Chapter Text
[Recovered registry of a conversation in The Orchard of Pairidaeza, cataloged by Buer.
Attached to the start of the registry is a note:
“The first speaker is Mister Kaveh. The second speaker, who seems to be there from the beginning but only starts talking later in, has to be Scribe Alhaitham. They go back and forth, so it is easy to follow who is speaking when. Nevertheless, name annotations and other pertinent notes have been added.”
End note.
Registry starts below.]
Kaveh: You know it’s been more than two months, right?
[Nothing can be heard for a couple of seconds, so Scribe Alhaitham must remain silent.]
Kaveh: You can- you can talk to me! I’m not going to… to…
[Silence, same as before.]
Kaveh: Hey- At least look at me! Do you have any idea of all the trouble I went through to get here? Tracking the traveler down was a massive headache, and then their floating friend had to go and say “oh but Kaveh, I thought you’d be relieved to have Alhaitham out of the house!” Sometimes I wonder how the traveler puts up with that! They weren’t even concerned! It’s been more than two months – I don’t know how the Akademiya hasn’t collapsed yet!
[Silence, same as before.]
Kaveh: ...Wait, no, you did- you did mention that in the…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Ugh- I’m not used to just- talking by myself! Say something!
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Okay, that’s it- [Footsteps] Hey! Hey, don’t look away! First time you see me in over two months and you can’t look me in the eye?! I thought you weren’t trying to avoid me!
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Yeah, surprised? I read your journal! Did you think you could just up and vanish for a whole month without me finding it? You forgot to pack it with your stuff. And you didn’t even bother encrypting it that much. Seriously- Did you forget you made me learn that ancient script when we were doing that project together? I might be rusty but I can still translate it! That’s how I knew how to come here.
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Who would’ve thought, huh? That a place like this… truly existed? It really is something else…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Hey- Teyvat to Alhaitham? Hello? Why do you look so surprised, did you think I wouldn’t be able to find this place? I’ll have you know I know my way around ruins, too; I am from the Kshahrewar, after all. Those mechanisms were nothing! You should’ve seen the kind of stuff Madame Faruzan told me she became trapped by, now that would’ve been a true puzzle! This, though? Well- Alright, the traveler did go through this first, so they clearly did most of the job; but it isn’t easy finding your way around this place, even with all the doors unlocked! It’s like a maze down here! Oh, and the design of some of the mechanisms, too! You know, the traveler told me they haven’t actually explored everything there is to see here. That means there are still secrets to uncover! I might just have to drag you out here some other time in the future, see what we can find. If a place like this was hiding in the sandstorm – imagine the things we could dig up! We could- Hey! Hey, what’s that face for?! I’m trying to be earnest here, there’s no need to laugh at me! Now, don’t give me that look, either- weren’t you so amused just now? Why are you angry all of a sudden?! Hey-! [Footsteps] Hey, get back here!
[There’s no talking, but footsteps can still be heard, along with faint splashing.]
Kaveh: You-! Huh?! Wh- Archons above, what- How are you- No, wait, don’t-!
[Again, there’s no talking, but more splashes can be heard, now from another set of footsteps. They last for a while, and after they stop, there is a long moment of silence.]
Kaveh: ... The… The water is- solid here…? Ah- No, come back! Wait! Alhaitham, wait!
[Silence, the splashing stops.]
Kaveh: Wait, don’t- Don’t go anywhere, I just-
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Did- Did I do it again…?
[Silence.]
Kaveh: Hey, what’s that look supposed to-
[Silence.]
Kaveh: I… What- What is it, supposed to mean? Are you- Are you confused? You look like- Like you think I’m being stupid, but-
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...But you said- In the journal, you said that’s not…
Alhaitham: You read my journal.
Kaveh: Ah! Oh, Seven, your voice sounds absolutely destroyed-
Alhaitham: Did you read my journal.
Kaveh: Hey- You’d been gone for a month, alright? What was I supposed to do? Agh- I was looking through your things, to see if anything could give me any clues as to where you disappeared off to. So I just-
Alhaitham: Read my journal. The encrypted one.
Kaveh: I- Yes, okay! Yes, I read it, I’m sorry-
Alhaitham: It was a genuine question. I am not angry.
Kaveh: I- What? You’re… not?
Alhaitham: It was my mistake to both leave it behind in the first place, and write it in a script you knew how to decode.
Kaveh: ...Okay? That’s still not- I still read your journal. Just because it was in the house and in a script I could read doesn’t mean I should’ve read it. It was an invasion of privacy.
Alhaitham: Yet you still did.
Kaveh: I was desperate, okay?!
Alhaitham: I was not judging. Again, I am not angry.
Kaveh: I- Hrmm-! I don’t get that, how are you not angry? If you’d gone through my stuff and read my journal, I would’ve been angry!
Alhaitham: ...You keep a journal.
Kaveh: I-ah- …Yeah, I keep a journal, don’t laugh.
Alhaitham: I’m not laughing.
Kaveh: You look like you want to.
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...Do- Do you?
Alhaitham: Do I?
Kaveh: I- I don’t know! Clearly, I don’t know. That’s what- That’s what I’ve realized, now. I just- I don’t know.
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...Have I really…? All this time, have I really just- misunderstood? I know I’m- I know I tend to think of the worst case scenario, I always- I always jump to conclusions way too fast, assuming things I don’t have all that much insight in, but- did I…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: You can- You could say something. It would help.
Alhaitham: I’m not certain it would.
Kaveh: That’s- I…
[A rather long silence, comparatively speaking.]
Kaveh: ...I… I didn’t want to believe it at first. It all just- seemed so straightforward to me, I thought I had you all figured out! That you couldn’t fool me, that I could see your true intentions, but- I didn’t- A-And I should’ve known better, shouldn’t I? I’ve always been like this! I’ve always known I tend to assume the worst of people, when it comes to their interactions with me- I’m just- I think you said it, once, I’m just too paranoid, too- insecure, when it comes to certain things, but- but you never- And I still-
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I- I don’t know how to… to…
Alhaitham: Sorry for what.
Kaveh: I-ah- You know!
Alhaitham: I really don’t.
[There is a short silence here.]
