Chapter Text
The terminal was quiet. You were alone, your only company the pittance of items you’d brought with you. Since you’d lost all of your belongings in the explosion of Starkiller, it wasn’t much--a few changes of clothes was all you’d need. You couldn’t remember the name of the station you were heading to, and you didn’t care. You just wanted off of the damn Finalizer.
Sam and Minks had been sad, but understanding. They’d seen your misery and stress and congratulated you on finding the strength to leave. There was a bittersweetness in your farewell--you’d been with Sam for the past few years of your schooling into your career. And Minks had become one of your closest friends. But people couldn’t keep holding you back.
He couldn’t keep holding you back.
You stared out of the massive panes of transparisteel, gaze lost in the swirl of stars. It still ached to think of him. Just the memory of his voice made your skin tingle and the hair rise on the nape of your neck. The biggest relief of leaving would be never having to see him again. Maybe, after a few months, you’d be able to snuff out that warm, persistent flicker in your chest. Maybe, finally, your heart could heal.
The chronometer on the wall read 10:54. Your departure wasn’t for over an hour. But you had nowhere else to go.
Behind you, the blast door hissed open, and you frowned. You’d been looking forward to having this time alone, to process the past several months, to look forward to a new beginning. Making small talk with a stranger wasn’t part of the agenda. You twisted your neck to catch a glimpse, and your heart stalled, legs scrambling upright while you retreated from the door. How did he--
“You’re leaving.” Kylo Ren’s voice was soft, even with the resonance of the mask.
Brow furrowing, you swallowed, hating the sudden quivering of your chin and racing of your pulse. “I’m leaving.”
The door shut behind him, and he stepped forward, his presence somehow consuming the entire terminal, his shoulders crowding the high ceilings, his feet blanketing the floor, his shadow reaching over yards of empty space to brush your toes. Another step vaporized the oxygen from the air, your lungs tight with hunger. A third step, and you’d already pedaled back into the transparisteel, icy from the vacuum of space--and he still seemed far too close.
He stopped. “Why?”
“Because I have to,” you replied. “Because I want to.”
His fists tightened. “Why?”
You frowned. “It’s none of your business.”
“You were made Chief Engineer.”
An ache squeezed your heart. Other than Sam, he’d known how badly you’d wanted it, too, if only because he could hear it in your mind. You wished you hadn’t hated it. You wished that the job would have met every expectation that you’d imagined. But it didn’t. And Hux had only made it worse.
“It wasn’t a good fit.”
Kylo Ren’s chest rose in a long, silent breath. “I could have fixed it.”
“Ha!” You crossed your arms. “Why would I have wanted you to do that?”
“That job is what you wanted.”
Rolling your eyes, you shook your head. “Can you stop assuming you know what I want, please? For someone who can hear my thoughts, you’re really fucking bad at it.”
His head tilted. “You’re stubborn.”
“And you’re an asshole.”
He didn’t respond. The terminal was still with empty air and your jaw was aching from how hard you’d been clenching it--something you didn’t even realize until you brought your hand up to massage your mandible. You wondered how long he’d stand there, saying nothing. You wondered what had brought him at all.
You sighed. “I told you that I didn’t--”
“Stay.”
The rest of your sentence lodged in your throat. “What?”
Another deep breath swelled in his ribcage. “Stay.”
Your face was numb. He’d come here to ask you to stay. For what reason? The pounding of your heart was so loud you’d bet your savings that he could hear it. You hated this. Hated that he was making you reconsider every single scolding you’d given yourself, every resolution you’d made to accept nothing less than his love. You wanted to slap him.
“What,” you sneered, “if I say no, are you going to make me?”
“No.”
For some reason, you’d been expecting snark. But he was being earnest. Genuine. Somehow. Perhaps you ought to try, too. Sighing again, you averted your gaze, examining the floor at your feet.
“I can’t stay, Kylo.”
An audible intake of air from his mask. “Why?”
“You know why!” You glared at him, teeth chattering. “How many times do I have to fucking tell you, dude?” Against your will, stupid, dumb tears bit at the corners of your vision, and you stared at the ground again. “Anyway, without my job, there’s nothing keeping me here. Especially not you.”
“Stay,” he repeated, as if he hadn’t heard a word you said.
You rolled your eyes. “No.”
Kylo growled, throwing his arm out to the side, sending a row of chairs flying into the adjacent wall, clattering against the durasteel and crashing in a heap onto the tile. You exhaled, unwilling to flinch, regarding him with a facade of boredom.
“Stay!” he snapped.
“No.”
His vocoder erupted in a snarl, and he spun, robes whipping at his legs as he ripped two more rows of chairs from their bolts and flung them into the far wall, leaving wide dents where they collided. He suspended them before they hit the ground, choosing instead to slam them across the room, the sound of metal on metal scraping at your eardrums. But you didn’t wince, or move--not an inch, even as he picked them up a final time and hurled them high into the ceiling, knocking sparks from one of the lamps and striking the ground as a mangled mess.
