Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Ted, were there raisins in this?” Rebecca asked, holding out a small shriveled grape, caught in a pinch between the pads of her right thumb and forefinger. It was a balmy Sunday afternoon in the midst of August; lunchtime, or around about. The rules of time felt different when they were together, the minutes ticked by too fast. She tried to stay present, not notice the grains of sand falling through the hourglass, but Rebecca longed to extend the hours spent in Ted’s presence. She didn’t want to say goodbye, and wished she could find herself in a situation where she only whispered her goodnights with him lying by her side. 

Rebecca had begun to treasure Sundays; previously the day she had felt most alone, at a loose end, like everyone else in the world had someone, but not her. Even in those days when she’d been married, it had been the emptiest time of the week, never about what she wanted, always subject to the whims of someone else. That feeling had been banished; the end of the week now filled with moments they devoted to one another, her and Ted leaving their schedules open for joint excursions in an unspoken rule. 

“We hangin’ out tomorrow?” He’d muttered gently into her ear, as they sat the previous evening in the window booth at the Crown & Anchor surrounded by the joyful sounds of a first win of the season celebration. His lips so close they nearly caressed the skin of her earlobe.  Rebecca had nodded her vehement assent, breath catching in the column of her throat while Ted leaned back looking as pleased with his life as she was beginning to feel about her own.

 She found Ted late the next morning, sitting on the wooden bench which had seen better days - the one beside the crowded bike rack and phone booths which she suspected now served a purely ornamental function.  He was nose deep in a book about football theory when she arrived, flicking it shut and laying the paperback down onto the thighs she wanted to make her throne as soon as he noticed Rebecca’s approach.

“A bit of light reading?” She observed, moving a white paper bag that rested beside Ted’s hip to seat herself flush against him for the second time that weekend. His calf touching hers through the unwelcome shield of her dress. He was back in the knee length shorts which were proving to be both the bane and the joy of Rebecca’s summer existence. 

“Hey you.” He greeted, his reading focus transforming to a warm expression instantly, face lighting bright like a sunrise as he gave her a soft, familiar nudge. “Yeah— Not tryin’ to be the same as everyone else coaching this game, but with Nate gone— kinda feel like it’s time that I brush up on some of the finer points. Can’t hurt. Maybe it’s time for this ol’ greyhound to learn a couple of new tricks.”

She responded with a pleased hum and a raise of her eyebrows, patting Ted’s knee. “I appreciate the dedication but perhaps less of the old please, because if you’re saying it about yourself, you’re also saying it about me.” Rebecca teased. She’d noted later that her brain hadn’t automatically spiraled from her own age to Sam’s lack. To what she’d done those months ago. An acceptance had spread through her after an uncomfortable analysis of the road which had taken her there. She’d reached a point where she barely thought of it on a day to day basis at all, her mind fully on the present, the future, on Ted, on her team.

 Rebecca felt as though she was journeying back to herself with Ted supporting, accompanying along the path.  She was leading the way but he was there when she needed a nudge, a little guidance through the moments she feared she was without a map. Rebecca felt like Excalibur pulled from the stone, powerful and purposeful in Ted’s metaphorical hands, his company, and she seemed to give him the same energy.

The first game of the season had been a loss, and Rebecca witnessed a new determined glint crystallize in Ted’s eyes as he spoke to the team post-match about how they all needed to keep pushing forward. She’d never seen him so motivated, so assertive, yet still maintaining every bit of his kind and encouraging nature. It was alluring seeing the care and attention he was giving to her most valuable asset, as if loving her by proxy.

“Yeah— just wanna cling on to this promotion. If we get sent down again, then I think you should probably— You oughta fire me— or sack me, I like how y’all say it here better, seems gentler.” He’d told her, a tinge of heaviness in his voice. “ —And I don’t want you to— Don’t wanna put you in that position. This life here, it’s startin’ to feel— right, like it suits me— and don’t wanna mess with that. Makes you happy too when we’re winning, makes everythin’ easier, I know that— and I like to see you happy. I’ll do anything I can— Seems like a good way to start, getting the team on track.” He’d explained later in one of their end of the night chats on the phone; Rebecca semi undressed, laying on top of the duvet in a black bra and cream silk pajama shorts, having dropped everything to answer the call; half hoping it would be one of those days where he’d ask to FaceTime, and she wouldn’t have hesitated to accept if he hit the video button.

Ted had picked up some lunch for the pair that Sunday afternoon, apparently he’d made a plan for them, and she liked it when he took charge. The riverside was busy as they sauntered from their spot on the bench to walk beside the Thames. Families thronging the pathway, cyclists weaving impatiently past. They meandered by Buccleuch Gardens, where Ted had rested his jet-lagged head on her shoulder those several weeks before; continuing along to walk up the steps of Terrace Field instead. Not holding hands, but letting their digits brush and toy with one another’s as they moved to the quieter spot, people sparser there; both breathing a little deeper as they ascended to the top of the hill.

“One or both of us will get Lyme disease.” Rebecca observed of the longer patches of grass as they looked for a comfortable place to situate themselves.

“Y’all have that here?”

“I believe so.”

“I’ll check ‘ya for ticks later if you want me too.” Ted offered, there was a certain coyness to his smile which added some extra beats per minute to her heart rate - already rising in cadence from the elevation gain.

 They’d found a spot near the top of the parched grass of the slope, the blades shorter there; with a perfect view of the bend and curve of the river - a scene so idyllic that it was hard to believe that they were on the edge of the city and not in the midst of a countryside utopia. She thought she’d buy them a place in the Cotswolds if they ever had the time to use it. Theirs wasn’t a schedule that would allow for frequent weekend getaways, not for many years. But one day when Ted had progressed from sparse salt in his hair to full grey, when they were retired and hopefully living out the remainder of their lives together, they’d exist in the peaceful sort of bliss which allowed for lazy time out of the city.

 Ted rummaged around in his backpack to produce a throw adorned with an amusing motif. “Not really a picnic blanket but it’s real dry out here right now so should do the job ok— Found this in Anthropologie, reminded me of you - the little lion pattern. Fierce but also— well guess it’s kinda cute.” He beamed before pausing to scratch his head, suddenly flustered as Rebecca’s face broke out into a lip bitten smile. “Wasn’t sure what you’d be wearin’ today, didn’t want you worried about grass stains, wanted to make sure you could be comfy.”

“You’re succeeding. That’s very thoughtful of you Ted.” She told him, touched. There had clearly been some pre-meditation to his plan that caused her to wonder if he was devoting as much of his brain to thinking about her as she did when it came to him. Rebecca dipped down to help Ted smooth out the fabric before sitting, knees bent, undoing her sandals, and placing them with care to the side. Ted unlaced his Jordans and slipped them off along with his socks, settling them in a neat row beside her own shoes, flexing his newly freed toes.

“Your feet are fine by the way, you won’t have to go on that television programme anytime soon.” Rebecca observed.

Ted gave something of a snort, “I’d almost forgotten about that. Nixed my late night trash TV habit as soon as I arrived back.” 

“Something else keeping you occupied instead?” Rebecca asked with lightly raised eyebrows, although she already knew the answer, she knew how most of his evenings ended, with her voice in his ears until he was on the verge of drifting off, until both their thoughts were jumbled together and neither of them were entirely making sense, but they never wanted to hang up. She was grateful that they’d clung to that habit, that it was proving to be more than a passing circumstance.

“Yeah there’s someone I like to talk to, she lives just across The Green. I enjoy listening to her and she puts up with me.” Ted responded, a teasing tone peppering his voice, light and almost flirtatious.

“Funny because there’s a man on the other side of The Green who I talk to most nights until we both fall asleep. Perhaps you know him?”

“Yeah, I do. And better than I used to. Talkin’ to her— Y’know, I sleep better these days, better than I have in a long time.”

“Nice dreams?”

“Oh yeah. Yeah.” Ted bobbed his head, before he paused, scrubbing his hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes whilst looking faintly embarrassed. While in turn Rebecca felt very pleased, like she’d earned a small victory, before blushing herself when she remembered that she’d woken up twice that week from dreams of him licking lazily between her thighs, his face wet and shiny whenever he’d looked up, checked in, caught her smiling.

“Good.” Rebecca stated, leaning back onto her elbows and tilting her gaze towards Ted. “Me too. My dreams are quite a bit lovelier after talking to you.” She admitted, and then she changed the subject before her mind or body could betray her.

“You wanna eat?” Ted asked after a while of languid lounging, the pair of them watching some sparse wisps of cloud float by overhead, ruminating on what they resembled. Rebecca had made herself comfy to his delight, lying back onto a pillow made from a hoodie that Ted was inexplicably carting around despite the endless heat. He was laid out beside her, arms folded overhead looking deeply relaxed.

Rebecca responded with some enthusiasm after a breakfast of only Earl Grey tea that morning. She’d slept in, laid in bed a while trading texts with both Ted and Keeley before she’d come out to meet him. She’d been ready for some sustenance and he seemed eager to provide.

And then came the question of the raisins,  after Rebecca discovered a solitary dark speck in the middle of a lunch that was otherwise delicious - he’d chosen well, Ted was listening and watching, noting and remembering what she enjoyed. 

Ted gave a half chuckle, looking up from his own box of food, to examine the evidence. “Yeah, I know you like that Moroccan style chicken salad but not the raisins so I scooped em’ all out for ‘ya. Guess I missed one, sorry ‘bout that.” Ted tilted his head, almost bashful, like it was a gesture that wasn’t meant to be caught, hadn’t been done to win her acknowledgment. His Ray-Bans sliding down the length of his nose, lubricated by a mixture of sweat and the suncream she’d daubed across his cheek bones, until he conceded defeat and took them off, squinting at her, “I used a fork, didn’t get my fingers in there.” Ted added as further explanation and Rebecca was forced to battle images of him sliding his digits inside her. She’d met the bizarre jar of peanut butter, she’d seen the curve and slide, the suck and lick. Visual stimuli that had become a reference point for her night time imagination.

“You’re kind to me.” She told him, teeth back on her lip. Ted’s thoughtful, she knows that, has done since the moment she found out he was the one behind her beloved biscuits, but somehow he always manages to find new subtle ways to surprise her, it’s a revelation after her previous relationships. Nobody has ever treated her with even a quarter of the devotion that flows from his beautiful heart. She appreciates the way he accepts her foibles, and accepts when she doesn’t care for something without trying to change her mind. He might have more faith in her intuition than she does in her own.

