giving me a pleading look on top of her mental nudging to help the lady, “there are . . . many things that you should know,” I sighed. “First and foremost, your memories haven’t faded -they’ve been sealed. That eye,” I gestured towards her left socket, “is from the one known as the Gloam-Eyed Queen, who was around in the early days of Marika’s ascension and is actually one of the Eternal Queen’s ancestors. Her name has been stricken from any and all records left from those days even though some still follow her teachings. It was she who created the Godskins and the Black Flame magicks when the Erdtree first sprouted, opposed to any outside element trying to establish themselves in these lands: the Two Fingers, the Three Fingers of the Frenzy, the Rot of Decay, and the Godeater Serpent come to mind,” as I talked, that sole honey eye widened. “Marika was charged with ‘Gloam-Eyed’s destruction by the Greater Will, and this was the first instance that she had that all was not as it seemed. After all, being ordered to end an ancestor -probably her Grandmother as time was working properly back then- just for having a difference of opinion and powers to make a loud statement didn’t sit right with the former Shaman. Still, she did as told but knew that a back up was needed, as the Frenzied Flame was slowly gaining a foothold. Now at this point things get odd and sideways as obviously this was long before the Shattering itself, yet was after Radagon returned to Marika -the same soul in two bodies, weirdly enough- bringing with him his kids he’d had with Rennala. This meant Godfrey was exiled with his army -a disguised plan for current events, evidence thar the Shattering of the Elden Ring was long in the making- which didn’t impress Godwyn in the least. Radahn, Ranni and Rykard, quite upset at their father for breaking their mother’s heart, were all old enough to quickly understand that the game was afoot. Radahn found that the initial ideal of Gloam-Eyes, keeping foreign influences out of the Lands, was worthy of upholding and thus began his path to becoming The Starscourge. Rykard became enamored with the powers of the Serpent -at least, the rumors of those powers that were considered most blasphemous by the Two Fingers. What sold the ‘baby of the family’ was just that: promises that his family would never be torn apart again. Then there was Ranni: I’d almost call it a typical late teenage rebellion, or perhaps bratty princess fits better for a personality,” I rolled my eyes. “Either way, she was greatly disturbed at what the Two Fingers were doing, ordering Marika about when she was supposed to be Queen and thus above such things. Rennala certainly tolerated no bullshit from anyone, an example her daughter adored. Getting picked as a successor was anathema to that mindset, so she began forbidden research into surviving having her soul ripped from her body. That’s what’s known; now we get into speculation that makes some sense with the facts,” I shifted around, taking a moment to look at the reactions of my audience. Harrie, never a history buff, was paying attention at least. Melina, on the other hand, was enraptured with my words, leaning forward waiting for more.
I obliged.
“At some point, Godwyn caught Ranni in the forbidden library and was intrigued by her research. They found a specific ritual that required the power of the Rune of Death: a mutual sacrifice, one soul for another. Seeing what had happened to his father, unaware that it was staged, he too had wanted an out from the Two Fingers and the Erdtree. He took the idea to Marika who objected vehemently to her first born, her heir, willing to sacrifice his soul to save his half-sister’s. Rather than push the issue, he got her to think about it and returned to the library to perfect the research. After all, they had one shot to make it work and needed to figure out how to control every variable. If the naming convection held true, by alphabetical order, Malenia and Miquella would be next in line, first born of Radagon and Marika. Just how, other than the obvious incest, remains a mystery as the ‘parents’ were the same soul in two bodies. After the twins came you followed by Messmer. Then Morgott and Mohg were born as Fell Omens. The Greater Will ordered their deaths immediately. Marika, trying to be a good mother, was naturally appalled at the very thought. Still she was beholden to the enforcer of the Will, the Elden Beast and unwilling to face its wrath had the boys taken to the Subterranean Shunning Grounds under Leyndell’s sewers to be raised amongst the other Omens. Her reasoning was that they were alive, if not really living the life they were born into. The