When he was done, his shoulders were crowded like they’d been drawn together with wire, his fists were rocks hanging at his sides. He was hunched, drooped like a wilted flower. A final, heavy breath, and he reached up, unlatching his helmet and prying it from his head. He tossed it off to the side, straightening his back and meeting your gaze. His brow was furrowed, his eyes empty and tired.
“Stay,” he murmured. “Stay.”
A knot stuck in your throat, and you turned, staring out into the black void, hand resting on the cold panel of transparisteel. You wanted to phase through it, escape the anvil on your chest. Why was he doing this to you? Now?
“Look, man.” Your nails scraped the window. “I thought I made myself really clear. Please just go away.”
“No.”
A vein in your temple thumped, and you swiveled to face him. “What do you mean, no?”
Even from yards away, you saw the twitch under his nose. “Not until you understand.”
“Until I understand? Understand what?” Furor foamed inside of you like a sea of lava. “You have some fucking nerve coming here and telling me what I do and don’t understand, Kylo Ren.”
Kylo frowned, tilting his head as he considered you. His feet shifted. “You need to stay.”
“What?” The word left as half of a laugh. “No. I don’t. I don’t have to do anything. Not for you.”
“You’re being difficult.”
“Aren’t I always?”
“You don’t--” He shook his head in frustration, lip furling. “I…” His gaze fell to the floor. “I need you.”
You rolled your eyes. How stupid did he think you were? “I’m not staying to be your power-charging fucktoy, okay? Go fuck off somewhere, man. I’m tired of your bullshit.”
Without a word, Kylo advanced, his long strides clearing the gap between your bodies in seconds, and your heart dove into your stomach, every muscle going rigid at once. Before you could think to dart away, he was on you, palms slamming next your face, his body towering over yours like a black threat. You growling, pushing on his shoulders, knowing it’d do nothing.
“Back off, dude!”
Kylo’s jaw was tight. “Look at me.”
“No!”
He snatched your face in his hands, jerking you toward him, but you looked to the side. Your name rumbled in his chest. “Look at me.”
“Fuck off!” You latched onto his wrists in vain.
“Look at me!” he hissed.
If only to get him to shut up, you did--but when your gaze met his, you weren’t able to look away. You were trapped, entranced, his irises like crackling pools of light, rings of golden fire burning through you, embers licking away the rest of your sight, leaving you with the image of him, only him, the rest of the world melting into puddles at your feet.
A shrieking in your ears deafened you, an inky miasma leaking into your vision, obscuring him--you wanted to shout, wrench away, yank his fingers from your face. But you were frozen, your body failing to respond, your mind suspended in darkness while he faded entirely, abandoning you in a silent purgatory, gasping, chest begging for air. The shrieking dulled, dwindling to a low, resonant thunder, growing louder, louder, until it was devouring your brain, and inside of yourself, you screamed, lids squeezing shut, blackness enveloping blackness--
Then nothing. No noise, no pain, no invisible chains. Breath filled your lungs once again. Trembling, you opened your eyes--and saw yourself through a mind that wasn’t your own.
Your vision was milky, sound trickling in with echoing artifacts. When you tried to move, tried to speak, you were paralyzed and mute--but like waking from a dream, you remembered where you’d come from. And you realized that this mind belonged to Kylo Ren.
The revelation opened a dam. Feral, wanton lust knocked you sideways, swallowing you like a tidal wave, drowning you in an uncontrollable and all-encompassing need. You struggled to wade through the sea of desire--Kylo’s desire--as he stared at you. Though you’d always known he’d wanted you, you’d never imagined this, never imagined that the weight of his longing was collapsing his veins, stealing his air, making his mind malfunction.
And yet, underneath it, you could sense something--a bubbling hidden by the surface of his yearning, a deep, dark something--
The room spun, walls and floors blending into a murky muddle before spinning out, edges of objects defining themselves--a control panel, red transparisteel, a co-pilot’s chair. The Command Shuttle. And you heard yourself sniffling in his memory--a loud, nauseating sound. Yes, that was it--hearing you cry made him sick. He couldn’t understand why. And the longer it went on, the greater the urge to blow a hole through the cockpit became. Kylo’s anger was festering, only growing stronger as the deluge of your self-pity poured into his head. Then a flicker, a twinge, an ache in his chest. He’d made you upset. And he didn’t like it.
“Tomorrow night.” Even in his memory, his own voice rumbled in his throat.
Before you heard yourself respond, the cockpit swirled in front of you, blending to a whirlpool of color, the frayed perimeter of a new recollection prickling to life. You were staring up at him from between his legs, your eyes round and gleaming, lips glistening with just-swallowed semen. Warmth rippled through his body, resonating in you as you watched yourself through his mind. He wanted you closer. Wanted more of that warmth, that feeling, so addictive, so comforting. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way. Couldn’t remember if he’d ever felt it at all.
“Come here,” came his voice, gentle and steady.
You remembered how you’d felt when he’d wrapped his arms around you for the first time--a cozy radiance settling into your abdomen--but if your feelings had been a radiance, then his were a sunburst, exploding from his chest and lighting his blood like rubies to the tips of his fingers. It was an intensity you could have basked in until your skin was scorched.