“Maybe I just felt like some raisins.” Ted shrugged, but the corners of his mouth turned up, moustache twitching . “Nature’s candy and all. No— just wanted to get you something you’d enjoy.”

“I am. You succeeded” She smiled, generous and wide, to leave him with no doubts. I’m enjoying it all. I haven’t done much of this—“ Rebecca gave a sigh of contentment, lips still lifted.

“Sittin’ on potentially tick infested grass?” Ted teased.

“Not quite. Normal sorts of things— at least not in a very long time.”

“You like it?” 

“I do. Very much.” She did. She does. Rebecca finds that the right company can change everything. That all activities are happier with him along for the ride. It was not lost on her that afternoon that they were sitting directly below the spot of Keeley’s vodka photo shoot, where the hideous angry part of herself had once arranged to have the pair of them set up. Two people who have become close and essential to her in such a profound way that it will always hurt a little to think about what she’d nearly done. How she could have destroyed all she has now, how she could have been sitting somewhere different on that Sunday afternoon, without a club she loves, minus a phone full of texts from Keeley, a cornucopia of fond memories, but worst of all, if she had succeeded, she wouldn’t have Ted’s company, he’d be a continent away trying to forget she existed at all.

She swiveled her head to look up at the railed walkway sitting above them, frowning until Ted gave a careful nudge with his knee to her right hip. “What’s on your mind, darlin’?” He queried watchfully.

“I’m just thinking about—“ Rebecca took a breath in through her nose, scowling. Despite Ted offering his forgiveness multiple times, it was challenging to think how easily she could have lost him before she had the opportunity to realize how much he would come to mean.

“Oh the location?” He asked quietly, picking up on the nonsense going on in her mind just a little too easily. “Rebecca—“ Ted’s brows knitted in thought, “I didn’t even think of it. No. It’s not— Hope we’re making a better memory right now? Go easy on yourself. I know it’s not as simple as me just tellin’ you— ” He paused to look her in the eye. “That— was just a couple of words in a far bigger story. Something at the beginning, not real relevant to the overall plot.”

She nodded as Ted rested his hand on her upper arm, fingers curling around in a soothing caress. A warmth that had nothing to do with summer spreading through her from cell to bone. He was right, she couldn’t let that bleak part of the past infect the present, or spill into the future. She was different then, the most hurt version of herself, but she wasn’t that person anymore because she knew that she had support, that she was cared for, that she wasn’t in a fight with life, that she wasn’t on her own.

 “I don’t put up with you Ted.” She recalled his earlier comment and wanted to clarify. It had been a joke but it worried her that there was an undercurrent of truth to it, that he still saw himself that way, and Rebecca didn’t care if she had to reassure him a hundred times or a million, she’d done it before, she’d do it again, keep going until he felt completely safe and secure, until his head wasn’t clouded with doubt.  “I hope you know that because I like knowing what’s going on in your mind, even if it is difficult sometimes. You don’t have to make things pretty for me. I’ll take you as you are. You aren’t a burden, you’re—“  She faltered here, You’re— I think you’re going to be the absolute love of my life, my everything. I want to kiss away every tear you’ll ever shed, and let you do the same for me.  She thought to herself, wanting to tell him so very badly, but she reached for Ted instead, cupping both of his soft cheeks in her palms and looking at him with total sincerity “It’s a long time— I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt as supported as I have since the end of the spring. Yes I have therapy sessions now, but you’ve been an enormous part of getting me through, and I’m going to keep telling you that, because sometimes I don’t think you understand how much I— value you.” 

There was a sheen in Ted’s eyes as he wrapped his palms around Rebecca’s wrists guiding her hands away from his face “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t be, it’s not— I’m not annoyed. I understand” She was about to lament the loss of contact, but Ted was pulling her to him.

“C’mere.” He requested, a gentle roughness in his voice as Rebecca found her way into an awkwardly angled hug. “Gonna take some time, to shed all that stuff from the past. For both of us, I guess.” Ted rubbed at her back, moving upwards along her spine to scrape his nails over a patch of bare skin.  “Nobody wanted anything I had to give for a while, so yeah when you tell me that, feels real nice. I’ll never take it for granted, you lettin’ me in.”

“Likewise. I think we’re doing OK. We’ll get there. We know to be patient with each other.” Rebecca frowned, a thought coming into her mind as she rested her face against the heat of his shoulder, “Ted, I know it’s still some time away, but do you want to skive off on September 13^th? Go into Nelson Road for training in the morning if you need to, and then go and do something… else? But I will understand if you’d rather stay busy, or if you need to be alone. You don’t even have to tell me right now. It’s just a thought. Something to consider. Possibly.” They were leaning on one another, but Rebecca wasn’t certain what Ted would need on that day, but she was keen to learn. She wanted to offer her company, but she also wanted him to feel free to mark the day in his own way without feeling as if he had to consider her.

Rebecca had finally told Ted her own September the 13^th 1991 story - the afternoon after her most challenging therapy session. Everything had felt raw and painful, like her ribs had been cracked open, her heart speared and the trauma of what she’d witnessed that day, and everything built upon that moment, how it had shaped her began to bleed out. It hurt but it was healing like the poison was finally purging from her spirit.

She’d just needed him, his voice and company. She hadn’t actually meant to tell Ted then, she’d tried to have a normal conversation, distract herself and honestly she’d thought she’d been doing a good job at keeping her emotions under control, bundled up in the duvet despite the warmth outside. Her phone in it’s familiar spot on the pillow as they had another goodnight talk. “Sweetheart, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Ted asked out of nowhere, seeing straight through her, and within seconds the tears she’d been holding in took over.

“Let me come to you?” He’d begged of Rebecca quietly as she tried to bring herself back under control. “Please, I just can’t stand the thought of you feelin’ this way on your own. Remember that night I told you about my Dad, and you said you wanted to hold me? I wanted it so bad, let me come hold you now— for both of us.” He’d murmured soothingly, hushing away any apology she tried to make.

“I want you to.” She admitted, and Ted had been across The Green with the swiftness of lightning, showing up in basketball shorts and a t-shirt, still smelling fresh from the shower. Rebecca had opened the door and been bundled against him before either could take another full breath. They’d curled together unselfconsciously on Rebecca’s sofa, illuminated by only the light filtering in from the street; her face in his neck and Ted’s arms bound tight around her body.

“We both went through something which altered our view of the world— on the same day. And maybe that’s a coincidence but— The more I live, the less I realize I know, but I think this means something, for you and me…” He’d told her, trailing off without elaborating and placing a careful kiss to Rebecca’s forehead.

“Did you need this? After your therapy sessions?” She’d asked after a period of quiet, of listening and feeling his steady breath against her cheek, of noticing the sensation of their bare legs pressed together.

“Yeah, but I had no idea how to ask and guess I didn’t give anyone the opportunity to offer.” Ted sighed wistfully.

“I’m sorry. I should have tried harder to—“

“No. You did try, just wasn’t in a place to accept then. Now— things are different. You’ve been a real great support to me, Rebecca. Not going to let you forget it. Was feeling kinda raw still when I got back to Kansas. You reminded me there was a place in the world where I could feel at home if I opened myself up— It hasn’t been one sided— You’re brave you know that? Letting someone in. It’s not easy.” He’d reassured, voice low and soothing in her ear, sincere as he babbled until she felt a renewed sense of calm. 

He suggested after a while that she might want him to go, let her sleep, but she’d said no, for once feeling safe enough to ask for what she needed. Ted just nodded, rubbing her back through the smooth silk of Rebecca’s pyjama top in languid strokes until she was as deeply relaxed as if she’d just spent a hundred and eighty pounds on a massage at a Central London spa. 

She doesn’t know when they fell asleep, but she woke up to rose tinged dawn light; her head cushioned by Ted’s chest, his right arm slung loosely around her, fingers in a gentle grip on her hip. It felt perfect. It felt like something they should do every night. Rebecca lay still until he stirred, clinging to the moment and wishing that it was a Sunday with nowhere else to be. If it had been, perhaps she’d have thrown caution to the wind - pulled him upstairs to nap some more, then allowed her hands to knot in his hair, kiss and run her tongue over his skin.

But they’d been two bleary eyed people who needed to be at work, so they disentangled, Ted giving her a quick peck to the cheek before he ambled back across The Green to get ready for the day. He’d shown up to Rebecca’s office ninety minutes later laden with her biscuits and a small paper bag containing a croissant still warm from the bakery.

“Trying to butter me up for something, Ted?” She teased after expressing gratitude, pulling at the central fold of the pastry and popping the rich layer into her mouth.

“No ulterior motives. Just want you to have a good start to the day.” He told her, cheeks moving into a smile as he rested an elbow on the desk .

“I already did.” She assured him, “Also thanks to you. Are you terribly tired?” She inquired. “Don’t let me keep you up late tonight.”

“I don’t mind if you do.” Ted chuckled, rapping his fingertips on her desk with a brief glance behind to the clock, relaxing when he realized he still had some minutes before training was due to begin.

They did keep one another up late, but Ted had had his second sofa based sleep of that twenty four hour period by then, passing out after lunch for forty-five minutes in Rebecca’s office. She’d joined him in the power nap, resting her head on his shoulder after he’d already drifted into a low snore. Maybe Leslie had nipped in, or maybe it was just a hallucination -  she couldn’t be sure, but the look Higgins gave her was so knowing that she’d been half tempted to ask for his thoughts.

So by that Sunday on the grass slope, they both had an awareness of the way their lives had been shaped and shifted by the very same day.

“Am I gonna be doin’ it with you? Skiving off, that is?” Ted shifted his sunglasses, newly placed back on his nose. He opened his mouth into a lazy yawn, face turned towards hers as his lips softened back to something that was almost a smile.

“That is what I was thinking, yes. But if you wanted to be alone— I’d give you that time. Spending the day with me— it isn’t mandatory. Just a thought.”

