Chapter Text
The sobs tore through Kylo; he couldn't even recall the last time that he cried. It seemed like 10 years of everything was pouring out.
But seeing Rey’s earnest face, receiving her forgiveness, it was more than he could bear. In the months leading up to this moment, he thought he may be able to one day sit down with her, to talk this all through over a cup of coffee.
But in pure Rey fashion, she had to beat him to it.
It could have been seconds or hours, time didn't make any sense right now, but he suddenly felt her arms around him, her body slipping back into his lap. One hand threaded through his hair while the other pulled tight around his neck.
“Shh, Ben you’re ok. It’s ok. I’ve got you.” Rey murmured into his temple while her hands rubbed circles into his scalp and upper back. Kylo couldn’t recall the last time anyone held him like this. It could have been 10 years ago - it was probably Rey.
She pulled back from embracing him enough so she could look into his face, and he could see her eyes were glassy. Rey moved her hands so both thumbs could rub the tears from his cheeks, and he closed his eyes.
There was still a lot to talk about, but having Rey so close to him again felt…
He was going to have to process that later.
“Ben.”
Kylo opened his eyes and she was still right there. So close. With a small smile, she stated, “I’m going to remove your restraints. There aren’t any weapons here, but if you should try anything, I know ways of hurting you without a weapon, so please…I’m asking you to trust me, and I’m going to trust you. Ok?”
He nodded, and she carefully removed herself from his lap. She retrieved a pair of scissors from the kitchen table and then walked back over to him. Hazel met brown, and when she was satisfied he didn’t look murderous, she moved around him, while shifting the comforter so she could see his hands. Rey worked for a few minutes on the knots and soon, his wrists felt a bit funny as the rope dropped. Kylo brought his hands to his front and rubbed each wrist with the opposite hand. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know where she learned that rope work, but it was damn good.
Rey moved to his right and bent down to cut the zip tie around his ankles. It took a few minutes to work at it because as he expected, it was thick. Once his right leg was free, she crossed in front of him to his left side, all the while keeping her eyes on him. Not once did he break eye contact; an unspoken agreement.
The tie around his left ankle was finally free and Kylo made to stand, but the blood hadn’t started properly flowing to his feet yet, and it felt like he was on a bed of pins and needles. Rey caught him as he stumbled and for a long moment, they just…looked.
Then Kylo tucked his childhood best friend, the first woman he ever loved, maybe the only one he ever had, into a hug. It seemed to startle her, based on the gasp and then large gulp that resounded in his ears. After a few heartbeats, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him tighter.
Maybe it was the most fucked up thing in the universe, to hug the person who kidnapped him.
But he was going to process that, too, later.
Even when they were kids, hugging Rey always made Kylo feel calm. Everything felt right and at peace, so he just let it be for a few moments.
It was Rey who eventually pulled back while her hands slid to his biceps. “Ben, there’s still some things missing. What did you mean when you said that you just started making sense of this yourself a few months ago? And what about the code I found?”
Kylo nodded to acknowledge her questions and said, “You always were a few steps ahead of me on everything. But can I please go to the bathroom first? I promise I’m not going to do anything.”
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. It’s definitely been a few hours.” Rey turned to the window as dusk settled upon them and the light in the cabin was disappearing.
She stepped away from his arms entirely, and he couldn’t help but mourn the loss of her body heat. It was growing colder in the cabin now the sun had gone down and while the comforter was warm, he still didn’t have clothes.
Rey seemed to have sensed this because she moved the bedside table and opened the drawer. Once she turned around, he could see what she had retrieved: his sleeping clothes, neatly folded, along with some socks, a clean pair of his boxer briefs, and a hoodie.
He immediately recognized it as a hoodie that originally belonged to him, but became hers 10 years ago when she left for Brown.
She still had it?
She shallowed, and stated, “I-I took the liberty of going through your suitcase and getting a change of clothes.” Rey looked across to the bathroom. “There are some fresh towels and washcloths in the bathroom. Everything you need to clean up will be in the shower if you want to use it.”
Rey moved across the room to Kylo and handed him the stack of clothing. Their hands touched as she transferred the items to him, and
damn it,
he knew the chill that ran through him had nothing to do with the chill and everything to do with touching her.
She looked up at him and pulled her hands back. “Are you hungry? I brought a few things to eat. Do you still like turkey and cheddar with mayo sandwiches?” she inquired.
The left side of Kylo’s mouth tilted in a small smile. “Uh, sure, although it’s been a few years since I’ve had one.”