“I don’t forget you.” His heart was slamming into his sternum. “I never forget you.”
Even though it had happened months ago, joy sparkled in your belly like he had said the words for the first time. But the sparkles were snuffed out when you were ripped from the moment through a curtain of velvet black wrath, ingesting you before you’d glimpsed a wink. The first thing that crossed into your vision was the crimson crackle of his saber, slashing in wide red wings into the wall in front of him. He was lightning, hot and furious and raw, pouring his hatred through his hands.
But there it was, again--something under that blue-white rage, swollen with a pain so sharp that it punctured your breath and tore through your stomach. There was so much feeling, too much, too strong, you were choking on it, strangled by the ferocity of it all. Rejection, sadness, anguish--all knife-sharp, all lodging themselves into his--and your--chest. His mind was a whirlwind of why and of course and how and inevitable. But he didn’t want to feel these things, you realized, didn’t want to let his mind be controlled by someone so inferior. Your intestines twisted. He didn’t even want to think Sam’s name.
“Take off your clothes,” you heard him say--and then you were out again, flying through empty space before your brain was eclipsed with agony.
The mental torment had been acute enough--but now you wanted to writhe and screech as the reverberation of his physical injuries sliced through you. Your face burned as if it’d been swathed with glowing coals, your shoulder and arms and leg hissed and throbbed with an open ache. But worst of all was your abdomen--it’d been shredded to your core, leaving you breathless, speechless, thoughtless.
You knew where you were. You knew when this had been. And then you saw yourself hovering over Kylo’s face, your eyes wet with sincerity and fear--and you guarded your heart, terrified of what you knew came next.
It wasn’t just terror--it was dread, panic, like flashing alarms in your brain, too potent--and you realized your feelings were being compounded and swallowed by his own. He didn’t want you there, didn’t want you anywhere near him, his mind barraged with images of your head rolling at your feet, your body lifeless and limp and your pupils empty, mouth forever silent--
“Get. Away. From me.”
You watched your own face crumble, pull away--and then your vision crumbled, too, the memory falling like a landslide into the ocean. Heat filled the resulting cavity, a new scene constructing itself in his mind. It wasn’t just heat, though. It was peace--a clear, bright light, emanating from the center of his body.
And then, there you were, in his bed, in his arms, curled around him, and you remembered how this had gone. You brimmed with elation and infatuation, a shimmering aura at the edge of your flesh--except, while you revelled, you realized the emotions didn’t belong to you. They belonged to Kylo, who was holding you close, in awe and shock at the tranquility that was soothing his nerves, releasing his tension. He was confused, certain he was--he was undeserving. After what he’d done. After everything.
That something breached through the current, now, ebbing through him like antidote. He needed you. He--he--
“And I don’t understand you.”
Your vision fluttered and fuzzied, and you clawed at the memory, fighting the pull, unwilling to leave this moment for a second time. No, you wanted to stay there, make it your sanctuary, halt the cruelty of time and exist with him in harmony forever. You wanted to eliminate all of your mistakes and regrets, to return to a reality where love wasn’t spoken, but felt, in muscles and blood and breath. A reality where you felt--no, knew--he cared.
Just as you’d thought that, your grip on the vision wavered, and it was snatched away like a sheet, exposing you to the cold, bitter darkness of his brain. You hung there, forgotten, until a curdling scream pierced your chest, cleaving your head in two with its power and desperation. It ricocheted off the inside of your skull, so loud and urgent and painful, vibrating into your bones and liquefying your marrow. You needed something, anything to make it stop--and then, in a blink, you were looking through Kylo’s eyes, his mind hitting yours like a punch to the gut.
Fear, but not fear--horror. Hysteria. You were in danger. It was your scream. You were hurting, afraid, helpless, fading. He charged up the ramp, flung his arm forward, a tempest brewing in the wake of his vulnerability. There was no time for hesitation or worry. Kylo stepped into the shuttle, cornering his prey, and you saw the wriggling, craven figure of Dash Damarcus dangling in the air. The tempest had seized Kylo in its clutches--he was a storm, blinded by thunderous fury, his only mission to raze whoever had harmed you into dust.
This man--this delinquent--had taken it upon himself to try and end your life. Kylo wanted to punish him, torment him, exorcise the furor that pounded in his temples. And taking Dash’s life in turn was the only solution.
You wanted to shut it out--you didn’t want to see this part, not up close, not through the mind of the murderer himself. But no sooner had you thought that when Dash’s face--still alive, strangely--fizzled out from view.
Serenity settled over your mind, flowing in like a lazy river, assuaging all fear, all anger, all vengeance. Only the static of grey noise, the injection of heat into your veins, the incontestable buoyancy of bliss. The next memory wove itself together--though it was hard to tell. This one was dark. But as pieces locked, you saw yourself, lying next to him--and your heart sank.
Kylo’s body and brain were drunk on you, intoxicated, buzzing with affection and ecstasy and a feeling he identified as relief--and they were congealing into something familiar. Not just any kind of something. That something. You wanted to sear it into your flesh so it could never escape, so you could never forget it, so it could never, ever be refused. Because you knew what was about to leave your mouth, in this memory. And you knew that feeling would slip away, like smoke in the wind.