“Always like your company Rebecca. And it’s a day—“ Ted grimaced,  “where I’ve always felt alone, ever since it happened. Now some of that’s on me for not bein’ able to be honest with myself, with anyone about everything that was going on insida’ me.” Ted trailed his fingertipon through the dehydrated points of grass at the edge of their blanket, staring contemplatively. “Spent so much time before tryin’ to connect - with Michelle, with everyone—“ Ted pursed his lips and let out a rough exhale, “—Trying to give them the version of me I thought they wanted to see. But with you— Yeah, I’d like to spend that day with ‘ya.  Maybe something just like this? If it’s still warm enough.” He explained, gaze back on Rebecca.

“Ok. I’d like that.” She gave a nod and another flex of her fingers, hand still resting on it’s perch of Ted’s arm. She laid back onto her hoodie pillow, closing her eyes and they were in a peaceful silence for a few moments - just the distant sounds of people promenading above and an occasional rustle of trees as company. 

“This is real pretty by the way.” Ted sighed dreamily in the hot August light, after an unknown amount of time had passed, as he toyed with the edge of Rebecca’s latest summer maxi-dress. A celestial patterned piece of casual glam that probably would have been more at home on the shores of Lake Como than it had been on Richmond Riverside. “It’s like star-gazing in the sunshine.” Ted continued, “It’s like starin’ at the universe and you’re the centre of it.” He gave a low laugh that lacked hesitation like he was well aware of what he was saying and what could be inferred. “Yeah. Big fan of this one. It suits you.” He drew a fingertip as he spoke, tracing the gilded embroidery of a planet adorning the inky fabric. Trailing with unhurried contemplation over stars and orbit lines, moon-phases and galaxies, his touch centered somewhere around the vicinity of her left shin as he sat upright to Rebecca’s supine form. Nice, but she’d have preferred his hands running along her bare legs.

“Your own personal planetarium?” Rebecca suggested, eyes open but heavy lidded, reaching her arms behind and stretching with a subtle arch of her back, a roll of her hips that had Ted pushing his hand into his already mussed hair.

“Oh no. Not sure I’d make that comparison. You put on a show at 2:45 and 4:15 every afternoon?” He chuckled patting her knee. “Went to one with Henry last summer and passed right out soon as I sat down. In my defense it was dark and I’d just eaten some fettuccine Alfredo— and way too many breadsticks— and all those carbs kicked in at once. Woke up at the end when we hit the Oort Cloud. Got busted and had to let the kid loose in the gift shop. Expensive mistake.”

“Yes, I’m sure that left you bankrupt.” She smirked, Ted carrying on with his feathery caress as he laughed in return.

“You’d be surprised at the cost of a giant novelty pencil at a regional tourist attraction.”

“There’s a whole museum devoted to pencils here, up in the Lake District. I went there as a child, so a very long time ago of course. You should take Henry one day. The novelty of all pencils is sure to wear off when faced with that many.”

“Maybe. I’ve heard the lakes are great, real pretty.”

“Hard to get to, better to drive.”

“ You should come with us, or at least you’re gettin’ your own giant pencil as a gift.” Ted said tone light and easy.

“I thought you were just complaining about the expense?” Rebecca bantered, staring up at Ted who was now shielding her from the brightest rays of the sun, his silhouette casting welcome shade over her form.

“Anythin’ for the two of you.” He responded serenely like it was entirely natural that she featured in the same category of importance as his child.

“Well that would be something new for Leslie to gnaw on. —But speaking of stars, it’s strange to think that one day all this—” Rebecca waved her hand lazily, “Will be gone, and we’ll just be part of a cloud of dust floating out there in space. I was thinking about it the other day—”

“You were thinking about the end of the world?” He was mock perturbed until Rebecca chuckled.

“More about the passing of time, and how now life feels better there never seems to be enough of it..”

“Yeah might know how that feels.” Ted blinked in thought for a second before continuing, “Y’know, I think it’s kinda nice, that we’ll always be linked to one another.” Ted mused.”—That you and me will be specks of dust in that same cloud together in however many million years it takes. Kinda hope my bones will rest close to yours. Give us the best chance to be in the same neighborhood out there. Maybe we’ll become part of a new star, blazin’ away for billions of years.”

“That’s very existential, for a Sunday afternoon. Maybe you’ve had too much sun.” She teased, but it was a strangely pleasant idea - whatever elements that remained of them binding together through the freeze of the vacuum to erupt into a star, into something new. The cruel facts of biology meant they were unlikely to create life together in this world, but one day in a new one anything could be possible.

She thought suddenly of how she’d like to see the stars and moon shining on Ted’s skin, somewhere secluded when the season is done. A place she could rock and bounce on top of him, outside, unseen. Not camping of course, absolutely not, but something a little more luxurious and comfortable.

“I believe you started it. The gettin’ all deep.” Ted pointed out.

“Perhaps I did, but you’re indulging me.” She let out her own yawn, toes stretching and curling against the blanket.

“Speakin’ of indulging? You full? Want dessert?” He reached back into the paper bag and produced a white box, carefully unsealing and inspecting the contents. “Still in one piece.” Ted told her cheerfully, presenting Rebecca with an immaculate strawberry tart, the berries glossy with sweet glaze, whilst he wiped off their previously used forks with a paper napkin.

They picked at the pastry together, deconstructing the tart as they discussed Beard’s latest drama with Jane, and observed an overly amorous couple rolling around on the opposite side of the path without a care as to who saw them. Her and Ted simply enjoying one another and the sunshine, Rebecca felt like she’d entered another lifetime, one where a happy ending didn’t seem so epically out of reach. Every day spent with Ted, the idea felt increasingly solid, not a beautiful fantasy built on quicksand but a future with roots and a foundation.

They stayed in the microcosm of their blanket world until late afternoon; descending back down to the river and taking the short stroll to Gaucho, grabbing a table on the crowded terrace facing the Thames. They found themselves amongst the bustle of couples and groups of friends enjoying what was a holiday weekend.

“Do you remember when I was seeing that chap, John Wingsnight? Last time I was here I was on a double date with him, and Roy and Keeley.” Rebecca explained looking around the lively deck once they’d had a glass of wine and a beer placed in front of them. She noted how different everything felt compared to the previous autumn. How the confusion was falling from her, how Ted’s presence continued to amplify the sound of her heart, clarified the thoughts in her mind.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” Ted responded, with slow care. His features creasing in consideration, “I never met the fella, but I just couldn’t imagine it. The idea of you bein’ a Rebecca Wingsnight one day— Or a Rebecca Welton-Wingsnight. Wouldn’t have suited ‘ya. Not that you’d have to take anyone’s name of course. That’s not—“

Rebecca audibly snorted. “Welton-Wingsnight? That would have been ghastly wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, you said it.” A mirth spread over Ted’s face, his dimples winking at her as he took a sip from his pint glass, licking his upper lip when he was finished, a simple motion that caused Rebecca to squeeze her thighs together at a sudden ache in her core.

“I’m not against hyphenation if I ever were to get married again— but it would have to make sense, and sound right in my head.” Rebecca said after a moment of thought, repeating it silently to herself; Welton-Lasso did have a curiously pleasant ring, she could get used to it, something she’d never done in all the years of being a Mannion in name if not ever truly in spirit.

Ted cocked his head and gave a little hum. “Wouldn’t mind doing it too. Taking the lady’s name. Maybe it wouldn’t stick professionally but privately, yeah I think that would be real nice.” Rebecca smiled at the idea of Ted becoming a Lasso-Welton, it sounded charming in her imagination and as she looked at him, the barely there wind ruffling the strands of Ted’s hair, she wondered if he had the same combination in mind.

“Roy didn’t like him— John.” Rebecca mused out loud. She’d caught their mutual friend watching the pair of them - her and Ted, ponderously the previous night like something was clicking into place at the image of them both. She was certain he wouldn’t admit it if asked, but there were signs of approval there. She knew from previous experience that Roy wouldn’t be shy about informing her if he did in fact disapprove.

“Yeah so I heard.” Ted scratched at his jaw with thoughtfulness, “He wants to see you happy. We all do. You never seemed sure.” 

“I couldn’t even pick a shade of nail varnish back then. I didn’t feel sure about anything.” Rebecca tapped her soft pink talons on the table for emphasis, “But I’m beginning to be— sure. I am sure I like this.” She gestured vaguely in his direction.

“The restaurant?” He was teasing again, taking great pleasure in it.

“No— that’s fine. No— I meant Sundays like this with you. Or any day, really.” She told Ted, wanting to continue to assure him of his value to her personally, stopping short of admitting that she liked her weekends so much because she loves him, loves doing anything and everything with him as company. Her pulse morphing into a rapid flutter as his head tilted into a mirror of her own. She noticed how well rested he looked, a peaceful sort of happiness flowing from his eyes as he took her in with the jaunty angled gaze. In front of them, pink streamers of light began their dance over the horizon and afternoon shifted to evening and the riverside crowd began to disperse.

Ted gave her a relaxed lift of his lips, continuing to sip slowly at his beer, “Yeah me too. So what’s the plan next week?”

“Well—“ Rebecca began, taking a matching gulp of wine. “Mum has invited us out for lunch at Petersham Nurseries. It’s not entirely altruistic on her part; apparently, she’s taken with some stone lions they have there and she wants them for the garden, but she needs someone to help move the things about, so— our assistance, or rather yours has been requested.”

Ted gave a swift nod, “Of course. I’ll be there. Anything for Deborah.” He told her cheerfully.

Rebecca snorted and rolled her eyes, but just for show - she appreciates that the two of them have a bond beginning to form. She’d always thought her mother liked Rupert, but seeing Deborah with Ted the difference in the interactions is stark. The fondness for the latter exposing how there had always been a coolness towards her ex-husband; in hindsight, she can see that neither of her parents was as enraptured by Rupert as she’d once thought.

“Just don’t throw your back out on her account— I have no idea how big these things are but she seems to think you’ll be up to the task. But be warned she’ll probably try and pick out your lunch for you again.”

“That’s fine. I liked the— what was that fish?”

“Turbot.” 