Kaveh: ...You’re being serious.
Alhaitham: I’ve never been anything but.
Kaveh: That’s- I just- I’m really sorry, for everything.
Alhaitham: ‘Everything’ doesn’t narrow it down much.
Kaveh: ...I genuinely cannot tell if you’re just taking the piss out of this or not.
Alhaitham: ...I am aware.
Kaveh: Right- Of course. Of course you would be…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: It’s just- your tone of voice, it’s always so… monotone… Is it…?
Alhaitham: I guess.
Kaveh: You guess?
Alhaitham: I have tried to give it more tone, but it has never worked.
Kaveh: Huh- Wait, really? You have?
Alhaitham: [Someone clearing their throat can be heard.] Or does this sound better to you?? The last time I tired to use this tone with someone, they thought I was mocking them!
Kaveh: ...That… I’m- sorry, that sounds… very unnatural…
Alhaitham: I am aware now.
Kaveh: Can you really not… is that- really the best you can do…?
Alhaitham: I also have this one! Though, I have to admit – this one got an even worse reaction than the last one~
Kaveh: Sweet little Kusanali what did I just listen to.
Alhaitham: My failed attempt at an amiable tone.
Kaveh: Never use it again.
Alhaitham: I’d never planned to.
Kaveh: But that’s just- You really just can’t get much tone out, can you? I mean- I know you have some tone, you’re a human, you kinda have to, but- I just thought…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...Honestly, I don’t know what I thought…
Alhaitham: People generally say I am trying to sound more intellectual.
Kaveh: Hmm- Yes, I could see that. But if that’s really just your default tone, and you really can’t get another one right, then- Oh Archons…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: ...But just your tone? I’m- My brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around all this, I would’ve never thought- And that’s probably the entire problem, isn’t it? It’s just- You’re always so- so serious, but-
Alhaitham: Am I?
Kaveh: ...Are you? Oh God, are you?? Don’t tell me that wasn’t intentional, either!
Alhaitham: ‘Serious’, as in, honest; yes. ‘Serious’, as in… well, the usual definition of it; no.
Kaveh: No?? Then wh- What is your default state, then? Because I thought you were just a very serious guy who would sometimes- y’know, be a bit mean for amusement purposes… or something…
[Silence.]
Kaveh: That’s… not at all what it was, was it…?
Alhaitham: I don’t know.
Kaveh: You don’t know??
Alhaitham: I wouldn’t know what to tell you. It’s become difficult to discern what I feel from what people assign to me, even moreso when I’ve been trying for years now to mold my behavior to pass as decent. Bit hard to ‘be’ any one way when you’re too busy thinking how to ‘be’ a specific other way.
Kaveh: By the Seven, that’s horrible.
Alhaitham: Is it?
Kaveh: Yes??? What do you mean ‘is it’?!
[Silence.]
Kaveh: [There is a sigh here.] ...You know, I think it’s also your eyes.
Alhaitham: ...My eyes.
Kaveh: Yes. That- That was a question, right?
Alhaitham: It was.
Kaveh: Okay. Okay, I- okay-
Alhaitham: What about my eyes, Kaveh. That was also a question.
Kaveh: They- Huh. Wait, you should do that more.
Alhaitham: Do what.
Kaveh: Clarify that it’s a question.
Alhaitham: Hm. I used to do that.
Kaveh: Wh- Then why did you stop?? That’s super useful!
Alhaitham: I got several complaints telling me to stop because I was treating people like idiots who wouldn’t be able to tell if it was a question or not if I didn’t spell it out for them.
[There is a brief silence.]
Kaveh: ...What the fuck.
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: And you don’t find that- infuriating?? I mean- Were they able to tell it was a question after you stopped?
Alhaitham: They’d generally think I was being sarcastic. Or mocking them.
Kaveh: Sweet little Kusanali…
Alhaitham: You do the same.
Kaveh: AHH-! I know, I know! Don’t remind me, please- I feel bad enough as is!
Alhaitham: ...That was not my intention.
Kaveh: I know, it’s just- Hnn this is so frustrating! How did you put up with this?!
Alhaitham: Put up with what. A question.
Kaveh: With- Agh! Wait- it sounds kinda odd at the end, try putting it at the start?
Alhaitham: Like an exam prompt.
[There is an oddly timed silence here.]
Kaveh: Was that-
Alhaitham: Question; like an exam prompt?
Kaveh: Ah! That’s so much better! Is it weird to talk like that?
Alhaitham: Weird?
Kaveh: As in- Do you think you could start doing that, is it not much trouble?
Alhaitham: ...I don’t think it would be much trouble, no.
Kaveh: Then please do that, you have no idea how much easier that will make things!
Alhaitham: Will it- Ah- Question; will it not sound weird?
Kaveh: Maybe? I don’t think it sounds all that weird, not if you put it at the start. It’s not like all your questions don’t sound like such, either way.
Alhaitham: Hm. What about my eyes, then.
Kaveh: What about them? Heh- See? I knew that was a question.
Alhaitham: You said you thought it was also my eyes.
Kaveh: Ah- Yeah, I think- It’s like, I don’t mean this in a bad way, but your eyes are like… really intimidating…
Alhaitham: Are they.
Kaveh: Yeah… They look very serious. I think- Kinda like with your tone of voice, they don’t… change much? They look tired but like- not really? Aloof? I don’t know- Point is, when combined with your voice, it kind of just… comes across wrong, I guess…
Alhaitham: ...Question; you think it comes across as wrong?
Kaveh: Yeah? I mean- That’s not… you said you’re not trying to look serious. Given your- your journal, I don’t think you were trying to look any of the things I thought you were…
Alhaitham: And you believe me. That- was a question.
Kaveh: I do believe you.
Alhaitham: You never have before.
[There is a brief silence here also.]
Kaveh: ...You’re right. I don’t think I have before. But I was… I mean, I guess I still kind of am- My, uh- My own- insecurities, and fears, they weren’t letting me… see clearly.
Alhaitham: You and everyone else.
Kaveh: Was that a question? Honest, uh- query.
Alhaitham: ...Honestly, I’m not sure.