You seethed, then--why was he showing you this? Showing you the moment you’d already rehashed on endless repeat for over a month? You knew what happened. You knew what he felt. You didn’t want to dig a dagger into your heart and rend it open once again. But it was too late. Your eyes were gleaming as they stared into his. And your mouth finally moved.
“I love you.”
His reaction was immediate, like a whip cracking back on its tail. You tensed, expecting to find disgust, hatred, disappointment--but the only feeling that filtered through your connection was icy, paralyzing fear. You loved him. You loved him. He’d forgotten the definition. His mind was a flurry, racing to distinguish its meaning--but dredged up pain, pain, only more pain.
Then there was that something, so foreign, just beyond the horizon of his terror, creeping closer. But he stalled. He’d been through this before. Weak. Exposed. He didn’t want to be found out. He didn’t want to disappoint--to be determined deficient. This was all he had. All he’d ever have. Love had rejected him years ago, and the resulting crater was filled with a waterfall of rage.
Of course he didn’t love you. He didn’t have room. And he couldn’t go back. He’d spent the better part of a decade severing those threads. He couldn’t be weak. Not again.
All of this, you realized, in a single heartbeat--and he’d walked you through every needling millisecond of it. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Proof, intangible, but still proof, he didn’t love you, he’d never loved you, and he wouldn’t ever love you, no matter how long you held his flame. You watched with a fracturing resolve while he stood from his bed, leaving you, the replay as fresh as it’d been in your own memory.
“Leave,” he said, crippling you for the second time.
Sorrow. There was so much sorrow it was engulfing you, suffocating you, so much that you knew it couldn’t belong to you. It could only be Kylo’s, though that didn’t make sense. What did he feel sad about? You weren’t given time to further question--air was stolen from you as you were dragged out in the riptide of his misery, washed like sand into the rapids of his wrath.
He hooked you and reeled you in, stringing you out in the empty blackness once more. You could breathe, now, but couldn’t see, couldn’t understand. Fast flares of memory--a group of black cloaks and armor, the rush he felt when he thought of you, back on the Finalizer, the ash pit, his mind insisting that this wasn’t love, it couldn’t be. Your rejection, spears in his chest and stomach, and then he couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, couldn’t fight--pure, poignant suffering.
But there was something rising, brilliant and white, a sunburst dazzling you to blindness. It was a sword, cutting through to the hollow pit of his pain, lancing it like a boil and spilling the poison. It wasn’t just any something, it was that something, and it was streaming into your blood, coiling you in its silver heat, flooding you with warmth that glittered with every cresting wave.
It imbued you with strength, made you a giant with steel skin, sucked sadness from your body and infused euphoria, instead. It peeled you open, shook your cells, stuffed you to the seams with its enormity. You were trembling, gasping, aching with confusion and worry and disbelief. This something, something you’d always caught, always seen, always felt, an ambient melody in the depths of Kylo’s mind--you’d named this something. You knew this something. It was--it was--
The epiphany shattered you at your joints, and you cried out, straining against the talons of his mind, flailing to break out and breathe. His brain was too electric, colliding into yours like an avalanche, and then through his eyes, you saw yourself again, hypnotized, transfixed, your gaze wide and filled with tears, distant hot streaks staining your cheeks. A crack, a shot of sound, and you were wrenched through a billowing, breathless vacuity, thrust back into your mind like an arrow through flesh.
Kylo’s face was hardened, carved from stone, inches from yours--and trembling, trembling with restraint, with shame, all the way to the hands that held your cheeks. And his eyes were tender and wet, searching you, confessing in silence the reality he’d always denied. Your heart swelled, you squeezed his wrists, the two of you trading tremulous oxygen through your parted pairs of lips.
“You love me,” you breathed, speaking your dreams to life. “You love me.”
“You understand, then.” His voice was tight. A gloved thumb wiped an errant tear from your eye. “Stay.”
Air hitched in your throat. “Kylo…” You were mesmerized. You couldn’t believe that this was real. “I… I love--”
He pulled your face into his, his lips capturing yours in a hot, desperate kiss, and you moaned, burying your hands in his hair. Your open mouth was the invitation for his tongue, brushing over yours, a low grumble escaping him. Whimpering, you pressed into him, wanting to feel more of his body, wanting irrefutable, physical proof that you weren’t stuck in a fantasy. Kylo drew in air through his nose, his hands moving through your hair, now, the leather sticking to strands and tugging at your scalp. You winced--the pain was a good sign--and slid your tongue over his, pulling away to nip at his lower lip.
Smirking, he bit you back, and crushed your mouth with his own. His hands fell from your head to your arms, to your sides, settling at your hips and burrowing there. You understood the tightness of his grip--you felt the same urge, the same need to hold him there and keep him real. Groaning, your fists balled in the dark waves of his hair, your toes pushing you up and into him, an attempt to meld into the broad strength of his frame.
Kylo pulled away for air with a smack, palms skimming back to your sides, the lust in his eyes glinting and impatient. A pink tongue poked out over his lips, his chest swelling, fingers bunching in the fabric of your shirt. You knew what he was asking.