“That’s the one, and still had the chips, so no complaints on this fella’s end.” Deborah had given him a withering look when they’d all eaten together at Rick Stein in Barnes one recent lunchtime and Ted had mulled audibly on the fish and chips as his food of choice. She’d encouraged him to expand his horizons beyond something he’d order on a weeknight at The Crown & Anchor and Ted had immediately given in, Rebecca picking up her phone to text him: Suck up. And he had stolen a glance at his notifications, smirking and giving a half shrug in her direction before listening attentively to Deborah as she relayed Tish’s latest nonsensical ramblings.

Despite her teasing, Rebecca had looked at the two of them, sitting with her at the table in that bright dining room with it’s vista over another bend of the Thames, looked at them and thought This is my immediate family now. She has her wider AFC Richmond circle who she loves dearly of course: Keeley and Roy, Higgins and Beard, all at Nelson Road, but Ted and her mother; those are the bonds she needs, the ones that will keep her upright, the ones that will make her strong, the ones she wants to reciprocate.

“Hey, maybe one day I’ll take your mom for barbecue and pick out her food, even things up a little.”

“You’re going to take my mother to Kansas?” Rebecca scoffed.

“I was thinking of starting a little more local, but sure that would be fun - Ted and Deborah take Kansas.” He waved his hand with a flourish through the air, moustache twitching and she chuckled at the absurdity of the idea.

“I’m feeling a little left out.” Rebecca teased, stroking her fingers along the stem of her wine glass.

“Aw well, you’d be there too. Kinda goes without saying. Yeah, I’d love to take you out for barbecue.” Ted paused for a second in contemplation, “Can get a little messy, gotta warn you, wouldn’t wear white, you look real nice in white but maybe not the best choice for that type of meal. I’ve gotta say if anyone is gonna make eating ribs look elegant, it’s gonna be you.”

Rebecca mindlessly played with the straps of her dress, “Whoever said I was afraid to get a little dirty?” She quipped, a sense of pleasure flooding through her as he once again gave a flustered comb of his fingers through his hair.

Her and Ted, becoming an us and them, it had started to feel ever more inevitable with each moment spent together. As he kissed her cheek outside Rebecca’s front door on that Sunday evening, a tender prolonged look had passed between them. Ted lingered at the tiled entrance until she was safely inside; the idea of him and anyone else wasn’t taking up a percent of her brain. They hadn’t explored one another inch by inch, consummated or even addressed their feelings, yet she was his and he was hers and they’d make it official, confess everything and move forward as something defined, and committed. It didn’t matter if it was tomorrow or in two months, she felt stable and secure that it would occur. Until she had a moment where she didn’t.

They’d won again the next weekend in an extremely gratifying victory over Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. A few of them decamping to a Fulham wine bar for a relaxed celebration in the aftermath. Roy had an event to attend with his ‘yoga mums,’ a situation she still didn’t entirely understand, so it was a select group of her and Ted, Keeley, and Beard who set up camp in the deep green velvet upholstery of a curved booth.

They sat so close that every time Rebecca moved or leaned forward, the outer edge of her right breast skimmed lazily over Ted’s bicep. Butterflies swirled in her belly when they pressed their heads together, sharing a menu featuring a pleasingly large selection of wine and some sharable food options. Ted deferred to her expertise on the topic, merely requesting red and that she let him know if he started looking like a vampire after a feast. Beard shunned the entire concept of the bar by ordering a pint.

It was all very convivial, and if Keeley had been looking on with some suspicion weeks earlier it had doubled in intensity as she observed them that afternoon. Ted twisted and admired the bangle on Rebecca’s wrist, his brown eyes sparkling with happiness whenever they looked into hers, something that happened with pleasing frequency. She wanted to run her hands through his hair, mussed that day from sideline stress. She wanted to suck the wine from his lips, lick her tongue over his teeth. She was a coil of pleasant tension, a low ache that had formed in Rebecca’s core sometime after Richmond’s second goal, flaming into something more intense and needy. There wasn’t a cloud in her metaphorical sky; she was simply happy.

Everything felt perfect until it didn’t. The shift was sudden and unexpected as Sassy waltzed through the door giving a dramatic shimmy to announce her arrival, and Rebecca’s bubble popped hard and fast. She wanted to be delighted that her friend was there, really she did, but she’d been so pleasantly wrapped up in Ted, that Sassy’s voice was like having a bucket of ice water thrown over her head. It was as jarring as when she’d shown up uninvited in Liverpool.

Rebecca dutifully slid out from the booth, acting on autopilot to greet Sassy, wondering aloud where she had appeared from. “Just passing through. Texted that one over there,” she’d jerked her head in Keeley’s general area, “—to find out where the party is, saw you’d won, but by the looks of things there isn’t much of one— but— I’m here now, time to liven things up.” Rebecca saw her glance at Ted as she spoke the last part, pulling away from the somewhat terse hug that she was offering only because it was the socially acceptable thing to do.

Sassy had plonked herself down in Rebecca’s previous spot, sitting next to Ted, and she knew immediately exactly what her friend wanted out of the night. She was hit with a sudden wave of nausea at the knowledge that she was about to see this all play out in front of her, and there would be no way to stop it without ripping herself open, exposing all of her feelings right there on the spot. Ted might not be looking for something casual, but it looked like it was going to find him. Something uncomplicated and easy with someone he’d already fucked. Rebecca’s left hand tightened into a fist beneath the table, nails digging deep into her palm as she listened to Ted and Sassy fall into a pattern of banter as he inquired as to what she’d been up to over the past few months. Keeley laughed along like a traitor, but she couldn’t be blamed because even if she was catching on, Rebecca still hadn’t explained to her quite how far her feelings had shifted.

Rebecca’s brain, which had constructed a compendium of fantasies since she’d become aware of her feelings, suddenly hit play on a selection, but instead of her - it was Sassy he was sliding his tongue through, her legs over Ted’s shoulders writhing greedily beneath his mouth. Rebecca’s queasiness and unease increased with each image, her breath catching in her throat until her lungs felt heavy and tight. She downed the rest of her glass of wine, set her mouth into a firm line, looking at somewhere beyond Beard who was wearing his own frown and glancing cautiously at her.

“You alright Stinky?” Sassy addressed Rebecca after some time, finally having noticed her lack of involvement in the conversation. 

She was silent for a moment, shaking her head and just about getting out an unconvincing “I’m fine.” She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to participate. Rebecca could half see Ted leaning forward and then back to try and catch sight of her, but Sassy was in the way.  She could feel her own heart beat, vision tunneling and she wanted to crawl from her skin, shed like a snake. Stomach feeling as if she were on a rollercoaster, an experience she hadn’t had since she was a teenager, hadn’t needed it because her life had felt like one repeating over and over again without a way to exit the ride.

“Excuse me.” She said tetchily to nobody in particular, anxiety continuing to rise, and she’d slipped swiftly from the booth, heading for the bathrooms without looking back. She hid out for a while there, tears prickling at her eyes, trying to control her spiral, breathing like Ted had taught her, using strategies her therapist had suggested. Feeling ridiculous and affronted and terrified that she was building up everything in her head, that she was reading too much into every interaction from the past few months. Telling herself that she was Rebecca fucking Welton, and that she shouldn’t be on the verge of tears over a man from Kansas who still frequently used Howdy as a greeting. Her heart aching instantly as a reminder that she actually found that rather charming, that everything she’d once tried to convince herself annoyed her about Ted have gone on to become some of the same reasons she now loves him so deeply.

Even if realistically she knew that there had never been feelings involved between Ted and Sassy, that he’d been at his lowest ebb and her friend had been at her most opportunistic; imagining the person she loves, imagining what he’d done, what he could do with someone else, imagining his hands, his adorable little mouth giving anyone but her pleasure - it fucked her up.

She was grateful that nobody else needed to come in, that she had time to re-center herself, a concept she’d have given a hefty eye roll a year previously. When she calmed the shake from her hands, Rebecca diligently touched up her make up to buy herself some extra time. The back of the bathroom door was covered in sparse graffiti and by reading each doodled inscription she killed another minute or two - names of lovers surrounded by haphazardly drawn hearts, self-helpesque gems of wisdom and a few abstract scrawls.  Rebecca considered what she would write if she had a sharpie on her, perhaps: How am I supposed to live if this one breaks my heart? It was dramatic, but for as calm and secure as she normally felt with Ted, the idea of the absence of him felt catastrophic. 

Rebecca knew that she couldn’t hide in there forever, but she couldn’t face going back to the table, she needed more time to put on a brave face. She sat herself down at an area of the bar that was out of sight, and ordered a new glass of wine to accompany her silent seething that was mostly directed at herself. She wanted to let the alcohol rinse away her thoughts, numb the jealousy born out of a long-standing insecurity - a scar that Ted, or anyone else, but God she hoped it would be him, would have to accept as part of her.

She hadn’t been there for long, nails tapping in a staccato beat over the polished metal bar top when Ted came sauntering by, looking unhappy, hands in his pockets with shoulders slumped. “The loos are that way.” She told him dryly, avoiding eye contact. There was no point pretending to be normal, it was inherently abnormal that she was sitting alone without the rest of them. They both knew that.

“Oh no.” Ted frowned, a genuine look of worry passing over his face as he touched the bare skin of her arm. “I was looking for you. Felt like you’d been gone too long— Just— wanna know if you’re ok?” His eyes stared down to hers, full and searching, deep brown in the ‘atmospheric’ light “But that might be a silly question, because you can’t be, sitting here by yourself all lonely.”

“I’m in a room full of people Ted.” She said dismissively, flicking her irises away from his. She didn’t know why she did it- this was what she wanted: his attention, his care; not to push him away back to the other side of the room.

Ted’s brow furrowed further, as he clambered onto the bar stool beside her, angling himself toward Rebecca undeterred by her lack of engagement. “Yeah well, that doesn’t mean you’re not lonely. I think you and I both know it’s possible to be in a stadium full of folks and feel out there on our own.” He told her, his voice achingly gentle, “Plus, not the first time I’ve found you by yourself, and you were sad that time too. Just usin’ the data available to me. But if you w—”

“No.” She answered, a little too briskly, catching Ted’s forearm as if he had already made a move to leave “No.” Rebecca closed her eyes, “Please. Stay.”

Ted nodded, the furrow in his forehead remaining and she wanted to smooth it away with her thumbs, kiss the spot that showed that he was troubled, lift the heaviness from his brow.