Kaveh: Well- I can’t speak for the rest, so. But that’s- I’m pretty sure that’s why I- for so long…
Alhaitham: There can’t be all that many different reasons that would lead to the exact same result, I don’t think.
Kaveh: Maybe there doesn’t need to be?
Alhaitham: What does that mean.
Kaveh: I mean like- think about it. What if this is- like a language? It’s like- you go to a nation, and you don’t speak the language.
Alhaitham: ...Your point being?
Kaveh: I mean- What, are people supposed to immediately hate you because of it? It’s not your fault you don’t know the language. And what if you’re trying to learn? If you’re still learning and butchering your way through a conversation; no decent person should take offense to that- That's not how this works!
Alhaitham: Under that analogy, if you’re going to an entirely different nation, you should at least familiarize yourself with the language.
Kaveh: Agh- that’s not-!
Alhaitham: You are one person. That is an entire nation. You cannot expect the collective to bend to your lack of knowledge of the language – it is on you to learn your way around it.
Kaveh: Okay- fine! Yeah, sure, if we follow that analogy, that’s true- but still! Would you antagonize someone who speaks to you in butchered Lingua Franca just because they do not still know the basic rules?
Alhaitham: But some people would.
Kaveh: Yes, but those are the exceptions, they don’t count! There will be assholes everywhere, I’m talking about the collective as a whole! Most people wouldn’t do that! They’d patiently try to help, they’d try to understand- Humans by default are programmed to help each other, that’s what’s gotten us so far!
Alhaitham: That still doesn’t take away the fact that it is on you to learn the language. I have not managed to get even 10% of the way through.
Kaveh: Just- drop the language analogy for a second, okay?
Alhaitham: Okay.
Kaveh: That still doesn’t mean people have to assume you’re doing it in bad faith! Sure, if it were a language, in theory you should be able to one day fully master it. But what if it’s not? What if you think of it as some sort of… some sort of skill? Or something in your basic programming, if you want- What if you are simply incapable of ever fully learning it? What if that’s not how you’ve been programmed?
Alhaitham: What then?
Kaveh: What then? Well- Should others not make an effort to try and learn your language, instead?
Alhaitham: Are you saying that the collective should all bend to one person’s lack of knowledge? Genuine question.
Kaveh: No! What I'm saying is that they should meet you halfway! Maybe not all of them, whatever- But the part of the collective that interacts with you should make an effort, shouldn’t they? Even moreso if you’re straight-up not programmed to be like that! Go back to the language analogy- You have someone who knows jack shit about the language, but until they learn, they still have to interact with the world. What are you going to do then, leave them to their own devices? Most people would help! Heck- Most people would likely go out of their way to look up the most basic of words or phrases in that other person’s language to try and communicate with them! That's just basic decency! Isn’t that how humans work?
Alhaitham: Meeting someone halfway when they are entering a collective is likely too much to ask of most people. In the end, it is the foreign individual who should strive to go farther. Moreover, that is all assuming there would be enough of an understanding to even get that far. You are ignoring the fact that people are generally distrustful of that which they do not understand.
Kaveh: But I'm telling you that that’s not how it’s supposed to be! I get that you’ve gotten the horribly short end of the stick on this, but that shouldn’t have happened! It wasn’t your fault that you were met with people seeing someone who didn’t know how to speak a language and they all somehow assumed they were being secretly cursed!
Alhaitham: Those are too low a set of odds to assume you’re landing on the exception.
Kaveh: If it were a language, sure! But this is not that! This is something else entirely, something- Clearly something new, or something we’re not used to! I don't think it’s all that egregious to assume we’re landing on the exception here - the exception exists for a reason! You’re already an exception!
Alhaitham: If it is something new, then it is understandable they would not react ‘as expected’.
Kaveh: But they shouldn’t have pivoted into the completely opposite direction!
Alhaitham: Question; did you not do that yourself, also?
Kaveh: I know! I know- That’s what frustrates me so much about this! I'd thought I was better than this, I'd thought I knew not to let my insecurities get the better of me and just assume the worst of people- but clearly I'm not!
Alhaitham: I do not think you are at fault for what was most likely a natural response to a perceived attack.
Kaveh: But it shouldn’t have been a perceived attack! The problem isn’t that I never fully understood you; the problem is that I never made any effort to try! I didn't even let you get the chance to try and learn on your own! Nobody did! Sure- maybe 50% is too much for most people. Like you said, this is something new, none of us knew how to deal with it. But even 10% of the way should’ve been basic courtesy! To give you a chance! Ideally we should’ve strived to have helped you learn maybe 60 or 70% of the way and then we would’ve met you there; but if some of us cannot even meet you at a measly 10% - let alone 30%! - then what are we even doing?!
[There is silence here for a moment.]
Alhaitham: I don’t know.
Kaveh: [A sigh] I know. I just- God, I wish things would’ve been different.
Alhaitham: There is no point in that.
Kaveh: You’re right. You’re- you’re right, no point in lamenting something that’s passed.
Alhaitham: Question; do you really believe that?
Kaveh: Agh- D-Don’t come for me like that! We’re talking about you, leave my issues out of this for a second, okay?
Alhaitham: Okay.
Kaveh: Speaking of language- Did- In your, uh- in your journal; was it ‘automaton’? Or was it ‘machine’?
Alhaitham: Eh- What?
Kaveh: Your journal! When I was decrypting it, I couldn’t decide whether it was ‘automaton’ or ‘machine’. I know the, like- the literal translation is something like ‘self-piloting robot’, but…
Alhaitham: It’s ‘autonomous machine’.
Kaveh: …Well that doesn’t help me at all. Which is it, then?
Alhaitham: An autonomous machine. We researched this in the project we did together, do you not remember. That- was a question.
Kaveh: Uh- I don’t think so? No, I don’t remember. That might’ve been a tangent you went on your own.
Alhaitham: Hm.
Kaveh: Wait, so what is that supposed to be, then?