Rey blinked a few times at him while her mouth opened in a small ‘o.’ “Oooh-kay, well I’ll make you one while you freshen up.” She made her way to the small kitchen and pulled some items out of the apartment-style fridge.
She had, indeed, planned for them to be there a while. It reminded him he still needed to be careful, even though Rey seemed calmer.
The bathroom of the cabin was modern and well-equipped. It wasn’t at all what he was anticipating, especially with the green subway-tiled shower stall and nice vanity. He turned the tap in the shower to as hot as it could possibly get and stepped in.
Kylo normally was able to do some of his best thinking in the shower, but at the moment, this afternoon was still too much to take in and digest, especially given everything he had just told Rey.
And what he was going to tell her next.
He just stood under the warm stream of water for a few moments and then grabbed the bottle of Dove shampoo from the built-in nook. Not ideal for his raven-colored waves and his hair stylist would be less than impressed, but whatever.
Thankfully, there was a bottle of conditioner to put in his hair and he squirted the vanilla-scented body wash onto a washcloth. Kylo was extremely glad to clean up the now-dried mess of their combined cum from his dick and thighs.
He toweled off and quickly put on his clothes, although the shower had certainly helped in warming him up.
He moved back into the main room of the cabin, where Rey had moved the chairs back to the table. She sat in one of them with a sandwich in her hand. Opposite of her, a plate sat with two sandwiches, a banana, and an apple waited for him, along with two bottles of water.
Kylo sat down and quickly drained one of the bottles of water. He had not noticed how thirsty he had been and was glad she had thought ahead.
She looked at him as he tucked into one of the sandwiches. It had indeed been a few years since he had a simple turkey and cheese sandwich, but she had used some crusty bread and had somehow known the right amount of mayo he preferred.
Apparently, she had been waiting for him to at least eat the first sandwich, because as soon as he took the last bite, she spoke.
“Ben.”
He swallowed his bite and took another swig of water.
“For the past 8 years since grad school, I have worked relentlessly for Snoke and First Order. I have a penthouse apartment in Greenwich that I spend maybe two nights a week sleeping at; the doormen know my assistant better than me. I have a full-size closet in my office with a pull-out couch. As you said, I have a year of vacation time built up because I never take it. I-I don’t have friends or relationships. I-” he thought about the women who enter his life for a night for the sole purpose of fucking , and then decided she didn’t need to know. Or maybe she already did.
“I can’t even tell you the last time I went to the grocery store. First Order’s building has a gym with a pool and that’s the only way I have time to exercise. I don’t even track the hours anymore. And the whole time, Snoke continued to berate me, telling me I needed to dedicate more. He did keep his word, although undoubtedly it was to keep me on his string, and I was promoted to VP three years ago. It only came with more work and responsibilities, although my office has one of the most astonishing views of the city I’ve seen.” Kylo continued.
“And I did it all, with no questions, until about 8 months ago. Snoke called me into his office and said there was a specific company he needed me to purchase. Falcon Auto Repairs. He didn’t even look up from his paperwork when he said it,” he shook his head.
“It was like a fog lifted as I left his office. I kept thinking that all those years ago, I had to choose between your grandfather’s or my dad’s company to ‘prove myself.’ I worked myself to near death and was the VP of FO - what else did he need from me? But on the other hand, maybe he knew something I didn’t and was trying to help my dad and Chewie out. So I looked into Falcon on my own, without Snoke knowing what I was doing - and my dad is positively flourishing, Rey. I was shocked at how well he is doing, but I was glad.”
Rey murmured, “I know. I helped him set up a few social media accounts a few years ago. Then he and Chewie hired Kaydel Connix as a part-time receptionist while she was starting at the community college, so they could devote all their time to servicing the cars. They’re doing extremely well.”
Kylo stared at her for a few seconds. He had no idea she was still in contact with his family, or even helping them. But then again, he shouldn’t be surprised. Rey was always close to his parents, especially Han. His heart melted a bit to know they were still in contact.
“Well, after I looked into Falcon’s records and saw how well he was doing, I realized Snoke wasn’t trying to help out anyone, least of all me. All he wanted was to exert his control over me, over and over again. It had nothing to do with helping my dad and Chewie,” Kylo stopped and took a deep breath, as he felt his anger begin to bubble over.