“Is there something I can do to make you feel better?” He wondered after a pause. Never touch her or anyone else again, be mine forever instead. Take me home, and kiss me and fuck me and mark me as yours. Was Rebecca’s thought response, a desperate mental plea.

Of course, she said none of that, instead pushing her wine glass towards Ted, avoiding the question. “Do you want some of this?” 

“Sure. What is it? What kind, apart from white?”

“Riesling. Why?”

“Still just tryin’ to learn what you enjoy.” Ted shrugged as he took a large sip, considering the flavour. “Hmm, not bad. Tastes like—“ His frown was back, but thoughtful rather than concerned, “—peaches? You heard that song - Movin’ to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches—”

And Rebecca smiled despite herself, tension easing as he passed the glass over. “I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I didn’t mean to perform a disappearing act on you. I’m fine, really. I was overthinking something and being ridiculous. Something to work on in therapy next week I suppose.” She told him with a shake of her head.

Ted stroked his moustache as he assessed her. “Nothing ridiculous about having feelings. You don’t have to pretend if you’re not doing ok, if somethin’ isn’t feeling right. Not with me.  I hope you know that. After the past few months—“ he paused, lips pressed together. “Y’know, I could take you home, when we’re done with this?” He offered, changing tack, running his palm over the top of her left hand, thumb ghosting over the knuckle of her own with such swiftness that she wondered if she’d imagined it.

“That might be for the best.” She admitted, feeling drained by her emotions. “But you don’t have to come Ted, if you had other plans for your night.” Rebecca was proud of the neutrality she kept in her tone, but by the way his brows moved together once again she could tell he was processing the inference.

“I don’t know what other plans you think I mighta’ had— But if— hypothetically— that is something else that’s botherin’ you— It shouldn’t.” Delicately skirting around the issue that she should have known that he’d pick up on, “I’d always choose you— to hang out with. Always. And if you think— I’m not doin’ a very good— ” And Rebecca didn’t breathe for what seemed like an eternity as they fell into a wordless exchange, a sudden desperation in Ted’s eyes as he paused and tried to convey to her how completely he meant what he’d said. Something warm built in her belly, chasing away nausea that had plagued her minutes before as he held her steady with his gaze.

 “Let’s go back to Richmond— just you and me, and I’ll make you some spaghetti—“ He offered, pulling them back onto safer territory.

“Spaghetti?” 

Ted scratched at his forehead, giving a lopsided smile, “Well neither of us have eaten apart from that little board of hummus and rabbit food— Doesn’t have to be spaghetti, yeah maybe that isn’t much of an offer— we can get takeout? I just happen to have the ingredients to make spaghetti Bolognese, and you’re sad, and I want to do something to make you feel better— Comfort food? I got the fancy beef from M&S, it’s organic. But heck if you wanted to go to Central London and have one of those Michelin starred feasts—“ Ted looked at his button down and khakis, jumper foregone due to the heat, “I might be underdressed, I’m not sure what they expect—“ His lips curved with uncertainty as he watched for her reaction, and Rebecca felt everything within her continue to soften, relax as he spoke. She nodded in agreement, she did want to go home and eat his food.

“I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Really. I’m excited to enjoy more from the Ted Lasso repertoire of cuisine.” And she meant it, there was nowhere else she wanted to be more than on his too small sofa eating something simple.

They sipped at the wine together until the glass was drained, her mood gradually brightening as Ted continued to bring back her smile. “Lights up my whole world when you do that.” He told Rebecca after he’d pulled out a laugh, reaching gingerly to tuck a stray piece of hair back behind her right ear. “You ready to get out of here?”

When they made it back to the others, three sets of eyes analyzed them both with various levels of curiosity; Ted didn’t even make up an excuse for their disappearance and imminent departure, “Me and Rebecca here, we’re gonna head ok?” He stated as she rummaged in her bag and dropped a stack of twenty-pound notes on the table with a suggestion that they all keep going.

“The only people who still carry cash in 2022, drug-dealers and Rebecca Welton.” Sassy quipped, then stared her down, “You, me, her.” She indicated Keeley, “Breakfast tomorrow before I get the train.”

“Yes, fine. Text me.” She said swiftly, nudging Ted with her hip as an encouragement to get moving, and he took the hint, giving a brisk wave to the table instead of engaging in one of the meandering goodbyes that they’d become so prone to as a duo.

Rebecca pressed her gratitude into his bones when they stepped outside, waiting in a small sheltered alcove away from sight for their Uber to arrive. “I’m sorry about before.” She exhaled, closing her eyes and resting her ear against his shoulder.  “It’s just sometimes I feel like I’ll always be someone’s second best, Ted.” She whispered, wanting to explain herself now they were in a quieter less exposed space.

“Not to me, never ever.” Ted gave her a deep squeeze, rubbing his thumbs across the bare skin at her back, left exposed by the low cut of her dress, in a wonderful torturous skim.

“I don’t do well with sharing or the idea that I might have to.” It was a gulped admittance, an airing of another vulnerability.

“No, I don’t either.” He sighed, touching her cheek, and encouraging Rebecca to raise her eyes to his.

She gave them a roll, thinking him too self-deprecating. “Ted, you’re the most generous person I know.” 

“The things I care about, I just wanna keep them very close. Take care of ‘em, keep them safe ” He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead, the warmth of it rolling along the length of Rebecca’s spine, splitting and branching, spreading to every cell.

“Keep me close?” She breathed against Ted’s chest.

“Planning on it my lovely girl.” His voice soothed, fingertips finding the knobs crowning her backbone, hand resuming a languid movement that could only be described as loving.

He’d said so much over the past few months that it was getting harder to rationalize it all away, continue boxing what they had under deep friendship when she was truly beginning to believe like her, Ted wanted more, perhaps wanted it all. Sitting on his kitchen counter half an hour later, watching him chop and sauté, being more ornament than use; Rebecca was torn between stroking Ted’s moustache, asking if he was in love too, or throwing both arms around his waist, lowering her palms and squeezing his arse. She liked this version of him, the one who puttered around his kitchen in bare feet, his eyes lingering on her every time he turned. The one who imitated the way she said tomato and beamed at her when she did the same in return to him. She might have lived with Rupert, but they never felt domestic, and every glimpse she saw of what their life could be, only made her desire it more.

Before Ted and his scrambled eggs weeks ago, she couldn’t remember the last time a man had cooked for her. Rupert would never have entertained the idea, and any boyfriends previous to him had also been more the wine, dine and takeaway types. She wants to get used to it, she wants to see him do the same in her own kitchen which had once been ground zero for all of her most chaotic decisions. Rebecca is no cook, the room is hardly the beating heart of the home but she thinks it could be with him to inhabit it.

She watched him closely, focusing on the fine movements of his hands as he sliced through a punnet of mushrooms and an onion, fighting the urge to take Ted’s wrist and lick a spatter of sauce that had decorated his skin when he stepped back, leaving the meat and vegetables to simmer as he’d re-focused his attention back on her.

“I’m surprised it wasn’t fettuccine Alfredo on the menu.” Rebecca quipped a few bites in when they had seated themselves at the table to eat, Ted’s eyes crinkling in pleasure when she expressed her enjoyment and her heart had pulsed in response. It occurred to Rebecca that she’d never felt those sensations before this summer, those typical tugs of love -  the fluttering, butterflies, the archetypal responses to bonding deep, desiring someone so entirely. Everything she thought she knew about love was shifting, rearranging and she found her heart filled deeper and fuller than she ever could have conceived possible.  The love she felt for him was the type that brightened and bettered, not bound and blinded - the only type of romantic love she’d known before, the type she wondered if it had ever been love at all because it never felt like this, so expansive and magical, so like home. 

“No ma’am that’s a dish I leave to Olive Garden. A place I’m not sure you’d be a real big fan of.” He chuckled, tapping his fingers thoughtfully on his jaw. The evening scruff had been coming in nicely, and she could imagine with astonishing clarity how it would feel dragging over her breasts, and rubbing at the skin of her inner thighs as he explored with his lips. 

“I suspect you’re right, but I’d go for the company if that company was you.” She shrugged while simultaneously squeezing her knees together beneath the table, trying to find any hint of relief. The waves of arousal weren’t new, but they were coming on stronger and proving ever more difficult for her to distract herself from when they arrived.

“Y’know maybe I should start making my own noodles.” Ted’s mind had wandered off in a different direction while she twisted fresh strands of pasta neatly around her fork. “ —I was just thinking about that scene in Lady and the Tramp—“

“The spaghetti scene?”

“Yes. Iconic, right? But couldn’t do it with this.” He hung a piece of spaghetti from his silverware with a sigh, “Too short.”

“That’s what you were thinking about, the viability of spaghetti instigating a kiss?” Ted dragged the back of his free hand over his forehead at the question, looking sheepish. “I don’t think you need to work that hard,” Rebecca continued, sipping some water between words, “—but if you do ever take up pasta making, I’ll be happy to try it.” She left it hanging in the air, whether she meant homemade spaghetti or the kiss.

“Well that’s gonna be a new project then.” An optimism shone in Ted’s eyes as he said it, his head bobbing as he analyzed her response.

She stayed there for hours, the pair of them moving from the table over to the sofa to chat. He made her tea in a newly acquired pot, and when Rebecca tried to apologize again for being moody earlier that evening, he’d stood up leaving her pouting at the loss of proximity until Ted returned with a box of her favorite truffles, instructing her to open wide as he popped one into her mouth.

“Is this your way of telling me to shut up.” She wondered once she’d let the rich chocolate dissolve in her mouth, savoring the decadent texture and flavour.

“Naw. It’s me reminding you to be sweeter to yourself.” He explained, then he looked at her serious but gentle, “Hey, you wanna talk about that more? What was bothering you?”

Rebecca let out a huff of a sigh, closing her eyes. “Perhaps not today. Sometime soon.” She wasn’t quite ready to fully verbalize how he’d filled her heart, but spending months more as solely his friend felt untenable.

“Ok.” Ted accepted her answer, and didn’t try and pry her feelings from her. “Hey, you want a hug instead?”

