Chapter Text
S.T.A.R. Labs,
Central City
[The Day Before]
In the middle of a perfectly normal multi-world, multi-hero strategy meeting, Barry Allen sat up straighter with the expression of a man who had just invented fire.
Barry stood dramatically. “Guys… I just had the BEST idea.”
Cisco sighed. “Oh no.”
Oliver muttered, “God help us.”
Barry beamed. “A group chat. For ALL OF US! So we can stay connected!”
The room fell silent.
Diggle blinked slowly. “Barry… no one asked for that.”
“Exactly!” Barry grinned. “That’s why it’s perfect.” Then he proceeded to add everyone; every hero, sidekick, scientist, alien, and vaguely heroic acquaintance he’d ever met.
Without asking.
Without thinking.
Without supervision.
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NEXT DAY
S.T.A.R. Labs
The Cortex
Barry was pacing so aggressively the floor probably had friction burns. His phone kept vibrating like it was possessed.
Cisco watched him from his swivel chair while narrating like a documentary narrator. “Here we observe the Barry in his natural habitat: panicking because he made a terrible decision.” sighing, he added, "Dude, sit down before you create a wormhole.”
“I’m trying NOT panic here!” Barry snapped. “There are 142 messages and it’s only 9AM! I don't even know how this chat group exploded! Everyone keeps adding people!”
Cisco smirked. “So… you lost control of your own group chat?”
Before Barry could defend himself, Oliver stomped in like an irritated thundercloud. “Allen,” he growled, holding up his buzzing phone, “why am I receiving fifty five notifications about...” He squinted at the screen, “... cat memes wearing tiny Star Labs hoodies?”
Barry winced.
Cisco burst out laughing. “Ohhh, that was Kara. She added Lena. Lena added Brainy. Brainy added Nia. And now... somehow... Captain Cold is in the chat?"
Cisco was already laughing. "Oh yeah, I saw that. He just sent a GIF of a snowman doing the moonwalk. Honestly? Vibe immaculate.”
Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose. “You said this was supposed to be for EMERGENCIES.”
Diggle stepped out of the elevator, holding his phone at arm’s length like it was contagious. “Okay, who added Harley Quinn? She keeps sending voice notes of her laughing and my phone won’t stop vibrating.”
Felicity burst in next, hair frazzled, holding her phone like a bomb. “Barry, SWEETHEART, I love you, but if one more person in this stupid chat reacts to a message with a GIF, I WILL FIND A WAY TO DELETE THE INTERNET.”
Cisco nodded. “She can totally do it.”
The phones dinged.
Three times.
Then again.
Then fifty more.
A WHOOSH of wind burst through the room as Kara arrived holding her phone with the energy of a golden retriever who discovered a new tennis ball.
“Barry, the group chat is amazing! Did you see the puppy pictures I sent? Oh! And Ray just shared a Beebo dance TikTok!” She squealed excitedly.
Cisco gasped. "BE-E-BO, BE-E-BO!" and immediately started trying to copy the moves.
Barry turned bright red. “Guys! Stop spamming!”
Their phones dinged. Again.
Arthur Curry: Soooo… who’s bringing snacks to the next team-up?
Barry typed furiously:
Barry: Arthur??? HOW did you get in this chat?
Arthur: Kara added me!
Kara: I thought he’d like the puppy pictures!
Oliver looked five seconds away from firing arrows into Barry’s phone, Cisco's phone, Kara’s phone, and possibly into the Wi-Fi router just to be safe.
“Barry,” Oliver said, voice dangerously calm, “Fix it.” before he turned around, walked out, and left the building.
Cisco watched him go. “Do you think he would block us?”
Barry looked down at his phone. “He turned his phone off for now.”
Kara blinked. “Can he do that?”
Felicity nodded. “Oh yeah. He’s reached his limits for the day.”
Phones dinged again.
Beebo has joined the chat.
Cisco screamed. “YEEESSSSSS!”
Barry dragged a hand down his face.
Oliver, somewhere far away, probably contemplating early retirement.
>>>>------------>
Later that day.
DING
Ray Palmer: IMPORTANT QUESTION: If we had a team pet, what would it be? 🤔
Harley Quinn: Hyena, duh. 😁
Mick Rory: Fire dragon. 🔥
Felicity: A ROACH BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY THING SURVIVING THIS CHAT. 😒
Diggle: Can we please NOT adopt a dragon? 😩
Cisco: Well NOW we have to. 🤩🤩
Barry whimpered.
Oliver facepalmed.
Felicity screamed into a pillow.
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Next morning.
By the next morning Berry was also at his wits end. He threw his hands up in defeat and exclaimed, “Fine! FINE! I’ll make a SECOND group chat. One for emergencies only!”
Cisco leaned in. “Name it something intimidating.” he suggested.
Barry typed:
Justice League: NO MEMES 🚫
Everyone nodded approvingly.
Phones dinged immediately.
Arthur Curry: here’s a fish meme 🐟
Oliver turned and walked straight out of the room without a word.
“Is he okay?” Kara whispered.
Diggle watched him go. “I think he’s going to the woods to scream. I might join him.”
Felicity sighed and started typing furiously.
“Who are you messaging?” Barry asked.
“EVERYONE,” she said. “I’m creating a third group chat. ‘Heroes That Barry Isn’t Allowed to Add People To.’”
Cisco snorted. “So… just you, Diggle, and Oliver?”
“Yes,” Felicity said proudly. “A safe space.”
Barry groaned.
Phones dinged again.
Harley Quinn: I added the Joker lol 😂
Everyone screamed.
Cisco fainted.
Felicity threw her phone across the room.
Diggle started praying.
Barry whispered, horrified, “What have I done?”
Oliver, from down the hall, shouted:
“DELETE THE CHAT, ALLEN!”
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