“We--we can’t here.” Your hands roamed to his biceps. “My transfer…”
“Will arrive in an hour.” He dipped his nose into your neck, and you shivered, a tiny gasp leaving your lungs. Grinning against your skin, Kylo plucked your wrist from his arm and led it between his legs, grazing your palm over his arousal. “It’s only you… and me.” He guided your hand, making you stroke at his bulge. “And I need you.”
You swallowed, desire a hot gust of wind over you. Seizing control, you gripped him through his trousers, nuzzling your head into his. “Take me.”
It was all he needed. Growling, Kylo sucked along your neck, moving up, attacking you with such force that your shoulders were flush with the window. His hands were eager, finding the top of your uniform and working down, exposing you bit by bit to the terminal’s cold air. But you weren’t to be outdone--as he nibbled at your throat, you mewled, fumbling to find the lock to his belt and releasing it. The massive leather wrap and saber fell to the floor with a thunk, but in the chorus of your passion, they may as well have been silent. Kylo whipped off his own gloves--as evidenced by the sudden, smooth warmth on your flesh--and his hands kneaded at the cups of your bra, fussing impatiently in a race to feel your naked breasts.
You leaned back, dodging his mouth, grappling with his cowl and pulling it from his head. He blinked when you tossed it to the side, your hands moving down to work on his surcoat. With a smirk, he returned to your throat, brushing his lips over your heartbeat, wisps of affection inspiring gooseflesh on your arms. You hummed in pleasure, undoing the final fastener, and pushed the heavy fabric off of his shoulders. Grumbling, Kylo let you go, shrugging off the rest of his robe, taking the moment to yank your top onto the floor.
“Dammit,” you mumbled, digits working at unfastening his padded armor. “Why do you have so many fucking layers, dude?”
Kylo huffed, thumbing at your nipple through your bra. “I could ask you the same question.”
You rolled your eyes. “Very funny.” In your rush, your finger slipped on a hook. “Gods! I hate this.”
Frowning, he removed your wrist and stepped away. He fixed his simmering gaze on you, locking you in his stare while he pulled each fastener free, skating down his body with a seductive deliberance. Your breath shortened, your thighs pressing together while you watched him pop the final hook and strip the armor to the ground.
Left only in his undershirt, you moved to wrest it from him, but he froze you in place. Burning you through with desire, he gathered the hem in his digits and rolled it up his body, revealing his tight, toned stomach, his massive, muscular chest, and then his arms, thick with power and tensing as he shucked off the final covering of his torso. Fading pink scars etched across his frame, and you found yourself wanting to run your tongue over every one of them. Stars, he was beautiful--and he was yours.
Kylo snickered as he released the Force, moving forward, his body a column of heat driving you flat against the transparisteel. Your cheeks tingled while you gazed at him, aching with need. He pushed a hand through your hair, thumb stroking your cheek while he stared into you.
“All yours,” he murmured, and his lips were on you.
Whimpering into his warm mouth, you pressed your palms to his chest, tracing over the lines of his wounds, your body shuddering with unfettered emotion and longing. Your heart was a white star in your ribcage, illuminating you from the core of your soul. Kylo Ren was yours--yours, yours, yours.
He broke the kiss and gripped your shoulders, spinning you around and pinning you to the transparisteel. You gasped, skin going taut as the frosty glass leaked into your veins--but he showed no concern, pressing his hard, concealed length into your ass, hands gliding up and down your sides, lips linking welts along the nape of your neck. He moved to the clasps of your bra, tugging them loose and pushing the garment off of your shoulders onto the floor. Your breasts compressed into the cold window, your nipples painfully stiff, and you moaned, squirming in his grip.
“Oh, Kylo…”
Though it was unlikely, the corner of your mind fretted about passing ships--if innocent pilots would see you like this, tits flattened against the window, a nameless man kissing his way down your back. Kylo’s lips left flames on your flesh, your muscles twitching the lower he sank, his hands sneaking around to the front of your pants and unfastening them. He drew a line up your spine with his tongue and jerked your trousers and panties to your ankles in a single swift motion.
“Fuck.” Now you were entirely nude for any interloper to take in--and you shivered as the thought brought a clench to your cunt.
“Shh.” Kylo’s hands snaked to your pussy to tease over your clit, and you sighed. “Even if anyone saw you…” Strong palms went to massaging your thighs as he licked his way to the curve of your ass. “They could never have you.”
A surge of love--love--coursed through you. “No,” you replied. “Never.”
His palms moved to your ass, kneading the muscle while he kissed over the skin. You shivered, suppressing a giggle, but he shushed you, pushing apart your legs as far as they’d go before the cuffs of your trousers prevented any further movement. He continued to rub your flesh, humming as he dragged his fingers along the rim of your ass, then back up, evoking a squeak.
“Kylo--”
“Shh. Relax.” Kylo kissed down the cleft, digits spreading you wide, and you squealed, arching away from his touch. He growled, holding you firm. “Listen, for once.”
You sighed. “I don’t know, man, that’s a pretty big request to demand from me.”