“Always.” she breathed, shifting to accept the offer, letting him gather her in. Rebecca draped her torso over him as a floaty feeling descended over her. Ted brought his arms around, criss crossed, palms coming to rest just above her hips.  He flexed his fingers as if cataloging the feel of her beneath, a subtle preview of further exploration soon to come. Her own hands pushed through and made a gap in between his back and the sofa because she wanted to hold him as much as she craved to be held herself. It felt a lifetime away, those years where she’d fooled herself into believing that she wasn’t a tactile person - she’d been so starved of affection.

“You and me, we’re ok?” He asked cautiously when they’d settled and she’d been busy inhaling, trying to pick out the notes that clung to him.

“Perfect.” She hummed, and she felt some tension leave Ted’s frame at the assurance. Rebecca closed her eyes; she’d have been happy to stay there until the dawn stained the room with it’s amber glow, until a new day’s light flooded through the gaps in the shutters because to be in his arms felt like the most natural thing in the world, more a home than any building she’d ever named as such. Maybe he would make fireworks explode behind her eyelids in the future, but the contentment she felt - breathing in unison, bellies rising and falling in sync surpassed anything she’d known before.

Ted made a disgruntled noise when she shifted; they’d stayed locked together for an indeterminate amount of time, Rebecca falling into that hazy space between sleep and wakefulness, their positioning might not have been entirely comfortable, but he was solid and safe and it just felt so good to be held for the sake of it. No matter how much she wanted to be sprawled out, spent and sticky on his sheets, it was a new sensation to be shown tenderness for the sake of it, not as a pre-amble to sex, or with any other ulterior motive.

“Want me to walk you home?” Ted asked with a yawn, he’d had heavy lidded eyes of his own, a hand moving to her lower back as Rebecca tilted her head to look up. She groaned, wrinkling her nose at the idea of moving. “Don’t have to, just I know you’re meeting Keeley and Sassy for breakfast…”

Rebecca let out a long exhale, she’d forgotten about that in the happiness of the rest of her evening. It was going to be an impediment to her morning plan to give herself an orgasm or three to thoughts of Ted before she saw him again in the afternoon, but they were her friends and she wanted to spend time with them even if she knew questions were coming that she was only newly able to answer.

Bleary eyed, she rolled herself upright into the space beside Ted, trying to blink herself to wakefulness. “Sorry, I left my mark there.” She chuckled after a moment, patting his chest. The remnants of lipstick which Rebecca thought were long gone, dissolved from eating, had transferred to Ted’s shirt, pressed right over his heart.

“Oh.” He said, a faint smile toying over his lips as Ted looked downwards, observing her newly placed adornment, “Like it better this way. Maybe I should buy some new shirts, gonna be a shame to wash this off.”

Rebecca snorted, “I think there will be plenty more where that one came from.” A lifetime perhaps she thought, of smudged lipstick and leaving behind her mark, claiming him over and over again.

They walked across The Green unnaturally slow, the moon waxing towards full overhead; Ted remarking on the way the light caught her hair and babbling other observations as they moved reluctantly forward.

“Thank you for tonight.” Rebecca breathed into his ear, back in his arms, only her front door as a witness to their goodbye hug.

“Thank you for not pushing me away.” He responded, a quiet sincerity apparent in Ted’s tone as they both held on to one another for the third time that day.

 She smiled against his rough cheek, “Not sure I could, not with you.”

“That a good thing?” He asked, pulling back to gaze at her, licking his bottom lip and swallowing air almost nervously, as if the answer could be anything but yes.

“It is. Life-changing. It just—“ Sudden emotion and gratitude welled in her. Happy tears glossed her eyes, a stark contrast to the painful prickle of earlier that night. “I spent a long time without someone who I could truly trust. I was so isolated and alone, it’s still sinking in that I’m not.”

“I get it.” He murmured as Rebecca re-tucked her face against Ted’s neck.

“I know you do, I wish you didn’t.” She let out an exhale, “You were brilliant today— as my gaffer, as my friend, as— You’re so much wrapped up in one very lovely package.” 

Ted made a pleased noise, and Rebecca didn’t have to look at him to know that his cheeks were full and glowing at her words, but she did anyway, gazed up because there was no sight more attractive to her than him happy and it gave her a thrill that she could be the one to make him that way. Not the boisterous cheer he radiated daily, but something calmer, entirely unforced.

They parted after a few beats, Ted murmuring that he should let her get some sleep and Rebecca was half tempted to counter, ask him if he wanted to keep her awake, snooze their Sunday away satiated from the success of giving in, laying their needs bare. Instead, she kissed low on his cheek, the corner of Ted’s moustache tickling at her lips

He walked backward with a wave as he left, like he needed to see her until the very last second, half tripping over the step leading to the porch. “Go inside.” He called out; she was the same way, she wanted to wait until she saw his retreating form disappear from sight before she shut the door on their evening. “Just wanna know you’re safe.” He added, making a tunnel of his hands. Rebecca circled her neck to exaggerate her eye roll, but the grin gave her away.

“Fine. But text me when you’re home!” She yelled back, trying to unlock the door whilst glancing back over her shoulder, mirroring Ted in clumsiness as the opening swung forward and she tottered across the threshold.

“Sure thing ma’am.” Ted saluted, and he was good on his promise, her phone lighting up when her dress had newly become a puddle on her bathroom floor, Rebecca’s lip sucked between her teeth as she slid her fingers through pooling wetness at her entrance. She came, one hand on the cool quartz of the vanity, eyes locked on her reflection. She imagined him pushing in from behind, stretching, opening her up, holding her hips and sucking at her neck. Telling her what he wanted, how good she felt. On the edge of her orgasm she thought about taking a picture and sending it to him. This is what you do to me. This is how you make me. But pleasure overtook her, and she was gasping, breath hissing through her teeth, Ted tumbling from her mouth in multitudes. How well her walls have come to know his name.

Sleep came swiftly, the night all dreamless contentment until Rebecca woke at just past eight into another sun-bathed morning. She rolled onto her belly with a groan, burying her face into the plush pillow when she saw the text from Keeley with a suggestion of a meeting place. There was no time to luxuriate, and she swiftly showered and changed, making the most of the soon to fade warmth by slipping a cream cardigan over a rust-toned cotton maxi dress. Rebecca threw her hair up with a clip, makeup minimal, just some mascara and a swipe of lipstick before she set off into a still sleepy Richmond.

She strolled languidly through Paved Court, a fond feeling enveloping her as she passed Ted’s front door, before continuing up Hill Rise to Antipodea, a place with great cocktails and so-so food.

Rebecca was the first to arrive, sitting out of sight of the window and ordering herself a simple tea and chocolate croissant. She’d expected an interrogation, but not quite the swift bombardment that came as soon as an effervescent and brightly colored Keeley, and Sassy with her omnipresent leather jacket joined her at the table.

“Is that it?” Sassy had asked, staring at Rebecca’s choice of breakfast.

“Have what you want, of course, I’m out for lunch later.” She explained with a shrug, topping up her tea.

“With whom?” Sassy asked, a rise in her voice indicating that she sniffed the sweet scent of gossip.

“With my mother, and Ted.” Rebecca answered briskly, drawing back her shoulders in preparation for the conversation she could sense coming.

Sassy paused and shot Keeley a sly glance, before flicking her eyes back to Rebecca. “Are you shagging him, Stinky?” Her oldest friend had gone straight in for the kill and she almost appreciated the lack of pre-amble.

“No.” She volleyed back, wrapping her hands around the cup of tea, attempting to keep a neutral facial expression

“But you want to— shag Ted?” Keeley asked brightly, but with a hint more caution, the last part almost an exaggerated whisper as if she’d realized they were out in public.

“Yes.” Rebecca conceded, a sliver of a grin breaking through. “I do.”

“Are you going to?” Sassy took on a more serious tone and Rebecca could feel herself being analyzed up close.

“That’s not entirely my decision is it?” She chose to be coy even if the answer felt very much yes.

“You think he’d say no? From previous and personal experience, knocking on his door and being completely upfront about what you’re there for, well it worked a treat.” Sassy explained, pausing as her Eggs Royale and a stack of blueberry pancakes were delivered. Rebecca wrinkled her nose, what was done was done, but she didn’t want to think too hard about it - Ted and anyone else.

Keeley chimed in as soon as the server was at a safe distance, “He’s proper into her.” She addressed Sassy, “Before you arrived, he was looking at her like he wanted to get under the table and lick her, and they’ve been like this since he got home from the States. They spend all their time together.”

“Not all.” Rebecca countered.

“Babes, whenever I call you, you’re out with Ted, about to go out with Ted, or just back from being with Ted.” Keeley continued and Rebecca sighed as this assessment wasn’t entirely inaccurate, grateful that her friend was unaware of the full extent of their phone call addiction. 

“What did you two do anyway, when you cruelly ditched us?” Sassy teased, “—Actually we had fun, spent all the money you left us on a bottle of Meursault and analysed Ted’s bearded bestie and his weird relationship.”

Rebecca grimaced, “Please tell me you didn’t shag him too?”

“No, but I probably would, now Magnum P.I is off the market. There’s something— alluring about the quiet, the mystery.” Sassy stared ponderously into space, “I wouldn’t have done it, you know— shag him, Ted, if I knew you were going to fall in love with him, because that’s what this is, isn’t it? You’re all in looooove love.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes to the ceiling but she couldn’t keep it from her face, the truth “Yes.” She responded quietly, it was strange and wonderful to admit. “To answer your previous question, we went to his, Ted cooked me dinner and then we, well I suppose we— cuddled on the sofa.”

Keeley let out a happy squeal at this, forgetting her earlier reservations. “You’re dating him, you’re in a relationship babes, whether you’re calling it that or not. That’s what this is. I love that. You and Ted. I knew it. You’re going to be a proper fit power couple.”

“May I remind you that just a few months ago you were all squawking over something that was very clear, at the time and even more so with hindsight, a terrible decision. Something that could have been disastrous if it had continued, and if it had come out to the public.”  Rebecca sighed, voice cautiously low, she liked the enthusiasm but it was a concern that Keeley might still be validating all of her choices out of a misplaced fear that it would damage their friendship if she were to dissent. But that, Rebecca reminded herself, had been different. She’d been conflicted even before she knew the identity of her mystery match, when it came to Ted her feelings felt clear as crystal.