Alhaitham: Autonomous machines were ancient constructs from the Scarlet King’s civilization that were programmed to respond to human voiced commands. They were marvels of engineering, and were capable of processing their tasks in a third of the time it would normally take manual machines – not to mention, they could hyper-specialize in something, and be even more efficient than sometimes a human could. The only catch was that they were limited to direct, if simple commands. As they were machines, they could not comprehend unconventional sentence structure – particularly most easy-spoken questions if not intoned in a particular manner; nor could they follow instructions that would require them to perform calculations outside of their own programming. They were revolutionary models, but due to their constraints, only a handful of engineers were capable of utilizing them to their fullest potential.
Kaveh: …Huh. That’s…
Alhaitham: I have a question.
Kaveh: Uh- Y-Yes?
Alhaitham: Now that I know you didn’t manage to get the correct meaning from the autonomous machine; what did you decrypt your mentions as?
Kaveh: …I don’t know if I understood half of what you just said.
Alhaitham: How do I refer to you as, in the journal.
Kaveh: Oh. Well- It’s ‘housemate’, isn’t it?
[Silence.]
Kaveh: It’s- It’s ‘housemate’... isn’t it?
Alhaitham: Hm- I suppose that’s not wholly incorrect.
Kaveh: But that means it’s not the best translation! What is it, then? Oh God, is it not ‘housemate’?? But I thought- The literal translation was ‘house-sharer’, right? I did get that correct, no?
Alhaitham: …Yes.
Kaveh: You don’t sound convinced! I’m fairly certain you don’t!
Alhaitham: Because you’re not wrong, but it is not the entire meaning. Yes, it is ‘house-sharer’; but if that was the only thing you translated it as, then I can only assume you did not recognize the origin of the compound word.
Kaveh: Clearly I didn’t! What do you mean ‘origin’?!
Alhaitham: House-sharer is the direct, literal translation. But in the original fable where it is believed to first appear, the meaning is far more akin to… hm, ‘the one who shares your home.’
Kaveh: …Is- Is that not the same?
Alhaitham: Not in the context of the fable, no.
Kaveh: Well, I don’t know the fable!
[There is an oddly-timed silence here.]
Alhaitham: …Are you- Would you like to hear it, or…
Kaveh: Yes?? I- Uh. I mean- …Yes. I thought- I thought that was, uh, clear. In my, uh-
[Silence.]
Kaveh: I-I’m sorr-
Alhaitham: The fable is rather long, but the concise version is about a man who, while out in the desert, finds an unconscious stranger. He brings the stranger into his house, nurses him back to health, and finds out the stranger has no memories of his life prior to waking up in that house. As the stranger is lost and confused, the man offers to shelter him until the stranger is ready to leave. They end up becoming good friends, as the man lives alone, and the stranger finds he doesn’t care much for going out and trying to find his past. In the end, the stranger never leaves, and the man doesn’t ask him to, so they end up living the rest of their days together. In the fable, the man first refers to the stranger as- well, a stranger. Then as ‘the one taking refuge in my house’, someone he is sheltering, a temporary arrangement. But by the end of the tale, the man refers to the stranger as ‘the one who shares my home’, because the stranger isn’t just some person living with him, but someone who has become part of what ‘home’ means for the man.
[There is silence here for a moment.]
Kaveh: A-And you- you thought I- I was- was- T-That I was- your, uh- your-
Alhaitham: Housemate. Your translation is the best there is, the more I think about it – it is inevitable that meaning will get lost when converting into another language.
Kaveh: That’s not-! Alhaitham! You’re- Did you really- Do you really-?
Alhaitham: Do I really what?
Kaveh: Do you- Do you really- s-see me like that? Like- L-Like-
Alhaitham: My housemate? Well- That’s what you are, no?
Kaveh: No! I mean- Yes, but-! I meant as your- your- S-Someone who shares your home with- with you, who is part of- of what ‘home’ means for- for… Do you… mean that?
Alhaitham: Ah.
Kaveh: ‘Ah’?
Alhaitham: I-ah- yes. I… do mean that.
[There is silence here for a moment.]
Kaveh: [It is difficult to hear, but it’s very likely he says:] Do you really?
Alhaitham: Yes. I gain nothing from lying to you about-
[There are splashes and a muffled ‘thud’-like sound as he cuts off, like someone running into someone else. After that, there is silence for a moment.]
Alhaitham: …Kaveh?
Kaveh: [His voice sounds like he is speaking into several layers of fabrics, and it is difficult to hear.] Do you mean it?
Alhaitham: I already- [A pause, and then a sigh.] Yes. I do mean it.
Kaveh: [Muffled] Really?
Alhaitham: Yes, really.
Kaveh: [Muffled] A-Are you sure?
Alhaitham: Very. I’m sorry.
Kaveh: Sorry- for w-what??
Alhaitham: Is this not bad news. That was a question.
Kaveh: Why would it be- Would I- hug you, if it were bad news??
Alhatham: I… don’t know.
Kaveh: But why would it be bad news??
Alhaitham: I was fairly certain you hated me.
[There is a very brief, very odd silence here.]
Kaveh: Wh- I thought you hated me!
Alhaitham: I am aware.
Kaveh: But that’s- That’s- You thought I- I- T-That I- [A sniffle.] I-
Alhaitham: Hey-
Kaveh: I didn't hate you! I didn’t- I never- I- Why would I hate you??
Alhaitham: …Do you really want me to answer that qu-
Kaveh: No! Ugh- I-I’m sorry, I just- I never hated you, I- I didn’t- I couldn’t- I-I- I-
Alhaitham: You don’t… have to explain, I don’t-
Kaveh: But I want to! Because you deserve it! I didn’t- I didn’t hate you, I- [Another sniffle] Y-You thought I hated you? Why?!
Alhaitham: Well- You never did seem to like my presence. You always looked annoyed to have me around. You would complain about me at every opportunity, even more so if I wasn't there, or if you thought I wasn't listening. You were desperate to move out of the house – had you landed a housemate you could tolerate, I would imagine you wouldn’t have been so stressed about it. You also- [A sob, but it doesn’t sound like it comes from him, so it is likely from Mister Kaveh.] Eh- H-Hey-
Kaveh: [His voice is muffled again, and very shaky, so it is a bit hard to hear.] I-I didn’t hate you. I just- I thought you- you… maybe not hated me, but that you were- I-I don’t know, disappointed in me? Annoyed? I just thought- I thought I was such a nuisance to have around that you were- were mean and- a-and a bit of a bully. That- That since you were so perfect, I was- not what you’d thought I was, when you- when you agreed to house me. So I- I- I don’t- I-I don’t know, I was just- angry with- with me, with you- That I hadn’t- I don’t know, that I hadn’t been what you had agreed to, but you wouldn’t kick me out out of- pity, or something, and I- Despite it all, I still- s-still-
Alhaitham: [His voice is quiet] I wasn’t annoyed. I didn’t think you were a nuisance, or a disappointment. Far from it.
