Chapter Text
children of hogwarts
lilibet
Um guys
jame
Yes lils
lilibet
i have to envoke the gemima pact
mean librarian
No
farmer mary
How did you get in that situation?????
lilibet
i don’t want to talk about it
jame
okay.
When’s rehearsal?
lilibet
Considering the battle is in a week
now.
mean librarian
fuck sake
We aren’t really doing this are we
panda
I’ll make costumes!!
mean librarian
Why did we even make that fuckinf pact
mr bark bark
for a situation just like this!
reginald
what the fuck
evie poo😘
The gemima pact??
jame
ah yes you couldn’t stand us
well!!
lilibet
The gemima pact, (also known as the pitch perfect pact) is there for any situation one may find themselves challenged to accapella competition
reginald
and why were you challenged to an accapella competition?
jame
Isn’t it obvious?
marlin
obviously she was engaging in a dance off and they decided to ramp things up?
worm
what a silly question
mean librarian
No I disagree lily was obviously in a baking competition and they heard her whistling and challenged her to a riff off
worm
mm yes could be
reginald
lily?
evie poo😘
who the fuck challenges someone to a accapella competition
farmer mary
yeah I agree with remus
mean librarian
See the wife agrees
marlin
Wife!!
panda
I believe remus is right !!
lilibet
actually
I was doing a presentation on the intricacies of the stanky leg and some senior asked me if I could do it and sing at the same time
and well
here we are
bart
I’m not fucking singing shit
mr bark bark
but the pact!?
marlin
how dare you break the pact
worm
thr pact tis sacred
reginald
We weren’t even there????
evie poo😘
exactly
but I’ll happily watch
farmer mary
Fine
dory
I’ll sing!
mean librarian
if u make me do jazz hands ill kms so fast
marlin
do it
reginald
I’ll watch
worm
That’s what she said
reginald
And he has perfect spelling just to write that??
jame
let the man live love
reginald
never
lilibet
I need everyone in rehearsal at the homo house in twenty minutes
mr bark bark
The what
bart
the homo house!!
mean librarian
I’m not a fucking homo
i don’t do that gay shit
evie poo🥰
I beg to fucking differ
jame
🤨
mr bark bark
yeah right moons
tell that to the stiffy you popped over me wearing those tight pants last week
mean librarian
that’s not gay
Jame
then what the fuck is it
mean librarian
appreciating the bros
worm
do u apreciae me moony
farmer Mary
not in the same way he appreciates sirius
lilibet
lord.
just get to rehearsals
“is it on three or after three?”
”it’s after five six seven eight”
”are you dumb why would I start after eight”
”no one starts after eight lily”
”don’t you fucking dare do jazz hands”
”moony get in the spirit”
”this is accapella. We’re going to do jazz hands.”
”ow that’s my fucking toe asshole”
”yeah I did it on purpose get on key”
“And twirl!!…. TWIRL SIRIUS TWIRL”
”IM TWIRLING”
“I think I pulled a muscle!”
”dance through the pain!?”
“AND LIFT!!… and *CRASH BANG BOOM*”
”OW FUCKING HELL”
”I said lift!! Not fall on your face”
*distant crashing and music*
”five six seven eight!!!”
“Can I use the harmonica?”
”no!”
”of course I can’t”
”shut the fuck up james”
children of hogwarts
lilibet
Well that went well
mean librarian
Wrong.
mr bark bark
I pulled an ass muscle
lilibet
That’s because your twerk form isn’t peak
marlin
I think I broke my arm
bart
What the fuck happend
worm
I fear we may have lost James
reginald
James.
what did you do
jame
I’ve been hiding since lily instructed us to spank each others arses
mean librarian
as much as I hate this
that is a pivotal part of the performance
panda
glad you’re okay james !!
evie poo🥰
Stay hiding
farmer mary
I have to say
Pete has a lovely singing voice
lilibet
He does!
marlin
he’s the pride and joy of our performance.
worm
awww
jame
you are the light of my life wormy
reginald
😐
jame
I KID I KID
I LOVEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
marls
uhuh
worm
aw love you too my Jamie wamie
mr bark bark
ew
worm
Don’t be homophobic!
our love is special
reginald
shut your bitch ass up
jame
don’t be jealous love
youre the only one I’m fuckinf on the kitchen counter
mean librarian
STOP
I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING
marlin
hello to you too
mean librarian
really
rigjt infront of the the picture of my mother
reginald
Hope loves a good show
mean Librarian
you sadistic fuck
reginald
Take a long hard look in the mirror Mr fucking on my bed
YEAH I know about that !
mr bark bark
whoops
mean librarian
Sue me
dory
anyways.
the crew takes centre stage. Peter in the core of them all
“Woah-oh- oh - oh”
“Oh-ho-ho-ho”
“Oh-ho-ohohoho” he sings
They begin to make all kinds of noises, creating the illusion of a beat and lily feels her chest surge with a sense of nervousness as she prepares to take the stage.
James is beatboxing loudly as she enters the stage, hitting the nae nae in sync with the crew.
“Oh-ho-ho-ho-hoooo”
Lily slut drops to the ground, picking up her mic stand as she does so, Mary hitting a deadly sprinkler behind her.
“Everybody was kungfu fighting!!”
The green lights hit the stage and the squad to a plethora of kungfu moves on the stage, hitting the deadly stanky leg once lily kept on singing, still making noises with their practiced mouths.
“Those cats were fast as lighting!”
Everyone assembled in a line, from shortest to tallest and one at a time they did a jump kick in a beautiful waterfall effect.
“Infact it was a little bit frightening”
Peter joins lily at centre stage, and sings the next line in his beautiful voice,
“But they fought with expert timing”
They harmonise the next line with expert prestige, as the crew hits a sprinkler on each side, popping and locking as the move into another line, jazz hands, jazz handzing as they stand in order, one tall, one short.
“They were chopping them up!!”
The shorter squad pretends to chop the taller person to their left
“They were chopping them down”
And the taller squad chops down to the shorter squad and everyone pauses, body rolling for a moment before they each hit a deadly robot
“It’s an ancient Chinese art, and everybody knew their part”
Pandora takes centre stage in that moment to hit a mean gangnam style, whistling gang surrounding her on all sides
The squad Macarena’s into the chorus, swaying along with their musical sounds,
“We took a bow!” The squad bows, “and made a stand, started swaying with our hands”
Lily bit her lip as the squad got into formation, counting in her head a 5678 and LIFT!
lily is lifted into the sky by the crew, “a sudden motion made me skip, now we’re into a brand new trip”
Lily launches herself out of the lift ready for the big chorus.
“EVERYBODY WAS KUNGFU FIGHTING!! HUH”
The team assembled in a line and on the grunt? The spanked the person infront of thems ass.
It was delightful.
The performance ended with dead silence from the crowd.
YES, they all thought.
The crowd is speechless.