“I just wanted to be supportive, and I’m sorry if— well, if I went the wrong way about that.” Keeley looked admonished before she re-brightened, “This isn’t the same, ok you work together but this is Ted. Don’t know why I didn’t see it all along. Kind, sweetheart Ted. Same age Ted. Serious relationship material, who would fight any battle with you Ted.” 

“Big penis and masterful tongue Ted.” Sassy chimed in with a smirk.

“Oh fuck off.” Rebecca half laughed, her cheeks tinged with pink as once again a bolt of desire struck. A deep ache inside her, that her fingers and vibrator couldn’t quite satiate pulsed, and she knew she wouldn’t feel quite right until she could feel him pressed so deep inside her that she was beyond thought - body and mind entirely surrendered to the pleasure of being fucked by the person she loves with force.

“It’s true. You’re in for a very fun time, Stinky— Is that what your disappearing act was about last night, you thought I was going to take him for myself?”

“Was that not the plan?” Rebecca asked, keeping her tone even. It didn’t matter now, Ted had made his choice, and she’d been it.

“I wouldn’t have said no, but he made it clear that wasn’t on the table. And I should be clear, that’s all I wanted. I’m not interested in a relationship, he’s good in bed but he talks too much.” Sassy sawed at her pancake stack, the knife scraping the plate. Normally Rebecca would have winced but she was too caught up in the victory of being chosen.  “He got all fidgety and weird when you left and didn’t come back. Motor-mouthing even more than normal. —Look, you haven’t made the best decisions when it comes to men— ”

“Stating the obvious, but continue.”

“Sam was a good start, you needed a catalyst. You’d really scraped the barrels of the depths of hell with Rupert—“

Rebecca leaned her head back against a wooden panel behind her, exhaling, “That’s a fucking understatement. I did need to understand what I wanted, I suppose it felt good to be pursued finally after years of never being good enough, of being an afterthought, of fighting for attention from my own husband.” She looked Sassy in the eye, “I know you think I walked right into it, that it was a choice, but that ivory tower as you like to call it— it was climb to survive. Perhaps I should have found an exit earlier, but I saw no door, it was simply where I lived, but the second the wool fell from my eyes and I could see a way out then I was gone.”

Sassy frowned as Keeley watched on, mouth slightly agape. “Stinky, have you been going to therapy?”

“Yes.” Rebecca admitted, with a calm taste of her tea.

“Well, fucking hallelujah. Bloody hell, you kept that quiet.” Sassy exclaimed a little too loudly for her comfort level.

“It wasn’t for anyone but me,” Rebecca began, feeling a new confidence flood through her after having stood up for herself, something that had never come easy when it came to Sassy, and she almost laughed at her friend’s surprise,“ —but it’s been valuable the self-knowledge— I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I want and need, and Ted, he’s been a support through it all— He’s listened, he doesn’t treat me like I’m something broken that needs to be fixed. He makes me feel safe and calm, he makes me feel like an important part of his life, but at the same time he excites me.”

Keeley let out a saucy triumphant whistle.

“I don’t mean like that, although it is like that.” And the corners of Rebecca’s mouth turned up as she blushed, “But his outlook— makes me see the world differently, it makes me appreciate the present and look forward to the future, and that’s not something I’ve had before, not with another person and I like it, very much.”

“Sounds like you need to cancel whatever you’re doing with Deborah and go do him instead.” Sassy forked some eggs into her mouth as Keeley giggled. It was tempting, and she admitted as much but they finished out their breakfast, shifting topics to talk about Nora, the frustrations of being a new business owner, and the continuing pleasant weather.

“You’ve got to text me the second you kiss him.” Keeley pleaded when they’d walked to her car, Sassy newly deposited at the train station for her journey home. 

“I hope I’ll be too busy for that. Maybe it won’t happen, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve not always been one to take things slowly, but if it’s going to be forever—”

“It will be. You don’t have to rush anything. I just like seeing you happy, both of you.”

“Thank you, and I am terribly proud of you, I hope you know that.” Rebecca reached in, hunching over to give Keeley a goodbye squeeze. 

“I know babes! —And I need to borrow you soon to plan a proper launch party.  We’ll do something in a couple of weeks when you get back from your mini break to Manchester?”

“We’re taking Leslie, that’s work.” Rebecca snorted, smoothing the cotton voile of her dress.

“He’s been married for a thousand years, he’s the perfect third wheel ‘cause he’ll know when to get out of the way.” Keeley gave her an encouraging beam as she turned to get into her car, “Give Ted and Deborah my love and keep me updated!” She sent an exaggerated Mwah and a wave which Rebecca returned.

She could have gone home, there was some time to kill, but instead, Rebecca texted Ted, stopping off to order one of his saccharine nightmare coffee drinks. She felt buoyant, outside of therapy she hadn’t admitted her feelings out loud, and putting them into words, and sharing them with friends had only intensified the reality of the situation, the knowledge that she had already embarked on something great and beautiful. Now it was Ted himself who was the only one left who she needed to talk it over with, understand where his own heart and mind were leading him.

Exiting back into the sunlight after wincing at what seemed to be endless pumps of syrup into Ted’s latte, it was with the mildest of eyebrow raises that she noted the barista had spelled her name with a ‘k’ and an ‘h’ on the large paper cup.

“You sure you didn’t steal someone else’s drink?” Ted teased when she handed it over, noting the misspelling with some amusement.

“I did want to disclaim that it wasn’t for me.” She snorted, sitting herself down at the kitchen table as she’d done the night before. She’d found Ted in the midst of baking a batch of biscuits, a replay of yesterday’s game on his laptop keeping him company prior to her arrival.

“Was gonna offer you some but guess just more for me.” He took a gulp, sighing with satisfaction after returning the leftover butter to the fridge.

“Who said I didn’t have one already?”

“Naw, you’d have left a little kiss right here—” He drummed on the white lid, “just like you did over my heart last night— woulda liked that.”

Rebecca frowned, watching Ted watch her as he leaned nonchalantly against the counter, “Ah. Then— Is it too late to change my mind?” She asked, letting the words tumble from her mouth before she could fully contemplate how flirtatious they sounded.

Ted rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, giving the smallest of shrugs, “Never gonna turn you down.” He told her softly, moving to sit opposite and pushing the cup carefully toward Rebecca. His elbows rested on the wood as she took it in her hands, Ted dropping his chin to his palms, looking on with dazed delight as she made a performance of drinking.

She took a big sip, the coffee as cloying as she’d anticipated. “Fuck.” Rebecca laughed, grimacing, “I’m concerned for your health.” She inspected the cup when she finished, and she’d indeed left behind a faint lipstick mark, handing it back over to Ted with a “There. One coffee with a kiss.”

He smiled down at the cup, an apparent tenderness filling his eyes before he took another long swig of his own. “Best I’ve ever had.” He told her, and Rebecca’s cheeks turned glowy.

“I’m glad you find the taste of Chanel Rouge Allure so delicious.” Mirth tinged her voice and she had ambitions that soon he’d be kissing it off her lips regularly.

“That’s what it is? The lipstick? Guess I’m developing some fancy tastes.” She could see this amused him, Ted readjusting the swoop of his hair mindlessly as he re-caught her gaze.

“It’s the company you keep.” She joked dryly. She didn’t know Michelle, barely at all apart from via Ted who spoke of her with fondness, respect. There was an absence of wistfulness that allowed her to feel secure, not to wonder if he still longed in part for that time in his life. Rebecca did know that she was different to any woman he’d been with before, at least in background. But Ted, who had moved half a continent and an ocean away to coach a game he didn’t understand, wasn’t about what was easy, safe. He’d been proving that from the day he met her, when he could have allowed her to keep him at arm's length but had worked at being part of her life instead.

“Oh, well I’ve got no complaints. Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Ted paused then and blinked himself out of his spellbound expression, swiftly changing topic, “Hey, you sayin’ you don’t like sugar now? Guess you won’t be wanting any of those in there.” He indicated towards the oven with his elbow, the timer ticking down. “Should I give them all to your mom instead? Deborah like bisc—?”

Rebecca feigned horror, “Don’t even joke about it, Theodore.”

Ted’s eyebrows shot up, “Yikes, full name, now I know I’m in trouble— Yeah.  Won’t ever give any away again, not without your say so. I make ‘em, but they’re all yours.” He reassured, and perhaps it was a ridiculous thing to be possessive over, but those buttery sticks were so much more than biscuits to Rebecca. They’d been a beacon in her darkest time, an anchor to normality; a sign that there was inherent goodness in someone when she’d lost all belief in everyone, including - especially, herself. Who would she be? She wondered, without those pretty pink boxes that he’d been so dogged in delivering. A different person, she suspected; one without the capacity to understand the depths of her own heart.

“You know I can tell a lot about what kinda day you’re having by how you eat these.” Ted pointed out, the biscuits newly pulled from the oven and barely cooled before she’d tucked into the sweet flavour. Rebecca let each crumb melt onto her tongue as she nibbled and sucked with decedent slowness. “Sometimes you gobble ‘em down and that’s how I figure you’ve got a bunch on your mind. You savor them when you’re in a good mood. Today— not sure what this is.”

“Mmm.” She moaned, the shortbread still in her mouth. Popping the remainder of the biscuit out, she considered for the barest of beats, “Contentment, I suppose.” She answered truthfully. There were other things she wanted in the long term - to journey over every centimeter of his body with her lips and tongue; to lock eyes, kiss him over a trophy they’d earned. Whiling away hours in Ted’s flat felt like a stepping stone that she was happy to pause on, and take in the view.

“Yeah?” He asked, running his knuckles over a jaw still sporting the previous night’s stubble, and he’d given her a look that made her feel as if she’d had at least two glasses of champagne; luxurious and floaty with a light tingle in her toes. And it didn’t go away, not for a moment of the rest of the day; not when Deborah picked them up, the car parked very illegally at the edge of Paved Court after she’d admitted to her mother via text that she wasn’t located in her own home, but his. Something that wasn’t commented on but she could tell was noted.

A short ride in the Tesla took them to a rustic chic restaurant housed in a conservatory, itself nestled amongst the green pathways of a plant nursery. Mis-matched chairs bordered wooden tables and the glass ceiling above them was bowered with vines and the draping purple of bougainvillea, a pretty setting for Ted to be flummoxed by a menu that featured both Welsh rarebit and Rabbit.