“That’s when I realized we were never assisting anyone when we bought their businesses. It was all about exerting dominance, not trying to save anyone from bankruptcy or total financial ruin. It was all for power…and greed. When I realized it, I started digging, Rey. I looked into all of FO’s financial records. Snoke…the man that I had devoted my life to…had been sneaking money from our accounts into his own since the very start. For close to 10 years. Our company is very lucrative and Snoke is a very wealthy man, but he’s been funneling money that was the company’s to his own accounts . That belonged to everyone who worked their asses off for that man and for me.”
Kylo paused, as he knew over the past 8 years, he had not been a great man to his employees. He had been demanding and rude, just like Snoke.
Hopefully things will change.
“I thought about confronting him with the information I found, but I recognized he wouldn’t react too kindly, especially since I knew he had Falcon in his sights. So I waited, debated, and observed him for close to two months. One day I was coming back to the office from a lunch meeting when I saw an intern leaving Snoke’s office. She was trying to sneak away, but I could see-I saw-”
Once again, Kylo paused and shook his head at the memory. He could distinctly recall how he saw red when he saw that young woman limping down the hallway.
“Her blouse was ripped, and she was carrying her shredded pantyhose in her hands. She was trying so hard not to cry, but I could hear the sniffles. I tried to stop her, to talk to her, to get her to report him, but she ran off. The next day I tried to find her in the building but I never saw her again,” Kylo sighed and momentarily shot his eyes.
“I never saw her again. God, I hope she’s ok. But I had had enough. The next day, I went to the FBI with everything I had on him. I’ve been helping them ever since. We’re close to bringing him down, but we still need time.
The code you found was planted by me, but I planted it right beside Snoke’s as instructed by the FBI. The agents are using it to track how much money goes into the accounts each day. It’s in the thousands, Rey. Thousands.”
Kylo had once again squeezed his eyes shut, this time in complete exhaustion. Recalling the major details of the past 10 years to someone for the very first time had simultaneously made him lighter and heavier.
“Rey… it’s been an extremely long day. I think I woke up at 1 or 2 our time to make my flight. I can’t even remember now. Can I-can I rest my eyes for a while?” he inquired as he lifted his head to look at her.
She was looking back at him, rapidly blinking and chewing on her bottom lip. She appeared just as tired and worn down as he felt, but she was still
so damn beautiful.
She shook her head like she was trying to free some space in her mind. “Yeah, Ben, I get it. You’re fine, you’re safe, I promise.”
He believed her. Nodding, Kylo rose from his chair at the same time Rey did, and he thought for a moment she meant to walk to the bed with him and rest. Instead, she took his plate to the sink and placed it in the fridge, as he hadn’t finished his second sandwich. He stood at the side of the bed and watched her, overcome by the domesticity of it all.
He couldn’t help but wonder how it may have all been different.
She turned around and noticed he was staring at her, and her face fell into a look of unease. “Ben, I promise I won’t do anything,” she muttered.
Kylo felt his eyes grow wider and he waved his hands in front of his body. “No, no I’m not-that wasn’t what I was doing. I was just…”
Her eyes lightened the tiniest bit when she whispered, “What were you doing, Ben?”
He couldn’t tell her. Rey had told him she forgave him, but she obviously still held so much anger for him. Kylo couldn't bring himself to tell her that he started to wish, more than anything, that he had never let her go.
“It’s nothing, Rey. I’m going to lay down,” he spoke.
She nodded and then turned her attention back to the kitchen. Kylo worked his jaw for a moment, then turned around to lay on the bed. As his head hit the pillow, he vaguely heard Rey washing dishes before he fell into a deep sleep.
| | |
When Kylo woke up, the entire cabin was dark, with the exception of a small nightlight casting light in the bathroom. Night had fallen as he was sleeping and while he didn’t know how he slept, he felt a lot better. He sat up and looked to the other side of the bed for Rey.
She wasn’t there.
He couldn’t help but be a bit surprised that she wasn’t, given what must be the late hour. She wasn’t on the couch, either. He could tell from his position in the bed that she wasn’t in the bathroom. He placed his feet on the floor while panic began to build in his chest.
As he crossed the room to make his way to the door, that’s when he noticed a white envelope, an iPhone, a flash drive, and car keys sitting on the kitchen table illuminated by the light pouring in from the window. The envelope had “Ben” written on the front in the small, cramped handwriting he recognized as Rey’s.
He grasped the doorknob and made his way outdoors. The snow had stopped, but the Earth was covered in a blanket of snow. As he glanced around, there wasn’t a single sign of Rey, just the black SUV that she had picked him up in parked in front of the cabin. That’s when he noticed the tire tracks that had stopped behind the SUV, then seemed to double back on themselves on the long drive back to the road.