Greater Will didn’t care, the two were away from its sphere of influence and that was all that mattered. Marika had an idea around that time, tied into Ranni’s research, that could prove some of the theories and at the same time provide that back up to the Frenzied Flame she’d been looking for. Summoning Maliketh, the keeper of the Rune of Death, she ‘killed’ your body then transplanted the Eye into your very soul. Instead of trusting the Beast Seal alone, she used a Carian astrological seal and Ranni’s right eye. Essentially it’s a two layer deadman’s switch triggered by proximity to the Frenzy, the Erdtree Core, and Ranni’s continued existence. That ‘burned and bodyless’ feeling is an echo of the Night of Black Knives as you’d been without a corporeal form for some time beforehand. It turned out to be a boon to you, being anchored to Ranni as at first you were highly unstable flickering in and out of existence unleashing the Black Flames without meaning to. Fast forward to the Night, and things went as they did: Godwyn lost his soul, his body defiled; Ranni lost her body, her soul stuck in a puppet of her teacher Renna; Marika, devastated, seeking her own freedom, Shattered the Elden Ring entrusting each Shard to her offspring regardless of parentage: Radahn, Ranni, Rykard, Malenia, Morgott, Mohg, and the very unlikely Godrick who barely qualified as part of the lineage. Radagon promptly drug the Queen into the Erdtree Core to suffer at the hands of the Elden Beast, revealing that the Greater Will had long abandoned these lands and that it was the one calling the shots via the Two Fingers. Even worse, down at the bottom of the Forsaken Depths, she learned that it was where the Three Fingers reside. All that time, stymied by being unable to locate the physical representation of the Frenzy God, it was right under her nose. During this upheaval Maliketh vanished to the last place any would think to look for him: the home of the Dragons, under attack since the end of their era, Crumbling Farum Azula. Almost immediately Ranni made a grave mistake as she discarded her Great Rune without figuring out which one it was. It was the one that governed Time leading to the world being as it is. You’ve burnt the Erdtree millions of times. You’ve had the failsafe of the Gloam-Eye triggered just as many times. Every ending, and it’s back to the beginning in a ceaseless loop. What many think is sand is actually ash gathering in the nooks and crannies of Leyndell, a subtle reminder to those in the know that something so fundamental to life isn’t happening,” I finally wound down the rather long info dump and my own, admittedly inaccurate, attempt to put the puzzle together without knowing what it was supposed to look like.
“Y-you can’t be-,” understandably Melina didn’t believe me, her eye darting between Harrie and I For her part the ravenette was in a pondering pose, thinking over what I had said.
“I wish it were different,” I made a vague gesture at the soldiers down the road. “I showed my friend the truth of the matter. A single attack, thirty of those men wiped out, a quick rest here at the Site of Grace, and they were right back to the same things they had been doing just before. Time and Death are missing in this Realm, and those that were supposed to pick up the pieces instead turned on each other. Which was probably the Elden Beast’s doing, to distract from what was -is!- happening inside of the Erdtree. Of course, if you have anything else to show that I’m wrong I’m more than willing to listen.”
Poor Melina looked like she was having a meltdown: her head was bowed, and her scared hands fisted her hair as her body shook. I’d probably do the same if I were in her position.
“It gets worse,” I wrapped my right arm over her shoulders, my tone quiet and kind. “When Marika and Godfrey concocted the Tarnished Plan, she knew that the army of the First Elden Lord would be . . . well, barbarians to be blunt about it when they were called back. So she copied the Fortified Manor -where Godfrey held meetings with the Crucible Knights who were under his command- in southern Leyndell below the remnants of the Divine Bridge, put a Geass of Peace on it, dubbed this copy the Roundtable Hold, and stuffed it somewhere inside of the Erdtree. I assume below the Elden Beast’s chamber, closer to the roots but not so far down to be in Deeproot Depths. I do know that for every time the Erdtree burned, the Hold was affected as were the permanent residents.”
“What course of action is there?! What canst I do?!” the brunette wailed surprisingly quietly as she buried her face in my clothed cleavage. That can’t be comfortable with the chain mail I was wearing.