Kaveh: [Still muffled and shaky] W-Well, I know that now, b-but-
Alhaitham: [Still quiet] Do you, really?
[Silence. If Mister Kaveh says anything, it is far too quiet or muffled to hear.]
Alhaitham: [Quiet] You’re not a disappointment, you know that, right?
[Again, silence.]
Alhaitham: [Quiet] I have never once regretted taking you in. I agreed to house you for a reason, and all you’ve done so far is give me even more reasons to want to keep you around. I have never been disappointed in having you live in the house.
Kaveh: [His voice is high-pitched, muffled, and barely audible; there seems to be a sob, and he seems to say something like:] B-But I was so bad to you-!
Alhaitham: I was being bad to you as well.
Kaveh: No! No, you weren’t! I-I just- I was wrong, it wasn’t- i-it wasn’t your- fault-
Alhaitham: …Whatever intentions I might’ve had matter very little if, in the end, you perceived it as something hateful.
Kaveh: But I shouldn’t have-! Agh- We’re going nowhere! Did you- Did- D-Did you really, never… Were you really n-never disappointed in m-me…?
Alhaitham: Never. I am not lying.
Kaveh: I- I… I know that- that much, I- [A sniffle] I j-just- [A hiccup] I-
[There is a clear sob that gets muffled halfway through, and several more follow, all of them muffled. It is probably Mister Kaveh crying, probably into some clothes. Probably into Scribe Alhaitham’s.
The crying goes on for a little while.]
Kaveh: W-When I- When I first met you- [A hiccup] Back in the Akademiya, I thought- I just thought you were one of those- t-those quiet know-it-alls. From- From afar, I don’t- I don’t remember much, but- When we did that project together, I just- [Another hiccup] I remember being- so jealous- You were- You were so smart, and a- a-a bit annoying, a bit of a s-stuck up- At least I t-thought, and- A-And I was- I just- felt like- I don’t know, like I was being left behind. Like you were- Like you were doing that project with me j-just because I was the only one who- who tolerated you. Or- Or something.
Alhaitham: [Quiet] I needed your architectural design genius.
Kaveh: [A wet chuckle, followed by a sob] R-Right- In hindsight, now I know that- that you were being serious about that, when you s-said that, back then… And I didn’t- I thought- I thought you were mocking me, oh Sweet l-little Kusanali, I thought- I-I t-thought- [A sob.]
[More muffled sobs for a moment.]
Alhaitham: Kaveh…
Kaveh: No, l-listen! When- Later, when we met again, after- a-after, y’know, I- [A hiccup] I hadn’t seen you in a while, so I was- I was shocked, you were- y-you were- You agreed to house me, despite- Despite me having- annoyed you to no end during our Akademiya days, and- you were- You were so perfect. You had- a good, stable job, you had- you had your life together, a nice house, a good income- and- and me? I had nothing! Sure, I was famous, I had done great things- But what good did that do me, in the end?! And you- Y-You didn’t care about any of that, you just- j-just saw I needed help and- for whatever reason, decided to take me in! I didn’t- I felt horrible, you were so- so perfect, so unreachable, I- [A hiccup] I was- a horrible person, I thought- I-I thought there was n-no way the stuck-up know-it-all I r-remembered was so perfect now, I thought- I thought I was missing something. That there must be something else. So when- W-When I realized- o-or, I thought I realized- that you were mean and a bully and- a-and that you looked down on me, I thought- I thought that was it! I thought- Thought you could pretend to be perfect all you wanted, b-but that you wouldn’t fool me! T-That I knew you, s-since we lived together- I knew that you were actually a tease and a bully beneath that- a-all that super-serious demeanor. I thought- I was- I w-was almost proud, that your ‘perfect facade’ could break around me, and that you’d- you’d ‘lower yourself’ to having petty arguments with me- I- I- [A sob] God, what is wrong with me?!
Alhaitham: Kaveh-
Kaveh: [Muffled] A-And then you- l-like six months ago you started- not ignoring me, but- I-I thought- At first I thought you were mocking me, or- or something, but- T-Then I thought I had messed up. I had- I had done something, and you no longer thought I was worth the time of day. That y-you’d gone back to that- that perfect facade, around me- that I could no longer break it and bring you down to earth to argue with me. You were- out of reach, again. But- But you still- [A sob] You would still cook for me and- a-and not kick me out, I was still- I- You started to be gone for longer, but you wouldn’t- wouldn’t kick me out, I didn’t- didn’t understand- If you wanted to be away from me so badly- why would you leave your own house?? A-And then- Then- Then you- you- you left, and you didn’t come back, and I didn’t know what to do, I thought you’d return eventually, since you had been leaving for longer lately- but then three weeks had gone by and there was no sign of you- and then four weeks- I got desperate, I went through your things, I found the journal- I spent like a week decrypting it, and- T-Then I thought- I thought I had sent someone else to die in the desert again! I couldn’t- I didn’t want to believe it, but I still- I looked for the traveler, I looked through your reports- I thought- I thought- I-
[There is a moment of non-stop sobbing.]
Kaveh: I thought I had done it again! I thought- I-I thought another stupid thing I said h-had sent someone else to d-die out there, I- I was so scared, I didn’t- I didn’t know what I’d do if- If- I-If-
Alhaitham: It was not your fault.
Kaveh: It was!
Alhaitham: It was not. You never told me to come here.
Kaveh: You noted in your journal that I gave you the idea of- of fucking off and disappearing somewhere!
Alhaitham: And Lord Sangemah Bay gave you the idea for the Palace of Alcazarzaray. Did she design it?