She was gone.
Kylo tore back into the house and grabbed the envelope labeled with the name he hadn’t called himself in close to a decade. With shaking hands, he peeled the sticky adhesive to find pages of notebook paper filled with black ink. He sank down to one of the chairs and began to read.
Dear Ben,
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for dragging you into this situation that truthfully, I didn’t anticipate reaching this point. Of course, I also didn’t anticipate that you would actually figure out it was me, but here we are. The best-laid plans always go to hell.
With that being said, I understand and completely agree with you turning me in. I don’t expect that you would ever accept my apology, and I don’t believe I even deserve your acceptance, but I would ask for the sake of everything we once were to each other for a few favors before you go to the police or the Feds you are working with. Once they come to arrest me, I will go willingly. There is no need for a drawn-out process, as I will accept the consequences of my actions.
But please, Ben, give me a few days. I need to tie up a few things with my business to ensure the people I employ are not impacted by my decisions. My employees are more like my family and I cannot have them suffering because of my actions.
Additionally, I ask that you please do not inform our families of what has happened here. I do not wish for my family’s name to be dragged through the mud and I know your family would not like to be in the spotlight for my choices, either.
Speaking of your family, I truly hope you will reach out to them in light of all the changes you’re making in your life. Your mom and dad miss you terribly. Chewie too. Even your Uncle Luke has mentioned that he wished you were at Christmas and Thanksgiving more than once.
I recognize I’m asking a lot of you but I do hope you allow me these few things.
I know this was the shittest thing for me to do, but this is also why I had to leave - I have to get a head start. I’m sure you have already found your new phone as well as the keys to the SUV. The tank is full and ready for the drive back to Manhattan. There isn’t cell service out this far, but if you follow the driveway out to the main road, make a left, you’ll eventually reach a small town called Ahch-To. Once you enter Ahch-To, cell service comes back and you can Google Maps your way back.
It’s around a three-hour drive, so if you wake up in the middle of the night, I would recommend resting for a bit before hitting the road again. The snow has stopped, but the roads are windy and can be difficult to navigate in the dark if you’re not familiar with them. This cabin is mine, so you will not need to worry about anyone coming to disturb you if you decide to wait until daybreak.
I’m also a coward because I couldn’t face you to tell you my side of the story. When we got together 10 years ago Ben, I can’t even begin to explain to you how I felt. It was perfect - we were perfect. I was so incredibly excited to start my life with you. I know we both had school, you had the internship, but I was ecstatic to finally be with you. We hadn’t talked about it, but I knew that you were it. You were it for me, Ben. We were young and dumb but I knew we could make it.
Through anything.
I guess it’s funny in a way because Snoke was right about one thing.
Ben, I was pregnant.
Do you remember that weekend in September when I came to visit you in the city? We spent the entire weekend…well, we spent the entire weekend doing what we did, and I don’t think I took my birth control as I normally did, or at least at my regular time. Because it happened - we were going to have a baby.
I found out the week before your birthday, a few days after you stopped communicating to everyone entirely. I needed more than anything to talk to you, so we could figure out what to do.
But nature decided for me, or the stress of you cutting everyone out decided it because I had a miscarriage the day after your birthday.
I was heartbroken and devasted. I didn’t think we were ready for a kid, but I had this tiny piece of you within me while everything with you was falling apart, and it gave me hope. Then I lost everything - you and our baby.
I was home the week after for Thanksgiving break, and everyone was pretty distraught over what was happening. Everyone thought my grief had to do with you, and it did, but I have never told anyone about the baby. Except for Chewie. He found me in the treehouse one night, bawling. He could tell something else was going on, so I swore him to secrecy. He’s stayed true to his word all these years. Your uncle is a great man, and he encouraged me to write you letters that he would personally see delivered to you. He said he could never find you at your apartment, but he made sure to leave them in your mailbox.
The letters told you all about the baby and the miscarriage and the grief I felt Ben. I had hoped that if you read them, you would come back to me. To us.
You took so much from me Ben. And from yourself, too.
I forgive you, I truly do, after hearing what a fuckface Snoke has been. But I also hope you can see the pain I’ve been through for the past 10 years, and perhaps forgive me someday too.
Everything I found on First Order is on that flash drive. Use it to bring him down, Ben.
I wish you the best. Good luck.
I love you,
Rey
Kylo’s hands shook as the pages fell to the floor.
Rey had been pregnant. Rey had carried their child and then lost it.
And he hadn’t been there for her through any of it.