“Something different,” Harrie took the words right out of my mouth, that quiet determination that her canon self was known for shining in her green eyes. Oh here we go, she has found a quest of the righteous and is going to walk the path whether anyone liked it or not. Her voice that betrayed her anger shocked Melina out of her depression. “Where we come from, the very definition of insanity was doing the same things repeatedly trying for different results. So since the plan of Marika has gone nowhere, it’s time to improvise.”
“Gods am I ever glad I didn’t let Dumbledore get his hooks in you,” I praised her before turning my attention to the one I was holding. My eyes caught sight of a tent that had formed in her skirt; well that’s certainly new! “So, first things first in running improvisation: we know most of what has been done before, so let’s just do something completely random,” my left hand shot out to grip Harrie’s right shoulder before I triggered a Map Teleport back to the Church of Elleh. Time had skipped to midnight -or what I assumed was midnight on the in-game day/night cycle, the line crossing through the moon- and there was a light fog permeating the surroundings. Kalé was asleep as was his companion donkey, the only time this happened in the entire game.
“Over here Tarnished. If I could have but a moment of your time,” sitting on the remnant of the southeast wall was one of the subjects of my previous info dump. Her outfit was a blend of snow and ice, a soft blue-white from her massive brimmed witch’s hat to her cloak, the robe underneath that, and even her boots.
Instead of answering, I pulled a surprising stunt when I summoned her head wear without even looking. Plopping it on Harrie’s own dome was amusing as even her shoulders disappeared under that brim. Then I rose, lashing out with my magic to prevent Melina or Ranni from running off in their astral transport as they were wont to do.
“Mmm, what have we here?” I purred as I stepped closer to the four armed blue doll acting as the Lunar Princess’ way to interact with the material world, dragging the ‘Kindling Maiden’ along with me while Harrie fought with the oversized hat. With that obstacle out of the way I was better able to see that ‘ghost head’ attached to the redhead. “Hmm,” I pondered as I studied it. The prevailing and popular theory of that being a representation of Ranni’s soul not quite fully integrating with the replacement for her flesh had a couple of holes in it. One, and the biggest to me, was that the head was tilted the wrong way as where the neck should be was in the wrong spot: the ghost head was tilted towards Ranni’s, not away from it. The neck came out of the faux shoulder, and if the rest of the ‘body’ was visible it’d probably be behind that joint. The second was the style of the hair as it was a dead wringer for Melina unleashing the Gloam-Eye. It didn’t match the rather severe bun that the literal doll-face was sporting. Then there was the seal holding her right eye shut, which the ghost overlapped perfectly with its left eye giving some credence to my theory about the sisters.
“What sorcery is this?! Let me depart, heathen!” Ranni obviously didn’t like what I was doing. “And give mine hat back!” there it was, the ‘bratty princess’.
“Hmm,” again with the thoughtful noise from my throat. “It makes as much sense as any that your memories were tampered with,” I mused out loud, making her go still for if there was one thing she desired above all else it was to be her own person, making her own decisions. “Surely you’d recognize you own sister otherwise,” I nudged Melina forward a bit.
“S-sister?” my fellow redhead sputtered as much as a doll could on the partially collapsed wall, that bright blue eye zeroing in on the brunette. “Thou claimest relations, yet I doth lack remembrance of thee woman.”
“Yep,” I popped the ‘p’. “Somebody did some mind fuckery with both of you. Probably suppressed the memories of Messmer and Rellana while they were at it.” The elder of the two gave me a confused look. “Your brother,” I clarified, “born between the twins Malenia and Miquella, and the Fell Omens Morgott and Mohg. Oh; and your aunt, Rennala’s younger sister,” I did some name dropping to see if that helped any. The answer to that would be a negative. With an aggrieved sigh and eye roll I ran through the history again as I knew it. Joy and laughter, so much more jaw-flapping! That is what happens when a backstory is flushed out and actually held to though so I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. Only the mind fuckery was really what was getting on my nerves.