“So one is a grilled cheese kinda something and the other is Bugs Bunny?” He asked, making a floppy ear impression with his hands, wrists at temples.

“Close enough.” Deborah sighed with charmed exasperation. “I am grateful to you Ted, now Paul’s gone, I have to put my love somewhere, and working on my garden— I hope you don’t mind, the sculptures aren’t very big, I can’t imagine they are too heavy…”

“Oh I’ll be fine. I can pick her up.” Ted said brightly, nodding in Rebecca’s direction, something playful dancing in his eyes. “Not that I’m implying you’re heavy” He added as a qualifier.

“He can.” Rebecca blurted out quickly. Mind rolling back to their adventures through the sprinklers, then morphing to imaginings of future times where he’d scoop her up from the sofa, from anywhere, take her to bed, take her beyond the edge of pleasure.

“Ted,” Deborah leaned forward, a conspiratorial expression across her face, “what are you doing to my daughter?”

And if she’d expected Ted to be bashful in front of her mother then Rebecca was wrong as he merely raised his eyebrows and added. “Nothing she doesn’t like. Right?” Their gazes locked as he said it, and she saw something gentle but wanting, something that gave her a jolt straight into her heart. She wanted to banter, quip something back but all that came was a pleased affirmative sound followed by a smile that made her cheeks ache.

Rebecca wondered if she should have invited her mother to breakfast because it seemed as if she was destined for a similar conversation to the one she’d had in the morning. She hoped it would involve fewer allusions to the size of Ted’s penis both then and in the future. Their relationship was knitting back together like a broken bone, but that was a topic too far.

“You look happy Sausage, that’s all.” Deborah gave them both an assessing look, putting down her menu and adding with a serene smile. “Just like Tish said you would be.”

“Oh here we go.” Rebecca groaned, knowing that Ted would feign enough interest for the pair of them, and he did; a hunger curling in her stomach that food couldn’t satiate every time his eyes flickered back to hers, to see if she was listening, (she wasn’t.) She was watching instead.

She wondered if he had ever imagined his life would end up this way - spending all his free time with his boss, who had become his friend, who was becoming… She hoped she was becoming someone who would be a non-negotiable forever part of his life, and the next one if such a thing existed. He probably couldn’t have guessed at the turn of events; just carried along on a wave of fate and connection that had somewhere turned to choice. How far they had come from those first weeks when Ted had merely been a pawn in a poorly thought out revenge fantasy.

Post-lunch, they strolled a while - Ted admiring some tall sunflowers and explaining to Deborah their link to Kansas. He spoke a little of his mom, a rare topic even between him and Rebecca, and she was grateful for it, how her mother could open him up in different, complementary ways.

They went to collect the latest adornments for Deborah’s garden. “Oh, these are fun.” Ted murmured, carefully scooping up the first stone lion with bent knees, an armful for him, “but heavy, oof.” He puffed out some air. “Should get in the gym with the fellas.”

“Are you ok?” Rebecca asked dropping her chin and raising her eyebrows.

“Roarsome.” He told her cheerfully, the smile turning into more of a grimace when they were accosted on the way to the car by some AFC Richmond fans, keen to congratulate them both on the previous day’s victory.

Once both lions were secured in the back of the car, they headed to drop them off, stopping at the Waitrose in Twickenham on their way. Deborah needed to pick up some items but declined their offer to come with her, leaving Ted to play around with the Tesla’s display.

“Romance mode? Let’s see what this does?” Ted commented, tone intrigued as he bopped his finger against the touchscreen enthusiastically. Sitting back, soon his mouth formed a little ‘o’ as the screen displayed a roaring fireplace and the car began to blast out both intense heat and the sounds of Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.

“This is absurd.” Rebecca snorted before ten seconds had even passed. It was too on the nose when her body already ached for his touch.

“I don’t know,” he’d turned and looked back at her, “kinda cozy.”

“Ted it’s 24C outside, we don’t need to be cozy.”

“The thing is, I’m still kinda stuck on Fahrenheit, but give me another year and I’ll figure it out.”

“Ted you’ve been outside today, it’s warm.” She sighed in mock exasperation.

“Gotta use some imagination, Rebecca. See the potential.” She wanted to tell him that she had absolutely no issue with that, fantasizing about intricately detailed scenarios on a daily basis. If he could have fifteen seconds inside her mind, he’d never question her ability to imagine again.

“It is quite spacious back here.” She admitted, bemused by the fact that they were analyzing the viability of having sex in her mother’s car, but if he was going to question her ability to be creative… “It might be more practical in the summer, with the doors—“ Ted was fascinated by the way the back doors lifted like a pair of wings, “Not here, out somewhere in nature, overlooking the sea. There are some quiet spots, some places where nobody would ever know.”

“Lying down might still be kinda tricky, but the ceiling’s tall, so— yeah, guess it’s doable. Guess it’s always doable if you really wanna—” She hoped it was her he was thinking of as Ted took a sharp inhale, a slow motion swallow, hoped he was thinking of her sitting astride him with the sound of seagulls and waves, and their gasps as the soundtrack. She could visualize it, her dress bunched around her hips, rolling and rocking up and down in unhurried motion. Maybe he’d have pulled her knickers from her, or just pushed them to the side. The straps would hang from her shoulders, moustache on her neck, in between her breasts. Her hair a mess, his worse. Resting her forehead on his when they were done. She considered for a brief second if her mum would mind if she stole the car.

They were quiet amongst the music, but Ted didn’t turn from her, a thousand micro expressions crossing his face. He wasn’t giving much away, but it was the longest glimpse she’d had of that new way he looked at her, the look that told her that he’d give her anything she wanted - the slow and the soft but also that he could just as easily fuck her into her headboard, bend her over and tease with his fingers and tongue until she begged him for more. Rebecca’s breathing quickened stickiness pooling at the back of her neck and in between her thighs as much from the heat of her mind as that which hung in the air.

It was a relief when the song changed to Careless Whisper by George Michael. “Not sure about this one, it’s not a sexy song, the atmosphere perhaps, but the lyrics are depressing.” She mused, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

“It has a saxophone, anything with a saxophone is sexy.” Ted countered before scrunching his nose, “Wait— no, the Yakety Sax isn’t.”

“Absolutely not.” She winced, as the driver’s door opened.

“Why’s it so hot in here—“ Deborah asked briskly, sitting down with a sigh and tossing the bag of groceries into the back beside Rebecca. “Oh, you found romance mode? Well, if you’d like, I can nip back inside for a while. Before he passed away, your father and I—“ Deborah gave her shoulders a suggestive wiggle.

“No. Don’t say any more, please.” Rebecca begged as Ted exited back to the main screen with exceptional swiftness.

“My relationship with Paul wasn’t perfect, but we always had a lot of passion.” Deborah sighed wistfully.

“And I would prefer, I think we would both prefer to never hear about it.” Rebecca pinched the bridge of her nose, flopping her head back.

“Suit yourself, sausage” Deborah sniffed, and Rebecca could see that Ted was wide eyed but stifling a laugh.

Back at her childhood home, Ted was set to work hauling the stone lions into their spot at the entrance to the new rock garden, then pressed into further service watering the plants.

“Ted, you can say no.” Rebecca pointed out but knowing full well that he wouldn’t.

“What if they die? Can’t have that on my conscience.” He brushed her off with a smile.

“He’s a sweetheart and you want him.” Deborah pointed out as they walked inside to a place that had once been home, a place filled with memories good and bad.

“I do.” She agreed.

“And he wants you too.” Her mother stated it as if it was the simplest of facts, “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy and I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly seen it within you, as an adult at least, not until now Sausage. There’s little you can’t afford, but loving someone, and being loved is the world’s greatest luxury. Don’t pussyfoot around each other for too long, you never know how much time is and isn’t left.”

It would be easier, Rebecca thought, if she didn’t need him so much if Ted hadn’t become part of every facet of her life. But that he had, it meant something, maybe meant that they were designed to be connected in every way, like two trees fused at their cambium, once touched never to be torn apart.

When Deborah dropped them off in the early evening, at Pembroke Villas this time, the physical separation afterward felt painful. Ted had declined her offer to come in for a while, but he’d explained his reasoning quickly, Rebecca unsure if she was able to keep the disappointment from her face. “Not that I don’t wanna, not that at all. Just got a few things I need to get done now if we’re taking Tuesday. We’re still taking Tuesday, right?”

She nodded, briskly, giving him a weak life of her lips as she thought of the approaching September thirteenth.

“And I kinda want to run over there and get the ‘ol MacBook and come hang out anyway, but I’d probably just want to talk to you all the time or— I’d get distracted, which is on me but— I just need you to know that’s the reason. It’s not that I don’t wanna. See, I’ve got this boss and if I’m letting the team down, I’m letting her down.” He took Rebecca’s right hand and gave it a squeeze, her demeanor perking up.

“You’re very appreciated in all your roles, Ted. Thank you— for this weekend, for your company.”

She was soon enraptured by the feel of his body as Ted pulled her close for a hug, the hand that had been in hers settling firm onto Rebecca’s lower back. They’d been in the same position so many times before, particularly in the previous few weeks, but something about the way he pressed his lips against her neck - it felt earth-bending, starburst behind the eyes magical in a way she’d never felt, but assumed could only be the result of an exceptional orgasm but there she was feeling the universe shift just from the sensation of his arms.

“You thank me like there’s anywhere else I’d rather have been.” Gravel entered Ted’s voice and it made her blaze like the Tesla’s fake fireplace.

“With Henry?” She offered as a suggestion, and wouldn’t have begrudged it if it were the case.

“Both of you is the dream.”

“It’s a very possible one.” Rebecca told him gently, pulling away to kiss his cheek. “We’ll work on it.” She was well aware that embarking on something with Ted would be placing her on the road to being a stepmother, but it didn’t frighten her, nor did she expect it to be an entirely smooth journey.   Her heart had felt frozen for so long, but the love within it after the thaw felt limitless. She knew she could love Henry as Ted’s son, but in time as his own small person that fate had brought into her life.

As she let him go, she wondered what the catalyst would be, what would push them from the precipice into the softest landing, but it felt like it wouldn’t be long until she found out.