“Enough.” A warm, wet fluid dribbled over the tight ring. “Now, be good.”
Nodding, you bit your lip while he dragged his tongue over the circle of nerves, joints shaking as you stifled the urge to yip or buck away. It was first bizarrely pleasant--the slickness of his spit and the teasing of his mouth sending tiny shivers up your thighs--but pleasant evolved into pleasurable, his tongue swirling in loops around the entrance of your ass, soft lips kissing and massaging you in unfamiliar and incredible ways. You moaned, nails raking down the cool window, pressing your forehead into the transparisteel while you shifted, trying to open wider for him.
“Good,” he purred, licking a hot line up your ass “Very good.”
One of his hands slithered to the side of your hips, squeezing and caressing its way to the supple inside of your thigh, two fingers brushing back and forth over your folds. A cry escaped you when you ground onto his digits, and you blushed--you hadn’t been meaning to seem so needy. But Kylo only snickered, pushing deep, heavy kisses against your delicate ring, moaning into you while his digits wiggled in between the wet lips of your pussy.
“Fuck, Kylo.” Oxygen quaked in your lungs. He traced your core with his fingers before sliding a single one in. “Damn--dammit!”
He hushed you under his breath, pumping the digit in and out while he flattened his tongue on your ass, lapping at your hole. Another moan from you, and he thrust in a second finger, burying his face in your flesh, groaning and slurping behind you while he curled and twisted his digits inside your cunt. You wailed, rolling your hips with his ministrations, chin quivering and lids shutting as you submitted to the building pleasure.
Kylo scissored you open, stroking at your walls, and you clenched and pulsed around his fingers, your clit growing swollen and achy from neglect. Gods, it felt good--but it wasn’t enough to push you over the edge.
“You’re getting so wet for me,” he murmured. “Do you want to cum, little girl?”
Panting, you nodded, forehead still stuck to the transparisteel. He chuckled, pulling his digits from your pussy and spitting off to the side. With a gentle grip, he removed your shoes and assisted you in stepping out of your pants before easing you around. His eyes were hungry, staring at you with anticipation. Grinning, he drew his tongue along his fingers, still sticky with your cum, popping them in his mouth and sucking them clean before inching himself between your legs.
Powerful hands gripped your thighs as he spread you apart, hoisting your legs onto his shoulders, his breath warm on your throbbing pussy. Holding you in his gaze, he kissed your folds once, twice, before painting a broad stripe up your cunt and sucking your clit into his mouth. You sobbed, fingers foraging through his hair, scratching his scalp while you held his face against your sex. Kylo growled, shifting, nuzzling into your pussy and laving at the fluids leaking from your core, his plush lips sending bolts to your belly.
You whined, rocking your hips into his face, body awash with pleasure. The window was cold at your back, but your cheeks were running hot, lids wanting to close, yet unwilling to look away from the man between your legs. His irises were golden-honey with desire, funnelling the edges of his adoration into his gaze, an incomparable sensation of bliss and joy spilling into your blood.
“Yes,” you sighed. “Don’t stop…”
He inhaled through his nose, humming while he closed his eyes, sealing his lips around your clit and suckling. Shivering, your rested your head on the window, closing your lids, jaw hanging open as he teased your nub with his tongue. His digits dug into your flesh, and you squeezed his skull with your thighs, bucking into his mouth, trying to ride him against his control. Grunting, he sucked the bud past his teeth, shooting pleasure through your nerves, and you released a long, deep moan.
“Shit--fuck--” You gasped, oxygen catching in your throat, coming louder, faster, your legs shaking with the impending impact of your climax. “Yes, yes!”
A final flick of his tongue, and you broke, a spectrum of color blazing through your mind, a string of sobbing wails fleeing you as you crushed his head with your legs. Your nails cut crescents into his scalp, a measure of ecstasy you’d never known sparking a rapture in the essence of your soul. Kylo sucked you to the end of your orgasm, dragging his bottom lip up the top of your slit while you descended.
Chest heaving, your head lolled to the side as you regained awareness, mind spinning with a heady, exhausted satisfaction. You found his gaze in the fuzzy haze, supplying him with a grin, fingers carding through his hair. Purring, he kissed up the roll of your belly, skimming his teeth along the skin.
“I want you...” he whispered into your flesh.
You smiled, heart blooming. “I want you, too.”
Kylo blinked and bit his lip, gripping your thighs while he rose to his feet. He pushed you up the window, your skin squeaking along the transparisteel, and you grimaced as it tugged at your shoulder blades. He shushed you, nestling his face into your neck and curling your legs around his waist while he worked at his trousers. A grunt of relief left his nose as his cock sprung free, and you felt it slap against your still-sensitive pussy.
“This what you want, filthy thing?” he growled. “You want me to fuck you like this? Where anyone could see?” The head of his dick circled your clit, and his mouth worried the lobe of your ear, his breath soft, his voice vibrating through you. “You want them to know who gets to fuck you?”