Kaveh: I- No, but-
Alhaitham: Then how was it your fault that I decided to stay here when I found this place?
Kaveh: I- I-I don’t know, but- I can’t- I can’t help but feel like it was my fault, I was- I was the one who said the worst things to you, I- I made you think that you were a bad person-!
Alhaitham: I am.
Kaveh: You’re not! We just- None of us understand you! I know you’re not a bad person, you’re just- You’re a better person than me, even-
Alhaitham: Now you’re just being ridiculous.
Kaveh: Am not! Do you just not realize? You were right! You were right from the very beginning, your grandmother was right!
Alhaitham: That’s not- You’re basing your opinion far too much on the earlier entries of my journal. You read it, so you must know I realized I was wrong towards the later entries.
Kaveh: No! I mean- Yes, I remember- t-those, but- but that’s not- You were right, it wasn’t- I was the one who- I- I-I-
Alhaitham: Are you saying everyone I’ve ever met has fallen for the exact same misconception? Genuine question.
Kaveh: Yes?? Yes! That’s exactly what happened, you had it right!
Alhaitham: That cannot be possible.
Kaveh: Of course it can! You’re-
Alhaitham: Not an exception. You cannot assume such a thing. That is what originally led me to this problem in the first place.
Kaveh: That’s not- A-Alhaitham, I know I said- I know I- I-I said horrible things to you, but-
Alhaitham: Did you.
Kaveh: Yes! I did! I did, and I’m sorry, I-
Alhaitham: You don’t have to apologize, you did nothing wrong.
Kaveh: What do you mean?? Alhaitham!
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: Al-Alh-haitham, I- I s-shouldn’t have said those things to you, I- I was not- They were not right, you’re not- You’re not a bad person!
Alhaitham: We are going in circles.
Kaveh: Y-Your earlier entries used to say you didn’t think you were a bad person! Alhaitham, you had it right; the problem wasn’t you- it never has been!
Alhaitham: Again, that cannot be possible.
Kaveh: Why are you so certain of it??
Alhaitham: Kaveh, at some point, one simply has to accept reality.
Kaveh: That’s not-!
Alhaitham: Every single person I’ve ever met has thought the same set of things about me, with some, but minimal, variation. Every single one of them. Yes, once I used to think they were mistaken, because I was under the impression that my grandmother’s was the most factually correct assessment, given she knew me best. But then I realized she was likely just biased from emotional investment in the situation, that since she knew me best, her perspective was closed in on what she knew and not on the bigger picture. Ultimately, you cannot keep assuming everything pointing to one fact is the exception. That’s not how an exception works. That is straight-up denial.
Kaveh: But- B-But- [A sniffle] But you- y-you don’t believe that, you- You said it was confusing, that- that it wasn’t-
Alhaitham: Of course I don’t consciously believe that.
Kaveh: Eh- T-Then…!
Alhaitham: I made myself believe I was a decent person. Such a thing cannot be shaken off overnight. Most people don’t do bad things because they are bad things – they do bad things believing they are good things, that they are the correct course of action, because they believe their perspectives are the only correct ones, therefore they are always right. You yourself have said it many times before – I always think I am in the right, and I cannot admit to any mistakes.
Kaveh: I- I-I-
Alhaitham: …Right, you… said it plenty of times before, and I- never took you seriously. I’m- sorry, about that-
[There is a painful-sounding sob here, most likely belonging to Mister Kaveh.]
Alhaitham: …Kaveh?
[The sobbing continues uninterrupted for a good minute or two.]
Alhaitham: [Quiet] …I have water, if you want any.
[Mister Kaveh seems to say something completely unintelligible here.]
Alhaitham: I’m… not sure what you just said-
Kaveh: [Sobbing] I-I’m s-sorry…!
Alhaitham: I- What?
Kaveh: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry- I’m- sorry I- I didn’t- I didn’t- I-I-
Alhaitham: Hey-
Kaveh: I-It’s my fault, I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t h-have- God, why was I- Why- I can’t- I shouldn’t have-
Alhaitham: Kaveh, I need you to breathe.
Kaveh: [Sobbing] I’m sorry! Alhaitham, I shouldn’t have- said all those things to you, I-
Alhaitham: You did nothing wrong-
Kaveh: I DID-! I DID, E-EVERYTHING I DID WAS-! Ah-! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- m-mean to be so loud, I- A-Are you alright??
Alhaitham: I- Yes-
Kaveh: Alhaitham, none of that was- I was wrong, we all were! I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have been so mean to you! I was-
Alhaitham: Again, it was not your fault. I’ve always been an asshole to you-
Kaveh: But you haven’t! You haven’t! I know now that you haven’t!
Alhaitham: Even if that’s what you think now, that was not the same back then. You are not at fault. Moreover- You were not the only person who said things like that to me. Far from it.
Kaveh: That’s- part of the problem! But they were all wrong! We all made the exact same mistake – it happens!
Alhaitham: What would be the odds of that.
Kaveh: L-Low, but-! But sometimes that’s how it goes! We were- We all were-
Alhaitham: Wrong?
Kaveh: Yes! We-
Alhaitham: Even Lesser Lord Kusanali?
[ ]
Kaveh: …what?
Alhaitham: She had the same opinion about me as everyone else. Was she wrong, then?
Kaveh: W-What? She- She did? But-
Alhaitham: Question; did you not read my journal?
Kaveh: I- I did! But- That was just- how she looked at you- I-I’m not saying that- th-that you wouldn’t recognize that look on people, I’m sure you most of all know what- what that’s like, but- But- B-But that was a long time ago! She didn’t know you back then! But she does now, doesn’t she?
Alhaitham: And yet her opinion of me has only solidified.
Kaveh: Wh- What- H-How do you know??
Alhaitham: I… don’t know if it is because the walls in the Akademiya are thin, or she wasn’t whispering, or… Well, one of those.
Kaveh: You- Overheard her?! W-With those ears of yours, I don’t think it’s the walls or the whispering-
Alhaitham: My ears.
Kaveh: You’ve scary good hearing.
Alhaitham: No.
Kaveh: Wh- Yes you do!
Alhaitham: I do not. My hearing is perfectly average, as you know.