“Have you kept track of Radahn and Rykard since the world went mad?” I didn’t bother asking about her mother as I knew Ranni popped in from time to very extreme time, once I wound down from the repeated history lesson.
“Nay,” ugh, ye Olde English was annoying to mentally translate.
“Well, they’re both . . .,” I started then stalled. “Radahn, he . . . well, he fought Malenia in Caelid. About had her too, before she yanked Miquella’s Needle out and let her Scarlet Rot Bloom. The entire region is affected with rot, decay, and mutations now. Including Radahn; poor bloke took the attack point blank range. About the only thing left of the old him is Leonard, his old faithful steed. The rest is rotted away, leaving behind what was once a great man now yearning for a warrior’s death,” it had to have been my imagination but I thought I saw a single tear emerge from her doll eye, trailing down her cheek. “Rykard . . . the baby of the family lost his fucking mind. He found the Godeater Serpent, up in the caldera of Mount Gelmir, and willingly melded with it,” I shivered, absolutely disgusted. Ranni’s faux body had a bit of a spasm from a momentary loss of control, while Harrie looked like she was going to puke. “He didn’t take Radagon’s leaving your mother well, now spending his days prattling on about people joining his ‘family’ -by eating them, becoming one with the Serpent,” that was enough for the ravenette as she whipped off that oversized witch’s hat and made a dash to the collapsed wall opposite us followed by the sounds of heaving.
“Mine brothers,” Ranni sounded depressed which was understandable.
“I know what you’re plotting,” I gave her a few moments of silence before dropping that on her. “You need the fabled weapon of the Ancestors which is locked away in Nokron,” Melina’s eye shot wide open. “Actually, what is it with all of these Eternal Cities? Nokron, Nokstella, and the home of the Crucible that is Nameless?” I went off on a bit of a tangent before shaking my head, brushing that topic off.
“How dost thy know of mine intentions?!” Ranni finally had enough it seemed, actually yelling at me in terror. That seemed to jump-start Melina’s brain as her eye focused intently on me.
“Ah! I’d been waiting for this outburst. You see, Harrie and I,” the ravenette wandered back over at her name, donning that ridiculous hat in the process to hide her shame, “aren’t from the Lands Between. Nor Farum Azula, or the Badlands. We’re not from anywhere on this planet, or even this reality.” I paused, looking at Melina. “Quick question: who creates the Sites of Grace?” yes, yes shame on me for not knowing part of the lore. It actually turned out to be a valid query way later but at that time it wasn’t. I carried on when she just gave me a blank look. “So, get this: we were in the showers at our magic school when one of those Sites popped up in the back of the room. This curious cat,” I nudged Harrie, “just had to go a touch it while I was trying to pull her back and here we are. However, I myself am not native to her home,” I made a snap decision to go for broke. “Hell, this isn’t even my original body,” it’d been a while but I popped into my male form for a moment. “Where and when I come from, this place is . . .,” I stalled hard; the Lands Between being locked in a midievil times made trying to describe a digital game to those without knowledge of what digital even was quite difficult. ”. . . pure fantasy,” I eventually finished lamely before finding a way to recover. “Think of a journal from a Tarnished’s point of view: from when they rise the first time to when they either sit on or destroy the Throne. And that journal has reference books that fill in the blanks that were missed or so well hidden that few knew those blanks existed.” Aah good, the natives showed understanding. “I’ve . . . ‘read’ those books and journal, if not completely. There are contradictions, naturally that force one to try to put things together in a logical manner,” Gods damned jaw-flapping, taking me off course and getting nothing done!
“This one was programmed to commit the first cardinal sin: burn the Erdtree,” I gestured to Melina who took a step back in surprise. “You, Ranni, have chosen willingly to pursue the second cardinal sin: slay the Two Fingers,” her doll body jerked in a mimic of a flinch. “Both courses of action I happen to agree with, yet without the missing Rune of Time utterly pointless.”
Well, let’s see how hard I can fuck this place up!