You clenched. “Yes, Kylo, yes.” Whimpering, you nuzzled your head in his shoulder, slinking your arms around his back and following the raised flesh of his scars. “Please…”
“Then who is it?” His mouth marked your neck with fervor, his energy growing more primal by the second. He slid the head of his cock to your entrance, taunting you with false thrusts. “Who gets to fuck you?”
“You do.” You tensed, bracing against him. “You do.”
“Mm. That’s right.” He drove his dick into your cunt, a smothered moan escaping him as he split you open with a sting. He stretched you wide within a second--but it felt so good, as if you were whole again. Huffing, he shifted, and snapped his hips, snarling as you pulsed around him. “Fuck… That’s right…”
Kylo fucked into you like a savage, as if to make up for lost time, as if to make himself one with your body. He panted into your ear, groaning, digits bruising your thighs while he hammered your cervix with thrust after thrust after thrust. Sputtered curses left him under his breath and he attempted to silence himself with your neck, biting and nibbling at your throat. You groaned, bouncing with the power of his hips, air hiccuping in your lungs as he pounded you.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “Fuck, you feel so good.” He pulled back, forcing your face off of his shoulder, and he pressed his forehead into yours, drilling you with his eyes. “You want me to fill you with my cum, little girl?”
You shuddered, nodding. “Yes, please, please!”
“Good.” He caught your lips in a brief kiss. “Good girl…”
Keeping his brow glued to yours, he growled, plowing into your pussy with ruthless abandon. Your blood was magma, caulking every crack in your heart and erupting into your skin. Gods, you loved this--but not just that. No, you loved him--and, free of the chains of rejection, it gushed out of you.
“I love you, Kylo,” you murmured. “I love you…”
Kylo’s breath hitched, and he stepped somehow closer, pumping his cock into your pussy. “Again.”
You smiled, eyes feeling wet. “I love you,” you said. “I love you.”
He sucked in air through his teeth, and then the Force was on your clit, rubbing you with a fluid grace up the path to your next climax. “Again.”
“Fuck!” you cried. This was more than you could handle. Your chest was tight, voice shaking. “I love you! I love you, Kylo!”
Every part of you felt like it was about to spill over and douse you both in emotion. The Force picked up speed, and you were gasping, groaning, fisting his hair while you fought to hang on. Your mouth dropped in an open pant, pussy clenching and squeezing his thick cock with every slam of his hips. He moaned, lost in pleasure, wild with lust. Sweat stuck your skin like paste, a bead dripping down your temple. He had you close, so close, your orgasm ready to shred you apart.
Kylo growled, plugging you full of his dick. “Again!”
“I love you!” you wailed, tears slipping along your cheeks. “I fucking--fuck! Kylo!”
“Yes, yes,” he groaned. “Cum--cum for me…”
You convulsed as your climax rocked you, clamping on his dick and milking his shaft while he rammed into your pussy. He choked, pressing his lips to yours in an attempt to silence a loud, violent moan, skin smacking as he poured his cum into your cunt. Returning the kiss, you tugged at his hair, pulling away when his hips finally stalled and you were both chasing your breath.
Kylo nuzzled into the crook of your neck, holding you to the heat of his frame--he was almost feverish, adorned with sweat, his heart thumping against his ribs with such force you felt it in your own chest. Silent, he pressed soft kisses into your flesh, shuddering while his seed dripped from your pussy.
“Stay,” he whispered, barely audible. “Please.”
Your heart fell into your stomach. Stay. The first instinct was to surrender, to drop it all and spend the day in Kylo’s bed. You’d wait up for him, wait until he slid in next to you in the middle of the sleep cycle and pulled you into his chest, his body warm and secure and the both of you lost in each other’s eyes, exchanging silent vows of worship. Your chin trembled as you imagined holding his hand, his lips on your forehead, everything so vulnerable and safe and new.
But then you wondered--where would you go the next day? What would you do? You’d already known there was nothing left on the Finalizer, and you’d solidified it with your transfer request. And as delightful as the idea seemed now, you knew yourself--and you knew you’d wither into dust with only the inside of Kylo’s quarters to keep you occupied. A new station promised a refreshing challenge, a change of pace, a restoration of the passion you’d nearly forgotten since meeting Kylo Ren all those months ago. And the Finalizer didn’t have it for you. Not anymore.
You gazed into Kylo’s eyes--they were sincere. Unguarded. Afraid. Tears stung your cheeks and you combed your digits through his dark waves. The words would hardly leave.
“I can’t,” you said. “I can’t.”
His brow furrowed, lip twitching. He swallowed. “Why?” he asked. “Why not?”
“You know why, Kylo.” He’d heard it in your head. You didn’t want to have to say it out loud, too.
Shaking his head, he frowned. “Name the issue. I’ll have it rectified.”
“No,” you said. “That’s not it.” Biting back a sob, you kissed his nose. “You can’t fix this, Kylo.” You shrugged. “There’s nothing left for me here.”
Kylo’s jaw hardened, and he glanced to the side, blinking away some unnamed emotion. “I am.”
Dammit. “I know.” You cupped his face, stroking his cheek. “I know you are. And I… I want to be with you. So, so badly.”
“Then stay.”