Kaveh: That’s- That’s not- Y-You’re- [A groan of frustration] What did she even say about you?!
Alhaitham: Breathe.
Kaveh: I- I-I’m sorry, I just- I thought she was- she was-
Alhaitham: She was speaking with the traveler, I believe. They asked what her opinion about me was.
Kaveh: …And??
Alhaitham: She believes I know a lot and that perhaps nothing could ever fool me, and that I am a wise man viewing the mediocre majority as defective, thus not truly wise.
[ ]
Kaveh: What.
Alhaitham: Why are you surprised.
Kaveh: I-! I just- She’s the God of Wisdom! I would’ve thought- I-If none of us understood you, then maybe she-
Alhaitham: She would understand, because she is the God of Wisdom?
Kaveh: Well- Yeah?!
Alhaitham: I believe it is a bit of an insult to hold the God of Wisdom on such an altar.
Kaveh: Wh- what-
Alhaitham: If there was one thing my grandmother was correct about, it was that wise people know they are not all-knowing. A wise person can never believe they know all there is to know, otherwise they would not be wise, because to attain wisdom is to comprehend that the world is vast and that one’s understanding of it is ever-expanding. If you assume the God of Wisdom knows everything, then you are assuming the God of Wisdom is not wise. Did you not say something along those lines to me, once?
Kaveh: [Quiet] …I did?
Alhaitham: You said Sumeru was the Nation of Wisdom because our knowledge is limited and tiny compared to the world as a whole, yet we are the ones striving the most to comprehend it.
Kaveh: I… yes, but… Lesser Lord Kusanali is…
Alhaitham: A god who was held captive for her entire life and has had next to no human contact since her conception. She mentioned to me, once, how she knows very little when it comes to human emotions.
[ ]
Kaveh: So she was… wrong? Because she’s not all-knowing?
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: She was wrong. Because she’s not all-knowing. So her perception of you is skewed by the fact that she knows little of the human heart. On that aspect, she’s like the rest of us; falling for the same misconception.
[ ]
Kaveh: So you’re not- a wise man viewing the- the, uh-
Alhaitham: …mediocre majority as defective.
Kaveh: That! So you’re not that, by that logic, right? You’re not an asshole. You’re not someone who thinks he’s above all others and that all of us are stupid. We’ve all just been wrong, just like Lesser Lord Kusanali.
[ ]
Kaveh: Y-You don’t… [Quiet] You don’t really believe… that- you’re an asshole… right? You don’t- You don’t really believe you’re a bad person, do you? You-
Alhaitham: What I believe matters very little.
Kaveh: Alhaith-
Alhaitham: It doesn’t matter. My beliefs can be wrong. They often are.
Kaveh: So is Lesser Lord Kusanali right? She’s all-knowing?
Alhaitham: Those are two different issues.
Kaveh: You know what I mean!
Alhaitham: I don’t know if she’s right or wrong. I don’t know her enough to know that.
Kaveh: I think she’s wrong.
Alhaitham: That is your belief. It can be wrong.
Kaveh: My belief was also that you were an asshole. Can that one be wrong, too?
Alhaitham: Strictly speaking, yes.
Kaveh: Then so can everyone else’s, right?
Alhaitham: But individual beliefs do not matter in the grand scheme of things. It is the sum of actions based on those beliefs what have any impact on anything. Right or wrong, what matters is that I am- That people believe I am an asshole.
Kaveh: But you’re not.
Alhaitham: I have to be- I am. I cannot simply say everyone has always been wrong. That is childish.
[There is silence for a second.]
Alhaitam: [Quiet] …Why are you crying again?
Kaveh: [Also quiet] I… don’t know…
[Silence again, for about a minute.]
Kaveh: [Quiet, hardly audible] I don’t think you’re an asshole. Not anymore.
Alhaitham: [Quiet] That is your belief.
Kaveh: [Quiet] And my belief doesn’t matter.
Alhaitham: [Quiet] …Not in the grand scheme of things.
Kaveh: [Quiet] …does it not matter to you?
[Silence.]
Alhaitham: …It does.
Kaveh: Then… Is it not enough? It… It may not matter in the grand scheme of things! But this isn’t… This is just… this is just you! In the- In the grand scheme of- of you, is… is my belief not enough?
Alhaitham: I… [A sigh] I wish it was. I do have a job, I don't live alone in the middle of nowhere. You know not everyone is as empathetic as you. Most people won’t- they won’t… change their mind.
Kaveh: Well- Fuck them! You don’t need most people! You’re the smartest man I know, you’re brilliant- You don’t need others! You just need- like- a couple of friends! And I’ll make them change their minds!
Alhaitham: …Will you, now.
Kaveh: Yes! And they will come around, I just know it.
Alhaitham: You’re being a bit too optimistic.
Kaveh: Well, one of us has to be, no?
Alhaitham: …I suppose that’s true.
Kaveh: Hey, what’s that laugh for?
Alhaitham: I was not laughing.
Kaveh: Ah- Right- W-Were you… Were you just smiling, then?
Alhaitham: That was the intention.
[There is an oddly-timed silence here.]
Kaveh: R-Right. Should we- ah, should we go?
Alhaitham: Go? Where?
Kaveh: Wh- Back to Sumeru City? I- I did come here to… take you back…
[Silence]
Kaveh: [Quiet] D- Do you not- Do you not want to go back?
Alhaitham: Hm- I’d like to take a nap first.
Kaveh: … What.
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: A-A nap? Seriously? We should get going, you’ve been gone for long enough already!
Alhaitham: Two months?
Kaveh: Yeah!
Alhaitham: It feels like it’s been five in here.
Kaveh: … Wh- what?
Alhaitham: Time does not flow as it should here. It feels like it's been five months, but also a year, but also just ten minutes since I arrived. A nap won’t take more than a couple of seconds outside.
Kaveh: That’s- Why do you want to take a nap right now, anyway?
Alhaitham: Well, I’ve been awake for the past... four days? Since time is strange here, I do not, strictly speaking, need sleep. Nor food, or anything of the like.
[Silence]
Alhaitham: Also, I’d like to update my subconscious’ idea of what a hug feels like. It is much better in real life.