“But my life is more than just you, Kylo,” you replied. “You have the Force, and I have… uh, something way less interesting than that.” Well, it was true--engineering would never be a child’s fantasy. “And I can’t keep putting everything on hold just because… just because of how I feel.”
He exhaled, gazing over your shoulder, considering. The universe had filled the pools of his pupils, his mind an enigma. As he ruminated, he massaged the backs of your thighs, and his softening cock finally slipped out of you. He swallowed again, and met your eyes.
“You need to redress.”
A half-hearted chuckle left you--he’d understood. “What, you don’t think I can just get on the shuttle naked?”
He smirked. “Even if you could,” he said, “I’d expect them to protest when I started fucking you in your seat.”
You bit your lip, blushing as you gave him a playful smack on the shoulder. “Okay then, hornball, let me down.”
“Mm.” Kylo guided your feet to the floor and grabbed your chin, tilting it toward him. “Funny words coming from a woman with my cum in her cunt.”
“Oh, shut up.” You rolled your eyes, smacking his hand away. Sighing, you folded your arms across your chest, surveying the tile. It was littered with clothes. Once they were back on, he’d probably have to leave, too. You glanced at the chronometer. 11:41. “Do you…” You chewed your cheek. “Do you want to wait with me? For my shuttle?”
He scrutinized the floor, tucking himself away. After a moment, he looked back at you. “Yes.”
The two of you clothed yourself in silence (though he took considerably longer). When you were finished, you fixed your hair, and returned toward the transparisteel, staring out into space. Crossing your arms, you snuffed the urge to cry. You weren’t upset about your choice--but it didn’t seem fair. Didn’t seem fair that it’d taken the threat of your loss to earn you his honesty. Didn’t seem fair that you wouldn’t get another night in his arms, another morning in his bed. Didn’t seem fair that he’d finally admitted that he loved you--and now you had to leave it all behind.
As you gulped down your despair, Kylo’s arms wrapped around you, encasing you in his embrace, sheathing you with his body. His chin rested on your head, and you blushed, goosebumps racing over your skin. Smiling, your digits hooked onto his arms, locking him in place, and he rocked you like that, back and forth, quiet and content and equal--for the very first time. His chest rose at your spine, and he kissed the crown of your scalp, watching with you as blankets of stars winked past. Somewhere out there was your new station. A new planet. A new home. And maybe Kylo’s home, too.
“Where did you grow up?” Your heart skipped the second the question left your mouth. His past was not his preferred subject.
But all he did was hold you tighter, pressing his lips to your hair. “Hosnian Prime.”
You blinked, growing small. “Oh.” Grief--for him, for his planet--stuck in your throat. “I’m so sorry.”
“No,” he said. “It hasn’t been my home in over a decade.”
“Where do you call home, then?”
“Nowhere.” He kissed you again, squeezing you in his arms. “This is the closest I’ll come.”
You laughed. “What, the Finalizer?”
“No.” His head dipped next to yours, seeking refuge. “You.”
“Oh.” Something else caught in your throat--not grief, not sadness. It was fiercer than the both of them combined, ravaging your senses, welling tears in your eyes, pulverizing your heart to pieces. “Kylo, I--”
The terminal door squealed, the sound of air being sucked into nothingness roaring beyond the hatch. Your shuttle.
Kylo dropped his arms, crossing to where he’d left his helmet, moving to return it to his head. But you reached out, stepping forward, hesitating to ask him to wait. Against your wisdom, you just didn’t want your last image of him to be that vacant, emotionless mask.
“Kylo, I--” You wanted to tell him where you were going. Where to find you. But it hadn’t been important to you, at the time. You’d already forgotten. “I don’t know where they’ve placed me.”
He paused, clutching the helmet and striding back over to you without a word. Past the blast door, the drone of dying engines rumbled through the walls. His gaze darted between you and the exit, jaw clenching, and as the hatch whirred, he frowned, grabbing you and pulling you into a hot, brutal kiss. You sighed into his mouth, but before you could kiss him back, he released you, his eyes shimmering in the light.
This was it. This was goodbye. And you were choking.
“I love you,” you said. And then, something you hadn’t realized until that moment. “I’m scared.”
Kylo blinked. “Scared.”
“I don’t want to be without you, anymore.” More tears. They burned you like an iron brand.
“Listen to me.” He pinched your chin, angling you to his face. “No matter where you go. Nothing will keep you from me.”
The hatch wailed as it unlocked, beginning its ascent. Kylo frowned and replaced his helmet on his head, holding it above his nose to capture your lips in one final kiss before stepping back and sealing the locks.
His voice was deeper than a quake in the ground. “I will find you, sweet thing.”
Your face flushed with blood--and he spun on his heel, robes winding behind him as he marched out of the door. To your right, the shuttle had popped its entrance, the pilot urging you forward. Your eyes flickered from the pilot and the door Kylo had just disappeared through. He loved you. That man loved you. That knowledge alone was enough to encase your heart in an aurora.
“You ready?” the pilot asked, slapping a hand on the ship.
Nodding, you ran and grabbed the tiny parcel of your belongings, wiping the stray tears from your cheeks. “Yep,” you replied. “I’m ready.”