Kaveh: W-W-Wait, no, hold on- h-hold on- what does that even mean?
Alhaitham: Question; did you not read my journal?
Kaveh: I did! Wait- No, you mean- you mean you hadn’t- you hadn’t been… hugged… before now?
Alhaitham: Can’t say I have.
[There is an oddly-timed silence here]
Kaveh: Have you- H-Have you ever been [Whatever he says next is all but unintelligible]
Alhaitham: I genuinely did not understand that last part.
Kaveh: H-Have you ever been- k-kissed, before?
Alhaitham: No, can’t say I have.
Kaveh: W- Would you- Would you like to? B-Be kissed, that is…
Alhaitham: …Are you offering to kiss me, or-?
Kaveh: D-Don’t say it like that…!
Alhaitham: Then I’m not sure I understand.
Kaveh: I- W-Well, I am. Offering. To kiss you. I- guess.
Alhaitham: You guess?
Kaveh: [A groan] Do you want me to kiss you or not?!
Alhaitham: I- Kaveh, if this is because I’ve never been kissed before; you don’t have to force yourself to do this. It’s not that big a deal, I won’t die.
Kaveh: No! It’s- I-I mean- It’s not-
[There is a brief silence here]
Kaveh: [Quiet] It’s not… just because you’ve never been kissed before.
Alhaitham: Then I am even more confused.
Kaveh: Look, just because- Just because I thought you were annoying and mean and whatnot doesn’t mean- It doesn’t mean I still didn’t think you were perfect, even if- infuriatingly so, at times. Besides, you were- are still- Y-Y’know…
Alhaitham: I- don’t, know, I don’t think.
Kaveh: Y-You’re just-! Y’know!
Alhaitham: I said I don’t.
Kaveh: I- You’re really hot, okay?!
Alhaitham: I- What-?
Kaveh: A-And it’s just- Part of the reason why I was always so conflicted and frustrated around you was because- Well- you are so brilliant- you’re also really hot, you’re super capable and reliable and- and even if you were- or I thought you were mean and a bully sometimes, and a bit of a stuck-up prick on others, you were still- You were still good to me! You still cooked for me and looked out for me and kept me from spiraling out into my own problems, sometimes! You went out of your way to discover what might’ve happened to my father, and- I-I just- I just- I used to think that- if only you weren’t such an asshole sometimes- A-And whenever you- or, whenever I thought you were, I was always more frustrated than I should, because- Y’know, I just- I j-just- I don’t know… And now I feel horrible, because it turns out you were always just good, to me, and I could never see it, I never gave you the chance to explain yourself, all this time I- I-
Alhaitham: Kaveh.
Kaveh: I do want to kiss you! Not just because you’ve never been kissed, even though- that feels like such a crime, but- But because- Even when I was being an idiot and thinking you hated me and- I- I still liked you! I wanted to move out of the house so desperately because I didn’t want to be so conflicted and because I thought you’d be happier without me being an annoyance there! And I- In the end, I didn’t want to! I didn’t want to leave, no matter how much I told myself I did- I’ve- God, I’ve wanted to kiss you since you offered to let me live with you, when you didn’t ask anything, when you just let me be- I’ve wanted to kiss you to shut you up a lot, also, I-mmph-!
[There is a muffled word and a couple of splashes here, but after that, it is mostly silent for a while. It is not difficult to imagine what they’re doing.]
Kaveh: [Quiet and mildly out of breath] I thought- I thought you hadn’t been kissed before??
Alhaitham: [Also quiet] Correct.
Kaveh: Then why- Ugh- Why are you so good at everything you do?!
Alhaitham: Hardly.
[A brief silence]
Kaveh: …Was that better than in your dreams?
Alhaitham: Most certainly.
Kaveh: Good! That’s- [He clears his throat] That’s good. Let’s go now, shall we?
Alhaitham: Eh- What about my nap?
Kaveh: Really? You can take a nap once we’re back home, c’mon, let’s go!
[There are a series of splashes that turn into two pairs of footsteps as the two of them likely leave the lake and step onto the grass.]
Alhaitham: My things are over there.
[There is something like a hum from Mister Kaveh as more footsteps echo in the Oasis, likely them walking somewhere. There is the sound of rustling equipment, but nothing more.
It is about a minute before the silence breaks.]
Kaveh: …Alhaitham?
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: Did I…? This, uh- This is going to sound presumptuous, but-
Alhaitham: What is it.
Kaveh: Did- [Quiet] D-Did I find the path? To the, uh- the fortress?
[There is silence for a moment.]
Kaveh: S-Sorry if that’s-
Alhaitham: You might’ve been falling in and out of the path for a while now, actually.
Kaveh: Uh- Huh?
Alhaitham: I wouldn’t know. Do you think you’ve found the path? Genuine question.
Kaveh: I-uh- Well, I- I would like to think… I have… But- I thought I had before, also, s-so…
Alhaitham: Hm. I’ll… guide you the rest of the way in, then.
Kaveh: [Quiet] You will?
Alhaitham: Of course.
[The footsteps resume. The two of them seem to walk for a moment in silence, likely towards the exit if the direction of the steps is anything to go by.]
Kaveh: Hey- Alhaitham?
Alhaitham: Hm?
Kaveh: [He sounds nervous] Could you, ah, guide me the rest of the way out, also? I, uh- might’ve forgotten which turns I took to get into this place…
Alhaitham: [A sigh, and then a chuckle] Of course.
Kaveh: Ah! Okay, that one was actually a laugh!
[Scribe Alhaitham says something in return, but they’re too far from the center to hear. After a moment or two, their presence vanishes from the Oasis.]
[End of Registry.]
[There is an attached file to the registry visible only to the one who cataloged it.
It reads:
“Any complexity one might assign humans is not, and possibly never will be, enough to truly prepare one for the depths they are capable of reaching.
One should also learn to whisper properly, apparently. The acuteness of some humans’ senses should not be underestimated.
Would it be intrusive to request to read the mentioned journal?
Would it be ethical to take advantage of someone’s detachment of their emotions to bank on their logical approach to sharing knowledge?
It might be a good idea to start doing some actual research, instead of simply observing.”
End of file.]